Has shoulding yourself into action EVER been effective?
Honestly? Most people find that feeling we “should” do something drains our energy, so it’s demotivating rather than motivating. Should-dos and must-dos weigh heavily on the shoulders and mind.
Should is “could” with shame attached, and shame is the very lowest vibration. No wonder “should” is so heavy!
Could means we are at choice. We could do something if we chose to do it. It’s a choice, an option, completely voluntary. Should suggests that we are somehow less-than if we choose not to do whatever we are shoulding ourselves to do.
When we have choices, we feel more empowered!
Should means we don’t have a choice, and nothing makes us feel more powerless. Simply shifting our thought from, “I should wash the dishes,” to “I want to wash the dishes so the kitchen will be tidy,” can be immensely energizing.
I’m not talking rainbows and lollypops. I’m talking about creating new thought pathways that cause less stress in our lives. Less stress means less cortisol and less disease, so it’s worth the effort! And finding ways to reframe your thoughts can be fun, and creative.
Catching your ‘shoulds’ is the first step. Listen for them when you speak and think. When you catch yourself, stop and ask:
Why do I believe I should? What is the worst that will happen if I don’t? Can I live with that? How can I reframe it so that I am choosing to do this? What’s the most positive aspect about choosing to do this? How can I make this fun?
having trouble reframing a ‘should’ statement? drop it in the comments and I’ll help you brainstorm some ideas, so you can take back your power!
Humans love delicious food to celebrate the good times, and we use food to soothe ourselves during challenging times.
Self-soothing with food is something to which most of us relate, though I’ve heard people say they don’t like the term ‘self-soothing’ or that self-soothing is for wussies. But if you are stress-eating, or using food to deal with anxiety, push away discomfort, or buffer uncomfortable emotions, you are self-soothing with food. What’s your favorite comfort food? Pizza? Mac & cheese? Chicken soup? Sugary sweets? Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the food is, it’s the act of eating that soothes us simply by causing a momentary distraction.
One drawback to using food to soothe is that it tends to result in overeating and excess weight. Comfort foods rarely include vegetables, and almost always include either high fat or processed sugar. While neither of those is detrimental in small doses, if we are overeating them on a regular basis, they can cause physical discomfort, increased health risks, chemical imbalances, confusion, emotional fluctuations, and spiritual stress (due to being out of alignment with personal wellbeing goals).
Used repeatedly as an anesthetic, soothing with food sets up the craving/reward cycle.
Cravings and Rewards
A bigger problem with using food to sooth discomfort is that we train ourselves into a cycle of craving and reward. When we experience an emotion that is uncomfortable, then reach for food to dull our discomfort, we are rewarded with a little hit of dopamine.
Dopamine is a chemical signal from our brain that we have done something that sustains life. Our body regularly produces dopamine when we are warm, when we eat, when we have sex – because these things are necessary for survival. The dopamine REWARDS us by making us feel good for a minute.
We experience discomfort. We soothe with food. We receive a chemical reward of dopamine. We experience discomfort, soothe with food, receive a reward. Experience discomfort, soothe, receive reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Our lizard brain now believes that the foods with which we soothe are necessary for survival. When you try NOT to soothe with food, your mind will try to convince you that you will DIE if you do not indulge.
Have you ever experienced a time when you felt you HAD to have something? Where you felt you couldn’t NOT eat (smoke, drink, do) something, like you will DIE if you don’t? That’s what that was about! Your lizard brain actually thinks it will die without that dopamine reward. Processed sugar produces a highly concentrated hit of dopamine, much higher than the amount we are normally rewarded for engaging in life-sustaining behaviors, so if you are self-soothing with sugary treats, the craving/reward cycle becomes much more powerful.
Despite what our lizard brain thinks, we will not DIE if we don’t get that sugary treat. Imagine a six-year old throwing a tantrum because you won’t give her a candy bar. She can scream and cry and throw the biggest fit full of snot and tears, but you know she’ll be fine. She won’t die because you don’t give her the candy, right?
