Human beings want all kinds of different stuff, and that’s cool! Desire draws life-giving Source energy into our lives. The desires my clients most often name are healthier bodies, heftier paychecks, happier relationships, & more habitual travel.
But why do we want any of these things?
Because of the way they make us feel.
The only reason we ever want anything is because of the way we expect to feel when we have it. So, let’s focus on that.
Imagine yourself in your ideal life. Imagine all of your dreams have come true. You have the soul-mate, the amazing career, the water-view home, whatever it is you desire most. Imagine you are living that now. FEEL it. Feel the emotions – whatever emotions you imagine you will feel in the moment you attain your highest goal.
Wow! Take a few minutes to marinate in those feelings. Let them wash over you like an ocean wave crashing against the shore, and permeate every cell of your body!
THAT is what we really want! That feeling of contentment, joy, fulfillment, confidence, whatever emotion it is that you believe the peak experience you desire will allow you to feel.
QUICK! Name those emotions and write them down.
If you feel inspired, take a few minutes to journal about how you feel.
This is your true goal – not the house, or the job, or the lover, or the money. The way these things make you feel is what you are longing for. And HERE’s the KICKER: the more time you spend steeped in the emotions you long for, the faster your dreams manifest!
This is also really helpful if you are feeling confused about a choice you are making. Ask yourself, “Will this choice allow me to feel…” whatever emotions you listed above. This is a quick way to gauge whether or not the choices you make are moving you toward your goals!
For me, it’s a sense of vitality, confidence, connection, and calm that I truly desire.
Moving forward in this blog, I will regularly add a self-exploration section aimed at growing your consciousness. Let me know how it inspires you, or which questions you find most helpful!
What is it you truly want? What part of that answer surprises you? What part resonates as truth? What decisions does this information help you clarify? How will you use this new information moving forward?
Suffering happens when we wish things were different than they are. Period.
Pain happens in life. Every person in the Universe faces challenges and difficult situations. Every one of us.
We think we are suffering because the other person did something that hurt us, or because we don’t earn enough money to take the vacation we want, or we lost our job, or we weigh more than we want to weigh, or we’ve suffered an injury or accident, or because someone we love passed.
But the suffering – the continued worsening of the pain – is something we create by wishing things were different than they are. I’m not saying those things aren’t hard or painful. They are difficult and challenging and they will absolutely slow us down some. However suffering is not caused by ‘what is.’ We cause suffering by RESISTING ‘what is.’ We’re human. Pain is a normal part of existence.
But when we spend hours, days or weeks puzzling over why this has happened to us, or how we might have prevented it, or how we can still make things turn out ‘right’ or how we just wish so MUCH that things turned out differently – that is RESISTING what is. Resisting what is causes suffering.
Suffering is optional because we’re creating it ourselves!
What is it you’re resisting? What would happen if you simply allow it to be what it is? What would it mean to accept the situation as it is? What would change for you?
Once upon a time, I lived on a diet composed mostly of wheat and dairy. I LOVE the stuff! Give me a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a quesadilla for lunch, and pizza for dinner and I am delighted! Then I found out that I am allergic to wheat and dairy after becoming extremely ill from eating too much of the stuff.
I was miserable thinking of all the cheese I would never eat again! I was mad at the world for the unfairness of my challenge, and disappointed in my body for not being able to handle my fave foods like a “normal” person. I couldn’t picture a world where I could possibly ever hike again, because everyone knows the perfect fuel for hiking is bread and cheese! Right? Luckily for me, I couldn’t resist the changes because I was too sick, but I SUFFERED. Believe me, I made sure of that.
Now, it’s completely normal to feel disappointed in a situation like that. But it’s not normal (or healthy) to resist what is. My body cannot handle something I want it to do. That’s the fact. I can choose to resist it and resent it and be miserable about it, and no one would blame me!
But what happens if I simply accept the fact? EVERYTHING shifts.
I’m no longer draining my energy. I’m not feeling victimized. Shifting my perspective is the key. I accept the situation as it is, and then I am free to play with new options that make me feel powerful instead of deprived!
YES, I love cheese, but what I truly, deeply want is vibrant good health which is vitally more important than the temporary and fleeting pleasure of a bowl of ice cream! ESPECIALLY when it’s so much fun to discover fuels my body LOVES like mangoes and blueberries!
As soon as we accept what is, we begin growing again. Resistance stunts our growth and keeps us stuck in pain, inaction, or both. Before I accepted the situation, I kept coming up against the food allergies like an adversary that would pop up out of nowhere and knock me in the dirt.
Once I accepted the situation, I was able to build it into my life map.
Then I was able to find fun creative ways to go with the flow. Seeing the obstacle for what it is, allows me to move around it with ease. I could then continue moving toward my dreams with a clearer picture of where I was standing and how to get where I want to be!
