Taming Your Gremlin

Awareness is a powerful weapon against the inner critic.  

I hope that since my previous post you have had an opportunity to observe the critic, to become aware of when it’s speaking to you and what sorts of situations trigger it.

Did you observe how gremlin thoughts start to lose power the minute you shine your awareness on them?  Awareness by itself is actually all you need to overcome some of the smallest gremlins.  They scatter like cockroaches when the light of awareness touches them.  However, for some gremlins that have been around a very long time with messages we have taken on as beliefs, we need awareness first along with some other tools to help free us from the stranglehold they place on our energy.

Get to know your personal gremlin.

Visualizing or creating a physical representation of the inner critic is a great tool to use to understand that the gremlin is separate from us, and that the messages of the gremlin are NOT our inner voice, but actually come from outside of ourselves. 

I first visualized my gremlins as cockroaches because I enjoy thinking about them scattering when I shine my light of awareness on them.  When I took a class aimed at overcoming the programming of the inner critic, we were assigned the task of creating a physical representation of the gremlin.  My first idea was to photoshop the face of a person yelling at me onto a cockroach. 

The idea made me smile, but I really wanted something I could punch if I wanted to, so I bought a puppet from Paisley’s Puppets in Oakland, and gave her a hat to wear.

This is my own personal gremlin, Kalista Kockroach Krabapple III.

I keep Kalista where I can see her daily to remind me that I am not the voices in my head. 

Create your own gremlin if the idea resonates for you!  I know for some clients, the idea of thinking about the inner critic as a “gremlin” does NOT resonate.  If that’s the case for you, that’s cool.  Try calling it inner critic or ego, or Ralph, or cluttered mind, or anything that helps you think of it as “not you” because those messages are NOT you, and we want to begin to set it apart from the self.

Physical Signals

Once I realized that these messages were not my own, it dawned on me that the reason I felt so shitty when thinking inner critic thoughts is because they are NOT true.  When things resonate, they feel good physically and lift our energy!  Truth resonates. 

Resonate means ‘to produce resonance.’  Resonance is defined as ‘the quality of being deep, full, and reverberating,’ or ‘the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions.’  Truth does this. Capital T.

A thought that is not true, on the other hand, does the opposite of resonate.  It makes us physically recoil.  That little knot in the pit of your gut, or under your solar plexus is your physical being recoiling from something that your core essence KNOWS is not true.  This physical recoil takes place for the same reason our hand would recoil from a flame: to avoid pain.  That physical signal is a communication from the Highest Self to avoid that thought that feels so icky.

Let that soak in.  The physical sensation you get when you think a thought that feels crappy is a signal to BACK THE FUCK AWAY from that thought.  “That thought will cause you pain.”  “Don’t go there.”  That’s your gut instinct screaming to get your attention.

How does this resonate for you?  Don’t take my word for this stuff, check in with your gut.  When you read the information above, did it resonate?  Make you recoil?

Tell your gremlin to fuck off!

Once I learned that the inner critic was NOT me, and I learned to identify that physical sensation that told me the gremlin was lying to me again, I wanted those cockroaches OUT of my head!  When I would hear the nasty little bastards starting in, I visualized myself flicking them away like the tiny vermin they are.

Once when I turned to a friend with an issue I thought was a struggle, she gave me some really solid advice.  Her email contained wisdom, reassurance, validation, and these beautiful seven words:

Flicking them away and telling them to fuck off allowed me to reclaim my own power.  For me, as well as many other people, this is a vitally important step.  When I was in coaching school, we talked a LOT about the inner critic because gremlin messages are one of the biggest issues people bring to coaching. 

That’s where I learned that telling the inner critic to fuck off is a great first step, but is not usually enough to exterminate the cockroaches.  For that, we need to understand the message and it’s original purpose, because their purpose was never to get us to live small and stay scared.  That was the outcome of their message once it outlived it’s usefulness.

Understand it’s true purpose.

The true purpose of the cluttered thoughts, gremlin messages, inner critic voice is sometimes to protect us from perceived harm.  

For instance: If your father backhanded you so hard you flew across the room when you voiced an opinion that didn’t agree with his, you may have developed a message that said, “Never speak your truth – it causes pain,” or, “Never disagree with those in authority,” or, “Your ideas are NOT valid,” or, “No one wants to hear your thoughts,” or any number of other ideas that may have kept you safe in that particular situation, but are now standing in the way of you experiencing your life to the fullest.

Some messages are meant to control us.  For instance: Maybe an ex-spouse told you repeatedly that you are unloveable, and followed that up with actions that seemed to prove the point.  That message actually says far more about the ex than about you, but if self-esteem is low enough, or if you have been practicing thoughts about being unworthy, you may buy this message wholesale.  Then when the marriage ends, the gremlins tell us that no one will ever love us.  And it’s possible, that the gremlins are trying to protect us again!  They are trying to keep us out of situations that might hurt.

If any of this resonates for you, you are NOT alone!  

Are you getting a slight knot in your solar plexus, or a slight feeling of nausea?  Remember, that feeling of physical recoil means those thoughts are NOT true!

