Be present. We hear this term everywhere it seems, but what does it mean to “be present”? Why is it so important?
Being present seems like a simple concept. We are physically present wherever we stand. But we’re talking about being mentally and emotionally in the here and now. That’s a little trickier for most of us.
Humans spend a vast amount of our time reflecting on the past or wondering about the future. If we’re reveling in a wonderful memory, or excited about an upcoming occasion, then that tiny bit of time travel is beneficial, lifts our spirits, raises our vibration, and attracts MORE of the same kind of energy to us.
However, most of the time when we focus on the past, we focus on memories that bring guilt, regret, shame, or embarrassment. And often when we focus on our future, it’s the unknown we focus on which brings emotions like worry, anxiety, or doubt, which benefit no one. It drains our energy, lowers our vibration, and attracts MORE of the same kind of energy to us!
When we are focused fully in the present moment, we cannot simultaneously experience guilt, regret, shame, embarrassment, worry, anxiety, or doubt. Since all of these emotions are energy drains, it stands to reason that we have more energy when we are fully present. The gifts of being present are absence of negative emotions, and having more energy to spend on what’s important to you.
Now is powerful.
We cannot take action from the past, nor from the future. The only place we have to act is now. Clients often tell me they can’t seem to get anything done, but they come to realize that they are often not being present, and are therefore unavailable to take action. We lose a lot of time being in the past or future, instead of taking action in our powerful NOW.
So, how do we be here now?
Here’s a simple exercise that can easily guide you to the present moment when you find yourself wandering in time.
Take a deep cleansing breath. (Hell, take two or three, they’re FREE!) One at a time, take stock of your five basic senses. Sitting quietly, note just one or two things that you can sense with each.
Here are my examples for this moment in time:
Smell – I smell jasmine flowers and coffee. Taste – I taste toothpaste. Touch – I feel the chair beneath me, and the floor under my feet. Hearing – I hear a clock ticking. Sight – I see sunlight streaming in the window, and the dog lying in the sun.
Notice how the exercise immediately brings you into the now.
Whenever you catch yourself in your head living from the past or into the future in a way that is not beneficial, you can instantly improve how you feel by checking in with your five senses and being present in the moment.
How often are you in the present moment? What have you been missing while not being present? What will change for you when you are more present? What difference do you notice in your tension/stress levels before and after the above exercise?
Humans are energy. Our bodies are energy systems. We are literally made out of flowing energy! Often when I introduce this concept to clients, they ask questions like, “Well if I am made of energy, why am I so TIRED all the time?” That’s a GREAT question that really gets to the root of how I help my clients with energy coaching!
There are two types of energy available to us: Catabolic & Anabolic.
Catabolic Energy ~
Catabolic energy is destructive, draining, and stressful on our bodies, our emotions, and our mental capacity. Catabolic energy is crucial in life-threatening situations because it’s the energy that allows us to fight, flee, or freeze. Catabolic emotions include guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, worry, hostility, resentment, frustration, loathing, condemnation, blame, and judgment, to name a few. Catabolic emotions feel hard, and challenging. They create stress hormones that deplete us of energy, lower our immune system, and impede the optimal function of our mind and body.
Anabolic Energy ~
Anabolic energy is constructive, healing, fueling, and growth-oriented. Anabolic energy strengthens and energizes us with long-term use. Anabolic energy includes emotions such as love, forgiveness, compassion, peace, joy, passion, and so many more. Anabolic emotions feel good. They cause our brain to create feel-good hormones, and they naturally promote healing, and wellbeing.
We have Seven Levels of Energy Available
According to Bruce Schneider,* there are seven levels of energy presentation, each made up of varying degrees of catabolic and anabolic energies. In the chart below, we see that the highest levels of energy are anabolic and the lowest levels are catabolic.
So while every energy level has both advantages and disadvantages, it correlates that the more time we spend in those higher vibrations, the more energy we have.
Nobody is just one energy level all the time. We each have a unique energy profile made up of all seven levels with primary and secondary levels that we choose to use most of the time under typical circumstances. It should come as no surprise that our energy profile changes under stress.
Below is a brief look at the seven levels of energy, and possible thoughts that someone might be thinking about pandemic circumstances in each level. If you would like to learn more about these concepts, check out Bruce Schneider’s book, Energy Leadership, or contact an iPEC certified energy coach.
Energy Level 1 ~
This is the most catabolic energy level, so we end up with the least amount of energy left to “spend” on anything.
