Category: Self-Care

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Maintaining My HIGH Vibe!

I encourage clients to do whatever the fuck they need to do to raise their vibration, and keep it high as frequently as possible.

Cyndi’s Fabulous Fucking Toy Box is overflowing with resources that inspire the crap outta me & my clients so we can energize our lives & thrive. These are just a few ideas, and I highly encourage everyone to identify the people, places, and activities that infuse their life with joy and leave them feeling energized and eager for life!

Walking my Talk

Because I practice what I preach, I am spending this weekend in McKinleyville at the beach. When it comes to things that raise MY vibe, nature is numero uno. ‘Beach’ happens to be my favorite category of nature, so I try to incorporate it into my life as often as possible.

Something else that maintains my vibe is spending time with my daughter and grandson, so they’ve come to the beach with me!

You’re worth it!

Go to the beach. Rent a house with a water view. Go for a hike in the Redwoods. Spend time with the people you love. Write a poem. Sing a song. Enjoy a sunset. Paint the sunrise. Spend your time and money doing things that charge your fucking batteries.

We are infinite beings with eternal lives. WHY did we choose to come here, if not to enjoy our time on this beautiful planet?

Grow on!

What truly brings your heart joy?
What’s keeping you from doing that?
When can you schedule an opportunity to allow some joy?

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Hooked on Sugar

If processed sugar seems like a monkey on your back, a habit that has you HOOKED, or a problem that erodes your energy, and leaves you feeling powerless, I assure you:

  1. You are NOT alone. 
  2. It’s NOT a personal failing.
  3. It’s not your fault.
  4. You are not experiencing optimal health.
  5. It is possible to get OFF the hook.

You are NOT alone. 

A recent study suggests Americans eat far too much sugar. To be specific, approximately 75% of Americans eat excess amounts of sugar — many of whom could be classified as having a sugar addiction. 

~ Addiction Center

It’s NOT a personal failing.

Research on rats has found that sugar is more addictive than drugs such as cocaine, and that there can be withdrawal symptoms such as depression and behavioral problems when people try cutting out sugar completely. 

~ Ramsay Health

Sugar fuels every cell in the brain. Your brain also sees sugar as a reward, which makes you keep wanting more of it. If you often eat a lot of sugar, you’re reinforcing that reward, which can make it tough to break the habit.

~ WebMD

It’s not your fault.

You cannot crave and think clearly at the same time! Healthy decision-making is switched off when you are craving.  

~ Dr. Joan Ifland

This is NOT your fault.
Where the addiction comes from.

You are not experiencing optimal health.

Too much added sugar can be one of the greatest threats to cardiovascular health.

~ Harvard Health

Everyone knows that sugar can rot teeth, and that it’s high calorie content packs on excess weight rather quickly.

Sugar also affects physical and mental health in far more dangerous ways that may not be obvious until the damage is done.

Numerous studies link eating processed sugar to:

  • Chronic inflammation
  • High blood pressure
  • Cancer
  • Polycystic ovary syndrome
  • Heart disease
  • Dementia
  • Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease
  • Insulin resistance
  • Lipid problems
  • Type 2 diabetes
  • Depression
  • Increased stress

How does too much sugar affect your body?

It is possible to get OFF the hook.

Since sugar can be addicting, and cause withdrawal symptoms when we try to quit, it may seem like an impossible task to get the sugar monkey off our back. Letting go of habits can be tricky, especially when dopamine is involved. But I’m here to tell you, releasing sugar is not only possible, it’s absolutely liberating! 

How is it possible to get relief from sugar cravings, and other unwanted symptoms caused or exacerbated by refined sugars?

By releasing the foods, thoughts, and behaviors that keep us hooked in a habitual loop of swearing off sugar, followed by bingeing on sugar, followed by self loathing, and soothing with sugar.

Relief through Release Playgroup

I specifically designed R&R Playgroup to support women who want to play with releasing sugar for the purpose of improving our health! Participants have created relief from sugar cravings, overeating, excess weight, and other unwanted symptoms.

It is possible to free oneself from processed sugar – and the toxic effects it has on the human body – by combining certain crucial requirements.

Making a plan, and preparing are crucial. During the first phase of R&R Playgroup, we spend three weeks planning what to eat and not to eat, and preparing ourselves mentally and psychologically to release sugar temporarily.

