Human beings want all kinds of different stuff, and that’s cool! Desire draws life-giving Source energy into our lives. The desires my clients most often name are healthier bodies, heftier paychecks, happier relationships, & more habitual travel.
But why do we want any of these things?
Because of the way they make us feel.
The only reason we ever want anything is because of the way we expect to feel when we have it. So, let’s focus on that.
Imagine yourself in your ideal life. Imagine all of your dreams have come true. You have the soul-mate, the amazing career, the water-view home, whatever it is you desire most. Imagine you are living that now. FEEL it. Feel the emotions – whatever emotions you imagine you will feel in the moment you attain your highest goal.
Wow! Take a few minutes to marinate in those feelings. Let them wash over you like an ocean wave crashing against the shore, and permeate every cell of your body!
THAT is what we really want! That feeling of contentment, joy, fulfillment, confidence, whatever emotion it is that you believe the peak experience you desire will allow you to feel.
QUICK! Name those emotions and write them down.
If you feel inspired, take a few minutes to journal about how you feel.
This is your true goal – not the house, or the job, or the lover, or the money. The way these things make you feel is what you are longing for. And HERE’s the KICKER: the more time you spend steeped in the emotions you long for, the faster your dreams manifest!
This is also really helpful if you are feeling confused about a choice you are making. Ask yourself, “Will this choice allow me to feel…” whatever emotions you listed above. This is a quick way to gauge whether or not the choices you make are moving you toward your goals!
For me, it’s a sense of vitality, confidence, connection, and calm that I truly desire.
Moving forward in this blog, I will regularly add a self-exploration section aimed at growing your consciousness. Let me know how it inspires you, or which questions you find most helpful!
What is it you truly want? What part of that answer surprises you? What part resonates as truth? What decisions does this information help you clarify? How will you use this new information moving forward?
Before my short trip to Hawaii last month, I prepped TWO blog posts to post while I was away! All I needed to do was add a couple of photos of island fruits, and I was ALL set! Go me!! My intention was to keep the blog rolling smoothly without a pause while we were away and it worked GREAT!
Until we got home again and you guys haven’t heard a WORD from me since.
While I was in Hawaii I realized I had lost my way.
My life was completely OUT of balance. I love all three of my careers and I pour my heart and soul into running my businesses. I was allowing ALL of my time to be absorbed into working with clients, building my businesses, coaching classes & certifications, advertising & marketing, scheduling, bookkeeping & other administrative tasks. My whole world was skewed toward career and my whole schedule skewed toward finances.
Considering how much passion I have for coaching and for massage therapy and for landscape photography, it’s no wonder that I allow it to consume me! I even enjoy marketing and writing advertising copy, so it’s easy to see why I would let it absorb all of my waking hours!
The intentions I set for Hawaii were to 1) stay hydrated, and 2) ZERO hours committed to business activities. ~I made a big exception for coaching calls, which I am THRILLED to add into my travel schedule BECAUSE building a coaching practice that allows me to travel while working is one of my BIG goals!
The amount of free time was almost overwhelming and gave me a deeply needed rest for my body, mind and spirit. It also gave me lots of time to reflect, and I realized how out of balance my life had become.
Yes, I love my work. I am good at it, and passionate about it, but woman cannot live on work alone! I was neglecting every other area of my life. My relationships, my spiritual connection, my self-care, and fun had somehow all been erased from my schedule in favor of serving my clients and my financial needs.
I had been so focussed on my clients’ health and well-being that I allowed myself to lose track of my own. The realization hit me like a freight train and stopped me in my tracks. How positively human of me!
Since we returned from Kona I have spent every spare minute carefully restructuring my schedule to prioritize things quite differently.
YES! I still want hours each week to focus on building my business, handling administrative tasks, and furthering my coaching education, and I need more hours to market my coaching practice – something I never needed with the massage practice. All of these things are vitally important, but so are self-care and fun. I tell my clients this every day, so I am taking my own advice.
My new schedule includes time every day – 7 days a week – for moving my body, connecting to Source energy, reading something that inspires me, and writing. These things are non-negotiable, like showing up for work.
After that, whatever I have listed in my schedule gets handled with more ease and joy!
What is it that you long to fit into your schedule? Why is it important to you? What would happen to your to-do list if you simply allowed it space? How will you feel while doing it? How will you integrate it? All at once? Little by little?