Compromised Immune System
Another issue with using food as comfort is that it causes an overload of toxins that our body systems must deal with. While the body is focused on removing toxins from less-than-healthy food choices, it has less energy to keep the immune system strong to protect us from illness. And isn’t THAT what we’re all craving right now? Safety. Protection from harm. Food can’t give us that, but a strong immune system can. Protecting our immune system might be the number one reason at this time to avoid using food to soothe our challenging emotions.
Food is fuel. It’s meant to efficiently power our physical body. When we eat to soothe or comfort ourselves, we actually cause discomfort. We experience physical discomfort or mental/emotional discomfort, even spiritual discomfort from misuse and overuse of food.
Food is NOT a healthful coping mechanism.
Things are feeling really stressful for a LOT of people right now. No one will blame you if you overeat or if you eat foods you normally don’t eat, and you certainly won’t be the only one. But if you want to comfort yourself in a healthy way, or soothe any anxiety you may be feeling, there are many ways to do that without using food.
Some effective ways to soothe without food include:
Physically place your hand on your heart and pet it. This is an amazingly effective technique for comfort!
Wrap your arms across your chest and around your own shoulders and give your self a long hug.
Write yourself a letter and say every comforting thing you wish someone else were saying to you right now, or that you would say right now to a child whom you love with all your heart.
Get outdoors every day.
If you can’t get outdoors, google gorgeous landscape photography and imagine yourself in the photograph! Your imagination is a powerful tool.
Take a walk, even if it’s indoors.
Go for a run.
Put on your favorite song and dance around your living room.
Call a good friend for a long chat.
Journal about your emotions or about the circumstances you experience and what you are thinking about them.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend. Have a full conversation about how you understand how hard this is, that you’re sorry you’re going through this, and remind yourself that you will get through this, that everything will work out again, whatever you would tell a close friend in this circumstance, tell it to YOU out loud so you hear it in your own voice.
Please list your favorite HEALTHY ways to cope or soothe in the comments! I love hearing from my readers!
I am a fairly fearless person, and I have been feeling an undercurrent of fear in my community strong enough to pull me under – and I do NOT watch TV news shows. Feeling that fear is completely understandable, especially for those of us sensitive to energy. Over the last few days I have had several times where I simply felt like something is off.
Like a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. The panic wasn’t my own, it was seeping in from the general atmosphere of fear surrounding the globe. It didn’t last long, but it sapped my energy JUST enough to make me wonder if I might be coming down with something. There are multitudes of people panicking right now, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
If we watch the whole thing unfold on news programs, more of us will die from stress than from virus!
It makes sense to keep informed from reliable sources of news, but if we are living on a steady diet of ‘what’s happening in the world’ without digesting some kind of counterpoint as well, it depletes not only our energy, but our immunity.
Don’t do that to yourself!
First of all, reduce your exposure to the news. Don’t let it saturate your waking hours with fear and anxiety!
Counterpoint can be anything that lifts your spirits.
Watch a feel-good movie or TV show. Get out in nature! Move your body. Try a new meditation app Research something that interests you. Have a long conversation on the phone with someone you love. Read uplifting books and blogs. Listen to something uplifting on YouTube. – One of my FAVORITES: Everything is Always Working Out for Me Here are links that frame the virus in a different perspective – What if the Virus is Medicine? From Heartward Sanctuary – What if… by Gurpreet Gill
Choose whatever counterpoint you like, as long as you LIKE it.
If we eat a steady diet of fear, we become fear filled. If we balance that with counterpoint, we can become whatever we choose to look at. We can be inspired. We can be informed. We can be calm, prepared, steady, helpful, uplifting, fulfilled, joyous.
The choice is ours.
Purification Meditation ~
This exercise will communicate to your energy system (body) that you are willing to align with vibrant health, and willing to release any resistance to wellbeing you may have been holding.
Visualize yourself in a stream of light. Let it pour through you as if you are translucent.
Allow the light to cleanse and rejuvenate every cell in your body as it pours through you, warms you, strengthens you, and purifies you physically.
Then reverse the stream and allow the light to emanate from within you. Imagine it purifying all your cells as it streams out from you.
Please feel free to share YOUR favorite counterpoint activities in the comments!
Everyone is currently talking about the importance of a healthy immune system, and I could not agree MORE!