Releasing self-criticism is crucial. This is an ongoing theme throughout R&R Playgroup because I do not believe it is possible to release foods that we enjoy when we are constantly being criticized by anyone.

Temporarily abstaining from sugar is crucial. The second phase of R&R Playgroup is when we experiment with abstaining from sugar for twenty-one days.

Constant Support in community is crucial. Daily support is a consistently proven way to release habitual patterns that are not serving us. During the second phase of R&R Playgroup, we meet daily on Zoom for 21 days. 

It is invaluable to be seen and understood by a community who understands the depth of the challenge you face, and celebrates every success and triumph along your journey!

Learning to regulate our emotions is crucial. One of the number one reasons humans turn to sugar and overeating is the desire to soothe uncomfortable emotions. Learning healthy ways to regulate emotions is a major component of R&R Playgroup.

Coaching and time to integrate what’s learned is crucial. Learning something is different than integrating it. Phase three of R&R Playgroup is about integrating the data we collected during our experiment, and using it to create a road map that aligns us with our own healthy intentions as we move forward.

Freeing ourselves from lifelong habits like self-criticism, or daily sugar use is exponentially easier when we have a solid plan, constant support, educational reminders, an encouraging coach, and a community that understands the enormity of our challenge, and supports and celebrates our journey.

If you or someone you know is interested in getting unhooked from sugar, you can find all the information at THIS LINK, or sign up for the next Masterclass to learn MORE at THIS LINK.

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Consider the Cost!

Hiring a coach can cost hundreds of dollars per session, and thousands for several months of sessions. Spending money to improve ourselves can feel tricky for many of us, and may even feel as though we need to justify the expense.

If you are considering hiring a coach to help change eating habits that you’ve been trying to change for awhile, it’s completely rational to question whether or not coaching will be worth your investment. We all want to get our money’s worth, and if we invest months of our time, we’d like a return on that investment as well! 

It makes total sense.

Before we can make a decision based on cost however, we need to consider the entire cost.

What is the current cost of the behavior you want to change?

I’ll use after-dinner overeating for example, because this is a struggle for MANY people.

What is the after dinner overeating costing now?

What is the emotional cost of eating patterns that feel beyond control? 

How much time have you spent thinking about overeating? Or trying to get rid of overeating in the past? How much energy have you spent beating yourself up because you missed the goal again?

What is the cost of the extra food eaten over the next six months? What is the cost of overeating in terms of health, digestion, or weight concerns? How much do you spend on antacids and anti-inflammatories? What will it cost to buy new clothes? What was the cost of the clothes that no longer fit?

I know firsthand the struggle of weighing the financial cost of coaching against my own history of not reaching my health goals. In my case, I also had an addiction to certain foods which deviously kept telling me that now was NOT the right time to try again to reach my goals.

For ME, coaching made all the difference. I’m not saying that it’s right for you, that’s something each of us can to choose for ourselves. I’m simply saying that before labeling anything “expensive” it’s wise to calculate the entire cost.

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Liberate Yourself!

Being our authentic self is the most liberating thing we can do. 

What does it MEAN to be authentic? It means to be the fabulous YOU that you came here to be. Each of us is a unique spark of the Universal Divine, a singular piece of the infinite puzzle. We deserve to say what’s true in our hearts. We deserve to be true to our own desires and beliefs, and live in whatever way makes us happy. We deserve to live our lives in whatever way we choose, no matter what the fuck other people expect of us, or what they think about our choices. 

But it is normal to want to fit in, and to want to be liked by others, so many of us wear masks to hide our authentic self. This happens when we believe that we are not enough as we are, or when we have been told that we are too much in some way, or when it feels unsafe to speak our truth.

The masks we create become heavy when worn too long, and continuing to wear them takes a huge amount of energy. We grow weary of trying to be who this one wants us to be, doing what that one wants us to do. We can be exhausted trying to live a life defined by masks, instead of letting ourself be authentic.

If we attract a partner while wearing a mask, we may fear ever revealing our true self. If they love the masked version, how could they possibly love what truly lies beneath? 

The other burden of wearing a mask to please others, is that we never really get the chance to explore our true nature. We get to a point where the mask is so heavy we MUST set it down, but then we might not have any idea of who we truly are and what makes us happy.

So I invite you to liberate yourself! If you are not usually the type to speak your mind, or ask for what you want out of life, I encourage you to start. Play with being authentic to explore how much more energy you have!