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – The economy will never recover! My finances are ruined! There is no way I can possibly come out better at the other end of this. I’m too old to start over again! How will I feed my family? What if I catch the virus?! What if someone I love dies? What if I do something wrong and someone I love dies because of me? What if they never find a cure? How will I possibly survive? My career is over. I’ve lost everything. Everything was going really well for me, and then the pandemic ruined everything I’ve worked for. Circumstances have crippled me. I’m trapped!
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I am very aware of all that could go wrong and I have to be on guard against it. Why isn’t the government doing more? Why did they wait so long to act? Why don’t people act right and follow orders? Why should I follow orders? They are NOT going to tell me what to do. Why is this so hard? How can I profit from this? What’s in this for me? I’m doing everything I am supposed to and I’ll probably get sick because someone else didn’t do what they were supposed to! This is the government’s fault. This is China’s fault. Whose fault is this? What a shitty period of history to live. Fuck coronavirus!
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I’m doing the best I can. I hope everyone will take care of themselves, I certainly am. I can find ways to get through this. I’m a survivor. I’ll be fine. Those in charge are doing the best they can. I can tolerate whatever is needed to get to the other side of this disaster. I’ll be fine. I’ll find a way to pull through. I can cope with anything.
Energy Level 4 ~
Core Emotions – compassion, caring, generosity, gratitude, love
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – What can I do to help? Who most needs my support? We must do everything we can to help people. We must work together to stop the virus. I must make people see how important this is! Why are they not taking every precaution? Why are they bucking the guidelines? I’m not bucking guidelines. We are all in this together! We can only get through this if we all do our part. Why isn’t the government doing more to support the most vulnerable? I can start a movement to help people! I feel so depleted.
Energy Level 5 ~
Core Emotions – peace, harmony, stability
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – What if the virus is here to help us? This is the perfect time to take some online classes and change careers. This is a great opportunity for each of us to examine where we are, and what we want to create next! How wonderful that we are finding innovative ways to work from home. This can lead to reduced traffic in the long run. It’s the perfect opportunity to identify weak spots in our systems, and create solutions to strengthen them. I can’t work where I was getting my income, so I am going to use my gifts to create other revenue streams. The pandemic slowed my momentum, so I will flow my momentum in a different direction. The overall impact of this will be abundantly beneficial for all of us.
Energy Level 6 ~
Core Emotions – joy, hope, eagerness
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I have been feeling so happy. What an incredible time to be alive! Restaurants are thriving doing more business in take out than they ever did with seated guests. People are leaving notes of gratitude for essential workers. People have more time to spend with their families. We’re finding more balance between careers and personal fulfillment. There is a sense of joy and camaraderie as I move through my day. People are happy and helping each other. It feels as if social distancing has brought us vibrationally closer to Source and to each other. There is good news everywhere of people making full recoveries, of companies innovating supply chains, and creating new ways to connect and work from home, of our environment healing, of our air and water becoming clearer. Countries once at trade war are now collaborating to ensure the flow of medical supplies. Researchers across the world are working together to create vaccines. I know that something wonderful is happening. Everything is working out for our highest good.
Energy Level 7 ~
We dip into this level of energy during meditation, and spiritual connection. For most of us, it’s a level where we recharge our batteries, not a permanent place from which to live.
Possible Thoughts do NOT include the pandemic – I am. We are. Everyone is. All is well.
Try leaning into the thoughts for each energy level above. We can clearly feel the difference in vibration, the difference in emotion, the difference in energy that comes at each energy level. None of the levels is bad or good.Which one feels the way you want to feel?
Wondering how much of each level you currently embody?
The Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment is a tool that measures our unique energy profile. Through a series of 84 questions, the ELI reveals the percentage of each of the energy levels you experience under “normal” circumstances, and also how your energy shows up under stress. Your Average Resonating Level of Energy (A.R.L.) represents your average energy presentation, under normal circumstances and under stress.
You can master your own energy and transform your life.
With the awareness and insights gained through the ELI & the ELI explanation session that follows, clients discover opportunities to align energy with their own goals, boost creativity, elevate communications, and increase overall satisfaction in any aspect of their lives.
Once a person identifies their personal energy drains, they can choose to make adjustments that allow them to overcome their blocks, reclaim that energy, and focus it on what’s really important to them. A study by the International Coach Federation shows that clients who apply this knowledge with the help of a certified professional coach begin to see sustainable transformations in health & wellness, relationships, confidence, finances, and more.
Every change begins with awareness of what is. If you are interested in becoming aware of your current energy patterns, I would LOVE to chat with you! I can schedule your ELI assessment to get you started on your path toward a more energized life!