The important thing here is to understand that these messages came from outside of self.  They were intended to keep you safe, or were the agenda of outside forces.  WHERE they came from is NOT important!  You may immediately recognize where some of your inner critic messages come from, but please don’t waste time trying to figure out where or when or why your messages came to you.

Simply recognize that where you are now, those messages no longer serve a purpose, so it’s safe to start leaving them behind and embrace Truth of your awesomeness.  The faster you do, the better you feel!

Train the inner critic for a NEW job!

So, you have this really powerful voice inside your head that you’ve been listening to for a while now, and it seems like the voice is trying to help you on some level, even though it’s messages are constantly draining your energy.  How do we stop the ebb of energy into negative thought patterns and redirect it into building new, more positive thought pathways?

You’re probably getting good at being aware of your personal inner critic messages by now.  Maybe you’ve even visualized your gremlin and know it’s name.  So now it’s time to begin retraining the gremlin.  It wants to help, so let’s give it something helpful to do!

Retrain that inner critic to repeat messages that build your energy and give you motivation. 

When I first went to coaching school, my gremlin ROARED that everyone in class was more educated than me, better coaches than me, and that I had nothing to offer.  “Keep quiet so they won’t know how much you DON’T know!”

Like I said, we did a LOT of coaching on gremlins at iPEC, and I discovered that almost everyone in class had gremlins as loud and as mean as mine were!  All of us had some version of the same message: “You are not enough.”  It was a revelation to understand that I was not alone.  We are all exactly the same in our own unique ways!

So I began to picture Kalista in a little cheerleading uniform.  I mentally had her turn her dunce cap into a bull horn, and every time one of the old thoughts popped in to say, “you are not smart enough,” I pictured Kalista shouting it down with rallying cries of, “Cyndi is a ROCKSTAR coach and an awesome person with valuable insights to offer the other coaches in this class!”  Complete with pompoms.

Grow on!

How would you like to reimagine your inner critic? 
What messages would you enjoy hearing? 
What messages are inspiring for you ? 
What messages will motivate you to move closer to your goal? 
What will change in your life once you change the voices in your head? 
What inner critic message seems LOUDEST in your head? 
How would you like to re-write that one? 

What questions do you still have about taming that inner critic? 
Ask your questions in the comments below this post!


Read Rick Carson’s Book!

If you want to learn more about taming gremlins, follow this link to order Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. It’s the preeminent work on gremlin taming and a very useful book full of inspired illustrations.  He also has a Facebook page you can access here.


For over 400 positive affirmations and uplifting reminders on my landscape photography, follow this link.

Drown Out the Inner Critic

In my last blog post, we discussed how to tell the difference between our Inner Voice and the inner critic. Today I want to discuss tools we have at our disposal when the inner critic shouts so loud we cannot hear our intuition, or doubt we can trust such a weak, distant voice.

The inner critic also goes by other names.  Personal demons can keep us from reaching our goals.  Gremlins undermine our best efforts at self improvement.  The cluttered mind keeps us overwhelmed and unmotivated. Ego is a tremendous force with decades of momentum behind it.  No wonder the inner critic is so vividly real and so pervasively persuasive!

It’s important to understand that the “voice” or the “gremlin messages” are thoughts.  Your thoughts come from your mind, so it’s possible for you to change them!  How cool is that?  

“Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead!”

~ Pink, Fuckin’ Perfect

The power to choose our own thoughts is the greatest power we have, but most of us have no idea how to wield that power. Our beliefs shape our thoughts, so if we want to change our thoughts, let’s take a look at our beliefs. 

Grow on!
Are your beliefs ones that you chose for yourself?
Were most of them chosen for you? 
Are they your culture’s beliefs or your parents? 
How willing are you to let go of the ones that no longer serve you? 
What new belief(s) would you like to begin practicing today?

Beliefs are something I explore with my clients all the time. 

Around 90% of the clients I talk with eventually uncover an underlying belief that they are “not enough” in some way.  Once we uncover that, it’s easy to see how a belief like that would spawn inner critic thoughts like: “Why even try?” “I’ll never get a better job.” “I’ll never find anyone who loves/understands me.” “Don’t get your hopes up!” “Forget what you WANT, get a practical job!” “Don’t let people get to know you, they won’t like you.”  “I have no confidence.” “I don’t deserve this.”

With thoughts like these, who needs enemies, right?  And EVERYONE has them!  It’s important to know that if you are identifying with these thoughts, you are not alone.  Some people have learned how to deal with them so they don’t cause stress and suffering, but the self doubts are a very human condition.

Our limiting thoughts construct an invisible prison that limit the options available to us.

In order to increase the options and opportunities available to us, and live our best lives, we must make an effort to change the thoughts.  It’s not difficult, but it does take some effort and CONSTANT reminders.  Constant reminders.  Constantly constant reminders.  The enemy is a tremendous force with decades of momentum, so it will take time to slow that locomotive down before it can change directions.

CONSTANT reminders!

In the previous post, I talked about practicing affirmations as a way to strengthen the messages of the Inner Voice.  Since writing that post, I have discovered an AMAZING app called Think Up. App info here.