I am not “settling” for a life without wheat and dairy, I am THRIVING on a life path that has given me the blessings and challenges that have sculpted me into the awesome self I am today!
The biggest gift of this journey is the radical self-acceptance I now offer myself daily. I finally accept myself, just as I am, in all my flaw-someness.
Suffering is optional.
What are you currently suffering? How willing are you to accept it for what it is? How much energy will that free up in your soul? How will it change how you see yourself? If you see it clearly in your life map, what fun, creative options does this open up for you?
If you have, you are NOT alone. Most of us have said this about one thing or another at some point in our lives. If you’ve ever had an addiction, you know this feeling well.
Let’s unpack that phrase.
“I have no control of myself.” If not you, who? Or what? Sugar? Alcohol? Gambling? Sex? It’s different for each of us.
Literally we are saying, “something outside myself is controlling my behavior.” Usually we mean something that we “cannot resist.” I’ll use sugar in my examples because it’s been my personal drug of choice for years and I know many MANY people can relate. If sugar is not the thing you “can’t resist,” substitute, your own drug of choice while reading.
What are we really saying? Sugar controls me, or sugar thinks for me.
How true is that?
Can sugar think thoughts inside your head?
No. So really it’s only your THOUGHTS that are telling you to succumb to temptation.
So when we say, “I Have No Self-Control,” we are really saying, “I cannot control my thoughts,” or “I cannot control my mind.” Again, you would not be alone. We are rarely, if ever, taught to choose which thoughts we think.
Advertisers and politicians like it when we have little control over our own thoughts, because that makes it EASY to put thoughts in our head. Our culture does not highly value independent thinking, so it’s completely normal to not be adept at guiding our thought energy.
Thoughts are energy.
Where do you spend yours? Doubting your ability to resist something? Or shifting your focus to choices that align with your own healthy intentions?
There is no right or wrong here. I am simply bringing awareness to the process.
What’s really True?
Self-control comes from being aware. Become aware of what you are really thinking and then you get to CHOOSE.
Self-empowerment comes from choosing which thoughts to think. Once we are aware of what we are thinking, we get to decide if we want to keep thinking that thought, or change it to something that builds our energy instead of depletes it.
So, “I can’t resist sugar!” becomes something gentler like, “Oh how interesting. I am thinking about sugar again. That does NOT align with my healthy intentions or my goals, so I choose to shift my thinking.” And then we get to choose an infinite number of thoughts that align with our healthy intentions. Here are some possible substitutes:
I am powerfully aligned with my healthy intentions! I choose to eat foods from my list of delicious nutritious choices! I can change my focus to some form of creativity that I enjoy! I can distract myself until the urge passes. I choose my own thoughts and control my own behaviors. I am a powerful being and I will not defeat myself thinking thoughts I do not wan to think!
PLEASE list more options in the comments! What thought do YOU choose to think instead of, “I can’t resist XYZ,” or “I Have No Self-Control!”
It’s a familiar story to most of us. We set a goal. We make a plan to reach the goal. Something happens that gets in our way of reaching the goal. We realize we did not achieve what we set out to do. We beat the crap out of ourselves for our utter, degrading failure.
Sometimes we get carried away and beat ourselves up over not just the current “failure,” but every failure we have failed up until this very disappointing failure of a moment.
You have not failed. Not once. Not at anything! You have gathered evidence. You have learned lessons. You have not failed.
You have discovered a path that does not lead where you thought you wanted to go. What do you see? What can you learn? Is there a new road sign now that you could not see before? Your journey will always bring you right where you need to be to learn the lessons your Soul came to learn.
All we do when we beat up on ourselves for anything is drain our own, precious energy.
I used to do a REALLY good job of beating myself up over not sticking to my eating plan. Over the years I have adopted many different eating plans, for different reasons (MOSTLY because I was unhappy with the way I looked), that I have stuck to with varying degrees of success. One misstep was an excuse to fall off a plan I didn’t want to stick with anyway, and beat myself up for the wretched, miserable failure that I obviously was.
But why stop there? I was super good at reminding myself of all the other times I had failed miserably, compounding that “I suck” vibe, and really making it my own!
But I was missing the point, and the opportunity.
Instead of identifying MYSELF as failed, I had the opportunity to stop and observe. What’s really going on? Why did I fail to achieve success?
The old broken record would have me believe I was a failure. But when I finally had to reject that thought because it felt so NASTY inside me when I thought it (it literally made me feel physically ill), then I began to see that I ‘failed’ at something only when I didn’t really want to achieve it anyway.
I thought I wanted to lose weight so that people would find me attractive. Our culture promotes physical beauty as something to be valued above most other attributes, so that’s what I wanted; to be accepted by cultural standards. But since physical attractiveness is not something that I value personally, it was NEVER going to be enough to motivate me to stop eating foods that I love!
I had not failed. I had attempted a goal I didn’t care about, so I didn’t care if I actually reached it or not.
