Free To Feel Fully Human

Some emotions get a bad rap. You know the ones I mean.  Those that get branded negative, the ones that don’t feel good when we feel them in our bodies.  Emotions like anger, resentment, fear, or disgust, are ones that people don’t enjoy, and often try to avoid.  

I’m a mindset coach, and one of the things I help people do is explore different perspectives.  If we have deeply held beliefs that are not serving us, then it can be quite beneficial to shift the way that we’re thinking.  A common misperception that happens is that clients want to change how they feel, without first acknowledging the emotions they already feel.

It makes sense.  Of course we don’t want to feel hard emotions.  Who does?   But suppressing those emotions takes a lot of energy, and robs us of part of the rich tapestry of the human experience.  Imagine if an artist created her paintings with only the middle tones of colors, leaving the most vibrant colors on either end of the spectrum out of the picture. We wouldn’t get the full experience, would we?

Start Where You Are

We cannot change how we feel until we process the emotions we are already experiencing.  And it’s important to remember that ALL of our emotions are okay. They are what they are. People don’t control their emotions. Our emotions arise to show us what we’re thinking.  Our emotions arrive with the message to pay attention – become aware – of the thoughts we are choosing. (Spoiler alert: our thoughts CREATE our emotions!)

So if you feel angry, disappointed, or hurt.  Allow yourself to FEEL angry, disappointed or hurt.  Sit with the feeling.  Acknowledge it.  Instead of resisting challenging emotions, allow them to be what they are – sensations in our body.  Practice describing the physical sensations you feel when you feel the emotion. Then try “being with” the emotion by focusing on the physical sensations.

Example: fear to speak in public might feel to some people like sweaty palms, increased heart rate, tight shoulders. If that’s the case, focus on the palms, the heart, the shoulders, without attaching the story of public speaking. Observe the physical sensations objectively, and they begin to subside.

For a more active method of processing emotions, find a safe space, set a timer and give yourself 15 or 20 minutes to just be obsessed, or throw a fit or have a tantrum. Scream into your pillow, or beat it up. Vomit the voices in your head onto pages you can burn later.  Your inner child is asking to be heard and is not going to let you feel content again until you give yourself some space to process those emotions.  Cry if you need to. Let yourself rage until the timer goes off.

You’ll be surprised and delighted how quickly the intensity of the emotion  can dissipate.

If your emotions feel too big to handle on your own, like they might swallow you if you let yourself be alone with them, then find a wonderful therapist to create that safe space with you.

Avoiding or suppressing our emotions cannot destroy that catabolic energy.
It simply transfers that energy somewhere else.  It’s like holding a beach ball underwater, eventually it’s going to pop back up with a lot of force.  Many times when we try to suppress anger,
or resentment that energy gets even heavier and shows up as shame, depression,
or self-doubt.

If we try to suppress fear, and brush it off as nothing, we could learn that we’re in actual danger and our intuition was giving us a very important message.  I like to ask my anger or my disappointment what it’s trying to tell me.  If you are feeling angry about something, there is a reason for that anger, and only you know what that reason is.  What is your anger trying to tell you?  (Hint: it’s NOT that someone else needs to shape up.)

Processing our emotions is important.

This is not the same as directing our emotions at somebody else.   We can’t spill anger, frustration and irritation on others and expect them to process it for us. They are not responsible for our emotions any more than we are responsible for theirs!  If this has been your experience of hard emotions – people directing them at you, or others around you – it makes perfect sense that you would want to suppress them, or that you would see them as harmful or scary. Anyone would feel that way. Processing our emotions is an introspective thing, meaning it is a mirror to look into in order to learn more about our own mind, and improve our own experience of life.  

Trying to shift mindset without processing emotions first is like putting a happy-face sticker on a gas gauge so you can’t see that the tank is empty. It looks better on the surface but doesn’t address the underlying cause!

Once we have accepted that we have challenging emotions (as all humans do), then we can process them. Once we have processed our emotions, then we can begin to shift our mindset so that we attract better feeling emotions!

Grow on!

How comfortable are you feeling all of your emotions?

How comfortable are you expressing all of your emotions?

What emotions are you suppressing?

How might that be affecting your life?


This is a process I help my clients with all the time! If you are ready to transform your life, please contact me at this link to schedule a short conversation. I look forward to connecting with you.

Own Your Awesome!

