Bear with me! I realize how askew that sounds, so let me be clear.
I believe whole heartedly that everything has a purpose. Not just the stuff I like. Not just the positive experiences. Everything.
Since this is True, even Trump has a purpose, but if anyone is thinking his purpose is to course-correct the country, I would have to challenge that assumption. The current resident of the White House has proven he has neither the capability, nor the interest in doing so.
In my opinion, his role is to shine awareness on how broken our systems are, and I have to hand it to him for doing a bang up job in that department! The political system, the education system, the health care system, the financial system are all collapsing under the weight of this pandemic. (So much winning.)
So who plays the role that fixes this fucking mess?
Anyone who genuinely cares. (See why it can’t be trump?)
It’s our role to accept what is, and use the assets available to us to overcome limitations and consciously choose a better path forward, together.
It’s up to you and me to do what we can, where we can to improve what we can and help each other through this crisis.
It’s up to us to create new systems that support well being and quality of life for everyone.
It’s up to us to dream up systems where those who wield power do so for the highest good of all involved.
It’s up to us to imagine ways to make the world a better place to live for our children than it has ever been before.
DON’T ask yourself to solve what seem like the most enormous issues (unless you are one of the researchers who already has momentum in that arena). If we ask “Why is this happening to us?” or “Who can we blame?” we get very different answers than if we ask, “What can we learn from this?” or “How can we use this knowledge to grow forward?”
If we ask questions like these we feel powerless: How long will this last? Where will the answer come from? Who will die? Why doesn’t EVERYONE take this seriously? Why didn’t they tell us sooner? Why weren’t we prepared?
Ask yourself questions you already have answers for!
What emotions am I experiencing? What can I do today for my health? What helps me feel more connected while socially distancing myself? What can I do to boost my immune system today? What steps are within my control? What steps can I take to protect myself and my family? Name one time today that you felt ok. How can you do more of that? What brings you joy? What can you do to soothe yourself? What can you do to help your neighbors or family?
So, while the current resident in the White House has most likely played a role in increasing the death rate of this pandemic – a role in adding to the confusion & overwhelm, a role in the exponential spread of the virus despite his incapacity to understand the term “exponential growth,” a major role in making the problem way worse than it had to be – it is not going to be his role to fix the thing.
That’s going to fall to those of us who care.
If you need space to process your emotions and talk through what’s going on for you, contact me for a chat!
How are you coping with the choice to shelter at home to stop the spread of the virus?
I’m letting my inner child play! I’ve gone outside every day to get some recess, and I’m taking afternoon naps. I’m creating new landscape photography while getting fresh air and physically distancing myself from others who are out playing in the sun, and I’ve enjoyed creating some new zentangle art.
One of the things that’s helping me most is devouring as much counterpoint to the general negative vibe of the planet as I possibly can. To that end, I want to share some fabulous fucking resources that are helping me to manage my thoughts and stay calm in the face of all the panic and fear swirling around the complicated challenges arising from the global pandemic.
Esther Hicks ~ Inspirational Speaker & Author
Esther is my go-to positive vibe guru. She presents Law of Attraction workshops drawing hundreds, sometimes thousands of people together in up to 60 cities per year. I have been to half a dozen of her events and always leave feeling like my battery is charged high enough to power me all month! Obviously her events have been shut down for the foreseeable future, so she is offering something new and I want EVERYONE to experience this!
Esther is currently hosting Abraham NOW where Abraham answers write-in questions from viewers three times a week. Abraham NOW is online Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays! This is such a COOL way to hear what infinite intelligence has to say about the questions coming up right now about what the FUCK is going on in our world! You can get access to this fabulous fucking resource in two ways.
One way is to pay $300 and get unlimited access to the three live streams per week PLUS recordings of all the past live events since Esther began doing this on March 21.
The second way to get access is even better! Pay $225 for any live event currently scheduled and get access to the live streaming broadcasts for FREE! That’s like paying for one Abraham-Hicks event and getting a free Abraham event every week! I had planned to go see her in July when she’ll be back in San Francisco, so I purchased the ticket and now I get live streaming Abraham three times a week! I can’t think of a better way to tune my vibration to Source! Even if the July event gets postponed, my ticket is still good whenever they return to the Bay Area! This is a big WIN in my book.
Tosha Silver ~ Author & Spiritual Teacher
You may remember Tosha from a blog post I wrote last year. I highly recommend all of Tosha’s books as counterpoint to any negative energies you may be experiencing.