Higher levels of satisfaction await. Power, purpose, and passion await. More joy and fulfillment await. What are you waiting for?
What energy levels do you practice on a regular basis? What energy level feels best when you try it on? What will change for you when you master your energy? What changes will you create in your life when you master your energy?
*The Energy Leadership Index Assessment, seven levels of energy, and the Energetic Self Perception Chart were developed by Bruce Schneider, PHD. Bruce is the founder of the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching where I received my life-altering coach training.
Has shoulding yourself into action EVER been effective?
Honestly? Most people find that feeling we “should” do something drains our energy, so it’s demotivating rather than motivating. Should-dos and must-dos weigh heavily on the shoulders and mind.
Should is “could” with shame attached, and shame is the very lowest vibration. No wonder “should” is so heavy!
Could means we are at choice. We could do something if we chose to do it. It’s a choice, an option, completely voluntary. Should suggests that we are somehow less-than if we choose not to do whatever we are shoulding ourselves to do.
When we have choices, we feel more empowered!
Should means we don’t have a choice, and nothing makes us feel more powerless. Simply shifting our thought from, “I should wash the dishes,” to “I want to wash the dishes so the kitchen will be tidy,” can be immensely energizing.
I’m not talking rainbows and lollypops. I’m talking about creating new thought pathways that cause less stress in our lives. Less stress means less cortisol and less disease, so it’s worth the effort! And finding ways to reframe your thoughts can be fun, and creative.
Catching your ‘shoulds’ is the first step. Listen for them when you speak and think. When you catch yourself, stop and ask:
Why do I believe I should? What is the worst that will happen if I don’t? Can I live with that? How can I reframe it so that I am choosing to do this? What’s the most positive aspect about choosing to do this? How can I make this fun?
having trouble reframing a ‘should’ statement? drop it in the comments and I’ll help you brainstorm some ideas, so you can take back your power!
Bear with me! I realize how askew that sounds, so let me be clear.
I believe whole heartedly that everything has a purpose. Not just the stuff I like. Not just the positive experiences. Everything.
Since this is True, even Trump has a purpose, but if anyone is thinking his purpose is to course-correct the country, I would have to challenge that assumption. The current resident of the White House has proven he has neither the capability, nor the interest in doing so.
In my opinion, his role is to shine awareness on how broken our systems are, and I have to hand it to him for doing a bang up job in that department! The political system, the education system, the health care system, the financial system are all collapsing under the weight of this pandemic. (So much winning.)
So who plays the role that fixes this fucking mess?
Anyone who genuinely cares. (See why it can’t be trump?)
It’s our role to accept what is, and use the assets available to us to overcome limitations and consciously choose a better path forward, together.
It’s up to you and me to do what we can, where we can to improve what we can and help each other through this crisis.
It’s up to us to create new systems that support well being and quality of life for everyone.
It’s up to us to dream up systems where those who wield power do so for the highest good of all involved.
It’s up to us to imagine ways to make the world a better place to live for our children than it has ever been before.
DON’T ask yourself to solve what seem like the most enormous issues (unless you are one of the researchers who already has momentum in that arena). If we ask “Why is this happening to us?” or “Who can we blame?” we get very different answers than if we ask, “What can we learn from this?” or “How can we use this knowledge to grow forward?”
If we ask questions like these we feel powerless: How long will this last? Where will the answer come from? Who will die? Why doesn’t EVERYONE take this seriously? Why didn’t they tell us sooner? Why weren’t we prepared?
Ask yourself questions you already have answers for!
What emotions am I experiencing? What can I do today for my health? What helps me feel more connected while socially distancing myself? What can I do to boost my immune system today? What steps are within my control? What steps can I take to protect myself and my family? Name one time today that you felt ok. How can you do more of that? What brings you joy? What can you do to soothe yourself? What can you do to help your neighbors or family?
So, while the current resident in the White House has most likely played a role in increasing the death rate of this pandemic – a role in adding to the confusion & overwhelm, a role in the exponential spread of the virus despite his incapacity to understand the term “exponential growth,” a major role in making the problem way worse than it had to be – it is not going to be his role to fix the thing.
That’s going to fall to those of us who care.
If you need space to process your emotions and talk through what’s going on for you, contact me for a chat!
You really do get to choose your perspective, so choose the one that serves you best.