It’s a vicious cycle. Attempt a goal to please others. Fail to reach goal because it’s not YOUR goal and won’t motivate you. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy. Try again. Fail to reach a goal that’s not yours. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy. Try again. Fail to reach a goal that’s not yours. Beat yourself up, depleting your energy.
Do this long enough and some people don’t have the energy to get up and try again. To break the cycle – first of all, stop beating yourself up!
Think of your self as an airplane.
As Brian Tracy tells us in his book entitled Flight Plan – The Real Secret of Success, “Life is like an airplane journey. From the time you take off, you will be off course 99% of the time. All airplanes are off course 99% of the time. The purpose and role of the pilot and the avionics is to continually bring the plane back on course so that it arrives on schedule at its destination.”
So, why beat yourself up if being off course is 99% of life?
Set your goals and keep moving toward them. When you get off course (and you WILL!) just gently course correct and keep moving forward. This is the most efficient way, the way that saves our energy, and gets us where we want to be faster.
Stopping to beat yourself up is exhausting. It wastes energy and time and makes us feel crappy. So STOP it.
Admire yourself for simply recognizing your drift!
Then you get to choose: 1) stay with the drift back toward old behaviors, or 2) course correct back to where you are consciously wanting to go.
When I get of course now, I look for what it was that tripped me up. I look for the emotion that I was feeling – and usually not wanting to feel – that sent me after ice cream or pizza. I don’t clobber myself for tripping. If it was an emotion that tripped me, I tag it as a trigger. Then I MIGHT see it coming next time, and not trip. Or it may trip me again. Then I recognize it, tag it, and choose to correct my course again. It’s a process.
Maybe I recognize that the goal isn’t really something I want, but something I thought I wanted because others wanted it for me, or I thought I was supposed to want it. In that case I can shift goals, or simply shift the reasons for my goal.
Using my earlier example: I thought I wanted to lose weight so that people would find me attractive, or so I would be attractive by cultural standards. Actually, I wanted to reduce my weight for a lot of great reasons relating to my health, well-being, and energy levels. When I was able to shift my focus to those things, the excess weight fell away so fast it made everyone’s heads spin, and scary health issues simply vanished.
No judgement for getting off track.
I am human, so it happens. Daily.
Instead of wasting time in judgement and blame, I get curious and look for what tripped me up. Then I know what course corrections I can choose if I want to.
Instead of getting out a big club and draining my own energy into exhausted depression, I trust the process, and I get better and better at moving toward my goals. Daily.
“I’ve never tried positive affirmations, and am not sure how that really works. Is it telling yourself positive things while looking at yourself in a mirror? Or is that just a movie cliche?” GREAT question! Thanks so much for asking.
Positive affirmations are powerful tools to help build new neural pathways. In other words, they can help us rewire our brains. Practicing affirmations helps challenge and overcome self-sabotaging, and negative thoughts.
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to getting what we really want is the thoughts we are thinking. Energy attracts like energy, so thoughts attract more thoughts like themselves.
When we chronically have fear-filled thoughts, more fearful thoughts come easily. When we chronically choose thoughts that feel good when we think them, more thoughts like that come easily to us.
We’ve spent a LOT of times thinking our usual thoughts and creating well-worn pathways to more of those thoughts. If we become aware that our thoughts are not serving us and want to change them, it takes practice.
Practice thoughts that feel good!
Choose affirmations that feel good when you say them.
If you say, “Money comes easily to me,” when you are over your head in debt, it’s highly likely that you’ll get a knot in the pit of your stomach that tells you that the thought you are thinking is WRONG. And that’s when something like, “Money is hard to come by,” pops into your head. And that energy attracts more thoughts like that one. So, “money comes easily to me,” might not be the right affirmation.
How does this one resonate?
This feels more true for most people. There is no contradiction here. Now when a habitual thought pops up like, “I don’t have enough,” remind yourself of the NEW thought you are choosing. Tell yourself that the old thought may have been true in the past, but you are now open to receive floods of financial abundance with ease. Repeating the phrase often helps build a new path to better feeling thoughts.
This affirmation in prayer form felt AMAZING to me when I read it and each time I read it now, something opens in me, and I truly feel more ready to receive all the abundance the Universe wants to deliver!
If an affirmation really resonates, practice it! Write it on sticky notes to remind yourself. Repeat it like a mantra in the shower, or while sitting in traffic.
Some affirmations feed your soul for awhile and then get replaced with others that feel even better or resonate more.
And sometimes an affirmation that does not feel good in one circumstance feels amazing later on. For this reason, I hang on to affirmations with which I would like to resonate, and try them again when my energy is different!