We’ve heard reminders about the importance of proper hydration, plenty of rest, washing our hands, eating healthy foods, – avoid crap food because if your body is already struggling with garbage and toxins, it has less strength to fight off viruses – drinking less alcohol, reducing smoking, washing our hands, staying active, taking probiotics, getting some sunshine every day, and then washing our hands again.
All of these things are GREAT to boost immunity, plus they help us feel healthier & more energized! One thing I have not heard mentioned in this torrent of common sense is to get engaged!
Human beings are energy systems.
We literally exist to flow energy. When our energy is not flowing it is stagnant, and our energy system feels depressed. Stuck energy causes physical dis-ease, and once we stop flowing energy, our Spirit disengages from our physical body and we have our ‘death’ experience. – According to Abraham, we never die. We are eternal beings and when we ‘die’ we still exist as non-physical energy that is 100% engaged in all the same subjects of interest we had while in physical form.
The only way to flow energy is to engage energy.
So get engaged! Find something that you are passionate about and focus on that. That’s what flows energy and sustains our Spirit. Boredom will kill us! Boredom stagnates our energy and energy needs to flow.
So besides following all of the wonderful common sense advice to eat right, get plenty of rest, and wash your hands repeatedly, get excited about your life! If we’re not feeling passionate about SOMETHING, we are an easy target for that energy transference known as ‘death’ that so many people fear.
If we are sleepwalking through life, going to work, surviving the mental clutter in our mind, emotionally drained, tolerating relationships, physically inactive, and spiritually unanchored, then we are NOT energetically engaged! Washing our hands a million times can’t boost our immune system enough to counteract this level of energy stagnation.
When we stop flowing energy in this physical body, when we stop being engaged in our current life, we are as likely to die in our sleep or in a freak accident as to be taken out by a viral pandemic.
More than one client this week has expressed a fear of dying, and anyone watching TV, or surfing the internet these days might resonate with that fear.
Fear of death might mean that we do not understand our eternal, infinite nature. But my intuition tells me that most people are afraid to die because there is something the heart longs to do that is yet undone. THAT is where passion lies! Focus on THAT because it will flow energy and feed your resilience, and expand your soul.
Many clients have told me they don’t know what THAT is for them, so they get discouraged. I say let that encourage you! If your fear of death is telling you there is MORE yet to be done, that your purpose is not yet fulfilled, then allow that knowing to fill you with HOPE! Not hope simply that death will not yet come for you, but hope that you have purpose and your purpose will again engage and flow energy through this life. And flowing energy is the purpose. Of all life.
So go get engaged! Find your passion and flow with it.
What do you enjoy? Find ways to incorporate it into your life as soon & as often as possible.
If you do not know what you enjoy, it’s very possible that until now, others have defined your life for you. If this is true for you, I encourage you not to be too hard on yourself, because it is true for MANY people. It’s quite common to let our parents, our spouse, our children, or our career define “who” we are. But when their version of who we ‘should be’ no longer inspires us, or when the outside influence goes away, we may not know what we truly want or where to flow our energy.
Try doing something differently than you normally do it. Do you enjoy that? Do it again! Not so much? Forget about that experiment and try something different.
Enjoy it? Keep it. Do it again. Not so much? Move on to experiment with a new experience.
The important thing is to get that energy flowing. You’ll figure it out as you go. You’ve GOT this.
Here are a few options to engage energy and get it flowing:
Physical activity to move or unstick physical energy. Journal to unstick mental/emotional energy & gain clarity. See a therapist to unstick old emotional energy. Hire a coach to help identify and remove energy blocks. Plan activities with friends or family to engage social energy. Reduce exposure to toxic people to move stuck energy. Be of service to others to engage social and spiritual energies. Take self-maintenance seriously to engage spiritual energy. Meditate or connect with nature to move spiritual energy. Read spiritually uplifting books or blogs. Clean home and office to move energy in your environment.
What’s YOUR favorite way to engage energy or get unstuck? Please share in the comments!
Because we feel emotions, physically, in our bodies. Human beings experience emotions as a specific set of physical sensations. For example when I feel grief, my body feels deeply weighted and lethargic. When I feel joy, my heart feels light, as if filled with helium, and I have a humming vibration along my skin. Self-doubt feels like my body is contracting inward away from the world, and confidence feels expansive, light, and powerful.