There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m just curious.
Suffering happens when we wish things were different than they are. Period.
Pain happens in life. Every person in the Universe faces challenges and difficult situations. Every one of us.
We think we are suffering because the other person did something that hurt us, or because we don’t earn enough money to take the vacation we want, or we lost our job, or we weigh more than we want to weigh, or we’ve suffered an injury or accident, or because someone we love passed.
But the suffering – the continued worsening of the pain – is something we create by wishing things were different than they are. I’m not saying those things aren’t hard or painful. They are difficult and challenging and they will absolutely slow us down some. However suffering is not caused by ‘what is.’ We cause suffering by RESISTING ‘what is.’ We’re human. Pain is a normal part of existence.
But when we spend hours, days or weeks puzzling over why this has happened to us, or how we might have prevented it, or how we can still make things turn out ‘right’ or how we just wish so MUCH that things turned out differently – that is RESISTING what is. Resisting what is causes suffering.
Suffering is optional because we’re creating it ourselves!
What is it you’re resisting? What would happen if you simply allow it to be what it is? What would it mean to accept the situation as it is? What would change for you?
Once upon a time, I lived on a diet composed mostly of wheat and dairy. I LOVE the stuff! Give me a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a quesadilla for lunch, and pizza for dinner and I am delighted! Then I found out that I am allergic to wheat and dairy after becoming extremely ill from eating too much of the stuff.
I was miserable thinking of all the cheese I would never eat again! I was mad at the world for the unfairness of my challenge, and disappointed in my body for not being able to handle my fave foods like a “normal” person. I couldn’t picture a world where I could possibly ever hike again, because everyone knows the perfect fuel for hiking is bread and cheese! Right? Luckily for me, I couldn’t resist the changes because I was too sick, but I SUFFERED. Believe me, I made sure of that.
Now, it’s completely normal to feel disappointed in a situation like that. But it’s not normal (or healthy) to resist what is. My body cannot handle something I want it to do. That’s the fact. I can choose to resist it and resent it and be miserable about it, and no one would blame me!
But what happens if I simply accept the fact? EVERYTHING shifts.
I’m no longer draining my energy. I’m not feeling victimized. Shifting my perspective is the key. I accept the situation as it is, and then I am free to play with new options that make me feel powerful instead of deprived!
YES, I love cheese, but what I truly, deeply want is vibrant good health which is vitally more important than the temporary and fleeting pleasure of a bowl of ice cream! ESPECIALLY when it’s so much fun to discover fuels my body LOVES like mangoes and blueberries!
As soon as we accept what is, we begin growing again. Resistance stunts our growth and keeps us stuck in pain, inaction, or both. Before I accepted the situation, I kept coming up against the food allergies like an adversary that would pop up out of nowhere and knock me in the dirt.
Once I accepted the situation, I was able to build it into my life map.
Then I was able to find fun creative ways to go with the flow. Seeing the obstacle for what it is, allows me to move around it with ease. I could then continue moving toward my dreams with a clearer picture of where I was standing and how to get where I want to be!
I am not “settling” for a life without wheat and dairy, I am THRIVING on a life path that has given me the blessings and challenges that have sculpted me into the awesome self I am today!
The biggest gift of this journey is the radical self-acceptance I now offer myself daily. I finally accept myself, just as I am, in all my flaw-someness.
Suffering is optional.
What are you currently suffering? How willing are you to accept it for what it is? How much energy will that free up in your soul? How will it change how you see yourself? If you see it clearly in your life map, what fun, creative options does this open up for you?
Jeremy and I are in Hawaii this week and I am LOVING all the fresh fruit! This is our third day and we’ve hit two farmers’ markets so far, with plans to hit at least two more!
I have heard more than one client say that they avoid fruit because it so high in sugar, to which I always reply,
Hold on a minute!
The sugar in fruit comes packaged with fiber, vitamins, and micronutrients VITAL to our well-being! We actually hurt our health if we avoid fruit.
I can’t explain it nearly as well as my food guru, Anthony William. He’s already written a highly informative blog complete with a 60 minute recording of his radio show, and since I am on vacation enjoying lots of beautiful fresh fruits, I’ll send you over to grow your wisdom on Anthony’s blog this morning.
