It’s a familiar story to most of us. We set a goal. We make a plan to reach the goal. Something happens that gets in our way of reaching the goal. We realize we did not achieve what we set out to do. We beat the crap out of ourselves for our utter, degrading failure.
Sometimes we get carried away and beat ourselves up over not just the current “failure,” but every failure we have failed up until this very disappointing failure of a moment.
You have not failed. Not once. Not at anything! You have gathered evidence. You have learned lessons. You have not failed.
You have discovered a path that does not lead where you thought you wanted to go. What do you see? What can you learn? Is there a new road sign now that you could not see before? Your journey will always bring you right where you need to be to learn the lessons your Soul came to learn.
All we do when we beat up on ourselves for anything is drain our own, precious energy.
I used to do a REALLY good job of beating myself up over not sticking to my eating plan. Over the years I have adopted many different eating plans, for different reasons (MOSTLY because I was unhappy with the way I looked), that I have stuck to with varying degrees of success. One misstep was an excuse to fall off a plan I didn’t want to stick with anyway, and beat myself up for the wretched, miserable failure that I obviously was.
But why stop there? I was super good at reminding myself of all the other times I had failed miserably, compounding that “I suck” vibe, and really making it my own!
But I was missing the point, and the opportunity.
Instead of identifying MYSELF as failed, I had the opportunity to stop and observe. What’s really going on? Why did I fail to achieve success?
The old broken record would have me believe I was a failure. But when I finally had to reject that thought because it felt so NASTY inside me when I thought it (it literally made me feel physically ill), then I began to see that I ‘failed’ at something only when I didn’t really want to achieve it anyway.
I thought I wanted to lose weight so that people would find me attractive. Our culture promotes physical beauty as something to be valued above most other attributes, so that’s what I wanted; to be accepted by cultural standards. But since physical attractiveness is not something that I value personally, it was NEVER going to be enough to motivate me to stop eating foods that I love!
I had not failed. I had attempted a goal I didn’t care about, so I didn’t care if I actually reached it or not.
It’s a vicious cycle. Attempt a goal to please others. Fail to reach goal because it’s not YOUR goal and won’t motivate you. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy. Try again. Fail to reach a goal that’s not yours. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy. Try again. Fail to reach a goal that’s not yours. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy.
Do this long enough and some people don’t have the energy to get up and try again. To break the cycle – first of all, stop beating yourself up!
Think of your self as an airplane.
As Brian Tracy tells us in his book entitled Flight Plan – The Real Secret of Success, “Life is like an airplane journey. From the time you take off, you will be off course 99% of the time. All airplanes are off course 99% of the time. The purpose and role of the pilot and the avionics is to continually bring the plane back on course so that it arrives on schedule at its destination.”
So, why beat yourself up if being off course is 99% of life?
Set your goals and keep moving toward them. When you get off course (and you WILL!) just gently course correct and keep moving forward. This is the most efficient way, the way that saves our energy, and gets us where we want to be faster.
Stopping to beat yourself up is exhausting. It wastes energy and time and makes us feel crappy. So STOP it.
Admire yourself for simply recognizing your drift!
Then you get to choose: 1) stay with the drift back toward old behaviors, or 2) course correct back to where you are consciously wanting to go.
When I get of course now, I look for what it was that tripped me up. I look for the emotion that I was feeling – and usually not wanting to feel – that sent me after ice cream or pizza. I don’t clobber myself for tripping. If it was an emotion that tripped me, I tag it as a trigger. Then I MIGHT see it coming next time, and not trip. Or it may trip me again. Then I recognize it, tag it, and choose to correct my course again. It’s a process.
Maybe I recognize that the goal isn’t really something I want, but something I thought I wanted because others wanted it for me, or I thought I was supposed to want it. In that case I can shift goals, or simply shift the reasons for my goal.
Using my earlier example: I thought I wanted to lose weight so that people would find me attractive, or so I would be attractive by cultural standards. Actually, I wanted to reduce my weight for a lot of great reasons relating to my health, well-being, and energy levels. When I was able to shift my focus to those things, the excess weight fell away so fast it made everyone’s heads spin, and scary health issues simply vanished.
No judgement for getting off track.
I am human, so it happens. Daily.
Instead of wasting time in judgement and blame, I get curious and look for what tripped me up. Then I know what course corrections I can choose if I want to.
Instead of getting out a big club and draining my own energy into exhausted depression, I trust the process, and I get better and better at moving toward my goals. Daily.
“I’ve never tried positive affirmations, and am not sure how that really works. Is it telling yourself positive things while looking at yourself in a mirror? Or is that just a movie cliche?” GREAT question! Thanks so much for asking.
Positive affirmations are powerful tools to help build new neural pathways. In other words, they can help us rewire our brains. Practicing affirmations helps challenge and overcome self-sabotaging, and negative thoughts.
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to getting what we really want is the thoughts we are thinking. Energy attracts like energy, so thoughts attract more thoughts like themselves.
When we chronically have fear-filled thoughts, more fearful thoughts come easily. When we chronically choose thoughts that feel good when we think them, more thoughts like that come easily to us.
We’ve spent a LOT of times thinking our usual thoughts and creating well-worn pathways to more of those thoughts. If we become aware that our thoughts are not serving us and want to change them, it takes practice.