Our emotions are simply vibrations that we feel in our body, and are part of our human experience. In and of themselves, these vibrations cannot harm us!
Emotions are vibrations that we experience as completely harmless physical sensations.
So if the vibrations can’t harm us, why do so many people go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid what we perceive as negative emotions?
That’s what’s happening if my lover leaves me and I eat a gallon of ice cream. I’m trying to avoid feeling the pain of my emotions. Same thing with drugs and alcohol. People are drawn to using these substances to numb our ‘hard’ emotions, the sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, or worry that crop up in our lives.
And who would blame us? There are situations and circumstances in this lifetime where every one of us can relate to why THAT emotion might hurt too much to feel, and why someone might choose to numb the pain. It’s sort of like if you break your leg, that HURTS. No one is going to bat an eye if you take some pain killers for that. So if someone is going through emotional pain, it’s understandable that we might want some pain killers for that, too.
The broken leg eventually heals, our pain subsides, and our use of pain killers ceases. Emotional pain eventually heals, too but not until we allow ourselves to transform the pain, and transforming the pain requires allowing ourselves to FEEL the emotion.
This is where it can get a bit tricky, because we feel the pain and want to numb it to avoid it, so we do (normal).
But if we do not stop numbing the emotional pain and allow ourselves to feel it, to move through it, we can get stuck in the cycle of continuously numbing that pain to not feel it, then feeling it and numbing it, feel the pain then numb the pain. Unlike the broken leg, it’s not going to heal until you allow yourself to feel your feelings. If we attempt to push our emotions away, they keep coming back. We cannot resist our emotions.
If we wish to get past our challenging emotions, we must allow the experience by being present with the emotion.
I remember the first time my coach suggested this to me I thought she was mad. I had been avoiding hard emotions for decades with booze and sugar, and she wanted me to sit with those feelings?!
The idea positively made my skin crawl!
Then she taught me the most amazing technique. I learned to objectively describe the emotion as the physical sensations I experienced in my body – without attaching my story to it, and without wallowing in the emotion.
When we experience the physical vibration of the emotion without attaching a story to it, we can simply observe the experience of emotion, rather than becoming the emotion.
“I am experiencing anger,” has a much different energy than, “I am angry.” Feel the difference?
Physical description: the anger feels physically like a kick in my gut. My face is hot and red and my heart is beating faster than normal. I can feel my pulse through my whole body.
Description with our story attached might look like this: I am so PISSED that person did XYZ to me! What is wrong with them? Were they raised by wolves? Who acts that way? This will never work! I won’t stand for it! I have every right to be furious about this!
Which description drains more energy?
When we attach a story to the emotion, we attach ourselves to it.
Our emotions do not define us. They are not who we are. They are simply indicators of where we are at any given moment.
Reach for a better feeling thought.
As a core energy coach, I help clients shift perspective to find a vibration that allows greater success in their lives. Sometimes people get the wrong idea and think that we are supposed to push away bad feeling emotions and strive to feel only positive ones, and that is NOT the case at all.
We absolutely want to trade up the emotional ladder, to feel better and better and better about ourselves and our lives, but we can’t do that by only experiencing our positive emotions and repressing those we don’t enjoy as much.
If we take a few moments to actually be present with our hard emotions (describe them physically), then we are able to move through the emotion and beyond it to a better feeling vibration and not just pushing it away hoping it won’t pop up again.
The human experience is a kaleidoscope of emotions, each color adding depth and meaning to the overall picture. The more colors we integrate, the more rich and beautiful our lives become.
We gotta feel ALL our feels.
What physical sensations do you experience when you feel angry? Sad? Anxious? Shame? Guilt? Peace? Confidence? Hopeful? Inspired? Joyous?
Which emotions do you try not to feel? Which emotion is your least fave? Describe that emotion physically and allow yourself to observe it.
I hear clients ask, “What if they don’t DESERVE my love?!”
Choosing to feel love benefits YOU. Choosing negative emotions harms YOU.
It has nothing to do with what they deserve. What do you deserve? Which emotions do you want to feel? Because YOU are the only one feeling your emotions.