If you reveal your true self and someone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem, not yours. The people who love you will be delighted for you to be YOU. Maybe it’s time to release people who want you to wear to please them.

You only get one wild and precious life. Spend it being the fabulous, unique YOU that you came here to be!

Grow on!

What masks do you wear regularly?
Which ones are draining your energy?
Which ones are you willing to let go?
In what ways are you ready to express your authenticity?
What makes you truly light up?

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EXCELLENT fucking reasons!

When I was little, I used to lie on my grandma’s bed and listen to music on her clock radio. I was mesmerized watching the numbers flip over one minute, and hour at at a time. To a four-year-old, it seemed like magic.

In first grade they tried to teach me how to tell time using hands on a clock. I didn’t get it. Partially because I hadn’t yet been taught to multiply by five, and partially because it seemed redundant when you could just look at a magical flip clock and see the answer to what time it was if you cared to know.

My teacher sent home an angry note disparaging my analog time-telling talents. My father was furious that I was behind in this lesson. I cheerfully explained to him that it was ok, because I could get a flip-clock like grandma’s so I could always tell what time it was. He did not appreciate my optimism, and let his fury fly. 

He sat me down at our dining table and slammed the worksheet down in front of me.  I worked out the time on the clocks on the worksheet, and for every incorrect answer, I got smacked.

After my first wrong answer, a furious voice arose in my mind, “Do NOT get one more wrong! Do not answer until you KNOW you are correct!” I was very careful and found that when I applied myself, I could avoid the wrath. The protector in my mind helped me survive.

Over the years, the voice that arose to protect me from wrath was generally the first to hurl it. Any mistake I made was met with choruses of vehement anger. HOW could I be so stupid as to make one mistake? I am SUCH an idiot! Will I NEVER learn?

The protection from wrong answers transformed into criticism for everything that SEEMED like it MIGHT be in error. It was easy to be anxious and uncertain, and then not even try if I was the least bit unsure of myself.

I’m not telling this story to gain sympathy, I tell it to illustrate the fact that I have excellent fucking reasons for the critical voice in my head telling me NOT to fuck this up. And, I am willing to bet that if you hear constant nagging criticism in the back of your mind, you have excellent fucking reasons, too.

I also know that if you hear constant nagging criticism in the back of your mind, you’re dealing with one of the biggest stressors in life. It’s no fun, it wreaks havoc with our digestion, and it’s one of the biggest reasons that women overeat, or turn to sugary treats.

That’s right. You heard me.

If you, like millions of other women struggle with overeating or overuse of sugar, one of the biggest reasons may be the voice in your head telling you you’re a loser for reaching for the sugar again! 

So, we have excellent fucking reasons for the critical voices in our heads, AND that may be one of the major causes underlying compulsive eating patterns that we deeply desire to release. 

What can we do about this confusing challenge?

It’s pretty clear that we want to learn to stop being so critical of ourselves, but how do we begin to release a habit that has lasted a lifetime? It’s a process, and it takes practice!

It’s not going to happen overnight despite the critical voice telling us that our life depends on making changes NOW, or that we should have made changes yesterday. Often, just hearing the voice saying that something MUST be done is enough to induce our anxiety.

Take a deep breath, and exhale fully.

Changing the voice in our head is not only possible, it is essential, and it is life changing! Go ahead and take another deep breath, because just knowing that change is possible begins to relieve the tension – as does breathing deeply.

Somewhere to begin.

Here is a simple process I teach my clients to begin letting go of the inner critic, and ALL the stress she causes us to feel!

ABC Process

Awareness
Practice becoming aware when it’s happening. For many people, it’s simply a sudden feeling of being judged or disapproved of. For others, it’s hearing full sentences of disapproval and harsh judgement. It can be different for each of us, so we need to pay attention to try and catch it in the moment we are doing it.

Once we are aware in the moment that it’s happening, we can take action. As soon as you are aware of the critic voice:

Breathe
Take a nice deep grounding breath.

Choose 
Choose love.
Choose a voice who speaks gently to you.
Choose to treat yourself as you would treat someone you adore, someone you would never criticize.

Instead of criticizing yourself, choose to love yourself for being human.

It’s as simple as ABC, though it takes some practice to become aware and remember to do it in the moment. And if you don’t catch it in the moment, don’t beat yourself up. 