Practice thoughts that feel good!
Choose affirmations that feel good when you say them.
If you say, “Money comes easily to me,” when you are over your head in debt, it’s highly likely that you’ll get a knot in the pit of your stomach that tells you that the thought you are thinking is WRONG. And that’s when something like, “Money is hard to come by,” pops into your head. And that energy attracts more thoughts like that one. So, “money comes easily to me,” might not be the right affirmation.
How does this one resonate?
This feels more true for most people. There is no contradiction here. Now when a habitual thought pops up like, “I don’t have enough,” remind yourself of the NEW thought you are choosing. Tell yourself that the old thought may have been true in the past, but you are now open to receive floods of financial abundance with ease. Repeating the phrase often helps build a new path to better feeling thoughts.
This affirmation in prayer form felt AMAZING to me when I read it and each time I read it now, something opens in me, and I truly feel more ready to receive all the abundance the Universe wants to deliver!
If an affirmation really resonates, practice it! Write it on sticky notes to remind yourself. Repeat it like a mantra in the shower, or while sitting in traffic.
Some affirmations feed your soul for awhile and then get replaced with others that feel even better or resonate more.
And sometimes an affirmation that does not feel good in one circumstance feels amazing later on. For this reason, I hang on to affirmations with which I would like to resonate, and try them again when my energy is different!
This affirmation does not resonate with many of us. My first reaction to it was, “I wish!” If I had tried using this affirmation then, I would have attracted thoughts that confirmed I was NOT any of these things. But I really WANTED to feel that way about myself, so I hung on to the words for later. Now the words resonate for me on days I am feeling fully confident, not always, but so much more now than before! I choose to fully practice this thought when I am feeling confident and it is resonating. Why?
Because what we think determines how we feel, and the way we feel is the energy that we send out into the Universe. And what we send out in the Universe is what the Universe sends back to us.
Looking yourself in the eyes can help.
If someone won’t look you in the eyes when they talk to you, how much do you trust what they say? Looking yourself in the eyes and telling yourself Truth can help you accept it as true for you, while acting as a powerful reminder. Many people do not see themselves as worthy of self-care even though they might invest huge amounts of energy caring for others. Looking in the mirror to repeat this reminder can be very helpful.
Affirmations that begin with “I am,” are powerful and can be more powerful if you look into your eyes in the mirror while you say them. But if you are not yet comfortable looking at yourself in the eyes, then do it anyway! Look deep into your own eyes and remind yourself of the Truth:
I am worthy of self care. I am worthy of the same abundant love I offer others. I am choosing the thoughts I think. I am an extension of Source energy. I am valued just for being me. Life is a process and I am right where I am supposed to be. I am learning. I am becoming.
Make a list of your strengths and put “I am” in front of them!
I am kind. I am caring. I am loyal. I am honest. I am a good friend.
You get the idea.
Create ones that serve your needs.
One of my clients had repeating thought patterns that constantly told her she had screwed things up again, or that she was about to screw things up BIG time! Her affirmation took a while to create, practice, and to resonate fully, but now she says it’s one of the most powerful tools in her toolbox!
It does NOT mean that everything in her life always goes the way she wants, or has planned. It simply means that when things get off track, it doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. There is tremendous value in the peace of mind this can bring.
Do NOT practice when you feel bad!
Do not practice affirming if you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or your energy is otherwise depressed. If you practice saying, “I am a powerful being fueled by Source energy,” when you feel crappy, you attract more of what feels crappy because you don’t (at that moment) feel powerful or fueled by Source.
So, what to do? When you feel crappy is when you really NEED to change those thoughts if your goal is to feel better. What can you affirm in those more challenging moments to shift your energy in the direction of beginning to feel better?
Esther Hicks and Abraham urge us to “go general.” So instead of thinking about the specific problem/solution, focus on general thoughts that feel better than the current stress-inducing ones you are entertaining.
I just want to give credit where credit is due. Most of my affirmations and my wisdom around positive thoughts and how they affect us have come to me through the work of Esther Hicks, Jill Lebeau, and Tosha Silver. I am eternally filled with overflowing appreciation for these women.
The power is in your thoughts.
You will find affirmations everywhere. Google “positive affirmations’ and you’ll get a million. Here are all of my favorites printed on beautiful photos to help them raise my vibration and stick in my mind easier.
Becoming conscious simply means becoming aware. Aware of ourselves, our actions, our motives, and the consequences of our actions. As we become more aware, we understand MORE, and we judge LESS.
We judge others every day. His/her actions are good/bad, right/wrong, stupid/inspiring.
The Truth is there is no good/bad, right/wrong, etc… People, places, things, situations simply ARE what they are. Nothing has meaning until we assign it meaning. And something that looks like the end of the world to one person looks like the first chapter of a new life to someone else!
Humans usually judge themselves far more harshly that we judge others. If you look in the mirror and “don’t see much in me that’s all that impressive,” you are NOT alone! Most of my clients struggle to accept themselves as they are, and ‘not liking themselves’ is a reason cited repeatedly by people who seek coaching.
Here’s the REALLY important bit:
It’s NOT your body that needs changing, but your mind.
Stick with me for a minute, here!