This affirmation does not resonate with many of us. My first reaction to it was, “I wish!” If I had tried using this affirmation then, I would have attracted thoughts that confirmed I was NOT any of these things. But I really WANTED to feel that way about myself, so I hung on to the words for later. Now the words resonate for me on days I am feeling fully confident, not always, but so much more now than before! I choose to fully practice this thought when I am feeling confident and it is resonating. Why?
Because what we think determines how we feel, and the way we feel is the energy that we send out into the Universe. And what we send out in the Universe is what the Universe sends back to us.
Looking yourself in the eyes can help.
If someone won’t look you in the eyes when they talk to you, how much do you trust what they say? Looking yourself in the eyes and telling yourself Truth can help you accept it as true for you, while acting as a powerful reminder. Many people do not see themselves as worthy of self-care even though they might invest huge amounts of energy caring for others. Looking in the mirror to repeat this reminder can be very helpful.
Affirmations that begin with “I am,” are powerful and can be more powerful if you look into your eyes in the mirror while you say them. But if you are not yet comfortable looking at yourself in the eyes, then do it anyway! Look deep into your own eyes and remind yourself of the Truth:
I am worthy of self care. I am worthy of the same abundant love I offer others. I am choosing the thoughts I think. I am an extension of Source energy. I am valued just for being me. Life is a process and I am right where I am supposed to be. I am learning. I am becoming.
Make a list of your strengths and put “I am” in front of them!
I am kind. I am caring. I am loyal. I am honest. I am a good friend.
You get the idea.
Create ones that serve your needs.
One of my clients had repeating thought patterns that constantly told her she had screwed things up again, or that she was about to screw things up BIG time! Her affirmation took a while to create, practice, and to resonate fully, but now she says it’s one of the most powerful tools in her toolbox!
It does NOT mean that everything in her life always goes the way she wants, or has planned. It simply means that when things get off track, it doesn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. There is tremendous value in the peace of mind this can bring.
Do NOT practice when you feel bad!
Do not practice affirming if you are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or your energy is otherwise depressed. If you practice saying, “I am a powerful being fueled by Source energy,” when you feel crappy, you attract more of what feels crappy because you don’t (at that moment) feel powerful or fueled by Source.
So, what to do? When you feel crappy is when you really NEED to change those thoughts if your goal is to feel better. What can you affirm in those more challenging moments to shift your energy in the direction of beginning to feel better?
Esther Hicks and Abraham urge us to “go general.” So instead of thinking about the specific problem/solution, focus on general thoughts that feel better than the current stress-inducing ones you are entertaining.
I just want to give credit where credit is due. Most of my affirmations and my wisdom around positive thoughts and how they affect us have come to me through the work of Esther Hicks, Jill Lebeau, and Tosha Silver. I am eternally filled with overflowing appreciation for these women.
The power is in your thoughts.
You will find affirmations everywhere. Google “positive affirmations’ and you’ll get a million. Here are all of my favorites printed on beautiful photos to help them raise my vibration and stick in my mind easier.
Becoming conscious simply means becoming aware. Aware of ourselves, our actions, our motives, and the consequences of our actions. As we become more aware, we understand MORE, and we judge LESS.
We judge others every day. His/her actions are good/bad, right/wrong, stupid/inspiring.
The Truth is there is no good/bad, right/wrong, etc… People, places, things, situations simply ARE what they are. Nothing has meaning until we assign it meaning. And something that looks like the end of the world to one person looks like the first chapter of a new life to someone else!
Humans usually judge themselves far more harshly that we judge others. If you look in the mirror and “don’t see much in me that’s all that impressive,” you are NOT alone! Most of my clients struggle to accept themselves as they are, and ‘not liking themselves’ is a reason cited repeatedly by people who seek coaching.
Here’s the REALLY important bit:
It’s NOT your body that needs changing, but your mind.
Stick with me for a minute, here!
As we become more aware, or conscious, it is because our views or perspectives are becoming more aligned with Source energy. Source sees everything as good, right, perfect, beneficial. Everything has a purpose and is right where it is supposed to be. Every human Soul has a purpose, is good, perfect, beneficial, and right where we are supposed to be. When we allow our perspective to line up with this Truth of Divine perspective, we feel GOOD in our skin! We feel powerful, confident, sexy, and capable.
You KNOW these moments in life! Think of any “peak experience” of your life when you felt lined up, right on track, invincible – moments when you were happiest and full of purpose and joy. We feel glorious when we are connected with Source or aligned with Source perspective.
Why can’t we feel this way every day?
Because we are human, we sometimes get off track and view things from perspectives that are not aligned with Divine perspective. When we look in the mirror and do NOT like what we see, we are opposing God’s viewpoint, or Divine perspective, and it just does NOT resonate with our natural energy (cause we ARE Source energy), which is why it feels BAD to think opposing thoughts about ourselves.
Let me clarify.