Well check this out! She is currently offering a FREE two week trial of her Living “Outrageous Openness” Forum. The jewel in this offer is the weekly 75-minute phone call led by Tosha! The call happens Tuesday mornings and consists of Tosha leading a grounding, doing some teaching and then answering questions that were written in, from forum members.
This week she talked a lot about how important it is to take care of our inner child right now, completely validating my own plans to spend my afternoon entangling some seashells!
Access Tosha’s free offer by clicking here. I am not sure how long the offer will be valid, so check it out SOON! Even if you miss the offer, Tosha’s books and her Living “Outrageous Openness” Forum are a fabulous fucking resource!
Ana Verzone ~ Master Coach & Freedom Junkie
Ana runs the Freedom School ™ online where I am currently enrolled for the entire year and congratulating myself on making THAT decision back in December because Ana is a fabulous fucking resource for gaining confidence, managing my thoughts, and understanding how not to lose my shit in times like these!
Click the link for the recorded class for lots of solid wisdom that helps me to feel courageous, and not worry about the things I cannot control. She is amazing and so are all of her trainings. Here is the recording of another free class she offered recently called Mindset Reset. Ana’s trainings are solid gold!
When I grow up as a coach, I wanna be as fucking awesome as Ana!
Michelle Dwyer MS, CNC ~ Health Coach & Nutrition Consultant
Michelle is an amazing health coach and nutrition consultant with a high vibe, who helps her clients improve body, mind & spirit. Michelle is currently offering a special deal that is an amazing opportunity to get a personalized solution for your unique health and nutrition needs!
Michelle is a fabulous fucking resource if you are currently struggling with any of these topics or any topic related to health and wellness.
Immune system support
Eating well while in staying in
Self-care practices including sleep, movement, stress-management, emotional/spiritual grounding
Strategic supplement suggestions based on your body’s needs (access to online e-store where everything is 25% off retail)
Strategies for mindful eating (and limiting emotional eating)
Creating healthy daily routines
Healthy weight maintenance during stressful times
Practical tips for grocery shopping, food storage, and meal planning
Jill is who I call when I need an instant magical manifestation of joy. She is my therapist and my energy coach. She maintains her own vibration in such a high frequency that just being in conversation with her soothes my soul and lifts my vibe! And THAT is the most fabulous fucking resource I can think of during this time of heightened fears and incredible uncertainty. My one-on-one sessions with Jill always leave me feeling incredibly free and invincible!
Jill teaches simple, powerful, fun ways to become an alchemist of love and master of your life, transforming lower vibrations like fear, resentment, stuckness, and depression into love, forgiveness, gratitude and inspiration. She helps clients remember the peace, love and joy of our True Nature from the very first session.
If you need a therapist, I recommend Jill with all my heart, and know that she can help you through whatever you may be struggling with! I also highly recommend Jill’s coaching skills if you have a desire to feel better than you currently do, or just want to live more fully in the magical flow!
How do I keep a positive mindset on a regular basis, stay healthy and balanced despite everything going on in the world?
I tap into these fabulous fucking resources with regular frequency. I use the tools they have provided me and I LIMIT the amount of news that I see.
Cyndi Combs CPC ~ Empowerment & Wellbeing Coach
Yes. I am a fabulous fucking resource, and I am just going to own that.
Fair warning though, if you are easily offended by F-bombs or other off-color language, I may not be the best coach for you.
If you are struggling right now due to all that’s going on in the world, or something going on in YOUR world, I would LOVE to offer you a free coaching session! You won’t get a sales pitch and there are no strings attached. I simply want to be of service at a time when so many people need the kind of help that coaching can offer!
In the most basic of terms, coaching decreases emotional suffering.
If you are suffering emotionally, please reach out for a free session. Maybe I can help with what you’re going through, or maybe I can refer you to someone else who can help! Call me at 707-515-8324.
You really do get to choose your perspective, so choose the one that serves you best.
You can choose to see the pandemic as a horrible, challenging, crisis-riddled, terrifying, chaos that is worsened by everything the government does, and continues to spiral out of control. That is certainly fucking true and if you want to look at that, and point to it, discuss it ad nauseum, and pour your energies into it, no one will blame you even a little!
Or we can accept that circumstances are challenging, and choose to look for opportunities to shine in the darkness.
We can choose to look for the kindness in people, the generous nature of our neighbors, the chance to help others. We can choose to look at the benefits to Mother Earth of her children slowing down, and the benefits to our health from cleaner air. We can appreciate a chance to consider what it is we truly value. We can choose to shift our focus from finances to wellbeing, because we have been meaning to focus on wellbeing for such a long time. We have more time to spend talking to those we love most. We have time to cherish this one precious life.