The free version of Think Up allows you to record three affirmations in your own voice, then it plays them back to you over soothing music!  I love it!  It lifts me every time I hear my own voice reminding me I am worthy and abundant!  It’s extremely powerful and uplifting.  The app allows you to set reminders to practice throughout the day.  This is a really cool reminder to realign your energy frequently.  Practicing is KEY to shifting your thoughts.

Read something daily meant only to uplift and inspire!

Some GREAT ways to stay inspired are to read inspiring books, listen to inspiring speakers, and talk with people who are inspired!  Subscribe to a podcast that is meant to uplift.  Turn OFF the news and listen to a TED talk.  We cannot immerse ourselves in  the general, chaotic vibration of the world, and not counter it with inspiration, and then expect to feel inspired!  How can we possibly feel inspired if we are digesting current events daily with no counterpoint?

Here is the link again to my post called Practice Happiness Daily.
It has a list of uplifting resources to play with!

Constant reminders are vital, but besides bolstering our Inner Voice, we want to begin quieting the screeching of any gremlin messages that are interfering with receiving intuitive messages from the Universe (inner voice).

How on earth do we slow the momentum of the inner critic?

When you become aware that your inner critic is active, just notice.  That is the first step.  Just let yourself be aware that the critic is vying for your attention.  Don’t try to shift gears.  Don’t get upset that “it’s happening” again.  Don’t run away from the voice or the feelings it brings.  Just shine awareness on it. Just be aware.  Simply watch the actions of the gremlin with curiosity and non-judgement.

Grow on!

What were you engaged in when the inner critic spoke up? 
– Keeping a list of your triggers can be helpful.
What is the inner critic trying to protect you from? 
If it’s an emotion that the critic is trying to avoid, sit with that emotion.  Allow yourself to experience it. 
What does it feel like to allow the emotion?

Awareness is a powerful weapon against the inner critic.  For now, let that be enough.  Practice getting good at recognizing the inner critic’s voice, and simply observing it.

In the next post, we’ll explore ways to disarm our gremlins and begin redirecting the energy they drain from us into building new, more positive thought pathways!


Follow this link to order Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. It’s the preeminent work on gremlin taming and a very useful book.

Inner Voice or Inner Critic?

Your inner voice will never steer you wrong.

That’s how you know if it’s Inner Voice or inner critic talking.  When your inner voice speaks, the message resonates and feels good.  When the inner critic speaks, we feel icky, doubtful or anxious.  Messages from the inner critic often manifest in the body as a knot in the solar plexus, or a twist in your tummy that can make you feel queasy or nauseous. 

Messages from your inner voice never feel bad, and often leave us feeling buoyant or hopeful, because your inner voice comes from Source energy, your source, the source of ALL things (some people like the name God).  Inner voice is connected to infinite wisdom and eternal Truth.  Inner voice knows the longing in your heart and is always guiding you toward it.  Inner voice is your authentic self, your true nature. Inner voice speaks in new ideas and intuitive insights.

By regularly practicing seeing things through the viewpoint of Source, we are better able to HEAR our authentic inner voice when the inner critic is trying to drown it out.

Inner voice says, “Take the risk! Get out there and live your dreams!” And inner critic is on the other shoulder saying, “Play it safe! Don’t get hurt! Remember that time we risked it all and how MUCH it hurt?”

Source knows you are capable and worthy in every situation. 

When we think thoughts that oppose this viewpoint, it splits our energy and drains us.

On the other hand, reminding yourself on a daily basis that you are capable and worthy in every situation helps you hear the inner voice more clearly. When we practice thinking like Source thinks, we draw our own power around us like a cloak of invincibility. Practicing the point of view of Source helps us more clearly know our own true desires. 

When chaos reigns around us, we will hear the messages that we have practiced most frequently.  If we have practiced thinking like inner critic, then chaos means things have gone wrong, or the situation is bad, and we are probably powerless to change anything or help anyone.

If we practice thinking like Source, then when chaos reigns we keep our balance.  We are not tossed about like a cork on a raging sea, because our inner voice reminds us that we are powerful beings who have weathered storms before, that we have resources at our disposal, and that we can find the answers even if we don’t have them right NOW.  We understand that every situation has a purpose, and is an opportunity for self-growth.

If THAT is the voice you want to access under stress, that is the voice you must practice listening to every day!

HOW do I practice the vibration of my inner voice?

One of the best ways I know to practice thinking like the inner voice that comes from Source is to find affirmations that RESONATE for me. Now you can’t just swap a practiced thought like “I NEVER have enough money,” into “I am rich beyond my wildest dreams!” and have it resonate because the vibrations don’t match.  Start where you are and build to where you want to be.  Because you really WANT “I am rich beyond my wildest dreams,” to resonate for you, right?  Of course!  We all do.  But start with small shifts, like this: I am open to receive floods of financial abundance with ease.

Or start simpler: The universe is abundant in nature.  Find one that resonates (or two or three at most) and practice it every day.  Allow that to become your vibrational set point.  Then find new affirmations that resonate and shift your vibration further upward.

Sometimes affirmations need training wheels while we practice new thoughts!