Thinking that you “should” be different in some way pulls your viewpoint away from the viewpoint of Source. Think of a scale of 1 to 10. Let’s call 10 the perspective of God, or Source energy. Source created us in perfection, recognizes our perfection, and holds to the vibration that we are PERFECT just as we are, flaws and all! So we can call 10 the level of unconditional love. We are created from Source energy, so our natural vibration is at 10, or unconditional love. When we move away from that viewpoint it feels bad because we are splitting that energy.
We are One energy with Source (made of Source energy) so if Source is holding a steady, unwavering viewpoint of unconditional love, then we have thoughts NOT aligned with unconditional love – like hating our physical appearance – we feel our own energy split, and that’s what gives us the physical knot in the pit of our stomach that tells us “something’s not right” with that thought I am thinking!
So, if you have a mildly negative thought about yourself, maybe, “I need to lose weight,” it will feel a little bit bad, so we could rate that an 8 on the 10 scale. But if we have thoughts of shame, hating ourselves for the way we (whatever) then our energy is closer to a 1 on that scale. If this pattern of thinking is chronic, then it’s a CONSTANT drain on our energy from the time we get up until we go back to sleep at night.
The farther we get from our natural vibration of unconditional love, the worse we feel in body/mind/spirit, and the less energy we have to focus on what we LOVE doing!
Our culture has trained us out of unconditional love by teaching us to judge and compare all people, things, and situations, instead of accepting each as a part of the whole, important and unique as it is and playing it’s valuable part.
The more we can move our own perspective about ourselves and our world back toward unconditional love, the happier and healthier our lives become!
So how do we shift our vibration?
If we are currently vibrating closer to shame and self-loathing than we are to self-love, how do we shift our vibration to get things moving back in the natural direction?
The first step is awareness. If you recognize yourself here, take a nice deep breath and relax! Know that you’ve already taken the first step, and you are right where you are supposed to be. You are aware that you want to shift your energy toward more self-love, more active self-care.
Faith is like any muscle. It requires training. If you haven’t used your ‘faith in yourself’ muscle for awhile, here’s what may happen. We make a decision to change a habitual action that no longer serves us. We take some action in that direction and we feel our underdeveloped faith muscle give out. The gremlins instantly jump in with phrases like, “I TOLD you this was too hard. We shouldn’t even try, never mind. Let’s just do what we’re USED to because it’s easier!”
All completely normal.
This new path, new thoughts, actions and behaviors take time to learn. Work the muscle a little each day, and it will get stronger and stronger, until before you know it, you have developed new habits that are more aligned with your own healthy intentions.
Up to this moment, the actions you have taken have netted the results you now have.
If you want different results than you currently have, you can’t get those using the actions that are familiar, and patterns that are well worn. Take a few steps in a different direction – steps that may have lead others to where you want to go. Try on that new path, see how it really feels for your life, and remember that if the gremlin voices get nervous and start shrieking in alarm, you are probably on the right path!
And old habits die hard, so you may get knocked back into the old track here and there. That’s normal, too!
Don’t beat yourself up over it! We wouldn’t berate a butterfly for not emerging quickly enough from her cocoon.
Training your vibration chronically upward is key, and there are as many ways to do this as there are people! Find tools that resonate for you.
Things my clients use to uplift their energy include things like nature, journaling, yoga, swimming, hiking, reading inspirational stories, and so MUCH more. For a short list of activities, books, and speakers that INSPIRE, and help you keep the fire in your soul, follow this link.
Sometimes we drift off again for a minute longer, then we awaken some more. It is a process much like giving birth. It takes time and energy and it will be challenging. But it will also be rewarding in ways impossible to imagine from the current perspective.
“How could ANYTHING possibly be worth the effort required to change my thought patterns, and then my eating patterns and then… HOW? How can I do this?!” Your mind may scream at you. But your mind is still wearing blinders that come from thinking that is not aligned with Source.
We must have faith, and trust the process to get back to aligned thinking.
Don’t cling to lack of confidence or self-loathing because it’s the familiar rut you find yourself in. Find the tools and pathways that allow you to activate more self love, and integrate them into your life.
Becoming more conscious is the key to a more energized life, and the first step toward more health, happiness and prosperity.
I am a firm believer that the right wisdom arrives at the right time. I am constantly discovering books at the exact moment I need their message. So as I sat at my desk to write this post, I was not surprised when I was inspired to open You are a Badass Every Day, by Jen Sincero, and found this sentence: “What comes out of your mouth comes into your life, so choose your words wisely.”
I could NOT agree more. In my eBook, Exhausted to Energized: Three Essential Elements, the element I call our Superpower is to “Reframe the thoughts that are sucking the life out of you.”
Here are thirteen typical thoughts that are sucking the life out of you if you’re thinking them, and how to reframe them to energize your life! These are only suggestions. Reframe the thoughts into words that resonate for you, so they come naturally to you.
1) I need to lose weight.
I wrote a whole post on this one because nobody enjoys losing. Losing goes against the grain. We strive to win!