It is a time to take stock and clean house, to decide which pieces we want to keep and which we want to let go.
We can panic, and suffer with the heavy “unknown” weighing us down, or we can rise up with faith and know that everything has a purpose. Everything is happening for us, for our benefit, for the greatest good of all involved.
We each get to choose. And if right now you are choosing panic and fear, that does not make you wrong, it makes you human. Don’t beat yourself up even if you are the most uplifting person who always chooses the bright side. If your friends and family are choosing panic and fear, that’s normal. Don’t shame them for experiencing emotions!
Humans have emotions. All of them are normal. But just because emotions are normal, does not mean we must suffer them whenever they hit us smack out of the blue.
In the last two weeks, I have experienced a few panic attacks and some outright fear. These feelings are planet-wide at the moment creating a vibration that is palpable, especially if you are sensitive to energy the way humans are. When I feel the pull of the negative vibrations, it feels ICKY! I want to run and hide so I don’t have to fucking FEEL it!
Instead, I try to remember to allow the vibration some space inside me. I identify how the vibrations feel physically, and name the emotions that I am experiencing and NOT enjoying.
This allows me to process the emotion and release it more quickly.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the fear again, but it does mean that now I have built confidence. When the fear edges in again, I remember that it did NOT knock me off my feet last time, so I allow it some space inside me again, knowing that the emotion is uncomfortable, but not fatal. Each time I process a challenging emotion and transform that energy, I gain confidence and build my faith that I can handle this shit.
It’s a step by step process. It doesn’t mean I won’t experience hard emotions, it just means I have confidence that those challenging emotions can’t overrun my life.
Faith is like any other muscle. We must strengthen it daily if we want it to be strong when our lives depend on it.
And if all of this sounds like platitudes at the moment because the sky is falling, it’s OK.
The sky IS falling and you are allowed to be human and observe the obvious danger in the situation. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But it’s your choice. So don’t let them tell you you have to focus on fearful or selfish energies just because they exist!
We can also choose to focus on the beauty of our eternal soul, the opportunity to make someone smile, less traffic and cleaner air, the chance to try living differently.
I personally vacillate between seething anger that there are still non-essential businesses operating in California, and complete and utter calm because I know that everything is always working out for the highest good of everyone involved even when our current vantage point makes it seem like the ship is sinking and none of us will survive.
Here’s hoping you have more moments this week where you are able to choose calm over anger, love over disinterest, faith over fear.
Humans love delicious food to celebrate the good times, and we use food to soothe ourselves during challenging times.
Self-soothing with food is something to which most of us relate, though I’ve heard people say they don’t like the term ‘self-soothing’ or that self-soothing is for wussies. But if you are stress-eating, or using food to deal with anxiety, push away discomfort, or buffer uncomfortable emotions, you are self-soothing with food. What’s your favorite comfort food? Pizza? Mac & cheese? Chicken soup? Sugary sweets? Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the food is, it’s the act of eating that soothes us simply by causing a momentary distraction.
One drawback to using food to soothe is that it tends to result in overeating and excess weight. Comfort foods rarely include vegetables, and almost always include either high fat or processed sugar. While neither of those is detrimental in small doses, if we are overeating them on a regular basis, they can cause physical discomfort, increased health risks, chemical imbalances, confusion, emotional fluctuations, and spiritual stress (due to being out of alignment with personal wellbeing goals).
Used repeatedly as an anesthetic, soothing with food sets up the craving/reward cycle.
Cravings and Rewards
A bigger problem with using food to sooth discomfort is that we train ourselves into a cycle of craving and reward. When we experience an emotion that is uncomfortable, then reach for food to dull our discomfort, we are rewarded with a little hit of dopamine.
Dopamine is a chemical signal from our brain that we have done something that sustains life. Our body regularly produces dopamine when we are warm, when we eat, when we have sex – because these things are necessary for survival. The dopamine REWARDS us by making us feel good for a minute.
We experience discomfort. We soothe with food. We receive a chemical reward of dopamine. We experience discomfort, soothe with food, receive a reward. Experience discomfort, soothe, receive reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Our lizard brain now believes that the foods with which we soothe are necessary for survival. When you try NOT to soothe with food, your mind will try to convince you that you will DIE if you do not indulge.
Have you ever experienced a time when you felt you HAD to have something? Where you felt you couldn’t NOT eat (smoke, drink, do) something, like you will DIE if you don’t? That’s what that was about! Your lizard brain actually thinks it will die without that dopamine reward. Processed sugar produces a highly concentrated hit of dopamine, much higher than the amount we are normally rewarded for engaging in life-sustaining behaviors, so if you are self-soothing with sugary treats, the craving/reward cycle becomes much more powerful.