If for the last few years your mantra has been, “I hate to go to the gym,” then switching to “I love going to the gym,” is going to be too big a leap for your mind to buy into all at once.  In this case, apply some training wheels: Why is it so fun and easy to go to the gym?  See what we did there?  We didn’t say it was fun and easy, we asked, “why is it?”

The mind will accept the question, and if you practice that mantra – and you practice setting an intention to go work out and then follow through – eventually your vibration will shift and you will feel differently, and you can change the affirmation.  Using the same example, the next step might be something like, “I enjoy feeling stronger and lighter when I go to the gym.”

Life is a process.  So is changing your thought patterns. Shifting your vibration upwards is KEY to hearing your inner voice over your inner critic, because for MOST of us, the inner critic has had more practice! 

Grow on!

What does your inner critic say?  How does that make you feel?
What thought resonates that helps you begin to tell a better story?
What thoughts can you choose that allow you to feel better right now?

This type of thought work or vibrational shifting is vital for growing our awareness. In my next blog post, I’ll talk about what to do when the inner critic drowns out the inner voice.

The Voices in Your Head

You know all those messages that flash into your mind throughout the day?  Where do those messages come from and what are they saying to you?

A lot of the “messages” we hear come from outside ourselves, even if it seems like they originated in our mind.  If you were taught to never trust strangers when you were a child, then when you meet someone new, your ‘voices’ might tell you “be careful, be guarded, don’t let them know what you’re really thinking, they could use it against you.”  If you’re only experiences meeting new people are positive and uplifting, the voices would say something different, right?

Most of the time the voices come from experience.  If in our past we did or said something that got a negative response from someone, we might conclude that EVERYONE will give us the same response.  In this case the voices in your head would advise you to AVOID doing this again to protect you from that negative response.

But this leaves us anxious and unsure because we try to base our behavior on what other people might do.  Or they might not.  It’s all very confusing.

Sometimes the voices repeat what others have told us.  If your mother convinced you as a child that “ladies should be seen and not heard,” then you will probably keep your ideas and opinions to yourself.  If you learned as a child that you should put others’ needs ahead of your own, then you are not likely to stand up for yourself even when your own health and well-being are at stake.

So if all these messages come from outside of us, even while we feel like they come from inside our brain, how do we decipher what is true?  How do we find our own voice or identify our own desires?

Get still.

When we get still, and quiet our minds, we shut out the other voices and can more clearly hear what our hearts are telling us.  And our hearts always tell truth.  When we follow our heart, we can’t go wrong!

Most of my clients tell me they have trouble hearing their heart’s desires for the voices in their heads, and want to know HOW to get still.  GREAT question!

It takes PRACTICE.  Daily practice is required for any skill that you really want to master, right?  That includes changing thought patterns or behavior patterns.

Where do I start?

That’s usually the next question.  There are myriad ways to “center” or to “meditate” and at least as many books, blogs, and recordings.  The main idea is to get the mind chatter to slow down or stop.  The easiest way I know is to focus on something repetitive like your breathing, ocean waves, the hum of an air conditioner, or the ticking of a clock.  Guided meditations simply give your mind something else to focus on in a calming way.  Try searching on YouTube and you’ll surely find something that appeals to you.

Click here for a recording of a basic guided meditation I made.  Some of my clients find it useful at least as a starting point.  Give yourself the gift of seven minutes to sit somewhere quiet – to just listen, and relax.  Listen for your own voice in the spaces between breaths.  Be still, and quiet, and listen.

Grow on!

How does your breathing change as your mind quiets?
What messages came through for you if any?
What does your inner voice sound like?
What qualities do you hear in your inner voice?
How do you FEEL when you hear your inner voice?

In my next blog post I’ll talk about hearing your inner voice more clearly!

I Lost My Way

I was SO proud of myself!

Before my short trip to Hawaii last month, I prepped TWO blog posts to post while I was away! All I needed to do was add a couple of photos of island fruits, and I was ALL set! Go me!! My intention was to keep the blog rolling smoothly without a pause while we were away and it worked GREAT!

Until we got home again and you guys haven’t heard a WORD from me since.

What happened?

While I was in Hawaii I realized I had lost my way.

My life was completely OUT of balance. I love all three of my careers and I pour my heart and soul into running my businesses. I was allowing ALL of my time to be absorbed into working with clients, building my businesses, coaching classes & certifications, advertising & marketing, scheduling, bookkeeping & other administrative tasks. My whole world was skewed toward career and my whole schedule skewed toward finances.

Considering how much passion I have for coaching and for massage therapy and for landscape photography, it’s no wonder that I allow it to consume me! I even enjoy marketing and writing advertising copy, so it’s easy to see why I would let it absorb all of my waking hours!

The intentions I set for Hawaii were to 1) stay hydrated, and 2) ZERO hours committed to business activities. ~I made a big exception for coaching calls, which I am THRILLED to add into my travel schedule BECAUSE building a coaching practice that allows me to travel while working is one of my BIG goals!

The amount of free time was almost overwhelming and gave me a deeply needed rest for my body, mind and spirit. It also gave me lots of time to reflect, and I realized how out of balance my life had become.