As we become more aware, or conscious, it is because our views or perspectives are becoming more aligned with Source energy. Source sees everything as good, right, perfect, beneficial. Everything has a purpose and is right where it is supposed to be. Every human Soul has a purpose, is good, perfect, beneficial, and right where we are supposed to be. When we allow our perspective to line up with this Truth of Divine perspective, we feel GOOD in our skin! We feel powerful, confident, sexy, and capable.
You KNOW these moments in life! Think of any “peak experience” of your life when you felt lined up, right on track, invincible – moments when you were happiest and full of purpose and joy. We feel glorious when we are connected with Source or aligned with Source perspective.
Why can’t we feel this way every day?
Because we are human, we sometimes get off track and view things from perspectives that are not aligned with Divine perspective. When we look in the mirror and do NOT like what we see, we are opposing God’s viewpoint, or Divine perspective, and it just does NOT resonate with our natural energy (cause we ARE Source energy), which is why it feels BAD to think opposing thoughts about ourselves.
Let me clarify.
Thinking that you “should” be different in some way pulls your viewpoint away from the viewpoint of Source. Think of a scale of 1 to 10. Let’s call 10 the perspective of God, or Source energy. Source created us in perfection, recognizes our perfection, and holds to the vibration that we are PERFECT just as we are, flaws and all! So we can call 10 the level of unconditional love. We are created from Source energy, so our natural vibration is at 10, or unconditional love. When we move away from that viewpoint it feels bad because we are splitting that energy.
We are One energy with Source (made of Source energy) so if Source is holding a steady, unwavering viewpoint of unconditional love, then we have thoughts NOT aligned with unconditional love – like hating our physical appearance – we feel our own energy split, and that’s what gives us the physical knot in the pit of our stomach that tells us “something’s not right” with that thought I am thinking!
So, if you have a mildly negative thought about yourself, maybe, “I need to lose weight,” it will feel a little bit bad, so we could rate that an 8 on the 10 scale. But if we have thoughts of shame, hating ourselves for the way we (whatever) then our energy is closer to a 1 on that scale. If this pattern of thinking is chronic, then it’s a CONSTANT drain on our energy from the time we get up until we go back to sleep at night.
The farther we get from our natural vibration of unconditional love, the worse we feel in body/mind/spirit, and the less energy we have to focus on what we LOVE doing!
Our culture has trained us out of unconditional love by teaching us to judge and compare all people, things, and situations, instead of accepting each as a part of the whole, important and unique as it is and playing it’s valuable part.
The more we can move our own perspective about ourselves and our world back toward unconditional love, the happier and healthier our lives become!
So how do we shift our vibration?
If we are currently vibrating closer to shame and self-loathing than we are to self-love, how do we shift our vibration to get things moving back in the natural direction?
The first step is awareness. If you recognize yourself here, take a nice deep breath and relax! Know that you’ve already taken the first step, and you are right where you are supposed to be. You are aware that you want to shift your energy toward more self-love, more active self-care.
Faith is like any muscle. It requires training. If you haven’t used your ‘faith in yourself’ muscle for awhile, here’s what may happen. We make a decision to change a habitual action that no longer serves us. We take some action in that direction and we feel our underdeveloped faith muscle give out. The gremlins instantly jump in with phrases like, “I TOLD you this was too hard. We shouldn’t even try, never mind. Let’s just do what we’re USED to because it’s easier!”
All completely normal.
This new path, new thoughts, actions and behaviors take time to learn. Work the muscle a little each day, and it will get stronger and stronger, until before you know it, you have developed new habits that are more aligned with your own healthy intentions.
Up to this moment, the actions you have taken have netted the results you now have.
If you want different results than you currently have, you can’t get those using the actions that are familiar, and patterns that are well worn. Take a few steps in a different direction – steps that may have lead others to where you want to go. Try on that new path, see how it really feels for your life, and remember that if the gremlin voices get nervous and start shrieking in alarm, you are probably on the right path!
And old habits die hard, so you may get knocked back into the old track here and there. That’s normal, too!
Don’t beat yourself up over it! We wouldn’t berate a butterfly for not emerging quickly enough from her cocoon.
Training your vibration chronically upward is key, and there are as many ways to do this as there are people! Find tools that resonate for you.
Things my clients use to uplift their energy include things like nature, journaling, yoga, swimming, hiking, reading inspirational stories, and so MUCH more. For a short list of activities, books, and speakers that INSPIRE, and help you keep the fire in your soul, follow this link.
Sometimes we drift off again for a minute longer, then we awaken some more. It is a process much like giving birth. It takes time and energy and it will be challenging. But it will also be rewarding in ways impossible to imagine from the current perspective.
“How could ANYTHING possibly be worth the effort required to change my thought patterns, and then my eating patterns and then… HOW? How can I do this?!” Your mind may scream at you. But your mind is still wearing blinders that come from thinking that is not aligned with Source.
We must have faith, and trust the process to get back to aligned thinking.
Don’t cling to lack of confidence or self-loathing because it’s the familiar rut you find yourself in. Find the tools and pathways that allow you to activate more self love, and integrate them into your life.
Becoming more conscious is the key to a more energized life, and the first step toward more health, happiness and prosperity.
I am a firm believer that the right wisdom arrives at the right time. I am constantly discovering books at the exact moment I need their message. So as I sat at my desk to write this post, I was not surprised when I was inspired to open You are a Badass Every Day, by Jen Sincero, and found this sentence: “What comes out of your mouth comes into your life, so choose your words wisely.”