Despite what our lizard brain thinks, we will not DIE if we don’t get that sugary treat. Imagine a six-year old throwing a tantrum because you won’t give her a candy bar. She can scream and cry and throw the biggest fit full of snot and tears, but you know she’ll be fine. She won’t die because you don’t give her the candy, right?
Compromised Immune System
Another issue with using food as comfort is that it causes an overload of toxins that our body systems must deal with. While the body is focused on removing toxins from less-than-healthy food choices, it has less energy to keep the immune system strong to protect us from illness. And isn’t THAT what we’re all craving right now? Safety. Protection from harm. Food can’t give us that, but a strong immune system can. Protecting our immune system might be the number one reason at this time to avoid using food to soothe our challenging emotions.
Food is fuel. It’s meant to efficiently power our physical body. When we eat to soothe or comfort ourselves, we actually cause discomfort. We experience physical discomfort or mental/emotional discomfort, even spiritual discomfort from misuse and overuse of food.
Food is NOT a healthful coping mechanism.
Things are feeling really stressful for a LOT of people right now. No one will blame you if you overeat or if you eat foods you normally don’t eat, and you certainly won’t be the only one. But if you want to comfort yourself in a healthy way, or soothe any anxiety you may be feeling, there are many ways to do that without using food.
Some effective ways to soothe without food include:
Physically place your hand on your heart and pet it. This is an amazingly effective technique for comfort!
Wrap your arms across your chest and around your own shoulders and give your self a long hug.
Write yourself a letter and say every comforting thing you wish someone else were saying to you right now, or that you would say right now to a child whom you love with all your heart.
Get outdoors every day.
If you can’t get outdoors, google gorgeous landscape photography and imagine yourself in the photograph! Your imagination is a powerful tool.
Take a walk, even if it’s indoors.
Go for a run.
Put on your favorite song and dance around your living room.
Call a good friend for a long chat.
Journal about your emotions or about the circumstances you experience and what you are thinking about them.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend. Have a full conversation about how you understand how hard this is, that you’re sorry you’re going through this, and remind yourself that you will get through this, that everything will work out again, whatever you would tell a close friend in this circumstance, tell it to YOU out loud so you hear it in your own voice.
Please list your favorite HEALTHY ways to cope or soothe in the comments! I love hearing from my readers!
I am a fairly fearless person, and I have been feeling an undercurrent of fear in my community strong enough to pull me under – and I do NOT watch TV news shows. Feeling that fear is completely understandable, especially for those of us sensitive to energy. Over the last few days I have had several times where I simply felt like something is off.
Like a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. The panic wasn’t my own, it was seeping in from the general atmosphere of fear surrounding the globe. It didn’t last long, but it sapped my energy JUST enough to make me wonder if I might be coming down with something. There are multitudes of people panicking right now, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
If we watch the whole thing unfold on news programs, more of us will die from stress than from virus!
It makes sense to keep informed from reliable sources of news, but if we are living on a steady diet of ‘what’s happening in the world’ without digesting some kind of counterpoint as well, it depletes not only our energy, but our immunity.
Don’t do that to yourself!
First of all, reduce your exposure to the news. Don’t let it saturate your waking hours with fear and anxiety!
Counterpoint can be anything that lifts your spirits.
Watch a feel-good movie or TV show. Get out in nature! Move your body. Try a new meditation app Research something that interests you. Have a long conversation on the phone with someone you love. Read uplifting books and blogs. Listen to something uplifting on YouTube. – One of my FAVORITES: Everything is Always Working Out for Me Here are links that frame the virus in a different perspective – What if the Virus is Medicine? From Heartward Sanctuary – What if… by Gurpreet Gill
Choose whatever counterpoint you like, as long as you LIKE it.
If we eat a steady diet of fear, we become fear filled. If we balance that with counterpoint, we can become whatever we choose to look at. We can be inspired. We can be informed. We can be calm, prepared, steady, helpful, uplifting, fulfilled, joyous.
The choice is ours.
Purification Meditation ~
This exercise will communicate to your energy system (body) that you are willing to align with vibrant health, and willing to release any resistance to wellbeing you may have been holding.
Visualize yourself in a stream of light. Let it pour through you as if you are translucent.
Allow the light to cleanse and rejuvenate every cell in your body as it pours through you, warms you, strengthens you, and purifies you physically.
Then reverse the stream and allow the light to emanate from within you. Imagine it purifying all your cells as it streams out from you.
