How many of us have decided that we will be happy “when…”?
…when I lose weight.
.…when I find true love.
.…when I have a nice house.
.…when I get that great job.
.…when I have lots of money.
.…when I can travel the world.
Many who struggle with weight-reduction believe that if they can just reach their ideal body weight, they will suddenly achieve happiness. Our culture conditions us to believe that thin, fit people are happier than those who are heavier, and therefore, if we become thinner, we will also be happy.
I cry bullshit!
If we don’t enjoy ourselves along the way, we won’t know how to enjoy ourselves when we arrive. If we don’t practice loving ourselves when we are heavy, we won’t know how to love ourselves when we are thin.
Let’s pretend the goal is simply to ENJOY a vacation.
Happy Hannah enjoys planning the trip, making the reservations, researching the itinerary. She chooses pricier accommodations with stunning water views, because she values the way it makes her feel. She enjoys setting aside money each week to grow her dream. She enjoys thinking about the fun interactions that will happen with friendly people, and the beautiful sights she will see. She enjoys going to the bank to buy euros, and makes friends enjoying virtual tours in the countries to which she will travel. She frequently pauses to visualize herself enjoying the adventure.
Kalista Krabapple wants to travel too, but feels stressed out trying to find the cheapest airline ticket. She worries about whether she will be able to drink the water, or if it will be safe to leave the resort. She buys a travel bag meant to prevent theft. She worries about money and decides to get the cheapest rooms even if it’s not quite what she wants, and feels a little resentful that she can’t afford better rooms. She doesn’t like the way she looks in her swimsuit and decides not to swim while away. Maybe by her next vacay she’ll finally lose the weight. What if no one speaks English?
No one is going to blame Kalista for this train of thought! This is normal human behavior. Anyone might have any of these thoughts about travel.
But who is going to enjoy her vacation more? Is Kalista going to feel relaxed and happy while she’s away? Or will her worried energy attract more things for her to worry and fuss about while she’s on vacation?
Hannah has practiced happiness along the way, looking for things to enjoy and appreciate. What kind of vacation experience is her energy going to attract? Feeling happy attracts more to feel happy about.
Let’s say someone is looking for their soulmate.
They know once they have their lover in their arms they will be happy ever after, but often worry their lover may never come. “Why haven’t
I met them yet? What if I never meet them? What if I am alone forever?”
Instead of allowing room for happiness today, they may project anxious, insecure energy, and settle for the first person who asks them on a date. Since energy attracts like energy, it’s likely the ‘soulmate’ they settle for will also be anxious and insecure. What will shift in this scenario if they take time to choose thoughts that allow them to feel happy and confident before their lover arrives? What kind of energy will they attract then?
Shifting from negative feeling thoughts to positive feeling thoughts is worth the effort, and it takes time.
If my goal is to feel happy with my body (free and confident in my skin), beginning to feel appreciation for my body NOW will get me there more quickly.
We start feeling free and confident when we start feeling free and confident!
We can choose to start feeling happy now, or after we lose 60 pounds. The process will still take time. Let’s say it’s X weeks since it’s different for everyone.
We can feel happy X weeks from now, or X weeks from the moment we become 60 pounds lighter. Feel the difference?
If this resonates for you, you may be saying, “That makes good sense, but how on earth do I start feeling happy, free, and confident BEFORE
I reach that goal that I am certain will be my greatest joy?”
Fabulous question! Glad you asked.
In next week’s blog post, I’ll talk about a process called Laddering Thoughts that helps people shift negative-feeling thoughts, gently toward thoughts that are more uplifting, so we can begin to feel lighter, freer, happier, and more confident.
Grow on!
What goal are you waiting to reach before you claim your happiness?
What would shift if you allowed yourself to feel happier NOW?
What are some of the thoughts you think regularly?
Do those thoughts bring you down, or lift you up?
What do you personally have to gain by shifting some of your thoughts?
What do you have to lose?
Helping people shift thoughts is what I do!
It’s one of my superpowers.
Coaching helps us shift our thoughts so we can get out of our own way and accomplish whatever we dream.
If you want to find out if I’m the right coach to help you transform your life from where you are to where you’d like to be, schedule a free chat with me at this link! I’d love to connect with you, and you’ll walk away with at least one action step to move you toward whatever goal you want to achieve. What do you have to lose?