When you do catch it with your improving Awareness – Breathe, and Choose love!

Somewhere to practice.

Letting go of the constant self-criticism takes time and practice. Three times a year, I run a two-month group for women who are ready to release self-criticism and get relief from stress, and the myriad symptoms that stress creates in our lives. We also release recreational sugar for three weeks in a fully supported, nonjudgmental way to see how much RELIEF we can create from any unwanted symptoms we are experiencing. 

If this sounds like something you want to play with, you can sign up for the next Masterclass at THIS LINK, or read all the information about the upcoming Playgroup HERE.

Grow on!

Print the ABC process somewhere you will see it daily to help remind you to let go of self-criticism.

Check out full details of the next Relief through Release Playgroup at THIS LINK.

Remember that you are WORTH the investment of time and energy that it takes to be kinder to yourself!

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Weight Release Requires Stress Release

A major factor in anyone’s ability to release excess weight is our ability to release stress. If we are under a lot of stress, or even chronic low-level stress, our insulin and cortisol levels rise. Increased insulin and cortisol can lead to:

  • weight gain
  • inability to lose weight
  • inability to build muscle
  • decreased calorie burning
  • increased fat deposition at midsection
  • increased inflammation – exacerbates every known disease
  • die off of good gut bacteria – leads to many types of digestive issues
  • wasting nutrients – we don’t get the nutrients from the foods we eat
  • decreased immunity – we get sick more easily
  • decreased energy
  • dysregulated appetite  – we may NOT feel hungry when we need to eat, OR we may feel hungry all the time.
  • desensitivity to pleasure – we need MORE food to feel satiated.
  • decreased Mitochondrial function – can lead to muscle weakness, and organ disease
  • decreased Thyroid function – can lead to fatigue, weight gain, joint pain, dry skin, thinning hair, irregular menses, fertility problems, slowed heart rate, or depression.
  • poor sleep quality
  • reduced sleep quantity

So it’s clear that if we want to release excess weight, we MUST find ways to RELEASE the stress we experience in our lives. 

Stress & Perception

Normal life stressors include death or illness of a family member, financial worries, work-related stress. This kind of stress can’t be avoided, but we can learn ways to diminish it, so that it has less effect on our health. We can also learn techniques to help us shift the way in which we perceive stress. Perception determines everything, and certainly colors how normal life stressors affect us. 

For example: Several employees are let go from a company.

High-stress perception of the situation says loss of income is a huge setback, we’ll fall behind on bills and maybe lose our home. Now THAT will stress you out.

Low-stress perception of the same situation says that my next income will be higher, affording more economic opportunities, and that the Universe always has my back so it was obviously time to leave that position to find something better and more fulfilling for me. What a blessing! No worries, no stress.

Self-Chosen Stress

Reducing the stress in our lives is absolutely essential if one of our goals is to release excess weight, and the stress easiest to release is the self-chosen variety. 

Are you kind to yourself like you would be to someone you love? Or do you criticize yourself for every perceived imperfection, belittle and shame yourself for not doing enough? Do you compare yourself to others and always judge yourself less than? 

When you look at your body in the mirror, do you lavish it with love and praise for supporting and sustaining you every day of your life no matter how much you abused it? Or do you heap shame on it for not looking like some swimsuit model who’s been surgically enhanced, tucked, and airbrushed?

Self-criticism and body shame create a toxic stew of stress. It’s like living in a situation where we are being attacked every day, because we are attacking ourselves daily!

Weight release requires learning to love ourselves, or at the very LEAST, learning not to treat ourselves like shit. This process takes time, patience, and constant reminders, but pays off in improved health, happiness, and more success reaching all of our goals!

Processed Foods

Perhaps one of the most treacherous self-chosen stressors in modern life is processed foods because most people choosing them don’t even know that processed foods cause stress!

The chemicals being put into manufactured foods affect our energy and our mood. According to Dr. Joan Ifland, people who eat a diet high in processed foods tend to anger more quickly, be more anxious, and irritable.

Processed foods tend to be very low in nutrition, and poor nutrition is perceived by the body as STRESS.

Poor nutrition is also a major reason that we overeat after dinner. Our body has done the calculations, found us missing essential nutrients, and sent off alarm bells that scream, “We did not get adequate nutrition. EAT MORE FOOD!”  If we reach for more processed foods, we still don’t get the nourishment our body is screaming for, but we pack on pounds from the excess empty calories. 