I could NOT agree more. In my eBook, Exhausted to Energized: Three Essential Elements, the element I call our Superpower is to “Reframe the thoughts that are sucking the life out of you.”
Here are thirteen typical thoughts that are sucking the life out of you if you’re thinking them, and how to reframe them to energize your life! These are only suggestions. Reframe the thoughts into words that resonate for you, so they come naturally to you.
1) I need to lose weight.
I wrote a whole post on this one because nobody enjoys losing. Losing goes against the grain. We strive to win!
2) I should go to the gym.
Stop should-ing on yourself.
There are a million things we want to do for a million reasons, but not one of them is something we ‘should’ do. If you want to go to the gym to align with your healthy intentions, then get off the couch and GO! But if your only reason to do something is because you feel you should, or someone else is telling you that you should; just don’t do it.
There is shame attached to ‘should.’
The word suggests that there is something wrong with you if you choose not to do whatever it is that ‘they’ say you ‘should’ be doing.
You could do it. If you wanted to because it aligns with your intentions. Then it’s a choice. You have the power to choose, or choose not to do it – instead of being shamed into doing something that you may or may not want to do.
If energizing your life or improving your body composition is on your to-do list, then going to the gym is one possibility in a long list of possibilities that might serve that end. If going to the gym interests you, explore that! If you’d rather have your teeth pulled, explore other options!
3) I miss eating… (something I am not eating for health reasons).
If we choose to focus on things that we miss, or want but cannot have, we cause ourselves misery. When I discovered that I was allergic to my favorite food groups – dairy, sugar, and wheat – I thought my life was OVER because I could no longer eat pizza! It took some energy to refocus my thoughts, and a lot of help from my coach, but now I focus on foods I love that love me back! Mangoes and blueberries are every bit as satisfying to my soul as pizza, and so MUCH better for my physical body!
It’s all about where you place your thoughts, how you choose to look at things. I can continue to focus on my desire for pizza and feel miserable because I am denied, or I can focus on my desire to feel healthy and vibrant and feel GREAT because my food options are delicious AND nutritious.
This will take some time and a effort, but you are worth it!
If you don’t believe me, try it for yourself! Prove to yourself what the truth is.
4) I can’t do this!
If you believe you can’t, then it’s true. You can NOT do it.
Tell yourself you can do it! Even if you don’t know how, YET. Allow yourself to believe that you are capable enough to find a solution; that you WILL figure it out, and then relax into the knowledge that a solution will present itself.
Telling yourself that you cannot do it severely limits your options, and increases stress.
5) I’ll start tomorrow.
It is physically impossible to start anything tomorrow because tomorrow is always in the future. Reframing this one is simple. “I’m starting now,” is a beautiful substitute, or “This is the moment I start to change my life.”
Shifting your mindset NOW can be done even if the action steps must be put off a few more hours. Practice using your power of focus to see the outcome you desire. Hold the end result in your mind’s eye as a complete vision. Allow yourself to feel the outcome you have already created. You KNOW how thrilled you will feel once you are living in the authentic body you have reshaped to meet your own healthy intentions, or once you are holding your complete novel in your hands with your name on the cover, or have successfully transitioned to a profoundly fulfilling career.
You cannot start tomorrow, so you may as well start today. Just start living your dreams now.
6) I have to decide!
This was a kind of mantra for me for many years. Every time the thought popped into my head, I felt my heart rate increase and a sense of DREAD that felt like I would explode if I didn’t decide, or if I picked the wrong choice!
I get to choose. This reframe is empowering.
Being at choice is the greatest power we have. If you hear the familiar ring of “I have to decide,” running through your head, gently remind yourself that you have the power to choose.
We can’t make a choice that is “wrong” because our choice will either get the result we desire, or new information that allows more options (choices) to be available.
7) I really want to be/do/have (something) but…
Don’t let that big BUT follow you around!
When we name something we want and follow that with statements like “but this is the reality” or “but this is the reason I don’t have that yet,” we slow or STOP progress toward the thing that we want.
I really want to reach my goal weight, but I hate working out! I really NEED more money, but I’m not qualified for a better job. I want to meet my true love, but I need to lose weight first!
Picture your statement as a train engine on the track. When we say “I really want X,” our powerful engine gets moving right away in that direction. At the “but” in the statement, we place another train on the track moving in the OPPOSITE direction.
That powerful engine is your energy, focused on what you want and moving in that direction. Then the other engine pulls your energy in the opposite direction, splitting your energy and focus. Can you imagine how much longer it will take the train to get anywhere if it has engines pulling both directions on the track?
If all of your energy is moving in one direction, you reach your goal more easily and efficiently. Split your energy with those “but” statements and you might still reach the goal, but it takes longer, feels harder, and allows you more time along the way to lose interest or give up because the journey is taking too long.
8) I just hate “someone” because they are… (rich, thin, lucky, beautiful, smart, or living something I desperately want for myself…).
Love and BLESS that person for being a shining example of what is possible. If they can do it, be it, have it, so can you! You can physically see by their example that it’s possible. It’s the things that we cannot see that require more energy to create.
9) I’m too tired to do that.