2) I should go to the gym.
Stop should-ing on yourself.
There are a million things we want to do for a million reasons, but not one of them is something we ‘should’ do. If you want to go to the gym to align with your healthy intentions, then get off the couch and GO! But if your only reason to do something is because you feel you should, or someone else is telling you that you should; just don’t do it.
There is shame attached to ‘should.’
The word suggests that there is something wrong with you if you choose not to do whatever it is that ‘they’ say you ‘should’ be doing.
You could do it. If you wanted to because it aligns with your intentions. Then it’s a choice. You have the power to choose, or choose not to do it – instead of being shamed into doing something that you may or may not want to do.
If energizing your life or improving your body composition is on your to-do list, then going to the gym is one possibility in a long list of possibilities that might serve that end. If going to the gym interests you, explore that! If you’d rather have your teeth pulled, explore other options!
3) I miss eating… (something I am not eating for health reasons).
If we choose to focus on things that we miss, or want but cannot have, we cause ourselves misery. When I discovered that I was allergic to my favorite food groups – dairy, sugar, and wheat – I thought my life was OVER because I could no longer eat pizza! It took some energy to refocus my thoughts, and a lot of help from my coach, but now I focus on foods I love that love me back! Mangoes and blueberries are every bit as satisfying to my soul as pizza, and so MUCH better for my physical body!
It’s all about where you place your thoughts, how you choose to look at things. I can continue to focus on my desire for pizza and feel miserable because I am denied, or I can focus on my desire to feel healthy and vibrant and feel GREAT because my food options are delicious AND nutritious.
This will take some time and a effort, but you are worth it!
If you don’t believe me, try it for yourself! Prove to yourself what the truth is.
4) I can’t do this!
If you believe you can’t, then it’s true. You can NOT do it.
Tell yourself you can do it! Even if you don’t know how, YET. Allow yourself to believe that you are capable enough to find a solution; that you WILL figure it out, and then relax into the knowledge that a solution will present itself.
Telling yourself that you cannot do it severely limits your options, and increases stress.
5) I’ll start tomorrow.
It is physically impossible to start anything tomorrow because tomorrow is always in the future. Reframing this one is simple. “I’m starting now,” is a beautiful substitute, or “This is the moment I start to change my life.”
Shifting your mindset NOW can be done even if the action steps must be put off a few more hours. Practice using your power of focus to see the outcome you desire. Hold the end result in your mind’s eye as a complete vision. Allow yourself to feel the outcome you have already created. You KNOW how thrilled you will feel once you are living in the authentic body you have reshaped to meet your own healthy intentions, or once you are holding your complete novel in your hands with your name on the cover, or have successfully transitioned to a profoundly fulfilling career.
You cannot start tomorrow, so you may as well start today. Just start living your dreams now.
6) I have to decide!
This was a kind of mantra for me for many years. Every time the thought popped into my head, I felt my heart rate increase and a sense of DREAD that felt like I would explode if I didn’t decide, or if I picked the wrong choice!
I get to choose. This reframe is empowering.
Being at choice is the greatest power we have. If you hear the familiar ring of “I have to decide,” running through your head, gently remind yourself that you have the power to choose.
We can’t make a choice that is “wrong” because our choice will either get the result we desire, or new information that allows more options (choices) to be available.
7) I really want to be/do/have (something) but…
Don’t let that big BUT follow you around!
When we name something we want and follow that with statements like “but this is the reality” or “but this is the reason I don’t have that yet,” we slow or STOP progress toward the thing that we want.
I really want to reach my goal weight, but I hate working out! I really NEED more money, but I’m not qualified for a better job. I want to meet my true love, but I need to lose weight first!
Picture your statement as a train engine on the track. When we say “I really want X,” our powerful engine gets moving right away in that direction. At the “but” in the statement, we place another train on the track moving in the OPPOSITE direction.
That powerful engine is your energy, focused on what you want and moving in that direction. Then the other engine pulls your energy in the opposite direction, splitting your energy and focus. Can you imagine how much longer it will take the train to get anywhere if it has engines pulling both directions on the track?
If all of your energy is moving in one direction, you reach your goal more easily and efficiently. Split your energy with those “but” statements and you might still reach the goal, but it takes longer, feels harder, and allows you more time along the way to lose interest or give up because the journey is taking too long.
8) I just hate “someone” because they are… (rich, thin, lucky, beautiful, smart, or living something I desperately want for myself…).
Love and BLESS that person for being a shining example of what is possible. If they can do it, be it, have it, so can you! You can physically see by their example that it’s possible. It’s the things that we cannot see that require more energy to create.
9) I’m too tired to do that.
If you are too tired to do something you want to do, then things you do NOT want to do are draining your energy. If you are too tired to do something you don’t want to do, then this is just an excuse, but your mind HEARS you and responds to your thoughts.