Please feel free to share YOUR favorite counterpoint activities in the comments!
Everyone is currently talking about the importance of a healthy immune system, and I could not agree MORE!
We’ve heard reminders about the importance of proper hydration, plenty of rest, washing our hands, eating healthy foods, – avoid crap food because if your body is already struggling with garbage and toxins, it has less strength to fight off viruses – drinking less alcohol, reducing smoking, washing our hands, staying active, taking probiotics, getting some sunshine every day, and then washing our hands again.
All of these things are GREAT to boost immunity, plus they help us feel healthier & more energized! One thing I have not heard mentioned in this torrent of common sense is to get engaged!
Human beings are energy systems.
We literally exist to flow energy. When our energy is not flowing it is stagnant, and our energy system feels depressed. Stuck energy causes physical dis-ease, and once we stop flowing energy, our Spirit disengages from our physical body and we have our ‘death’ experience. – According to Abraham, we never die. We are eternal beings and when we ‘die’ we still exist as non-physical energy that is 100% engaged in all the same subjects of interest we had while in physical form.
The only way to flow energy is to engage energy.
So get engaged! Find something that you are passionate about and focus on that. That’s what flows energy and sustains our Spirit. Boredom will kill us! Boredom stagnates our energy and energy needs to flow.
So besides following all of the wonderful common sense advice to eat right, get plenty of rest, and wash your hands repeatedly, get excited about your life! If we’re not feeling passionate about SOMETHING, we are an easy target for that energy transference known as ‘death’ that so many people fear.
If we are sleepwalking through life, going to work, surviving the mental clutter in our mind, emotionally drained, tolerating relationships, physically inactive, and spiritually unanchored, then we are NOT energetically engaged! Washing our hands a million times can’t boost our immune system enough to counteract this level of energy stagnation.
When we stop flowing energy in this physical body, when we stop being engaged in our current life, we are as likely to die in our sleep or in a freak accident as to be taken out by a viral pandemic.
More than one client this week has expressed a fear of dying, and anyone watching TV, or surfing the internet these days might resonate with that fear.
Fear of death might mean that we do not understand our eternal, infinite nature. But my intuition tells me that most people are afraid to die because there is something the heart longs to do that is yet undone. THAT is where passion lies! Focus on THAT because it will flow energy and feed your resilience, and expand your soul.
Many clients have told me they don’t know what THAT is for them, so they get discouraged. I say let that encourage you! If your fear of death is telling you there is MORE yet to be done, that your purpose is not yet fulfilled, then allow that knowing to fill you with HOPE! Not hope simply that death will not yet come for you, but hope that you have purpose and your purpose will again engage and flow energy through this life. And flowing energy is the purpose. Of all life.
So go get engaged! Find your passion and flow with it.
What do you enjoy? Find ways to incorporate it into your life as soon & as often as possible.
If you do not know what you enjoy, it’s very possible that until now, others have defined your life for you. If this is true for you, I encourage you not to be too hard on yourself, because it is true for MANY people. It’s quite common to let our parents, our spouse, our children, or our career define “who” we are. But when their version of who we ‘should be’ no longer inspires us, or when the outside influence goes away, we may not know what we truly want or where to flow our energy.
Try doing something differently than you normally do it. Do you enjoy that? Do it again! Not so much? Forget about that experiment and try something different.
Enjoy it? Keep it. Do it again. Not so much? Move on to experiment with a new experience.
The important thing is to get that energy flowing. You’ll figure it out as you go. You’ve GOT this.
Here are a few options to engage energy and get it flowing:
Physical activity to move or unstick physical energy. Journal to unstick mental/emotional energy & gain clarity. See a therapist to unstick old emotional energy. Hire a coach to help identify and remove energy blocks. Plan activities with friends or family to engage social energy. Reduce exposure to toxic people to move stuck energy. Be of service to others to engage social and spiritual energies. Take self-maintenance seriously to engage spiritual energy. Meditate or connect with nature to move spiritual energy. Read spiritually uplifting books or blogs. Clean home and office to move energy in your environment.
What’s YOUR favorite way to engage energy or get unstuck? Please share in the comments!
Teach your brain to think thoughts that serve you! Our brains are the greatest tool humans have, yet most of us don’t take the time to use it to our advantage!
It’s super easy to focus on ‘what is’ in a negative way because the media is constantly bombarding us with stories that shock or provoke for the sake of ratings. Once these things have our attention, it’s easy to attract MORE stories like that to focus on because energy attracts like energy.
I may have mentioned this before, but if we want to attract, good-feeling, positive, prosperous energy that allows us to feel energized, we must actively choose to integrate that type of energy.