If you are too tired to do something you want to do, then things you do NOT want to do are draining your energy. If you are too tired to do something you don’t want to do, then this is just an excuse, but your mind HEARS you and responds to your thoughts.
Remember, your mind creates your reality, so if you tell yourself repeatedly that you are tired, guess what? Yep, you feel tired more often!
You can begin to reframe this one by shifting your intention.
10) When it comes to XYZ, I have NO self control! Or – I simply can NOT resist XYZ!
We are literally saying here that something has power over us. We are handing our power willingly to XYZ. Why would anyone choose to do that?
Because it’s an easy excuse to do what we want to do anyway.
Period. In any other situation we fight to keep our power and stay in control, unless we want to do something and shift blame away from ourselves.
Giving away power is an energy drain. Keep your power. Raise your energy.
I have control in every situation. The choice is always mine.
The word ‘resist’ is tricky, too. We really cannot resist anything because to resist it we must be focused on it. Instead of saying, “I can’t resist free candy,” how possible is it to reframe it into something like: “I choose to eat healthy snacks like apples and dates because they align with my powerful intention to regain vital health.” That feels pretty powerful to me.
Maybe you prefer something simpler, “I eat only the foods on this list,” and then you create a list of foods you LOVE that align with your health goals.
11) Why bother?
Why indeed? Why do we bother to do anything? Usually because it has value to us. So if we are trying to motivate ourselves into doing something, it helps immensely to focus on WHY we are bothering.
“Why bother going to work? My job is meaningless! I hate my job.”
Reasons here may include, I need to pay my bills/feed my family. So “why bother?” could be reframed to support that need/desire like this: “I appreciate the food on my table and roof over our heads.” Or even more positive energy: “Better things are on their way to me, but until then I am happy to have a job that pays the bills, so I will put my best foot forward every day.”
Any thought that LIFTS your energy rather than depressing it is what you are shooting for. Why bother reframing thoughts that feel sucky?
12) I can’t afford that.
This one is insidious. Not only will it become self-fulfilling, like “I’m too tired,” but it also renders us powerless, and nothing grates the human soul like being powerless.
Powerless means we have no choice. When we say “I can’t afford that,” we are saying, “I have no choice.” And that just FEELS awful.
And most of the time it’s not really true. When we truly want something we look for funding options. We allow ourselves to spend birthday money on something frivolous because it’s not meant to pay bills. We save little bits here and there for something we value. For big ticket items like a home or an education, we promise to pay for the rest of our lives because we WANT that home or education.
Of course there may be times this statement is true, like if you were shopping for a private jet and only earn $35,000 a year. But I hear this statement in the grocery store as an excuse not to buy an item less than $5. And the more you say it, the more true it becomes, so you can see the value in finding a reframe that works instead.
Saying, “I am not spending my money on that,” is a perfectly valid option. As are any of these:
I am financially unwilling to make that commitment at this time. I choose not to buy that right now. I choose to buy this, and I am going to save for a while to pay for it. That’s not in my current budget, but if I really want it, I can find a way to afford it. This hasn’t got enough value for me to invest my money in it.
See how each of those reframes makes it a choice? I could choose that if I wanted to, but I choose not to. What other ways can you choose to say this that keeps your power squarely in your own hands?
13) Why me? Or more specifically, Why is this happening to me?
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Or “Why is this happening FOR me?”
You get the idea.
If a thought bothers you, or doesn’t feel good, it’s draining your precious, life-force energy. If you want more energy for the things you enjoy, reframing that thought is a quick, effective method to do just that.
The first step is to simply be aware when a thought is draining your energy. Then you have the power to choose that thought and allow it to drain you, or reframe it to empower yourself.
Winners discover things. We create. We inspire. We reveal.
We do not lose.
Nobody enjoys losing. Losing goes against the grain. We strive to win!
This is one of the main reasons “losing weight” is so challenging. We resist it with every fiber of our being, because we don’t want to lose!
We want to feel fit and trim and energized. We want to be healthy and active.
If we choose to make the goal “losing weight” and that goal comes up against one of our FAVORITE things ever – food – we will fall short of the goal every time. We do NOT want to lose. We do not identify as “losers.”
We like being winners, and we want to WIN at life!
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone!
What is the real goal?
We want to feel fit and trim and energized. We want to be healthy and active. We want to be confident, and wake up eager for our day!
Feeling fit, trim, energized, healthy and active are all benefits that increase the closer you get to your body’s optimal weight.
If winners don’t lose weight, how do we reach weight goals?
Winners eat empowered. We achieve optimal body weight. We reveal our authentic body. We discover the sexy beast within. We align our values with our intentions.
You can reframe this goal in any way that feels better to you! How can you say it that makes it a goal you want with all your heart?
I will do whatever it takes to feel healthy, fit and vibrant every day. I will set a healthy example for my children and grandchildren. I will look in the mirror and LOVE what I see.
Any of these feels better than saying, “I need to lose weight.”
We are not losers, and we never enjoy losing. We are winners. You are a winner.
Winners are confident. I don’t mean the kind of confident that comes from looking good, which is a side-effect of achieving optimal weight.
Winners are confident that they can choose what they want and make it happen!