Yes, I love my work. I am good at it, and passionate about it, but woman cannot live on work alone! I was neglecting every other area of my life. My relationships, my spiritual connection, my self-care, and fun had somehow all been erased from my schedule in favor of serving my clients and my financial needs.

I had been so focussed on my clients’ health and well-being that I allowed myself to lose track of my own. The realization hit me like a freight train and stopped me in my tracks. How positively human of me!

Since we returned from Kona I have spent every spare minute carefully restructuring my schedule to prioritize things quite differently.

YES! I still want hours each week to focus on building my business, handling administrative tasks, and furthering my coaching education, and I need more hours to market my coaching practice – something I never needed with the massage practice. All of these things are vitally important, but so are self-care and fun. I tell my clients this every day, so I am taking my own advice.

My new schedule includes time every day – 7 days a week – for moving my body, connecting to Source energy, reading something that inspires me, and writing. These things are non-negotiable, like showing up for work.

After that, whatever I have listed in my schedule gets handled with more ease and joy!

What is it that you long to fit into your schedule?
Why is it important to you?
What would happen to your to-do list if you simply allowed it space?
How will you feel while doing it?
How will you integrate it? All at once? Little by little?

There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m just curious.

What are you waiting for? Grow on!

Blog posts now resume with regular irregularity!

Empowerment takes Practice

I am honored to work with amazing, powerful women.  My clients are shining examples every day that self doubt can be banished, confidence can be increased, dreams can be manifested.

It doesn’t happen overnight or at the wave of a magic wand.  It’s a process.  As we awaken to Universal Truth, we understand that we want to grow personally and spiritually.  We set goals and intentions for that growth, and we move in that general direction.

Sometimes we “forget our healthy intentions” and sort of fall back asleep, or lose consciousness again, and go back to habitual patterns without even recognizing what we’re doing.  Then something comes along and reminds us of Truth, and we begin moving in the general direction of our new goals once again.

So we awaken and grow toward the light, then fall asleep a bit and forget, then we awaken and grow, and the cycle repeats.

The important thing to remember is that this is a normal cycle.

If you get to the part where you awaken, and you realize that you have fallen asleep on your healthy intentions, accept that as a normal part of the process, and as quickly as you can, begin moving back toward your goals.

The piece that trips most of us up is that when we realize we fell asleep, we waste precious energy in one of two ways:

1) we beat ourselves up for being at this normal part of the cycle and judge ourselves ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for ‘forgetting’ our own healthy intentions.

2) we stop to wonder what went wrong, why we ALWAYS do this (old behavior) instead of sticking to the healthy intention, we feel confused by our own behavior and unsure how to move forward, since it’s “just going to happen again…”

KEY Ingredient: When we wake up, we can choose to SKIP both of those options and simply course correct our behavior back in line with our goals.

I had this conversation with two coaching clients and one massage client over the weekend, so if you recognize yourself in this scenario, you are not alone!  This was something that used to trip me up ALL the time!  I have always been on a path of self-improvement, and I am slowly but steadily making progress along my path.  But it was only after YEARS of beating myself up for being too something or not enough something else that I finally learned that if I SKIPPED that part, I felt more confident and light hearted as I refocus on the goal, which means I instantly have more energy than if I drain myself unnecessarily.

One of the reasons I became a coach was to empower women to release the toxic shame and guilt and ‘not-enoughness’ with which our culture wants us to identify.  There is no shame in being human.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this process.  Why?  Because You – eternal You – chose these lessons carefully before you came into this life.  To learn the lessons, we must awaken to Universal Truth.  And that is a process.  You are precisely where you meant to be.  Why are you meant to be here?  That is for you to awaken to discover.  Open your eyes and look around.  What gifts can you find in each moment?  What personal growth can you glean from each opportunity (challenge)?

You can expect to fall asleep again from time to time.

One of my clients asked me HOW to lengthen the space of time when we are awake and consciously choosing.  GREAT question! 

You focus on raising your vibration.  You engage in activities that excite and delight you (and your inner child!).  You listen to speakers who have a powerful grasp of confidence and connecting to your own inner power.  You hang out with friends that raise your vibe and your consciousness.  You read books that remind you of your true value, your inherent power, your innate GREATNESS, and your unlimited potential.

You begin to absorb those vibes like a sponge until you are saturated with worthiness!

Do something every day to stay connected to that vibe of energized thriving through consciously choosing well-being, and going with the flow of abundance!

Here are a list of just a few of my favorite authors/books to empower your life and inspire your vibration!

Books:

Here is a link to an older blog post with MORE suggestions on raising your vibration.

Don’t limit yourself to my choices! Find voices that speak to your soul!

Leave links to your faves in the comments here so we can all get high vibes together!

Self-Acceptance is Key

Why the FUCK does our culture teach women to loathe themselves?

Pardon my sailor mouth, but shining the light on our own Divine worthiness is one of the main reasons I became a coach and I am quite passionate that every woman learn her own intrinsic value!

If we loathe ourselves, it’s easier for the patriarchy to control us. Who will stand up and say, “We deserve better treatment,” when we believe we deserve nothing? When we believe we are unworthy, or less worthy than those around us, we are easy to control, and push around.