Think of yourself as a radio. You can’t tune the radio to a rap station, and expect to hear classical music. If you want classical music, you tune to the classical station. If we want to attract good-feeling, positive, prosperous energy, we need to “tune in” to what feels good, positive, and prosperous!
Station BJOY flows abundant wellbeing all day every day!
“This is DJ Cyndi Combs at radio station BJOY, bringing you your morning vibration-raising tuneup full of faith, sunny optimism and ease. Programming to make you soul sing with connection, so you can be joy!”
We can also choose to focus on is what’s wrong, what MIGHT go wrong, and who or what is to blame, and guess what we attract into our lives? More of what is going wrong, and people and circumstances to blame for that.
And many people don’t know that we are tuning our life’s ‘station’ (vibration) to what we look at, so they will receive whatever chaos and negative energy is being broadcast in the world around them.
There are many ways to train our brain to ’tune in’ to things that raise our vibration, and what works for one person may not work for the next, so it becomes a matter of creating your own recipe for personal success and motivation! It’s not one formula for everyone or one-size-fits-all. Each of us must play with possibilities, explore options, and come to our own individualized secret sauce. Below, I have compiled a very short list of success formula ingredients that have served many people on their wellbeing journey.
As you read it, consider which ones appeal to you.
A short list of ingredients you could choose to add to your Personal Success Formula:
This is not meant to be a comprehensive list as possibilities for raising your vibration vary in effectiveness over time, and from person to person. All the ones I list have a strong track record for helping a wide variety of people tune in to more fulfillment, wellbeing, and success.
Now, I do NOT mean that people who tune to positive, prosperous energy walk around in a perpetual state of bliss or nirvana, never experiencing challenges. Life does NOT work like that.
What I do mean is that when challenges arise, we don’t feel like we’ve been kicked in the dirt and left without choice. We find our balance faster, and move quickly from focusing on the challenge to creating one or more solutions.
It’s super easy to focus on what’s in front of us. But if we solely focus on what we see, that is all we can attract and create. If we want to attract and create more than what we currently have in our world, it takes daily practice and constant reminders over weeks and months. It will also require more effort than remaining in our current pattern, because the current patterns are ingrained over years or decades.
You’re worth the effort!
Create your own Success Formula by keeping a list of the things that elevate your game!
What are you currently doing that feeds your soul? How often are you doing that? How often would you like to do it? What is something that you LOVE to do, but don’t do anymore because you don’t have the time or money? How can you start integrating that into your life again? Which of the items from the short list above sound like fun? Which would you like to learn more about? Would you like to learn more about living the greatest version of yourself?
If you are considering hiring a life coach to get more out of life, please contact me! We’ll schedule a short chat to see if I am the right coach for you, or if I can refer you to a coach with a specialty that may be better suited for your growth.
Because we feel emotions, physically, in our bodies. Human beings experience emotions as a specific set of physical sensations. For example when I feel grief, my body feels deeply weighted and lethargic. When I feel joy, my heart feels light, as if filled with helium, and I have a humming vibration along my skin. Self-doubt feels like my body is contracting inward away from the world, and confidence feels expansive, light, and powerful.
Our emotions are simply vibrations that we feel in our body, and are part of our human experience. In and of themselves, these vibrations cannot harm us!
Emotions are vibrations that we experience as completely harmless physical sensations.
So if the vibrations can’t harm us, why do so many people go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid what we perceive as negative emotions?
That’s what’s happening if my lover leaves me and I eat a gallon of ice cream. I’m trying to avoid feeling the pain of my emotions. Same thing with drugs and alcohol. People are drawn to using these substances to numb our ‘hard’ emotions, the sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, or worry that crop up in our lives.
And who would blame us? There are situations and circumstances in this lifetime where every one of us can relate to why THAT emotion might hurt too much to feel, and why someone might choose to numb the pain. It’s sort of like if you break your leg, that HURTS. No one is going to bat an eye if you take some pain killers for that. So if someone is going through emotional pain, it’s understandable that we might want some pain killers for that, too.
The broken leg eventually heals, our pain subsides, and our use of pain killers ceases. Emotional pain eventually heals, too but not until we allow ourselves to transform the pain, and transforming the pain requires allowing ourselves to FEEL the emotion.
This is where it can get a bit tricky, because we feel the pain and want to numb it to avoid it, so we do (normal).