You can choose to see the pandemic as a horrible, challenging, crisis-riddled, terrifying, chaos that is worsened by everything the government does, and continues to spiral out of control. That is certainly fucking true and if you want to look at that, and point to it, discuss it ad nauseum, and pour your energies into it, no one will blame you even a little!
Or we can accept that circumstances are challenging, and choose to look for opportunities to shine in the darkness.
We can choose to look for the kindness in people, the generous nature of our neighbors, the chance to help others. We can choose to look at the benefits to Mother Earth of her children slowing down, and the benefits to our health from cleaner air. We can appreciate a chance to consider what it is we truly value. We can choose to shift our focus from finances to wellbeing, because we have been meaning to focus on wellbeing for such a long time. We have more time to spend talking to those we love most. We have time to cherish this one precious life.
It is a time to take stock and clean house, to decide which pieces we want to keep and which we want to let go.
We can panic, and suffer with the heavy “unknown” weighing us down, or we can rise up with faith and know that everything has a purpose. Everything is happening for us, for our benefit, for the greatest good of all involved.
We each get to choose. And if right now you are choosing panic and fear, that does not make you wrong, it makes you human. Don’t beat yourself up even if you are the most uplifting person who always chooses the bright side. If your friends and family are choosing panic and fear, that’s normal. Don’t shame them for experiencing emotions!
Humans have emotions. All of them are normal. But just because emotions are normal, does not mean we must suffer them whenever they hit us smack out of the blue.
In the last two weeks, I have experienced a few panic attacks and some outright fear. These feelings are planet-wide at the moment creating a vibration that is palpable, especially if you are sensitive to energy the way humans are. When I feel the pull of the negative vibrations, it feels ICKY! I want to run and hide so I don’t have to fucking FEEL it!
Instead, I try to remember to allow the vibration some space inside me. I identify how the vibrations feel physically, and name the emotions that I am experiencing and NOT enjoying.
This allows me to process the emotion and release it more quickly.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the fear again, but it does mean that now I have built confidence. When the fear edges in again, I remember that it did NOT knock me off my feet last time, so I allow it some space inside me again, knowing that the emotion is uncomfortable, but not fatal. Each time I process a challenging emotion and transform that energy, I gain confidence and build my faith that I can handle this shit.
It’s a step by step process. It doesn’t mean I won’t experience hard emotions, it just means I have confidence that those challenging emotions can’t overrun my life.
Faith is like any other muscle. We must strengthen it daily if we want it to be strong when our lives depend on it.
And if all of this sounds like platitudes at the moment because the sky is falling, it’s OK.
The sky IS falling and you are allowed to be human and observe the obvious danger in the situation. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But it’s your choice. So don’t let them tell you you have to focus on fearful or selfish energies just because they exist!
We can also choose to focus on the beauty of our eternal soul, the opportunity to make someone smile, less traffic and cleaner air, the chance to try living differently.
I personally vacillate between seething anger that there are still non-essential businesses operating in California, and complete and utter calm because I know that everything is always working out for the highest good of everyone involved even when our current vantage point makes it seem like the ship is sinking and none of us will survive.
Here’s hoping you have more moments this week where you are able to choose calm over anger, love over disinterest, faith over fear.
I am a fairly fearless person, and I have been feeling an undercurrent of fear in my community strong enough to pull me under – and I do NOT watch TV news shows. Feeling that fear is completely understandable, especially for those of us sensitive to energy. Over the last few days I have had several times where I simply felt like something is off.
Like a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. The panic wasn’t my own, it was seeping in from the general atmosphere of fear surrounding the globe. It didn’t last long, but it sapped my energy JUST enough to make me wonder if I might be coming down with something. There are multitudes of people panicking right now, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
If we watch the whole thing unfold on news programs, more of us will die from stress than from virus!
It makes sense to keep informed from reliable sources of news, but if we are living on a steady diet of ‘what’s happening in the world’ without digesting some kind of counterpoint as well, it depletes not only our energy, but our immunity.
Don’t do that to yourself!
First of all, reduce your exposure to the news. Don’t let it saturate your waking hours with fear and anxiety!
Counterpoint can be anything that lifts your spirits.
Watch a feel-good movie or TV show. Get out in nature! Move your body. Try a new meditation app Research something that interests you. Have a long conversation on the phone with someone you love. Read uplifting books and blogs. Listen to something uplifting on YouTube. – One of my FAVORITES: Everything is Always Working Out for Me Here are links that frame the virus in a different perspective – What if the Virus is Medicine? From Heartward Sanctuary – What if… by Gurpreet Gill
Choose whatever counterpoint you like, as long as you LIKE it.