When people realize their value, we are more likely to stand up for ourselves, demand equal pay, point out unfair treatment, and refuse to tolerate discrimination.

I wish I had a dime for every friend and client who chooses self-loathing over self-love, or caring for others over self-care!

Nine times out of ten the thing keeping my client from reaching their goals is a lack of self-acceptance and self-care. I see it every day and I strive, to help other women realize that they deserve as much love and care as they give to everyone else! Self-love is what saved me from depression and inaction. Self-acceptance came only after I offered myself the love I was giving everyone else, and remembered my own essential value.

Those we love are no more valuable or more worthy than self.

The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, is ONLY as deserving of love and abundance as you are.

The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, COULD BE YOU, if you allow it to be.

What in your world will shift when you shift your thinking around
self-worth?

What will you be capable of when you accept how capable you are?

How will others see you if you choose to see yourself as a valuable human who deserves love, praise, abundance, health, wealth, support, and acceptance from yourself and the world at large?

What part of you is talking when you think that you don’t deserve all that and more?

Why do you feel so disconnected when you label yourself unworthy or less worthy than others?

Normally as a coach, I don’t answer the questions I pose, but I will answer that last one.

The human spirit is literally a piece of Divine grace instilled into us on our very first breath; a piece of God, if you will. Through this grace, we are eternally connected to Source, or God energy. This connection is where our power comes from – Source energy (the very same energy that created the Universe and stars)!

When we think thoughts that Source knows are not true, we feel disconnected or separated from that power. (We are never truly disconnected but it feels like we’re being pulled apart.) Pulling ourselves away from the viewpoint, or vibration of Source is what feels so WRONG, depresses our energy, and decreases our power. In fact, consistently choosing thoughts that do not align with Source makes us feel powerless.

Aligning ourselves with the viewpoint of Source allows us to feel powerful, connected, tuned-in, tapped-in, turned-on, and unstoppable!

From the viewpoint of Source, you are God. You are an infinite being without limitations, worthy of all the abundant health, wealth and love that is available in the Universe! You are Divine, and perfect in your imperfection. You are not broken. you do not need fixing. There is nothing wrong with you or where you are!
— If you are thinking “of COURSE there is something wrong with me,” – How does that thought feel? Does it twist your tummy into a knot? That’s a sure sign that you are thinking thoughts that Source knows are NOT true, so the thought literally pulls your energy apart.

All we need to do to feel love and acceptance is love and accept ourselves!

photo by Dani Navarro

Give yourself some grace!

Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself!
Take a minute or ten every day to try on some self love!

Be gracious and allow yourself to believe that you are as worthy as your children, your partner, your boss, your mentor. Practice affirming out loud how worthy and deserving you are. If you are afraid others will judge you for loving yourself, practice out of their view, when you are home alone with your dog. (Dog loves as unconditionally as God!)

Do something special for yourself. Buy yourself a present you wish someone else would buy for you! Plan a mini vacation to recharge your own batteries. What is something you used to be passionate about but you no longer “have the time to do”? Do that! Schedule some time to do things you love to do! Create art. Take a music class, a cooking class, a nutrition class, or a dance class! Whatever inspires you or lifts your energy. Do THAT for no reason other than it inspires you and lifts your energy!

How does that feel?

It might feel uncomfortable at first as most new behaviors will, but under that, how do you feel? Valued? Honored? Accepted? Connected? Worthy?

Practice your worth. Value yourself. Allow yourself to FEEL those feelings of love and worthiness. If it doesn’t feel natural, remind yourself that this is new, and will take some time to get used to.

Here are some more thoughts to move your vibration toward self-love, self-care, and radical self-acceptance.

Make your own sunshine!

Download the images with sayings that resonate and practice saying them aloud. Make them part of your vibration and part of the practice that brings you into alignment with the Universal Truth that you are valuable and worthy, simply by being.

You are fucking awesome!

Don’t Take it Personally

I find it incredibly helpful to remember that what another person says or does, or how another person reacts to what I do or say, has NOTHING to do with me.

Equally, how I receive what another person says or does, has NOTHING to do with them, and has only to do with what’s going on for me.

If I show up for work all shiny, doing my part 110%, happily going about my work, considering the feelings, needs and input of my employees and co-workers, and doing a bang-up job, then someone responds to my cheerful tone in a harsh way, I have 2 choices.

1- I take it personally: I feel bad that someone disapproves of me.
Or possibly disapproves of the way I am doing my job, or doesn’t like something I have done. Maybe they do not appreciate what I am about, or hear what I am trying to say. My feelings are hurt and I feel disrespected. My energy drains out of my soul, depleting me and taking with it any chance I have of staying motivated toward my own self care. I mean REALLY: why bother?

Or:

2- I don’t take it personally: I understand that whatever is going on for them has nothing to do with me, so my mood is my own, and not tossed about by the moods around me, or the mood of the world at large. I can remain cheerful and confident, and retain the full use of my energy, so it’s available to use for whatever I choose.

Each and every time, the choice is mine.