But if we do not stop numbing the emotional pain and allow ourselves to feel it, to move through it, we can get stuck in the cycle of continuously numbing that pain to not feel it, then feeling it and numbing it, feel the pain then numb the pain. Unlike the broken leg, it’s not going to heal until you allow yourself to feel your feelings. If we attempt to push our emotions away, they keep coming back. We cannot resist our emotions.
If we wish to get past our challenging emotions, we must allow the experience by being present with the emotion.
I remember the first time my coach suggested this to me I thought she was mad. I had been avoiding hard emotions for decades with booze and sugar, and she wanted me to sit with those feelings?!
The idea positively made my skin crawl!
Then she taught me the most amazing technique. I learned to objectively describe the emotion as the physical sensations I experienced in my body – without attaching my story to it, and without wallowing in the emotion.
When we experience the physical vibration of the emotion without attaching a story to it, we can simply observe the experience of emotion, rather than becoming the emotion.
“I am experiencing anger,” has a much different energy than, “I am angry.” Feel the difference?
Physical description: the anger feels physically like a kick in my gut. My face is hot and red and my heart is beating faster than normal. I can feel my pulse through my whole body.
Description with our story attached might look like this: I am so PISSED that person did XYZ to me! What is wrong with them? Were they raised by wolves? Who acts that way? This will never work! I won’t stand for it! I have every right to be furious about this!
Which description drains more energy?
When we attach a story to the emotion, we attach ourselves to it.
Our emotions do not define us. They are not who we are. They are simply indicators of where we are at any given moment.
Reach for a better feeling thought.
As a core energy coach, I help clients shift perspective to find a vibration that allows greater success in their lives. Sometimes people get the wrong idea and think that we are supposed to push away bad feeling emotions and strive to feel only positive ones, and that is NOT the case at all.
We absolutely want to trade up the emotional ladder, to feel better and better and better about ourselves and our lives, but we can’t do that by only experiencing our positive emotions and repressing those we don’t enjoy as much.
If we take a few moments to actually be present with our hard emotions (describe them physically), then we are able to move through the emotion and beyond it to a better feeling vibration and not just pushing it away hoping it won’t pop up again.
The human experience is a kaleidoscope of emotions, each color adding depth and meaning to the overall picture. The more colors we integrate, the more rich and beautiful our lives become.
We gotta feel ALL our feels.
What physical sensations do you experience when you feel angry? Sad? Anxious? Shame? Guilt? Peace? Confidence? Hopeful? Inspired? Joyous?
Which emotions do you try not to feel? Which emotion is your least fave? Describe that emotion physically and allow yourself to observe it.
Have you ever tried to realign your physical body?
If you ever experienced injury the answer is yes, even if it’s just remembering not to limp anymore once a sprained ankle heals. If you’ve ever experienced back injury or any kind of surgery on your abdomen, it takes some practice to remember how to stand up straight again!
Don’t slouch! How often has your intention been to improve your posture? Trying to sit or stand correctly so that your back doesn’t ache is one that many people are familiar with.
How many times a day do you remind yourself to correct your posture in one of these situations? Like a million? And then how many times do you find yourself back to the old familiar slouch? At least a million and one. Almost more than we can catch and correct it seems. Sometimes when we are combatting pain, we stay pretty motivated to be on top of it until we correct the issue. Still, it takes continuous focus on the change we desire. It takes correction after correction for days and weeks and months to finally create a habit so we don’t have to think about it so frequently.
The same constant calibration and recalibration is required to change any habitual patterns that we desire to improve or discontinue. Habits are behaviors that are ingrained because we have practiced them for months or years or decades. We barely register them as we carry them out, because they have become relegated to our unconscious mind which is very efficient. Our unconscious mind works so quickly that we don’t even realize we’ve done that thing again, that we were meaning to stop doing, until after we’ve done it. We do it unconsciously. We have repeated the pattern so many times that the thought pathway completes itself undetected.
If we wish to change a habitual behavior we must disrupt our thoughts constantly. Repeatedly.
Currently we are calibrated to our habits. If we wish to recalibrate to actions that stem from conscious choice, we need to disrupt the thought pattern that leads to the habitual behavior, and we need to disrupt it REPEATEDLY. We can’t just decide to to it and then do it. As in the example above about physical realignment, we’re going to return to our slouch because it’s what we’ve practiced, until we practice something else – a LOT.
It’s going to take correcting ourselves and reminding ourselves and recalibrating thoughts and behaviors constantly until we create the new habit we desire.
How do we do that?
It seems like when most of us try to change a behavior, we make it a little while, but then we fall back into old patterns and give up! It seems fruitless because after all, we WILL revert to the old habit unless we are constantly vigilant.