Hate, anger, disappointment, irritation, fear. These emotions create catabolic energy (and lead to the dark side!). Catabolic energy breaks down or destroys. Catabolic emotions weaken us physically, mentally and spiritually. These emotions drain our energy, leave us depleted, and have zero affect on the person we create the emotions about!
Unless we are creating these emotions about ourselves.
Then they have exponential destructive power in our lives. Creating catabolic emotions about ourselves and directing that catabolic energy at ourselves through a magnifying glass is the most energy draining, soul-destroying thing we can do!
So why not simply choose to LOVE, like and encourage yourself? Why not give yourself a break? Count yourself as learning and experimenting instead of failing. Simply allow yourself to be YOU in all your flawsomeness without beating yourself up for being human. Love creates anabolic energy. Anabolic energy creates and heals.
How can you know that catabolic destroys and anabolic creates?
Try this energy experiment:
Sit quietly a minute and empty your thoughts for an instant. Then, think that thought that you always think about yourself when you are beating yourself up – yep, the really mean one. Notice how that feels physically. Where and how do you feel it in your body?
Sit quietly a minute and empty your thoughts for an instant. Just breathe in and out deeply three times, returning to neutral. Then, think about the person you adore most in this world. Your child or grandchild, your dog or your lover. Whoever you MOST love with ease and great abundance. How does THAT energy feel in your body? Where does it vibrate?
That should demonstrate pretty clearly that catabolic energy drains and depletes us, and anabolic energy heals, uplifts, and connects us to others.
So why not choose love?
It feels yummy! It’s good for the body, mind and spirit. It’s GREAT for healing relationships. It adds joy wherever it bubbles out. So why not choose love?
Still back at “What if they don’t deserve my love?”
I hear this OFTEN from clients! That is a totally normal reaction. (Side note: If someone is hurting you, they do not deserve your love. But YOU deserve your love, so if someone is harming you, you’ll need enough self-love to walk away.)
How possible is it to impose your emotions on another?
Our emotions have zero affect on the person we are creating these emotions about! Our emotions can only effect us! Don’t believe me? Ever known anyone who was madly in love and pouring all of their energy, love, affection, and attention on someone who barely notices them? Right? That’s the theme of pretty much every romantic comedy ever made. You can’t make someone else feel what you feel. We each create and experience our own emotions.
So why choose to be angry at someone when YOU are the only one being harmed by the catabolic emotion you create? If YOU are the only one receiving benefit or detriment due to the emotions you create, why not choose anabolic, good-feeling emotions that build you up and create more opportunities in your life?
Humans often feel overwhelmed because there is so MUCH we choose to do. We just can’t fit it all in our heads sometimes. So pick just ONE, and focus on that.
Yes, you want it all. You deserve it all, and you can have it all.
But you can’t have it all TODAY.
So what can you have today? We need to start somewhere, so sit with that list of desires and decide which one thing you want to focus on first. Maybe you want a new job, you want to reduce your weight, and you’ve been meaning to start writing that novel in your spare time. Pick just one to start, and focus on that one goal. Focusing on all of them splits our energy so there is less of it to spend on anything! Choose the one that is most calling to your soul at this moment.
Then break that goal into bite-sized chunks.
Let’s use weight reduction as our example because it’s a challenge that many of us relate to.
What is one small step that you can take today that moves you closer to that one goal? Maybe there are two small steps you can take. Maybe the first step is to make a list of the steps required to complete your goal. Make that list and then prioritize it.
Things to do on this list might include changing the foods we choose, adding more physical activity, journaling, hiring a coach, food & activity tracking, and many other tools that may appeal to you to provide results in the weight reduction/health improvement category.
If we try to add all of these, it quickly becomes cumbersome to try to juggle all of these new behaviors at the same time. So pick just one step and focus on that piece. Let one of those new behaviors be your starting point. If we have been completely or mostly sedentary, then the most obvious place to begin might be increasing physical activity. Increasing physical activity will look different for each individual, so do not compare your own starting place to anyone else’s! Just start moving.
Pick an activity you enjoy and put it in the schedule on a regular basis (at least 3 times a week). Then show up for yourself!