Here in the United States, processed foods tend to be high in many kinds of sugar, wheat flours processed with roundup, GMO corn, low quality soy, and saturated fats – ALL of which cause inflammation and have the potential to disrupt digestion.

Digesting and metabolizing even one of those inflammatory ingredients is stressful on our intestines, liver, and cardio-vascular system. Digesting many of them all at once, maybe several times a day leads to serious health issues like heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

If we eat processed foods, it’s adding stress to our life in multiple ways, and most of us aren’t even aware of it! 

Bottom line is that if we want to release any excess weight we may be carrying, we must begin to learn to release whatever stress it is within our power to release, including processed foods.

Processed Food Addiction

Now, if you are sitting there thinking that you can’t even imagine a life without processed foods, you are NOT alone. 

A recent poll done by the University of Michigan found that older adults reported intense food cravings. Twenty four percent said that at least once a week they had such a strong urge to eat a highly processed food that they couldn’t think of anything else. Nineteen percent said that at least two or three times a week they tried and failed to cut back, or stop eating, these kinds of foods.

Twelve percent said that their eating behavior caused them a lot of distress more than twice a week, so if any of this resonates for you, I hope you are starting to see that you are not the only one.

Dr Joan Ifland wrote the text book, Processed Food Addiction. You will find a wealth of interviews of Dr. Ifland on YouTube where you can learn more about processed food addiction and it’s treatment.

Elimination Diet

One of the fastest ways to get relief – from stress, inflammation, excess weight, and a long list of unwanted symptoms – is to release the thoughts, foods, and behaviors that are causing us stress, inflammation, and unwanted symptoms.

If this resonates for you, experience has shown that an elimination diet is one of the best tools for identifying foods you suspect may be causing the unwanted symptoms, and is very safe.

An elimination diet is an eating plan that omits a food, or group of foods, believed to cause unwanted symptoms. By removing foods for a few weeks and then reintroducing them during a “challenge” period, you can learn which foods are causing symptoms or making them worse.

We often think of reactions to food as happening quickly, however, many other ways our bodies react to food may not be so immediate or noticeable. 

My mission is to help people revitalize their lives and transform their lives around food and body, so I created the Relief through Release Playgroup to fully support women who want to play with releasing thoughts, foods, and behaviors that are creating unwanted symptoms, for the purpose of getting relief from those symptoms!

Relief through Release Playgroup

R&R Playgroup is an eight week online playgroup. For three weeks of those two months, we release self-criticism and sugar – two of life’s biggest stressors – with all the support it takes to make that shift.

In R&R Playgroup, we learn:

  • the science behind overeating, and create strategies to reduce overeating. 
  • to listen to our appetite instead of trying to suppress it. 
  • to tap into our body wisdom to understand what foods truly serve our health. 
  • to identify and overwrite limiting beliefs, and shift to less stressful perspectives. 
  • how to increase our energy and awareness, build confidence, and celebrate every success. 
  • to marinate our energy in thoughts and ideas that feel good and uplifting, instead of stewing in a negative vibration that diminishes everything we try to do and be! 

All of this adds up to creating the healthy energized lives that we long to lead!

The next playgroup starts in a few weeks!
Get complete details at THIS LINK.

Whether you choose to let go of self-criticism, take up yoga, learn to shift perspectives, or try an elimination diet on your own, or with a group – don’t you owe it to yourself and your health to play with some new ways to relieve stress?

Grow on!

What foods do you suspect may be causing issues for you?
What processed foods do you crave?
Which unwanted symptoms do you have that might be tied to food?
How willing are you to play with letting go of suspect foods?
What thoughts are you thinking that you would like to release?
What self-chosen stressors can you identify, and play with releasing?

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The Mean Voice is ALWAYS Wrong

The mean voice is always wrong. I don’t care what’s being said. If it is said with mean intent, or in a way meant to diminish us or hold us back, it is inaccurate. 

When others speak to me with a mean voice, it doesn’t matter what they are saying. It’s inaccurate because whatever they’re saying at me, is truly intended for them to hear. It has nothing to do with me and has only to do with how in alignment, or out of alignment, they are in that moment.

More importantly, when I speak to myself in a mean way, the message is always wrong. The mean girl voice in my head (aka gremlin voice, monster voice) is wrong every time she speaks.

How do I know she’s wrong?