Winners lean in when it gets challenging, focus on the goal, and REACH that finish line because it’s important, and worth the effort. This confidence comes from setting a goal and reaching it, setting another goal, and reaching it too. Lack of confidence comes from setting goals and falling short of them. But our future is not limited by what we achieved in the past!
Maybe the key to getting what we want is as simple as reframing it.
If the goal is one we have been wanting for a long time, yet not quite reaching, there is bound to be more than one thought we need to shift, if we are to succeed in reaching what we truly desire.
As a coach, I get to help my clients uncover their values, and tie those values to the goals they want to reach. This is a simple way to keep the motivation high and make steady progress to where you want to be!
What is your goal?
Is your goal something you are you doing because you are passionate for it? Or is it something you “need” to do, or have been told you “should” do?
Even if a physician is saying we “should” do something, if we can’t reframe that into something we are “wanting,” we will resist it every step of the way, drain our energy, and take much longer to reach that goal if we achieve it at all.
If you want to reach your goal faster with less effort, reframe it from a “should” or “must” into a “want” and just watch how fast you achieve your desires!
That’s one of the things people frequently hire a coach for: support in staying motivated.
If you are wanting to energize your life, you also have some changes in mind you are wanting to make to that end. Maybe you want to get more active, maybe you want to enrich your menus with more veggies, or by reducing fats.
Whatever your particular goal is, the biggest key I can share with you is to shift your mindset so that you are focused on the outcome you desire!
Now, maybe you’re thinking, “I have been focused on losing 50 pounds for the last ten years, and it hasn’t happened yet!”
This is the ideal time to point out that every subject is really two subjects: the subject itself (the object you desire), and the absence of it. Often times we think we are focused on what we want, when we are actually focussing on the fact that we do not yet have it. Focussing on NOT having what we want slows motivation, so that what we desire is slow to arrive, or we block it completely and it never arrives.
Let’s use the example above. If someone says they have been focussed on “losing weight,” chances are what they are really focussed on is the fact that they are “not losing weight” or how “hard it is to lose weight” or maybe, “I’ll NEVER lose all this weight!”
The first thing I would say to a client in this situation is that trying to “lose weight” is an uphill battle that few of us actually win. Why? Because we resist “losing” anything! We want to be winners and we don’t like it when we lose games, keys, or our minds. If we do lose something the first thing we do is try to get it back. That’s not helpful if the real goal is to reach a healthy weight we can maintain. Your goal could be weight reduction, or body composition improvement, or as one of my delightful clients reframed it; to reveal your sexy inner beast!
All of those goals sound more desirable than “losing” anything, don’t they? So step one would be to reframe the goal in a way that motivates you.
Visualize your desire as a fully formed outcome.
What does your authentic body look like? More importantly, how does it feel? Sit with that feeling of loving the skin you’re in! Let it soak in and inspire the cells of your body to give you what you truly desire! Nothing has ever manifested that was not “thought” first. Let your mind spend time on what your ideal body feels like, looks like, performs like. Submerse the cells of your body in the vibration of what you want them to become. They will respond by matching that vibration!
Usually we get distracted with “what is.” We know what we want insomuch as it’s NOT what we currently have. We want something ‘better,’ or healthier, or smaller or bigger, but we spend very little time defining what we actually WANT because we get caught up on looking at the “what we currently have” part.
We’ve developed patterns of eating meant to soothe emotions more than to fill nutritional needs. We’ve given up being active for the sake of getting the to-do lists accomplished. And we look at our current state of “not being where I want to be” and can’t figure out how it’s possible to get from where we are to where we want to be. Many lose faith that it’s even possible.
Don’t think about HOW you get there from here, just visualize BEING there already, and more importantly, how it FEELS to be standing there in your full power. Engage all five senses to help make your vision REAL in your mind.
Be open to the possibility that it COULD happen for you. Even if you can’t see how that miracle arrives, leave the door open for it. Don’t shut it out by deciding it is NOT possible, or will not come to you, or that you’re not worthy.
If you’re not willing to spend time just thinking about what you want, what are the chances you’ll actually take action to make it happen?
One of the best ways to stay motivated is to keep looking at what you want without trying to figure out how you get it. That way you’re excited by feeling it in your vibration, without splitting your energy with thoughts like, “I want it but, I don’t know how to get it.” Your energy is all moving toward what you DO want if that’s where you focus the energy. “I know what I want,” is how you reframe that one.
See your ideal outcome fully formed in your mind and add the mantra, “I know what I want.”
When something or someone introduces a question like “HOW do you plan get there from here?” You can answer, “By staying focussed on what I want, and not limiting the Universe by telling it HOW to deliver what I want.”
You’ve GOT this! I know you have what it takes to create the life you want.
Today I want to talk about the miracle of movement!
Back when I was exhausted all the time, I found a million excuses to sit around. Engrossing myself in a project in my computer was always a great one. As an entrepreneur, I have a thousand things that need my attention from a seated position: bookkeeping, scheduling, advertising, newsletters. It goes on and on.
Now I realize that if I want to feel energized, I gotta get up and move! I’m no Olympic athlete, and I am not training for a marathon. I just understand now that movement is KEY.
boost happy-making chemicals in the brain
clear mental cobwebs
improve sleep quality
For optimal health doctors generally recommend 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week. But for many, this can feel daunting, and trying to jump into a 5 day routine from zero days is never wise.