If you have, you are NOT alone. Most of us have said this about one thing or another at some point in our lives. If you’ve ever had an addiction, you know this feeling well.
Let’s unpack that phrase.
“I have no control of myself.” If not you, who? Or what? Sugar? Alcohol? Gambling? Sex? It’s different for each of us.
Literally we are saying, “something outside myself is controlling my behavior.” Usually we mean something that we “cannot resist.” I’ll use sugar in my examples because it’s been my personal drug of choice for years and I know many MANY people can relate. If sugar is not the thing you “can’t resist,” substitute, your own drug of choice while reading.
What are we really saying? Sugar controls me, or sugar thinks for me.
How true is that?
Can sugar think thoughts inside your head?
No. So really it’s only your THOUGHTS that are telling you to succumb to temptation.
So when we say, “I Have No Self-Control,” we are really saying, “I cannot control my thoughts,” or “I cannot control my mind.” Again, you would not be alone. We are rarely, if ever, taught to choose which thoughts we think.
Advertisers and politicians like it when we have little control over our own thoughts, because that makes it EASY to put thoughts in our head. Our culture does not highly value independent thinking, so it’s completely normal to not be adept at guiding our thought energy.
Thoughts are energy.
Where do you spend yours? Doubting your ability to resist something? Or shifting your focus to choices that align with your own healthy intentions?
There is no right or wrong here. I am simply bringing awareness to the process.
What’s really True?
Self-control comes from being aware. Become aware of what you are really thinking and then you get to CHOOSE.
Self-empowerment comes from choosing which thoughts to think. Once we are aware of what we are thinking, we get to decide if we want to keep thinking that thought, or change it to something that builds our energy instead of depletes it.
So, “I can’t resist sugar!” becomes something gentler like, “Oh how interesting. I am thinking about sugar again. That does NOT align with my healthy intentions or my goals, so I choose to shift my thinking.” And then we get to choose an infinite number of thoughts that align with our healthy intentions. Here are some possible substitutes:
I am powerfully aligned with my healthy intentions! I choose to eat foods from my list of delicious nutritious choices! I can change my focus to some form of creativity that I enjoy! I can distract myself until the urge passes. I choose my own thoughts and control my own behaviors. I am a powerful being and I will not defeat myself thinking thoughts I do not wan to think!
PLEASE list more options in the comments! What thought do YOU choose to think instead of, “I can’t resist XYZ,” or “I Have No Self-Control!”
Just a quick post today inspired by a simple question:
Do bones hold up muscles or do muscles hold up bones?
I’ll give you a minute to consider the question.
I was walking up a hill one day when I realized how tired my back was. I had that achy, mid back burning feeling, and it felt like my legs were carrying a LOT more than my own body weight up that hill. I was kinda struggling and it wasn’t even a very big hill!
I asked myself WHY it felt so hard, and my inner voice whispered, “poor posture.” My inner voice is never wrong, so I stopped to correct my posture. For some reason I suddenly envisioned myself as a puppet supported by strings, and allowed myself to be pulled upright into proper postural alignment.
As I continued uphill, my legs no longer felt like they were doing ALL the work! It actually felt as if my upper body was helping carry my lower body up the hill. I allowed myself to play with the idea through the rest of that hike. I felt the sensation of letting my bones carry me uphill, then aligned my posture and let the muscles carry my bones up the hill with much less effort!
I don’t know about you, but I usually ALWAYS enjoy easy over challenging, so now I take the time to align. You can too! Save your energy and reduce the fatigue you feel by day’s end. How? With one simple postural correction.
SIMPLE Posture Correction
Lift your sternum.
That’s it. That’s my big tip!
I’ll let the crazy lady in the three-minute video explain. (Crazy AWESOME!)
What helped most for you: the visual or the sound effects? Let me know in the comments!
Proper posture allows us to feel more energized!
The answer to the question is our muscles hold our bones up. The skeleton falls to pieces on the ground without something to hang on. Proper muscular alignment is required to align the bones to get the most leverage from movement.
Stand up straight to reenergize!
No matter where we are – at the office, bent over a desk or a steering wheel, standing in line – we can lift the sternum to align the posture to reclaim our energy. Post sticky notes around to remind you until standing/sitting up straight becomes a healthy habit!