That nasty feeling churning in my gut tells me she’s wrong. The crappy way it makes me feel every time she says something mean to me is a clear indication that she’s wrong. It’s a clear indication that I am thinking in a way that is as vibrationally far from my true vibration (Source) as I can get. That’s why it feels crappy.

When we hear something and it resonates within us, we feel the truth of that vibration and know it’s true by the way it feels in us – resonant.

When we hear something and it feels discordant within us, we feel the wrongness in that vibration and know it is wrong by the way it feels in us – harsh and jarring because it lacks harmony with our Source vibration.

Now, if you – like so many people – have a critical voice in your head constantly scolding that you are too this, then not enough that, and certainly should always be this way, and absolutely never ever be THAT way, or telling you that everything you do is wrong, and will never be enough, then PLEASE take a deep breath!

Not one of those messages is true, no matter how convinced you may be in the moment that the statement is valid or accurate. The message is coming from a mindset that is out of alignment with our Source energy, our True vibration. So take another deep breath and remind yourself of that Truth.

The mean girl voice is trying to protect us from something. At some point in our past something happened that we did not enjoy, and do NOT wish to repeat. Mean girl (or the Gremlin) arose to protect us from that happening again. The mean voice is a part of ourselves trying to protect us from reliving some past hurt.

Unfortunately the way that she often tries to protect us is by having us play small. If we stop living life and stop taking chances, or reaching for something we really want, there will be FAR fewer opportunities for us to get hurt. And while that may have been an excellent strategy for a seven-year-old avoiding parental disappointment or wrath, it is energy-draining and self-defeating as a strategy in the adult world.

So we can love that scared part of ourselves, and give her a big ole hug for everything she’s been doing to try to help us. Then in my mind, I like to lead her to a lounge chair at the beach, hand her a margarita, and tell her to relax and take some time off!

Every time she gets off her beach chair and slings criticism at me, I recognize it by the discordant feeling within. That’s my cue to take a deep cleansing breath, and remind her (and me) that’s old, outdated thinking, and we’re not thinking that way anymore!

Then I go one step further to help heal this negative messaging that has been programmed into me.

Whatever the criticism was, whatever the mean comment, I KNOW that it’s wrong, so I turn it around.

If she tells me I did something wrong, I look for what I did well.

If she says I am ugly or unworthy, I write myself a love letter and tell me all the ways I am beautiful and worthy.

If she tells me I’m fat, I remind her that body shaming is unacceptable. 

Fabulous, amazing, beautiful women come in every size and shape of body, and every one of those bodies is beautiful and worthy. Our culture has a broken vision of what beauty is, and critical views of what we “should” look like in order to be considered beautiful. Well fuck that. I will not allow the opinions of others to heap shame, or heavy negative judgement on myself or anyone else!

We have become so indoctrinated to this weight hate that women sometimes put off living our lives. We’re finally going to have it all figured out and live our dreams when we reach that magic number on a scale. (Scales are treacherous, lying machines that will give you completely different numbers at different times of day, or in different rooms of the house. If you have a scale lurking somewhere in your home, I highly recommend destroying it at once.)

As long as we are focused on what we weigh, we will never be focused on what is truly important. (Hint: NOT a number on a lying scale.) Maybe that’s the reason the patriarchy decided to brainwash us into focusing on what we weigh in the first place?  

Please remember when you hear the mean voice that she is wrong.

You can choose to start reprogramming your thoughts to ones that make you feel amazing, beautiful, happy, and fulfilled every day of your life!

Grow on!

What message is the critic in your head repeating?
How true is that?
What would you rather believe?
If you heard someone give that same criticism to a young person you love, what would you tell the young person? What would you say to the mean girl voice?

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Nope, nope, nope!

Millions of thoughts pop into our heads every day. Some of them are constructive, and some, not so much. Some of them feel wonderful, and some create fear. Some inspire confidence, others manifest self-doubt. 

The trick is to remember that if they pop in uninvited,
you only need to entertain the ones you enjoy!

I talk to my clients all the time about “milking the moment” when they have a thought that feels wonderful. We want to hang onto those as long as we can, and really milk them for every drop of pleasure that we can get. 

Why? Because energy attracts like energy.

The more we focus on what we enjoy, the more the Universe brings us to enjoy!

So what about those thoughts that pop in unannounced that are destructive, fear filled, and confidence crushing? My advice is to get rid of them the instant we become aware of them.