So when you do revert back to the old pattern of behavior, it doesn’t mean that you’re stupid, or weak, or bad, or incapable of change. It means you are human and did what all of us do when we try to overcome old programming. In other words, you’re perfectly normal.
So BE constantly vigilant!
Focus as often as you can on the change you want. Write about it in your morning pages. Put sticky notes or fancy affirmation cards about it all over your house. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to think about the change you are making. Talk to your coach or therapist about it. Tell anyone who supports your desire to change, and DON’T discuss it with anyone who may be unsupportive. Put notes on your desktop. Send yourself emails reminding you what you want to do. Read books on the subject of your challenge or change or area of growth. Read inspiring books on any subject! Create a mantra and repeat it often. Make a vision board that supports your change and look at it frequently.
The more often we can bring our conscious choice to the front of our thoughts, the more opportunities we get to interrupt unconscious thoughts that lead to the actions that no longer serve our well-being.
When our unconscious thoughts DO complete the circuit, and we take an action we are trying to avoid, we want to LEARN as much as we can about ourselves from that! What thoughts were we thinking that triggered the behavior? What triggered those thoughts? What can we do when this type of obstacle arises in the future? How will we use this information to grow?
If we can turn it into wisdom that adds to our chance of success in the future, then it’s a big win because we are still moving toward our goal!
Change requires vigilance so old behaviors don’t creep back in.
Once we bring ourselves into alignment with the change we want to make, then we must calibrate and recalibrate constantly, bringing ourselves back into alignment, remembering and reminding ourselves of the goal, practicing constantly until the new desired action becomes the unconscious habit.
And see, once we train our conscious choice into unconscious action, then we have a new habit and it no longer seems like work or takes any effort at all! We simply do the new action that supports our health without thinking about it, because it has become our new norm.
I hear clients ask, “What if they don’t DESERVE my love?!”
Choosing to feel love benefits YOU. Choosing negative emotions harms YOU.
It has nothing to do with what they deserve. What do you deserve? Which emotions do you want to feel? Because YOU are the only one feeling your emotions.
Hate, anger, disappointment, irritation, fear. These emotions create catabolic energy (and lead to the dark side!). Catabolic energy breaks down or destroys. Catabolic emotions weaken us physically, mentally and spiritually. These emotions drain our energy, leave us depleted, and have zero affect on the person we create the emotions about!
Unless we are creating these emotions about ourselves.
Then they have exponential destructive power in our lives. Creating catabolic emotions about ourselves and directing that catabolic energy at ourselves through a magnifying glass is the most energy draining, soul-destroying thing we can do!
So why not simply choose to LOVE, like and encourage yourself? Why not give yourself a break? Count yourself as learning and experimenting instead of failing. Simply allow yourself to be YOU in all your flawsomeness without beating yourself up for being human. Love creates anabolic energy. Anabolic energy creates and heals.
How can you know that catabolic destroys and anabolic creates?
Try this energy experiment:
Sit quietly a minute and empty your thoughts for an instant. Then, think that thought that you always think about yourself when you are beating yourself up – yep, the really mean one. Notice how that feels physically. Where and how do you feel it in your body?
Sit quietly a minute and empty your thoughts for an instant. Just breathe in and out deeply three times, returning to neutral. Then, think about the person you adore most in this world. Your child or grandchild, your dog or your lover. Whoever you MOST love with ease and great abundance. How does THAT energy feel in your body? Where does it vibrate?
That should demonstrate pretty clearly that catabolic energy drains and depletes us, and anabolic energy heals, uplifts, and connects us to others.
So why not choose love?
It feels yummy! It’s good for the body, mind and spirit. It’s GREAT for healing relationships. It adds joy wherever it bubbles out. So why not choose love?
Still back at “What if they don’t deserve my love?”
I hear this OFTEN from clients! That is a totally normal reaction. (Side note: If someone is hurting you, they do not deserve your love. But YOU deserve your love, so if someone is harming you, you’ll need enough self-love to walk away.)
How possible is it to impose your emotions on another?
Our emotions have zero affect on the person we are creating these emotions about! Our emotions can only effect us! Don’t believe me? Ever known anyone who was madly in love and pouring all of their energy, love, affection, and attention on someone who barely notices them? Right? That’s the theme of pretty much every romantic comedy ever made. You can’t make someone else feel what you feel. We each create and experience our own emotions.
So why choose to be angry at someone when YOU are the only one being harmed by the catabolic emotion you create? If YOU are the only one receiving benefit or detriment due to the emotions you create, why not choose anabolic, good-feeling emotions that build you up and create more opportunities in your life?