If we eat a steady diet of fear, we become fear filled. If we balance that with counterpoint, we can become whatever we choose to look at. We can be inspired. We can be informed. We can be calm, prepared, steady, helpful, uplifting, fulfilled, joyous.
The choice is ours.
Purification Meditation ~
This exercise will communicate to your energy system (body) that you are willing to align with vibrant health, and willing to release any resistance to wellbeing you may have been holding.
Visualize yourself in a stream of light. Let it pour through you as if you are translucent.
Allow the light to cleanse and rejuvenate every cell in your body as it pours through you, warms you, strengthens you, and purifies you physically.
Then reverse the stream and allow the light to emanate from within you. Imagine it purifying all your cells as it streams out from you.
Please feel free to share YOUR favorite counterpoint activities in the comments!
Teach your brain to think thoughts that serve you! Our brains are the greatest tool humans have, yet most of us don’t take the time to use it to our advantage!
It’s super easy to focus on ‘what is’ in a negative way because the media is constantly bombarding us with stories that shock or provoke for the sake of ratings. Once these things have our attention, it’s easy to attract MORE stories like that to focus on because energy attracts like energy.
I may have mentioned this before, but if we want to attract, good-feeling, positive, prosperous energy that allows us to feel energized, we must actively choose to integrate that type of energy.
Think of yourself as a radio. You can’t tune the radio to a rap station, and expect to hear classical music. If you want classical music, you tune to the classical station. If we want to attract good-feeling, positive, prosperous energy, we need to “tune in” to what feels good, positive, and prosperous!
Station BJOY flows abundant wellbeing all day every day!
“This is DJ Cyndi Combs at radio station BJOY, bringing you your morning vibration-raising tuneup full of faith, sunny optimism and ease. Programming to make you soul sing with connection, so you can be joy!”
We can also choose to focus on is what’s wrong, what MIGHT go wrong, and who or what is to blame, and guess what we attract into our lives? More of what is going wrong, and people and circumstances to blame for that.
And many people don’t know that we are tuning our life’s ‘station’ (vibration) to what we look at, so they will receive whatever chaos and negative energy is being broadcast in the world around them.
There are many ways to train our brain to ’tune in’ to things that raise our vibration, and what works for one person may not work for the next, so it becomes a matter of creating your own recipe for personal success and motivation! It’s not one formula for everyone or one-size-fits-all. Each of us must play with possibilities, explore options, and come to our own individualized secret sauce. Below, I have compiled a very short list of success formula ingredients that have served many people on their wellbeing journey.
As you read it, consider which ones appeal to you.
A short list of ingredients you could choose to add to your Personal Success Formula:
This is not meant to be a comprehensive list as possibilities for raising your vibration vary in effectiveness over time, and from person to person. All the ones I list have a strong track record for helping a wide variety of people tune in to more fulfillment, wellbeing, and success.
Now, I do NOT mean that people who tune to positive, prosperous energy walk around in a perpetual state of bliss or nirvana, never experiencing challenges. Life does NOT work like that.
What I do mean is that when challenges arise, we don’t feel like we’ve been kicked in the dirt and left without choice. We find our balance faster, and move quickly from focusing on the challenge to creating one or more solutions.
It’s super easy to focus on what’s in front of us. But if we solely focus on what we see, that is all we can attract and create. If we want to attract and create more than what we currently have in our world, it takes daily practice and constant reminders over weeks and months. It will also require more effort than remaining in our current pattern, because the current patterns are ingrained over years or decades.
You’re worth the effort!
Create your own Success Formula by keeping a list of the things that elevate your game!
What are you currently doing that feeds your soul? How often are you doing that? How often would you like to do it? What is something that you LOVE to do, but don’t do anymore because you don’t have the time or money? How can you start integrating that into your life again? Which of the items from the short list above sound like fun? Which would you like to learn more about? Would you like to learn more about living the greatest version of yourself?
If you are considering hiring a life coach to get more out of life, please contact me! We’ll schedule a short chat to see if I am the right coach for you, or if I can refer you to a coach with a specialty that may be better suited for your growth.
Because we feel emotions, physically, in our bodies. Human beings experience emotions as a specific set of physical sensations. For example when I feel grief, my body feels deeply weighted and lethargic. When I feel joy, my heart feels light, as if filled with helium, and I have a humming vibration along my skin. Self-doubt feels like my body is contracting inward away from the world, and confidence feels expansive, light, and powerful.