Pro tip: If you hate going to the gym, don’t try to make that your keystone habit! There are a million ways to get active, so choose something you enjoy. Create a dance party indoor living room, even if it’s just one song each morning, or find a dance class near you. Swimming can be fun year round if you live near an indoor pool or in a warm climate. Walking with friends gets the blood flowing and gives us a chance to connect with someone.
Don’t judge yourself! If you tell yourself you are too old, or out-of-shape to move your body, your body will believe you and just sit on the couch!
We’re not asking ourselves to do ALL the things society is ‘shoulding’ on us. We have chosen one piece of one goal that is important to us, and we have committed to do it consistently until it’s a habit.
Once we have created that habit, we can return to our list of goals and decide which piece to add next. We evaluate the list to see which piece will provide the biggest shift toward our goal, or which piece sounds fun and exciting to embark on next, and we challenge ourselves to add that step alongside our new habit. So besides being more active in some fun way we enjoy at least 3 times a week, we are now also avoiding dairy, or reducing fat intake, or taking a nutrition class, or whatever the next right piece for YOU seems to be that moves you one step closer to where you want to be.
We can’t do it all at once. Our brains get overwhelmed when we try. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing more, and as a consequence, we tend to do less! So instead of ALL of it, just take the next one step that seems reasonable and achievable today! And instead of beating up on yourself for not doing every damn thing TODAY, celebrate yourself for taking a step in the direction of you goal.
You took action, and that’s not nothing! Taking action toward your dreams is a very big something that many MANY other people did not do today, so GO YOU!! You are awesome and amazing for being brave enough to take action!
Think about how we CELEBRATE when our child takes those first tiny steps. Do we berate her for not standing up straight and walking all the way across the room? Hell no. We praise her, and rejoice because we know this is just the beginning. She will walk independently and learn to run. But not today! Her baby steps are all she needs to give her the confidence that will carry her to her next steps.
Celebrate your baby steps. If you stumble, just get up and try again.
Make a list of what you MOST want right now. Which of your dreams makes your heart sing more than the others? In what ways is one of them crucial to achieving the others? What steps will bring you to this goal? (If you don’t yet know all of them, list the parts you know so far.) Which of those steps seems like the next logical one? Which of these steps most inspires you to action? How will you implement one of these steps into your life this week? What might get in your way and how can you plan to overcome that?
If you are still feeling confused or overwhelmed, you’re not alone! This is the kind of thing that people hire coaches for every day!
If you like my style and are considering hiring a personal coach, please contact me here, or by calling 707-515-8324.
Most humans (and I would venture to guess ALL parents) feel overwhelmed at least some of the time, and especially during the holidays. But what is overwhelm? The dictionary defines it as “bury or drown beneath a huge mass.” When most of us talk about feeling overwhelmed, we are not literally being buried or drowned beneath a huge mass, but the thoughts we think about our to-do list make it feel like we are. So it’s our thoughts that make us feel overwhelmed.
The cool thing is that once we realize how we think about and prioritize our never-ending to-do lists, we can release MOST, if not all, of what people define as overwhelm.
Infinity and Beyond
Remember – We are eternal beings, so we can never get it “done.” You can stop stressing that you never get to the end of your to-do list. You never will. No one does. Don’t let them tell you they do.
It helps to remember your WHY.
Analyze each item on your list and ask, “Why do I choose to do this?”
You are at choice and you CHOSE to put those things on your to-do list. If an item feels like it’s being imposed on your list, ask yourself WHY you are allowing it to be imposed. Maybe you love someone that needs you to do it, or maybe it just has to get done. Why does it have to get done? So the bills get paid. So the kids get an education. So the relationship feels secure. There is a WHY for every item on the list.
If you can remember why you want to do it, it won’t drain your energy like it does when you think you have no choice. No one wants to feel they’re being forced to do anything, and that feeling of powerlessness drains our energy. Any time we feel we “have to” (should) do something, or “need to” do something, it drains our energy.
Change your thoughts.
If you resent or dread doing an item on your list, you have at least three choices. You can decide it does not really need doing and just ditch it. You can delegate it to someone else. Or you can change the way you think about it so it won’t drain your energy.