Start somewhere, start small.
Build from there at your own pace. It is better to move 5-10 minutes a day than to sit around waiting for the motivation to do 30 minutes all at once. It’s even helpful to spend time thinking about being active! If you can’t get up and move, or can’t motivate yourself to do so right now, visualize yourself being active and vibrant and moving your body! Our mind is a powerful tool. Using it to conjure images of ourselves involved in vibrant activities can build energy too! To see what I mean, envision yourself at the very top of a roller coaster. You feel yourself crest the hill, the momentum shifts, and suddenly you are plunging down the other side at breakneck speed. You can physically feel that pull on your energy, right?
The same thing happens when you imagine yourself running, dancing, swimming, climbing, whatever physical activity appeals to your soul. Picture yourself there, immersed in it, thriving at it. The energy inside will rise. Use that energy to motivate yourself into some action. You can imagine yourself flying like a bird if that appeals to you, and use that rise in energy to walk to the end of the block and back! Use the mind to create the energy that motivates the body up and into motion!
Stop using the mind to trap the body into inertia!
You know all those self-defeating little thoughts that come up like, ‘I don’t want to work out,’ or ‘I don’t enjoy it,’or ‘I don’t have the energy’? Well those thoughts deplete the energy right OUT of a body, and simply shifting them can give you the energy and motivation you need to get going!
‘I don’t want to work out,’ can become ‘I want to move my body for 5-10 minutes because I deserve to energize myself!’ or ‘I want the energy boost that comes with moving my body!’ or even, ‘I want an energized life!’
Use ANY words that resonate for you.
‘I don’t have the energy,’ can become ‘To create energy, I simply move my body!’ or ‘My workout leaves me energized!’ or even ‘Movement connects me to Source energy and POWERS me up!’
‘I just don’t enjoy it’ can become, ‘I enjoy the way my body feels after I move it,’ or ‘I enjoy the powerful feeling of aligning with my own healthy intentions,’ or even, ‘I enjoy vibrant health and stay active to achieve that goal!’
Choose the thought that feels better when you think it, because the better you feel, the more energy you have!
I recently did a nine-day spring cleanse designed to detox the liver. On a few of those days I was very low energy, and the thing that made me feel better and more energized each time, was a nice easy walk around my block. When I felt like I just wanted to sit and do nothing because I was so tired, I got up and went for a walk and felt better! Try it yourself & see how taking a short walk lifts your mood.
So – How do you choose happiness (or at least a sense of calm) when chaos is raining down around you? One of my coaching clients posed this very question to me last week. Here’s my short answer:
Practice happiness daily.
Olympic athletes don’t show up on game day to give a peak performance without practicing a few (hundred) times. To strengthen your faith, you need to practice building faith daily. To strengthen your ability to choose happiness and increase your overall sense of calm, you need to practice choosing happiness daily. And you can’t wait until your transmission leaves you stranded with a huge car repair bill and then hope you’ll remember to choose happiness in that moment if you haven’t been choosing it daily.
Practice happiness daily! Choose it every chance you get, and you get myriad chances sprinkled into your days.
What constitutes a happiness practice?
There are LOTS of options, and it’s different for everyone, so you get to put together the pieces that resonate with you! You get to choose what to call your daily practice (happiness practice, spiritual practice, faith-building practice), and select the tools that fire you up and make you feel energized and ready to seize your day!
A great place to start is to unfollow anyone and anything on social media that is not adding to your joy and start following people and businesses that do uplift your soul. You can find uplifting vibes at Practice Happiness Daily, along with about a million other choices to lift your vibe and inspire your day. When you focus on what you want, the Universe brings you more of what you want.
One of the ways I practice happiness is reading something uplifting every morning. My current inspiration is coming from Jen Sincero’s You are a BADASS Every Day. Jen describes what I am talking about in a much badassier way than I can, so let me quote:
“Strengthening these muscles of badassery is where something I like to call the spiritual gym comes in. As we travel the winding road to greatness, we’ve got to have some sort of workout routine to keep our motivation strong, our belief in the near impossible unwavering, and our focus firm – because muscles don’t stay strong all by themselves.” She continues, “Get specific about which practices make you feel like you could bench press a gorilla and make them a nonnegotiable part of every single solitary day with no exceptions.”
I couldn’t agree more!
Your practice. Your choice.
Despite what religions would have us believe, there is no one right way to connect to Source energy. You get to choose. My morning practice has evolved over time and currently looks like this: five minutes centering, read something uplifting for ten minutes, write a gratitude letter, read it out loud, visualization practice for ten minutes max, core strength & stretching for ten minutes. Then I like to write in my journal to process whatever I am growing through at the moment. It’s the first hour of my day and sets the tone for my energized and thriving life!
I sprinkle affirmations liberally throughout my day and do something active at least five days a week. One of my friends listens to inspirational podcasts while she runs on the beach in the morning, and another keeps a running gratitude journal throughout the day on an app in her phone. Lots of my friends practice yoga and meditation.
Creating your personalized workout for your ‘spiritual gym,’ consists of playing with any combination of options from the menu below, or myriad others that makes your feel like you could hike the Himalayas. Or you know, remain calm, centered, and effective while everyone else runs around with their hair on fire. You could even survive meeting your boyfriend’s parents, or calmly recite all the reasons you deserve a raise to your boss. Who knows what you’ll achieve if you tap into the infinite power of Source! Probably whatever you put your mind to.