Our emotions are simply vibrations that we feel in our body, and are part of our human experience. In and of themselves, these vibrations cannot harm us!
Emotions are vibrations that we experience as completely harmless physical sensations.
So if the vibrations can’t harm us, why do so many people go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid what we perceive as negative emotions?
That’s what’s happening if my lover leaves me and I eat a gallon of ice cream. I’m trying to avoid feeling the pain of my emotions. Same thing with drugs and alcohol. People are drawn to using these substances to numb our ‘hard’ emotions, the sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, or worry that crop up in our lives.
And who would blame us? There are situations and circumstances in this lifetime where every one of us can relate to why THAT emotion might hurt too much to feel, and why someone might choose to numb the pain. It’s sort of like if you break your leg, that HURTS. No one is going to bat an eye if you take some pain killers for that. So if someone is going through emotional pain, it’s understandable that we might want some pain killers for that, too.
The broken leg eventually heals, our pain subsides, and our use of pain killers ceases. Emotional pain eventually heals, too but not until we allow ourselves to transform the pain, and transforming the pain requires allowing ourselves to FEEL the emotion.
This is where it can get a bit tricky, because we feel the pain and want to numb it to avoid it, so we do (normal).
But if we do not stop numbing the emotional pain and allow ourselves to feel it, to move through it, we can get stuck in the cycle of continuously numbing that pain to not feel it, then feeling it and numbing it, feel the pain then numb the pain. Unlike the broken leg, it’s not going to heal until you allow yourself to feel your feelings. If we attempt to push our emotions away, they keep coming back. We cannot resist our emotions.
If we wish to get past our challenging emotions, we must allow the experience by being present with the emotion.
I remember the first time my coach suggested this to me I thought she was mad. I had been avoiding hard emotions for decades with booze and sugar, and she wanted me to sit with those feelings?!
The idea positively made my skin crawl!
Then she taught me the most amazing technique. I learned to objectively describe the emotion as the physical sensations I experienced in my body – without attaching my story to it, and without wallowing in the emotion.
When we experience the physical vibration of the emotion without attaching a story to it, we can simply observe the experience of emotion, rather than becoming the emotion.
“I am experiencing anger,” has a much different energy than, “I am angry.” Feel the difference?
Physical description: the anger feels physically like a kick in my gut. My face is hot and red and my heart is beating faster than normal. I can feel my pulse through my whole body.
Description with our story attached might look like this: I am so PISSED that person did XYZ to me! What is wrong with them? Were they raised by wolves? Who acts that way? This will never work! I won’t stand for it! I have every right to be furious about this!
Which description drains more energy?
When we attach a story to the emotion, we attach ourselves to it.
Our emotions do not define us. They are not who we are. They are simply indicators of where we are at any given moment.
Reach for a better feeling thought.
As a core energy coach, I help clients shift perspective to find a vibration that allows greater success in their lives. Sometimes people get the wrong idea and think that we are supposed to push away bad feeling emotions and strive to feel only positive ones, and that is NOT the case at all.
We absolutely want to trade up the emotional ladder, to feel better and better and better about ourselves and our lives, but we can’t do that by only experiencing our positive emotions and repressing those we don’t enjoy as much.
If we take a few moments to actually be present with our hard emotions (describe them physically), then we are able to move through the emotion and beyond it to a better feeling vibration and not just pushing it away hoping it won’t pop up again.
The human experience is a kaleidoscope of emotions, each color adding depth and meaning to the overall picture. The more colors we integrate, the more rich and beautiful our lives become.
We gotta feel ALL our feels.
What physical sensations do you experience when you feel angry? Sad? Anxious? Shame? Guilt? Peace? Confidence? Hopeful? Inspired? Joyous?
Which emotions do you try not to feel? Which emotion is your least fave? Describe that emotion physically and allow yourself to observe it.
Have you ever tried to realign your physical body?
If you ever experienced injury the answer is yes, even if it’s just remembering not to limp anymore once a sprained ankle heals. If you’ve ever experienced back injury or any kind of surgery on your abdomen, it takes some practice to remember how to stand up straight again!
Don’t slouch! How often has your intention been to improve your posture? Trying to sit or stand correctly so that your back doesn’t ache is one that many people are familiar with.
How many times a day do you remind yourself to correct your posture in one of these situations? Like a million? And then how many times do you find yourself back to the old familiar slouch? At least a million and one. Almost more than we can catch and correct it seems. Sometimes when we are combatting pain, we stay pretty motivated to be on top of it until we correct the issue. Still, it takes continuous focus on the change we desire. It takes correction after correction for days and weeks and months to finally create a habit so we don’t have to think about it so frequently.