It’s perfectly understandable, when experiencing a financial or medical uncertainty, that scary thoughts and worst case scenarios might pop into out head. But these thoughts are here without invitation, so we don’t throw them a big party and invite them to stay!

As soon as I notice that my mind has wandered into a scary neighborhood, I quickly repeat “nope, nope, nope!” It’s like a little energy canceling mantra I use to retrieve my energy from unwanted territory. The quicker I can catch myself, and redirect with “nope, nope, nope” the better! 

Why? Because energy attracts like energy.

The more we focus on what is unwanted, the more the Universe brings us what is unwanted!

Of course we occasionally must focus on something we’d rather not, like preparing our taxes. But I’m talking about creating stories in our head of unreal events that may never happen. It’s a HUGE, and completely unnecessary, waste of our energy. The faster we vacate that territory, the calmer, happier, and more energized we will feel!

Nope, nope, nope!

Then we can intentionally shift attention onto something we DO want to attract. We can entertain best case scenarios and visualize those. Or if the energy is currently too charged around that topic, shift subjects entirely and focus on something that is sure to lift your energy and inspire you. Your grandkids, your pet, crafts or hobbies, podcasts meant to inspire. Whatever it is for you.

After the nope, nope, nope disrupts the negative energy, focus on anything that allows you to feel uplifted, happy, empowered, or inspired.

Grow on!

What thoughts are you currently entertaining that could use a good “Nope, nope, nope!”?

Create a list of as many people, places, and practices you can think of that never fail to comfort you, or make you feel amazing.

For an incomplete list of resources that inspire the crap outta me & my clients so we can energize our lives & thrive, check out my fabulous fucking toy box at THIS LINK!

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The subtle art of not giving a FUCK what other people think

First and foremost, you are God. The energy animating our flesh is Divine Source energy, or what people like to call God.

Your core energy is Divine.
My core energy is Divine.
Their core energy is Divine.

Every one of us is an expression of the Divine Source energy that created everything in the Universe. We are absolutely perfect despite whatever flaws or shortcomings we think we perceive. When we begin with this understanding, it’s easy to see that no one is better than anyone. We are all equal, all One energy.

How other people think, and speak about me is NONE of my business because it has NOTHING to do with me.

What other people think of me, and how they treat me has NOTHING to do with me.

How other people think about me, what they say about me, and how they treat me has to do with only ONE thing, and it’s NOT me!

How other people think about me, what they say about me, and how they treat me has to do with only one thing: How in alignment, or out of alignment they are with their own core energy.

How in alignment, or out of alignment THEY are with THEIR own core energy. (Not my energy.) It has NOTHING to do with me.

Trying to figure out why they don’t like me, or why they treated me like that, or what I did “wrong” is a complete WASTE of energy! Trying to change their mind is also a huge waste of energy, and generally backfires because we feel defensive.

Does it feel good to be liked by others?

Absolutely!

Is it necessary for your wellbeing?

Not a chance.

If we live in such a way as to BE what someone else wants us to be, we are not our true authentic self. To BE the YOU that you came here to be, you must learn to listen to the guidance INSIDE of YOU. When we look outside for guidance, it’s complete chaos! 

Why?

Have you ever tried to get EVERYBODY, or even a large group of people to agree on ANYTHING? Everyone has their own idea about what’s right or wrong, or effective, based ONLY on their own experience and viewpoint. They do NOT have a guide book with hard and fast rules that work for every life.

Diet as an example.
How much do people agree on what the perfect weight loss plan is?
Do you see that working for EVERYONE?

WHY follow a path that someone ELSE is excited and passionate about when you can choose to follow a path that excites YOU, and that YOU are passionate about? If we follow a path made of other people’s opinions, the magnificent fullness of who you came here to BE cannot be realized, and you are cheating the world out of the unique perspective, the individual viewpoint that is YOU.

This is the definition of giving away your power.

This does not mean we can’t live a life that serves others, or in service to others – as long as we CHOOSE it for ourselves. If you are living a life of service because someone else wants you to, FUCK that!

And we don’t want to choose service to others ABOVE serving our own needs! You are not an afterthought! You are the central character in your own story.

I worry that others are judging me!

This thought is a mirror in two ways.

1- You judge yourself harshly, so you see them judging you.
2- You are judging them to be judgers in the process.