Remember, your mind creates your reality, so if you tell yourself repeatedly that you are tired, guess what? Yep, you feel tired more often!
You can begin to reframe this one by shifting your intention.
10) When it comes to XYZ, I have NO self control! Or – I simply can NOT resist XYZ!
We are literally saying here that something has power over us. We are handing our power willingly to XYZ. Why would anyone choose to do that?
Because it’s an easy excuse to do what we want to do anyway.
Period. In any other situation we fight to keep our power and stay in control, unless we want to do something and shift blame away from ourselves.
Giving away power is an energy drain. Keep your power. Raise your energy.
I have control in every situation. The choice is always mine.
The word ‘resist’ is tricky, too. We really cannot resist anything because to resist it we must be focused on it. Instead of saying, “I can’t resist free candy,” how possible is it to reframe it into something like: “I choose to eat healthy snacks like apples and dates because they align with my powerful intention to regain vital health.” That feels pretty powerful to me.
Maybe you prefer something simpler, “I eat only the foods on this list,” and then you create a list of foods you LOVE that align with your health goals.
11) Why bother?
Why indeed? Why do we bother to do anything? Usually because it has value to us. So if we are trying to motivate ourselves into doing something, it helps immensely to focus on WHY we are bothering.
“Why bother going to work? My job is meaningless! I hate my job.”
Reasons here may include, I need to pay my bills/feed my family. So “why bother?” could be reframed to support that need/desire like this: “I appreciate the food on my table and roof over our heads.” Or even more positive energy: “Better things are on their way to me, but until then I am happy to have a job that pays the bills, so I will put my best foot forward every day.”
Any thought that LIFTS your energy rather than depressing it is what you are shooting for. Why bother reframing thoughts that feel sucky?
12) I can’t afford that.
This one is insidious. Not only will it become self-fulfilling, like “I’m too tired,” but it also renders us powerless, and nothing grates the human soul like being powerless.
Powerless means we have no choice. When we say “I can’t afford that,” we are saying, “I have no choice.” And that just FEELS awful.
And most of the time it’s not really true. When we truly want something we look for funding options. We allow ourselves to spend birthday money on something frivolous because it’s not meant to pay bills. We save little bits here and there for something we value. For big ticket items like a home or an education, we promise to pay for the rest of our lives because we WANT that home or education.
Of course there may be times this statement is true, like if you were shopping for a private jet and only earn $35,000 a year. But I hear this statement in the grocery store as an excuse not to buy an item less than $5. And the more you say it, the more true it becomes, so you can see the value in finding a reframe that works instead.
Saying, “I am not spending my money on that,” is a perfectly valid option. As are any of these:
I am financially unwilling to make that commitment at this time. I choose not to buy that right now. I choose to buy this, and I am going to save for a while to pay for it. That’s not in my current budget, but if I really want it, I can find a way to afford it. This hasn’t got enough value for me to invest my money in it.
See how each of those reframes makes it a choice? I could choose that if I wanted to, but I choose not to. What other ways can you choose to say this that keeps your power squarely in your own hands?
13) Why me? Or more specifically, Why is this happening to me?
Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Or “Why is this happening FOR me?”
You get the idea.
If a thought bothers you, or doesn’t feel good, it’s draining your precious, life-force energy. If you want more energy for the things you enjoy, reframing that thought is a quick, effective method to do just that.
The first step is to simply be aware when a thought is draining your energy. Then you have the power to choose that thought and allow it to drain you, or reframe it to empower yourself.
Winners discover things. We create. We inspire. We reveal.
We do not lose.
Nobody enjoys losing. Losing goes against the grain. We strive to win!
This is one of the main reasons “losing weight” is so challenging. We resist it with every fiber of our being, because we don’t want to lose!
We want to feel fit and trim and energized. We want to be healthy and active.
If we choose to make the goal “losing weight” and that goal comes up against one of our FAVORITE things ever – food – we will fall short of the goal every time. We do NOT want to lose. We do not identify as “losers.”
We like being winners, and we want to WIN at life!
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone!
What is the real goal?
We want to feel fit and trim and energized. We want to be healthy and active. We want to be confident, and wake up eager for our day!
Feeling fit, trim, energized, healthy and active are all benefits that increase the closer you get to your body’s optimal weight.
If winners don’t lose weight, how do we reach weight goals?
Winners eat empowered. We achieve optimal body weight. We reveal our authentic body. We discover the sexy beast within. We align our values with our intentions.
You can reframe this goal in any way that feels better to you! How can you say it that makes it a goal you want with all your heart?
I will do whatever it takes to feel healthy, fit and vibrant every day. I will set a healthy example for my children and grandchildren. I will look in the mirror and LOVE what I see.
Any of these feels better than saying, “I need to lose weight.”
We are not losers, and we never enjoy losing. We are winners. You are a winner.