The same constant calibration and recalibration is required to change any habitual patterns that we desire to improve or discontinue. Habits are behaviors that are ingrained because we have practiced them for months or years or decades. We barely register them as we carry them out, because they have become relegated to our unconscious mind which is very efficient. Our unconscious mind works so quickly that we don’t even realize we’ve done that thing again, that we were meaning to stop doing, until after we’ve done it. We do it unconsciously. We have repeated the pattern so many times that the thought pathway completes itself undetected.
If we wish to change a habitual behavior we must disrupt our thoughts constantly. Repeatedly.
Currently we are calibrated to our habits. If we wish to recalibrate to actions that stem from conscious choice, we need to disrupt the thought pattern that leads to the habitual behavior, and we need to disrupt it REPEATEDLY. We can’t just decide to to it and then do it. As in the example above about physical realignment, we’re going to return to our slouch because it’s what we’ve practiced, until we practice something else – a LOT.
It’s going to take correcting ourselves and reminding ourselves and recalibrating thoughts and behaviors constantly until we create the new habit we desire.
How do we do that?
It seems like when most of us try to change a behavior, we make it a little while, but then we fall back into old patterns and give up! It seems fruitless because after all, we WILL revert to the old habit unless we are constantly vigilant.
So when you do revert back to the old pattern of behavior, it doesn’t mean that you’re stupid, or weak, or bad, or incapable of change. It means you are human and did what all of us do when we try to overcome old programming. In other words, you’re perfectly normal.
So BE constantly vigilant!
Focus as often as you can on the change you want. Write about it in your morning pages. Put sticky notes or fancy affirmation cards about it all over your house. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to think about the change you are making. Talk to your coach or therapist about it. Tell anyone who supports your desire to change, and DON’T discuss it with anyone who may be unsupportive. Put notes on your desktop. Send yourself emails reminding you what you want to do. Read books on the subject of your challenge or change or area of growth. Read inspiring books on any subject! Create a mantra and repeat it often. Make a vision board that supports your change and look at it frequently.
The more often we can bring our conscious choice to the front of our thoughts, the more opportunities we get to interrupt unconscious thoughts that lead to the actions that no longer serve our well-being.
When our unconscious thoughts DO complete the circuit, and we take an action we are trying to avoid, we want to LEARN as much as we can about ourselves from that! What thoughts were we thinking that triggered the behavior? What triggered those thoughts? What can we do when this type of obstacle arises in the future? How will we use this information to grow?
If we can turn it into wisdom that adds to our chance of success in the future, then it’s a big win because we are still moving toward our goal!
Change requires vigilance so old behaviors don’t creep back in.
Once we bring ourselves into alignment with the change we want to make, then we must calibrate and recalibrate constantly, bringing ourselves back into alignment, remembering and reminding ourselves of the goal, practicing constantly until the new desired action becomes the unconscious habit.
And see, once we train our conscious choice into unconscious action, then we have a new habit and it no longer seems like work or takes any effort at all! We simply do the new action that supports our health without thinking about it, because it has become our new norm.
It has come to my attention that marketing professional coaching is much, MUCH harder than marketing amazing massage therapy.
If I ask you for referrals to my massage practice, you can probably think of at least a dozen people who want one or who can benefit from it. If I ask you for referrals to my coaching practice, you probably know at least a half dozen, but how would you KNOW they need a coach?
In thirteen years of practicing massage, I never had to pay for advertising and I certainly never had to educate people about what it is that I do. People know what a massage is and many of us (me FIRST!) are addicted to the stress release, pleasure, comfort, relaxation and overall feeling of well-being that comes with massage. Many people are realizing that massage is an essential part of their health care budget, and include it as a regular part of their self-care.
If you have an amazing massage therapist and you hear someone say that their back hurts, or that they started running and have tight hamstrings, or that they suffer from tension headaches, you know from personal experience that massage is helpful, and you feel confident saying so and recommending your therapist. Massage therapy is pretty mainstream, so if you find yourself in need of massage, you feel comfortable asking friends for recommendations. But, who the fuck needs a life coach?
Maybe a better question to start with is,
What the fuck does a life coach do?
When my therapist first suggested that I would make a great life coach, my response to her was, “Is that a thing?” So I am never surprised when people haven’t a clue about what I do or who needs/wants professional coaching.
Coaches are NOT therapists, psychologists or counselors. If you are clinically depressed, please seek help from one of these professions. Coaches do not give advice or delve into the roots of your issues.