No one is ever judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. If they do, cut them out of your life, or minimize time spent with them, or set healthy boundaries by telling them to stop it.

The more you love yourself, the less harshly you criticize yourself, the easier it will be to see them as less critical, and less judgemental.

While you are not giving a fuck about what people think, I would also LOVE for you to not give a fuck what people do!

Other people are not the boss of you.
You are also not the boss of them!

They get to choose what they think is right and best for them. When we try to choose for them, our energy becomes entangled.

Energy entanglements DRAIN us!

Think how much energy it takes to make decisions for yourself and run your own life. Do you REALLY have the energy to also do that for everyone you love, and strangers too?

If so, WHERE on earth did you find that rule book titled This is the ONE right way for everyone! by R.O. Gant?

HUGE energy drain, and…

This is the definition of taking away their power, and we drain our own power when we try.

Short of situations where someone is harming you or others, take a deep breath and let that shit go!

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Misbehaved Kittens Russian Roulette of Self-Care

YAY for triggers!

What are triggers? Triggers are a golden fucking opportunities to expand our awareness, and grow through challenge. Triggers are gifts from the Universe, pointing to that which needs our attention.

Triggers are personal to each of us, and they generally piss us off, or generate some other strong, emotional response. They’re the things that get under our skin, which DEMAND a reaction from us. Often we can’t NOT react. And frequently, looking back, we wish we had acted in some other way instead of the way we reacted.

Generally triggers are accompanied by a feeling of stress. Whether we react, or hold back the reaction we feel, stress or anxiety are activated inside us. Sometimes we also beat ourselves up for having reacted. (Why did I let them get to me? I should be past this by now! What’s wrong with me? Or similar thoughts.) This can add shame to the toxic mixture of emotions already triggered within us, and increases our perceived stress.

Humans get triggered by all sorts of things. Think repeated behaviors that annoy, like a partner dropping dirty clothes on the floor, leaving dishes in the sink, or not calling when they will be late. These behaviors don’t trigger me – and maybe not you either – but they are triggers for many people. Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Coworkers, children, politicians, parents, or pets can all trigger us for different reasons.

Recently I was speaking with a client who has two new kittens that she adores. They are young, and energetic, and often misbehave and steal small, important objects and hide them out of reach. As we were talking, a new game popped into my head. 

What if every time the misbehaved kittens trigger frustration, we create an opportunity for self-love instead?

Misbehaved Kittens Russian Roulette of Self-Care

I suggested she make a list of everything she considers self-care, write each item on a slip of paper, and place the slips of paper into a hat, a fishbowl, or a fancy box. Then every time the kittens misbehave, she reaches into the fishbowl and pulls out a self-care prize, instead of shooting herself in the foot with stress, reactivity, blame, and shame. 

She loved the idea, and so do I!
I encourage everyone to play.

The game allows us to be triggered into self care, and replace stress-building reactions with desirable actions that reduce stress and build healthy habits! Of course you don’t need misbehaved kittens to play. You could play Annoying Coworker Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or Inattentive Spouse Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or my current personal favorite, Puppy Poops on the Carpet Russian Roulette of Self-Care.

So how do you define self-care?

Anything qualifies that makes YOU feel cared for, held, and supported. The header contains lots of great possibilities for self-care, and below is a short list. I encourage you to personalize your list to include your favorites, and only use those that truly resonate for you. Some women love to get pedicures and look forward to them as a pampering treatment. Others find them tedious, and don’t enjoy having their feet touched. There is no right or wrong. It’s about whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, cared for, and loved. 

Self-Care possibilities:

Make a gratitude list.
Dance for 5 to 10 minutes.
Schedule a massage.
Journal.
Get a mani-pedi.
Journal while you get a mani-pedi.
Fix a cup of your favorite tea.
Take a nap.
Sing your favorite song, and really belt it out.
Do some mirror work.
Take 10 slow deep breaths.
Take a 10 minute yoga break.
Sit in the jacuzzi.
Take a walk.
Spend time in the sun.
Write yourself a love note.
Go to bed early.
Call an uplifting friend.
Look at beautiful photos of nature.
Create art.

Grow on!

Make your own list of self-care.
Write each item on a slip of paper.
Place them in a container that pleases you.
Now when you feel triggered, you can choose to react by reaching for self-care.

Header image photo credit – Thanks to Western Oregon University!