Empowering myself means making the choice for myself. Letting others choose for me drains my energy and disempowers me.

Celebrate!

One of the things I preach to my clients is to CELEBRATE every small step on the path toward their goal.  Those steps add up to a journey of transformation, and deserve to be thought about as the BIG deal they are!  

If you’re trying to reduce your weight, and managed to pass up the candy aisle that was your usual haunt at the grocery store?  GO you!  That is an incredible accomplishment!  Celebrate it!  

If you want to increase your physical activity, and you parked farther from the door than usual so you’d get more steps – That’s AWESOME!  Other people TALK about wanting to make changes, but there you are taking action to make it happen!  Celebrate moving in the direction of your goals!!  Woo hoo!!

Celebrations can be anything as big or small as you desire.  Whatever is fun for you that you do to intentionally celebrate moving forward and honor your amazing accomplishment.

Treat yourself to a soothing bath, a pedicure, or an extra 5 minutes in bed in the morning.  Take yourself out to the movies.  Go for a walk!  Whatever feels like a treat to you to honor the accomplishment is perfect.  One of my fave celebrations is to put on some music I love, turn it up loud, and dance wildly for 3-5 minutes!  It’s an exuberant,
joy-filled celebration that imprints into the cells of my body, and also honors my intentions to move more, and add more joy to my life.

actual photo of my exuberance captured by Jeremy

Why celebrate?

One reason it’s important to celebrate our successful steps, no matter how small, is because they are literally the foundation that supports the transformation we desire.  They are what we build on to create the health, wealth, relationships, or career we want.  Another reason is because when people do not make a habit of celebrating small successes, they might forget to celebrate the big ones.

The most important reason to celebrate your successes along the path to your goal is to say to the universal Law of Attraction, “Yes please!  Bring me more of this!”  Energy attracts like energy.  

All that having been said, I am taking my own advice.

I have some BIG news and I want to celebrate!

Today I received an email from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.  I am thrilled, overjoyed, and delighted to announce that I am now an iPEC Certified Professional Coach!

I have successfully completed 90 hours of classroom training,
over 50 hours of peer coaching, and more than 150 hours of required classes, seminars, assignments and electives.  I have earned my
ELI-MP certificate, and my CPC certificate from one of the top coaching schools in the world, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.

I opened my coaching practice in November and got my first paying client in December.  Seven months later I have seven clients, every one of whom found enough value in their first round of coaching sessions to invest in more coaching sessions.  That validation is a celebration in and of itself!  My clients inspire me daily to do everything I can to continue growing as a coach, and as a human being.

Now I have completed my training and am fully certified! 

If I’m going to be honest here, part of me didn’t believe I could do it at first.  It seemed like SUCH a big goal.  But the most amazing journey unfolded when I simply focused on what I wanted, instead of what might hold me back.  The entire Universe stepped in to dance with me and open doors.

It is my passion, and my life’s purpose to help others discover the infinite possibilities within themselves, and to empower them to achieve whatever they desire.

Yes, there is more I want to accomplish, but I won’t focus on what’s next until I take the time to really savor this incredibly amazing achievement!  I went for it!  And I accomplished it despite my
self-doubts, and a pretty good dose of fear from those gremlin voices telling me that everyone in my coaching class was smarter and more capable than I was.

Now those voices work for ME, and tell me that I am a natural coach, doing a great job, and that my clients appreciate me, and value what I offer.

Go me.  Seriously.  I feel like a rockstar!

I feel amazing, successful, empowered, and unstoppable! That is the gift of coaching.

I plan to celebrate this major goal and life transformation in a really BIG way, by relaxing and enjoying eight FREE nights in Hawaii next month!  

Like seriously, GO me!  Woot!

Becoming Conscious ~ Not Just for Hippies

Becoming conscious simply means becoming aware.  Aware of ourselves, our actions, our motives, and the consequences of our actions.  As we become more aware, we understand MORE, and we judge LESS.  

We judge others every day.  His/her actions are good/bad, right/wrong, stupid/inspiring.

The Truth is there is no good/bad, right/wrong, etc…  People, places, things, situations simply ARE what they are.  Nothing has meaning until we assign it meaning.  And something that looks like the end of the world to one person looks like the first chapter of a new life to someone else!

Humans usually judge themselves far more harshly that we judge others.  If you look in the mirror and “don’t see much in me that’s all that impressive,” you are NOT alone!  Most of my clients struggle to accept themselves as they are, and ‘not liking themselves’ is a reason cited repeatedly by people who seek coaching.

Here’s the REALLY important bit:

It’s NOT your body that needs changing, but your mind.  

Stick with me for a minute, here!

As we become more aware, or conscious, it is because our views or perspectives are becoming more aligned with Source energy.  Source sees everything as good, right, perfect, beneficial.  Everything has a purpose and is right where it is supposed to be.  Every human Soul has a purpose, is good, perfect, beneficial, and right where we are supposed to be.  When we allow our perspective to line up with this Truth of Divine perspective, we feel GOOD in our skin!  We feel powerful, confident, sexy, and capable.