For example, if an item on your list is to dust and vacuum the house. Why are you doing that? Do you feel like you “should” because you have guests coming to dinner? Does it need doing because the house is dirty? Does someone else want it done? Do you choose to do it because having a tidy home lifts your energy?
When we feel we “should” do something it’s usually because we fear others will judge us if we don’t do it. We could choose this if we wanted to, but we do it because we will feel shame (around what others think) if we do not do it. THAT drains the energy right out of your toes! Doesn’t it?
Needing to do it is not as draining as having to do it, but it still drains us. There is a reason for it to get done (the house is dirty) but I still feel at the effect of circumstances, instead of in control of my choices.
Does that resonate for you? Don’t take my word for it, check in with your gut.
Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do because it needed to be done? Of course! We all have. We all know someone that works a job they don’t love because they need the paycheck. Talk about energy draining. If we are doing anything because we feel we have to, or need to, just adding it to our list drains our energy before we ever take action.
Don’t you feel most inclined to do it cheerfully when you are choosing to do it? It seems like a quick easy chore that lifts our energy for our effort! I like a tidy environment. I feel most clear, focused and creative in a tidy, organized space. It takes 10-15 minutes to do the dusting and run the vacuum, and then I FEEL BETTER!
Yes! And I have energy to spare on whatever I love to do!
Speaking of what you love to do…
Most importantly, how many items on your list answer the “why” question with “for the fun of it” or “because I enjoy it”?
If the answer to that is zero, don’t feel bad! You’re not alone on this point by any stretch of the imagination. Most of us tend to let go of what we want to do in favor of the ‘have-to-do’ and ‘need-to-do’ items.
Why? Because many of us were taught that doing what we WANT before what we SHOULD makes us selfish. It does not make us selfish! It makes us happy. It makes us resilient. It makes us creative and thoughtful, and it energizes our lives.
Add something to the to-do list right now simply for the pleasure it brings. Do something you love daily and just WATCH the difference it makes in your energy level! At least add something once a week that you do just for the joy of it.
It can be anything you love. Read a book. Soak in a long hot bath. Go to the movies and book dinner at a fine restaurant. Avoid movies and restaurants so you can afford to travel. Pick up that yoga practice you put down. Write that book you’ve always wanted to write. Go dancing once a week. Create a three-minute dance party in your living room every day.
Whatever it is that makes your heart sing, add it to your calendar now. Make time for it. Make time for you, and there will be more time and energy for the to-do list!
Look at your “to-do” list and ask yourself, “Why do I choose to do this?” Which items on your list can be ditched? Which items on your list can be delegated? Name one activity that you enjoy tremendously that you have not done in a long time? What is one activity that LIFTS your energy every time you do it? How can you fit those activities into your schedule? Why is it important for you to choose something just for the joy it brings?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I hope this post helps you shift your thoughts enough to relieve some of that stress. If not, consider hiring a coach to help you shift your energy from exhausted to energized!
I offer a FREE session to anyone considering hiring a coach, so we can discuss the ways that coaching can help, and see if partnering together would be of benefit for your situation. If I am not the right fit for your coaching needs, I have a list of AMAZING certified coaches at this link.
The reason I became a coach is to help people live the greatest version of themselves. To that end, I find it crucial to practice joy daily.
I also think it’s vital to keep a tool kit lying around that contains tools that lift my spirits. Whether I start with a low vibe or am already in high spirits, any of the items in my tool kit help to raise my vibe above wherever I started.
Create your own tool box full of quick pick-me-ups to lift your spirit and raise your energy quickly! Here are just a few suggestions from my own tool box that I love. Check them out!
If any of them raise your vibe, stick ’em in YOUR tool kit!
This is one of my favorite videos. It soothes my soul and I return to it over and over and over again! If you want to see the full screen version, follow this link to Facebook. It’s an amazing meditation, and it’s usually the first thing I reach for when I feel blue.
Of COURSE I feel blue sometimes – I am HUMAN! It’s important to understand that people who focus on positive, prosperous, good-feeling energy don’t walk around in a perpetual state of bliss or nirvana, never experiencing challenges. Humans have challenges because they are part of the growth process.