I am honored to work with amazing, powerful women. My clients are shining examples every day that self doubt can be banished, confidence can be increased, dreams can be manifested.
It doesn’t happen overnight or at the wave of a magic wand. It’s a process. As we awaken to Universal Truth, we understand that we want to grow personally and spiritually. We set goals and intentions for that growth, and we move in that general direction.
Sometimes we “forget our healthy intentions” and sort of fall back asleep, or lose consciousness again, and go back to habitual patterns without even recognizing what we’re doing. Then something comes along and reminds us of Truth, and we begin moving in the general direction of our new goals once again.
So we awaken and grow toward the light, then fall asleep a bit and forget, then we awaken and grow, and the cycle repeats.
The important thing to remember is that this is a normal cycle.
If you get to the part where you awaken, and you realize that you have fallen asleep on your healthy intentions, accept that as a normal part of the process, and as quickly as you can, begin moving back toward your goals.
The piece that trips most of us up is that when we realize we fell asleep, we waste precious energy in one of two ways:
1) we beat ourselves up for being at this normal part of the cycle and judge ourselves ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for ‘forgetting’ our own healthy intentions.
2) we stop to wonder what went wrong, why we ALWAYS do this (old behavior) instead of sticking to the healthy intention, we feel confused by our own behavior and unsure how to move forward, since it’s “just going to happen again…”
KEY Ingredient: When we wake up, we can choose to SKIP both of those options and simply course correct our behavior back in line with our goals.
I had this conversation with two coaching clients and one massage client over the weekend, so if you recognize yourself in this scenario, you are not alone! This was something that used to trip me up ALL the time! I have always been on a path of self-improvement, and I am slowly but steadily making progress along my path. But it was only after YEARS of beating myself up for being too something or not enough something else that I finally learned that if I SKIPPED that part, I felt more confident and light hearted as I refocus on the goal, which means I instantly have more energy than if I drain myself unnecessarily.
One of the reasons I became a coach was to empower women to release the toxic shame and guilt and ‘not-enoughness’ with which our culture wants us to identify. There is no shame in being human. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this process. Why? Because You – eternal You – chose these lessons carefully before you came into this life. To learn the lessons, we must awaken to Universal Truth. And that is a process. You are precisely where you meant to be. Why are you meant to be here? That is for you to awaken to discover. Open your eyes and look around. What gifts can you find in each moment? What personal growth can you glean from each opportunity (challenge)?
You can expect to fall asleep again from time to time.
One of my clients asked me HOW to lengthen the space of time when we are awake and consciously choosing. GREAT question!
You focus on raising your vibration. You engage in activities that excite and delight you (and your inner child!). You listen to speakers who have a powerful grasp of confidence and connecting to your own inner power. You hang out with friends that raise your vibe and your consciousness. You read books that remind you of your true value, your inherent power, your innate GREATNESS, and your unlimited potential.
You begin to absorb those vibes like a sponge until you are saturated with worthiness!
Do something every day to stay connected to that vibe of energized thriving through consciously choosing well-being, and going with the flow of abundance!
Here are a list of just a few of my favorite authors/books to empower your life and inspire your vibration!
Why the FUCK does our culture teach women to loathe themselves?
Pardon my sailor mouth, but shining the light on our own Divine worthiness is one of the main reasons I became a coach and I am quite passionate that every woman learn her own intrinsic value!
If we loathe ourselves, it’s easier for the patriarchy to control us. Who will stand up and say, “We deserve better treatment,” when we believe we deserve nothing? When we believe we are unworthy, or less worthy than those around us, we are easy to control, and push around.
When people realize their value, we are more likely to stand up for ourselves, demand equal pay, point out unfair treatment, and refuse to tolerate discrimination.
I wish I had a dime for every friend and client who chooses self-loathing over self-love, or caring for others over self-care!
Nine times out of ten the thing keeping my client from reaching their goals is a lack of self-acceptance and self-care. I see it every day and I strive, to help other women realize that they deserve as much love and care as they give to everyone else! Self-love is what saved me from depression and inaction. Self-acceptance came only after I offered myself the love I was giving everyone else, and remembered my own essential value.
Those we love are no more valuable or more worthy than self.
The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, is ONLY as deserving of love and abundance as you are.
The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, COULD BE YOU, if you allow it to be.