Feel Free to add other menu items in the comments! I would LOVE to hear what energizes your day!
Add your faves in the comments to expand my Universe!
It doesn’t matter what you choose to practice, so long as it uplifts your spirit, plugs your Soul into Source, and inspires you to step into a more powerful version of you!
“Make them a nonnegotiable part of every single solitary day with no exceptions,” so that when those less than optimal moments arrive, you’ll be amazed at how little they affect your vibration, and how easy it is to respond from a place of confidence and clarity. You get to choose how to show up.
One option is NOT to practice happiness, and show up like a cork tossed on the raging seas of chaos. My choice is to practice happiness daily and show up awesome!
Awesome feels better in my opinion, but you get to choose for yourself!
Create an awesome day for yourself and those around you!
Don’t believe me? Then you will forever be at the mercy of the whims of the world and whatever they throw at you to set your mood for you.
I believe that happiness is a choice, and I choose happiness every day. Some days it’s easier to make that choice, no doubt! Last week when Bekkie and I went to the beach? Happiness galore!! Sunshine, crashing surf, sea breezes, healthy food, reliable transportation, and GREAT company all added up to FUN and joy that seeped into my bones, charged my batteries and left me raring to go!
Easy choice. Happy!
Tuesday I also chose happiness – not as easy, but even more necessary. I awoke early as usual, felt great, had coffee, and then stood by helplessly as my back went out and crushed my paycheck for the day (for the week, it turns out, maybe more…). At 7am I called the chiropractor. She called me back and got me in at 8am. I managed to get myself across town, though my car was making a very interesting noise that made me think it might join my back in letting go of it’s worldly responsibilities.
My chiropractor did the best she could with an activator and duct tape, and I felt better, but left knowing that I would not be able to give a massage for at least a few days. On the way home, Lilu, my Chevy Impala, started doing this other interesting thing; after stopping at stop signs it no longer wanted to move forward. I broke into a cold sweat and my stomach knotted itself into a scarf.
(This is the part where I choose fear, but don’t worry! Happiness prevails, keep reading!)
My mechanic is closer than my house, so I gently and slowly inched across town, trying not to stop completely because it seemed to be having trouble getting into 1st gear. When I got to the shop I pulled around with the intention of backing into an empty spot, only to find when I put it in reverse NOTHING happened. I put her in drive and she didn’t like it. She hesitated and balked, but finally inched forward off the street, though not parked legally. I was visibly shaking.
He didn’t have to tell me the transmission was shot. I can’t even change my own oil and I knew that much. I sat in the waiting room and took some long deep breaths.
Shifting your breathing is a superpower! Did you know that? My joy guru, Jill Lebeau taught me that, and it’s a lesson for which I am tremendously grateful. So I just breathed while my car guy told me the transmission was shot and a new one costs about twice what I currently have in my piggy bank. They were giving me a ride home when I started my gratitude list.
The mechanic’s car has seat heaters that felt amazing on my throbbing back.
The sun was shining and it was going to be a gorgeous day.
Lilu didn’t die in Bodega Bay last Thursday and leave Bekkie and I stranded and unable to get Bekkie to work on time.
Lilu died right in front of the only place it was actually convenient and I didn’t have to pay to tow her there.
It happened on the same day that I got my IRS refund. I had planned to pay bills with my refund, but I did HAVE the money on that day.
He can repair the car and get it back to me by the weekend, Monday at the latest.
My back pain is keeping me from my massage practice, but my coaching practice continues!
Last year when I had these same back issues, I had no clear vision of what I would do for income if my body finally said, “NO MORE massage!” Now I know what my next career is, I am already transitioning, and adding some income from the new source. That is a BIG chunk of gratitude right there!
Lilu died on the same day that my back went out again, so that’s a clear sign from the Universe to STOP and slow down a minute; focus on what’s important.
What is important is my health, and while I have been pretty good about cleaning up my eating, I have not been GREAT. I can do better and when I do better, the inflammation will cease to create and exacerbate the myriad health issues that continue to challenge me create opportunities for my personal growth. I had been ‘too busy’ with work to focus on my meal plans, my cardio, my self-care. So the Universe took matters in Her own hands and slowed me down for a gentle reminder to take care of me first.
Time to let go of what’s holding me back and release the last of the foods that I have been wanting to remove from my body for health’s sake. No one is telling me I ‘should’ make these changes. I want better health. I want to feel energized every day in every way. My coach and I are moving me toward my ideal goals one baby step at a time and I feel powerful in my choices for better health!
So I appreciate the time off to focus on health, and growth, and joy.
I appreciate my clients who are always so gracious and understanding when I call to reschedule them.
I appreciate my mechanic for getting the job done so quickly.
I appreciate the timing of the whole situation, which unfolded with ease.
I appreciate that I can choose happiness no matter what’s going on in the world around me.
So – How do you choose happiness (or at least a sense of calm) when chaos is raining down around you? One of my wonderful coaching clients posed this very question to me yesterday.
I look forward to sharing my answer with you in my next post!
Create a happy day!
Here’s a little rant from Abraham and Esther Hicks to set you off in the right direction.
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