However, when challenges arise, those of us focussed on a positive mindset don’t feel like we’ve been kicked in the dirt and left without choice. We find our balance faster, and move quickly from focusing on the challenge to creating one or more solutions.
Feng Shui Your Mind Body Spiritis an online course with abundant content that uplifts my soul! I did this course last year, but I return to it over and over again to listen to the uplifting and inspiring recordings FULL of positive energy and fabulous tips to keep you balanced and growing toward your goals!
Her partner in the online course Feng Shui Your Mind Body Spirit is Michelle Dwyer MS, CNC, an AWESOME Health Coach & Nutrition Consultant with a Masters in Health and Nutrition.
Both practitioners bring vast wisdom to this course with an extremely approachable playbook full of fun, easy, practical ways to integrate the wisdom into your life! Together their energy blends into a kick-ass, high-vibe resource that I love having in my arsenal of joy!
Besides their beautiful course, I highly recommend working one on one with both of these extraordinary women.
Click their name above to follow the links for more info.
I adore Tosha Silver’s books!
I took this picture of her at the Book Passage when I heard her speak there last April when she released her newest book that I HIGHLY recommend to everyone, It’s Not Your Money.
It’s about releasing financial worry by surrendering finances to the Divine.
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It is my mission with this blog to help raise the consciousness of the planet one person at a time. I share stories from my own life, and answer questions I frequently get from my clients. I hope to help the reader realize they are not alone on this awesome journey. We are all on the same journey. We are all One.
From uncovering the life of your dreams by Bruce Schneider:
My purpose in life is not to teach, preach, or convince anyone of anything, but instead to empower others to seek their own answers, access their true dreams, and overcome anything that gets in the way of making those dreams a reality.
Before my short trip to Hawaii last month, I prepped TWO blog posts to post while I was away! All I needed to do was add a couple of photos of island fruits, and I was ALL set! Go me!! My intention was to keep the blog rolling smoothly without a pause while we were away and it worked GREAT!
Until we got home again and you guys haven’t heard a WORD from me since.
While I was in Hawaii I realized I had lost my way.
My life was completely OUT of balance. I love all three of my careers and I pour my heart and soul into running my businesses. I was allowing ALL of my time to be absorbed into working with clients, building my businesses, coaching classes & certifications, advertising & marketing, scheduling, bookkeeping & other administrative tasks. My whole world was skewed toward career and my whole schedule skewed toward finances.
Considering how much passion I have for coaching and for massage therapy and for landscape photography, it’s no wonder that I allow it to consume me! I even enjoy marketing and writing advertising copy, so it’s easy to see why I would let it absorb all of my waking hours!
The intentions I set for Hawaii were to 1) stay hydrated, and 2) ZERO hours committed to business activities. ~I made a big exception for coaching calls, which I am THRILLED to add into my travel schedule BECAUSE building a coaching practice that allows me to travel while working is one of my BIG goals!
The amount of free time was almost overwhelming and gave me a deeply needed rest for my body, mind and spirit. It also gave me lots of time to reflect, and I realized how out of balance my life had become.
Yes, I love my work. I am good at it, and passionate about it, but woman cannot live on work alone! I was neglecting every other area of my life. My relationships, my spiritual connection, my self-care, and fun had somehow all been erased from my schedule in favor of serving my clients and my financial needs.
I had been so focussed on my clients’ health and well-being that I allowed myself to lose track of my own. The realization hit me like a freight train and stopped me in my tracks. How positively human of me!
Since we returned from Kona I have spent every spare minute carefully restructuring my schedule to prioritize things quite differently.
YES! I still want hours each week to focus on building my business, handling administrative tasks, and furthering my coaching education, and I need more hours to market my coaching practice – something I never needed with the massage practice. All of these things are vitally important, but so are self-care and fun. I tell my clients this every day, so I am taking my own advice.
My new schedule includes time every day – 7 days a week – for moving my body, connecting to Source energy, reading something that inspires me, and writing. These things are non-negotiable, like showing up for work.
After that, whatever I have listed in my schedule gets handled with more ease and joy!
What is it that you long to fit into your schedule? Why is it important to you? What would happen to your to-do list if you simply allowed it space? How will you feel while doing it? How will you integrate it? All at once? Little by little?
There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m just curious.