Coaches help you clearly see where you are, then help you map a path to where you want to go.
Humans sometimes struggle with getting to where we want to be. We might know what we want and just can’t quite figure out how to get there. Or maybe we KNOW the steps required to get us there, but we can’t quite motivate ourselves to take those steps. Sometimes we can’t even figure out WHAT the hell we want because we have so many thoughts cluttering our minds.
People may struggle with time scarcity and feel overwhelmed. We sometimes deal with financial scarcity that can create cycles of fear and worry. During transitions in our lives, we can sometimes feel unanchored, and unsure what course to chart next. If we have many paths before us, sometimes we can’t choose. And if we have any difficult emotions attached to the situations we are going through, that’s when things can get challenging.
It is immensely helpful in times like these to talk to someone who is not emotionally attached to your outcome, someone who can help clarify your thinking and help you find your way forward to where you want to be.
That’s what life coaches do. We help clients overcome obstacles to get from where they are to where they’d like to be.
How do we do that? By having conversations about values, goals, and habitual thoughts and behavior patterns. By looking at what influences their energy socially, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and environmentally. By discovering ways to increase energy in all those areas. By replacing fear with faith, which has a very different vibration and attracts very different energy into one’s life.
So, who the fuck needs a life coach?
People going through one of the struggles mentioned above. People who never have the energy to do what they love doing. People who want to reach their goals. People who want to manifest their dreams. People going through any kind of transition like changing careers or relationships, moving to a new city, or empty nesting. People struggling to reach their health goals. People who have lost their confidence or have low self-esteem. People who know they want MORE from their lives, but aren’t quite sure more of what.
Me. I need a life coach.
One of the BEST parts about my coaching school was that we constantly had peers coaching us for practice. I was practicing my coaching skills which was extremely valuable, but receiving coaching weekly had the added benefit of tremendous self-growth along with an increased understanding of what it feels like to receive the benefits of regular coaching. My mother looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I was still being coached regularly. “But you are a trained coach, why do you need one?”
GREAT question! There are a lot of ways in which I can and do coach myself all the time to change habitual thoughts from my past that do not serve my goals. But I also pay two professional coaches for regular sessions. I have an In the Flow coach who helps keep my energy and enthusiasm high, and I have a life coach to help me plan my goals, improve my relationships, and be the best version of me that I can be! I also follow a business coach on Facebook to pick up lots of hints and tips on how to grow my coaching practice.
So, who needs a life coach? Everyone NEEDS a life coach!
But, who can coaching help?
Coaching can ONLY help those who are willing to show up for themselves, and take the actions required to get out of their own way and get to where they want to go.
Here is the most important question:
Who the fuck is READY for a life coach?
If you know a truly amazing life coach, who do you refer to her for coaching?
Coaching is becoming more common, but when someone finds themselves needing a coach, they may not feel comfortable asking for recommendations. They may not think any of their friends know a life coach. It’s just not that main stream. I mean, really, is life coaching a thing?
PLEASE keep your ears open for key phrases like these:
I always feel so overwhelmed! I’m tired all the time. I have no energy. I want to change (something), but have no idea how! I have tried to change (something), but I always fail. My life doesn’t matter. I’ll never reach my goals. Is this all there is to life? I want more from my life, I just don’t know what. Why can’t I stick to my own healthy intentions? I have to do everything myself. I’m in a rut and I can’t get out. I want to complete (some large goal) but I have no idea where to start!
Anyone saying these things will benefit from coaching. If you regularly say these things, contact me for a chat!
When you hear phrases like these from friends, you will be helping us both by giving them my name and contact info.
I will be delighted to schedule a 30 minute session to see if coaching is a good fit for the challenges they’re facing. No obligation. No sales pitch. If it seems like coaching can help, I’ll tell them what I offer my clients. If I am not the right coach for them, I have an extensive network of other coaches with varying specialities that I am delighted to refer them to, and a LONG list of free resources that might be all they need to set them on the path to their dreams!
This is partially about building my practice, but it’s mostly about making sure people have the support they need to succeed in life!
That’s what I am passionate about! I want everyone to live the best possible version of themselves!
What will happen if you share this blog post? Who will you help? Who do you know who is currently facing life challenges? Who do you know who’s been struggling awhile to reach a goal? Who do you know who is in transition and could use some support? How many of the key phrases above have you used recently? What is your biggest goal? What steps are you currently taking to get there? What steps are you avoiding? Why? What’s holding you back?