What in your world will shift when you shift your thinking around self-worth?
What will you be capable of when you accept how capable you are?
How will others see you if you choose to see yourself as a valuable human who deserves love, praise, abundance, health, wealth, support, and acceptance from yourself and the world at large?
What part of you is talking when you think that you don’t deserve all that and more?
Why do you feel so disconnected when you label yourself unworthy or less worthy than others?
Normally as a coach, I don’t answer the questions I pose, but I will answer that last one.
The human spirit is literally a piece of Divine grace instilled into us on our very first breath; a piece of God, if you will. Through this grace, we are eternally connected to Source, or God energy. This connection is where our power comes from – Source energy (the very same energy that created the Universe and stars)!
When we think thoughts that Source knows are not true, we feel disconnected or separated from that power. (We are never truly disconnected but it feels like we’re being pulled apart.) Pulling ourselves away from the viewpoint, or vibration of Source is what feels so WRONG, depresses our energy, and decreases our power. In fact, consistently choosing thoughts that do not align with Source makes us feel powerless.
Aligning ourselves with the viewpoint of Source allows us to feel powerful, connected, tuned-in, tapped-in, turned-on, and unstoppable!
From the viewpoint of Source, you are God. You are an infinite being without limitations, worthy of all the abundant health, wealth and love that is available in the Universe! You are Divine, and perfect in your imperfection. You are not broken. you do not need fixing. There is nothing wrong with you or where you are! — If you are thinking “of COURSE there is something wrong with me,” – How does that thought feel? Does it twist your tummy into a knot? That’s a sure sign that you are thinking thoughts that Source knows are NOT true, so the thought literally pulls your energy apart.
All we need to do to feel love and acceptance is love and accept ourselves!
Give yourself some grace!
Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself! Take a minute or ten every day to try on some self love!
Be gracious and allow yourself to believe that you are as worthy as your children, your partner, your boss, your mentor. Practice affirming out loud how worthy and deserving you are. If you are afraid others will judge you for loving yourself, practice out of their view, when you are home alone with your dog. (Dog loves as unconditionally as God!)
Do something special for yourself. Buy yourself a present you wish someone else would buy for you! Plan a mini vacation to recharge your own batteries. What is something you used to be passionate about but you no longer “have the time to do”? Do that! Schedule some time to do things you love to do! Create art. Take a music class, a cooking class, a nutrition class, or a dance class! Whatever inspires you or lifts your energy. Do THAT for no reason other than it inspires you and lifts your energy!
How does that feel?
It might feel uncomfortable at first as most new behaviors will, but under that, how do you feel? Valued? Honored? Accepted? Connected? Worthy?
Practice your worth. Value yourself. Allow yourself to FEEL those feelings of love and worthiness. If it doesn’t feel natural, remind yourself that this is new, and will take some time to get used to.
Here are some more thoughts to move your vibration toward self-love, self-care, and radical self-acceptance.
Download the images with sayings that resonate and practice saying them aloud. Make them part of your vibration and part of the practice that brings you into alignment with the Universal Truth that you are valuable and worthy, simply by being.
I find it incredibly helpful to remember that what another person says or does, or how another person reacts to what I do or say, has NOTHING to do with me.
Equally, how I receive what another person says or does, has NOTHING to do with them, and has only to do with what’s going on for me.
If I show up for work all shiny, doing my part 110%, happily going about my work, considering the feelings, needs and input of my employees and co-workers, and doing a bang-up job, then someone responds to my cheerful tone in a harsh way, I have 2 choices.
1- I take it personally: I feel bad that someone disapproves of me. Or possibly disapproves of the way I am doing my job, or doesn’t like something I have done. Maybe they do not appreciate what I am about, or hear what I am trying to say. My feelings are hurt and I feel disrespected. My energy drains out of my soul, depleting me and taking with it any chance I have of staying motivated toward my own self care. I mean REALLY: why bother?
2- I don’t take it personally: I understand that whatever is going on for them has nothing to do with me, so my mood is my own, and not tossed about by the moods around me, or the mood of the world at large. I can remain cheerful and confident, and retain the full use of my energy, so it’s available to use for whatever I choose.
Each and every time, the choice is mine.
Empowering myself means making the choice for myself. Letting others choose for me drains my energy and disempowers me.