You KNOW these moments in life!  Think of any “peak experience” of your life when you felt lined up, right on track, invincible – moments when you were happiest and full of purpose and joy. We feel glorious when we are connected with Source or aligned with Source perspective.

Why can’t we feel this way every day?

Because we are human, we sometimes get off track and view things from perspectives that are not aligned with Divine perspective.  When we look in the mirror and do NOT like what we see, we are opposing God’s viewpoint, or Divine perspective, and it just does NOT resonate with our natural energy (cause we ARE Source energy), which is why it feels BAD to think opposing thoughts about ourselves.

Let me clarify.

Thinking that you “should” be different in some way pulls your viewpoint away from the viewpoint of Source.  Think of a scale of 1 to 10.  Let’s call 10 the perspective of God, or Source energy.  Source created us in perfection, recognizes our perfection, and holds to the vibration that we are PERFECT just as we are, flaws and all!  So we can call 10 the level of unconditional love.  We are created from Source energy, so our natural vibration is at 10, or unconditional love.  When we move away from that viewpoint it feels bad because we are splitting that energy.

We are One energy with Source (made of Source energy) so if Source is holding a steady, unwavering viewpoint of unconditional love, then we have thoughts NOT aligned with unconditional love – like hating our physical appearance – we feel our own energy split, and that’s what gives us the physical knot in the pit of our stomach that tells us “something’s not right” with that thought I am thinking!

So, if you have a mildly negative thought about yourself, maybe, “I need to lose weight,” it will feel a little bit bad, so we could rate that an 8 on the 10 scale.  But if we have thoughts of shame, hating ourselves for the way we (whatever) then our energy is closer to a 1 on that scale.  If this pattern of thinking is chronic, then it’s a CONSTANT drain on our energy from the time we get up until we go back to sleep at night. 

The farther we get from our natural vibration of unconditional love, the worse we feel in body/mind/spirit, and the less energy we have to focus on what we LOVE doing!

Our culture has trained us out of unconditional love by teaching us to judge and compare all people, things, and situations, instead of accepting each as a part of the whole, important and unique as it is and playing it’s valuable part.

The more we can move our own perspective about ourselves and our world back toward unconditional love, the happier and healthier our lives become!

So how do we shift our vibration?  

If we are currently vibrating closer to shame and self-loathing than we are to self-love, how do we shift our vibration to get things moving back in the natural direction?

The first step is awareness.  If you recognize yourself here, take a nice deep breath and relax!  Know that you’ve already taken the first step, and you are right where you are supposed to be.  You are aware that you want to shift your energy toward more self-love, more active self-care. 

Faith is like any muscle.  It requires training.  If you haven’t used your ‘faith in yourself’ muscle for awhile, here’s what may happen.  We make a decision to change a habitual action that no longer serves us.  We take some action in that direction and we feel our underdeveloped faith muscle give out.  The gremlins instantly jump in with phrases like, “I TOLD you this was too hard.  We shouldn’t even try, never mind.  Let’s just do what we’re USED to because it’s easier!”

All completely normal.

This new path, new thoughts, actions and behaviors take time to learn.  Work the muscle a little each day, and it will get stronger and stronger, until before you know it, you have developed new habits that are more aligned with your own healthy intentions.

Up to this moment, the actions you have taken have netted the results you now have.

If you want different results than you currently have, you can’t get those using the actions that are familiar, and patterns that are well worn.  Take a few steps in a different direction – steps that may have lead others to where you want to go.  Try on that new path, see how it really feels for your life, and remember that if the gremlin voices get nervous and start shrieking in alarm, you are probably on the right path!

And old habits die hard, so you may get knocked back into the old track here and there.  That’s normal, too!

Don’t beat yourself up over it!  We wouldn’t berate a butterfly for not emerging quickly enough from her cocoon.

Training your vibration chronically upward is key, and there are as many ways to do this as there are people!  Find tools that resonate for you.

Things my clients use to uplift their energy include things like nature, journaling, yoga, swimming, hiking, reading inspirational stories, and so MUCH more.  For a short list of activities, books, and speakers that INSPIRE, and help you keep the fire in your soul, follow this link.

And here is a link to my FAVORITE Esther-Abraham recordings on YouTube!  When I fist discovered it I listened to it twice a day until it was absorbed by the cells of my body.  Now I only listen 2-3 times a week, but it ALWAYS lifts my vibration!

We are waking up from a deep sleep. 

Sometimes we drift off again for a minute longer, then we awaken some more.  It is a process much like giving birth.  It takes time and energy and it will be challenging.  But it will also be rewarding in ways impossible to imagine from the current perspective.  

“How could ANYTHING possibly be worth the effort required to change my thought patterns, and then my eating patterns and then… HOW?  How can I do this?!”  Your mind may scream at you.  But your mind is still wearing blinders that come from thinking that is not aligned with Source. 

We must have faith, and trust the process to get back to aligned thinking.

Don’t cling to lack of confidence or self-loathing because it’s the familiar rut you find yourself in. Find the tools and pathways that allow you to activate more self love, and integrate them into your life.

Becoming more conscious is the key to a more energized life, and the first step toward more health, happiness and prosperity.