Winners are confident. I don’t mean the kind of confident that comes from looking good, which is a side-effect of achieving optimal weight.
Winners are confident that they can choose what they want and make it happen!
Winners lean in when it gets challenging, focus on the goal, and REACH that finish line because it’s important, and worth the effort. This confidence comes from setting a goal and reaching it, setting another goal, and reaching it too. Lack of confidence comes from setting goals and falling short of them. But our future is not limited by what we achieved in the past!
Maybe the key to getting what we want is as simple as reframing it.
If the goal is one we have been wanting for a long time, yet not quite reaching, there is bound to be more than one thought we need to shift, if we are to succeed in reaching what we truly desire.
As a coach, I get to help my clients uncover their values, and tie those values to the goals they want to reach. This is a simple way to keep the motivation high and make steady progress to where you want to be!
What is your goal?
Is your goal something you are you doing because you are passionate for it? Or is it something you “need” to do, or have been told you “should” do?
Even if a physician is saying we “should” do something, if we can’t reframe that into something we are “wanting,” we will resist it every step of the way, drain our energy, and take much longer to reach that goal if we achieve it at all.
If you want to reach your goal faster with less effort, reframe it from a “should” or “must” into a “want” and just watch how fast you achieve your desires!
That’s one of the things people frequently hire a coach for: support in staying motivated.
If you are wanting to energize your life, you also have some changes in mind you are wanting to make to that end. Maybe you want to get more active, maybe you want to enrich your menus with more veggies, or by reducing fats.
Whatever your particular goal is, the biggest key I can share with you is to shift your mindset so that you are focused on the outcome you desire!
Now, maybe you’re thinking, “I have been focused on losing 50 pounds for the last ten years, and it hasn’t happened yet!”
This is the ideal time to point out that every subject is really two subjects: the subject itself (the object you desire), and the absence of it. Often times we think we are focused on what we want, when we are actually focussing on the fact that we do not yet have it. Focussing on NOT having what we want slows motivation, so that what we desire is slow to arrive, or we block it completely and it never arrives.
Let’s use the example above. If someone says they have been focussed on “losing weight,” chances are what they are really focussed on is the fact that they are “not losing weight” or how “hard it is to lose weight” or maybe, “I’ll NEVER lose all this weight!”
The first thing I would say to a client in this situation is that trying to “lose weight” is an uphill battle that few of us actually win. Why? Because we resist “losing” anything! We want to be winners and we don’t like it when we lose games, keys, or our minds. If we do lose something the first thing we do is try to get it back. That’s not helpful if the real goal is to reach a healthy weight we can maintain. Your goal could be weight reduction, or body composition improvement, or as one of my delightful clients reframed it; to reveal your sexy inner beast!
All of those goals sound more desirable than “losing” anything, don’t they? So step one would be to reframe the goal in a way that motivates you.
Visualize your desire as a fully formed outcome.
What does your authentic body look like? More importantly, how does it feel? Sit with that feeling of loving the skin you’re in! Let it soak in and inspire the cells of your body to give you what you truly desire! Nothing has ever manifested that was not “thought” first. Let your mind spend time on what your ideal body feels like, looks like, performs like. Submerse the cells of your body in the vibration of what you want them to become. They will respond by matching that vibration!
Usually we get distracted with “what is.” We know what we want insomuch as it’s NOT what we currently have. We want something ‘better,’ or healthier, or smaller or bigger, but we spend very little time defining what we actually WANT because we get caught up on looking at the “what we currently have” part.
We’ve developed patterns of eating meant to soothe emotions more than to fill nutritional needs. We’ve given up being active for the sake of getting the to-do lists accomplished. And we look at our current state of “not being where I want to be” and can’t figure out how it’s possible to get from where we are to where we want to be. Many lose faith that it’s even possible.
Don’t think about HOW you get there from here, just visualize BEING there already, and more importantly, how it FEELS to be standing there in your full power. Engage all five senses to help make your vision REAL in your mind.
Be open to the possibility that it COULD happen for you. Even if you can’t see how that miracle arrives, leave the door open for it. Don’t shut it out by deciding it is NOT possible, or will not come to you, or that you’re not worthy.
If you’re not willing to spend time just thinking about what you want, what are the chances you’ll actually take action to make it happen?
One of the best ways to stay motivated is to keep looking at what you want without trying to figure out how you get it. That way you’re excited by feeling it in your vibration, without splitting your energy with thoughts like, “I want it but, I don’t know how to get it.” Your energy is all moving toward what you DO want if that’s where you focus the energy. “I know what I want,” is how you reframe that one.
See your ideal outcome fully formed in your mind and add the mantra, “I know what I want.”
When something or someone introduces a question like “HOW do you plan get there from here?” You can answer, “By staying focussed on what I want, and not limiting the Universe by telling it HOW to deliver what I want.”
You’ve GOT this! I know you have what it takes to create the life you want.