Human beings have a hard time owning our awesome.  We can see it, admire it, value it, but rarely do we ever want to attach it to ourselves.

I want you to own your awesome, so here’s a simple exercise I hope will help.

Make a list of your values.
Make a list of qualities you admire in others.

The lists will be different for each of us, but could look like this:
Nature
Connection
Vitality
Faith
Confidence
Joyful
Independent
Creative
Honest  
Professional  
Trustworthy 
Reliable  
Calm
Effective
Helpful

As I mentioned in my earlier post, Who Do You Admire Most?,
if you SEE these qualities, you ARE these qualities.

“I am” statements help us own qualities in a powerful way!

Often we use them against ourselves:
I am broke.
I am depressed.
I am so stupid.

You KNOW this song! Most of us sing it frequently.  Those kind of “I am” statements need to be released because “I am” attaches us and we don’t want to (or need to) own those qualities!

Look at that list of your values, and qualities you admire.  Which ones do you already embody?  “I am organized,” is one I can completely relate to.  Choose  the ones from your list that resonate most, and own them first.

I am honest.
I am professional.
I am trustworthy.

Then cull the list again for ones that you are growing toward, or desire to embody, and own them too!

I am confidence.
I am amazing.
I am joyful.
I am uplifting.

Own your awesome.  Affirm your awesome.  Practice the “I am” statements that feel GOOD to you!  

Practice. Practice. Practice.

Grow on!

What characteristics do you regularly affirm with “I am” statements?
Do you want to own them?
How willing are you to release those?
What qualities do you want to affirm as your own?
How often are you willing to practice owning them?

Blow Jobs & Touch Trees

Glennon Doyle’s Untamed is soul-opening. 

It is raw, powerful, inspirational Truth.  Glennon conceals nothing.  She strips her soul bare and lies it before her reader with great reverence and without apology.  Her prose is poetry.  Her strength incredible.  Her impact indelible.

Every morning I read something uplifting with my coffee before I begin my meditations.  Glennon has been my coffee companion for over a month now as I dole out the chapters like fine chocolates to be savored slowly and treasured, rather than gobbled all at once.  These are stories we all recognize of deeply human, vulnerable moments of family, love, addiction, triumph, bravery, fear of doing hard things and learning that we can do them anyway.

In a chapter titled blow jobs, Glennon reveals her truth to her therapist in the hopes of gaining support or insight.  The therapist tells her not to listen to her heart, to give up on her dream, to live a small, conventional life, and stay in a loveless marriage.  Every woman who has ever had her deep Knowing discounted by an authority figure knows how eviscerating that feels.  Many in that position have returned obediently to cages too small for our Knowing and our dreams, to lead ill-fitting lives based on the beliefs of others.

Thankfully for us, not only did Glennon listen to her Knowing, she lay her soul bare for the rest of us, and used it to build a road map of metaphor and love.  She exquisitely explains how to be our own touch tree, perpetually returning to our own Knowing to keep us from getting too far gone.  She reminds us to untame ourselves, despite the determination of our culture to tame us into neat little cages and tiny lives that please THEM. 

Cause fuck that!

Glennon knows she’s a goddamn cheetah. Untamed is her brilliant, beautiful memoir reminding the rest of us we’re goddamn cheetahs too.

Before I even finished the book,
I ordered a copy for my daughter. 
A few chapters later I ordered one
for my sister as well.  Now I have purchased the audiobook version
and I listen to Glennon read it to me on my morning walk.

This book feeds my soul. 
It opens me more to my own Knowing.  It reminds me how to reclaim my own power.  It shows me that reclaiming my power is possible, because we can do hard things.

Grow On!

Check out Untamed at your library, or purchase here on Amazon.

Who do you admire most?

I LOVE asking my clients this question!

Who do you admire? Think about the people you know, mentors or teachers you have had in your life, spiritual gurus, political activists, saints, public figures, writers, whoever it is that you admire right now. Make a list of at least 5 people.

Cyndi’s Current List in no particular order…

Esther Hicks
Jill Lebeau
Laura Grooms – my amazing sister
Ana Verzone
Barb Heenan

What do you admire about them?

Make a list of the traits/characteristics you admire about them.

Some characteristics I admire in the people I listed:
Confidence  
Connection  
Spiritual  
Strong Faith  
Walking her Talk   
Energetic  
Smart  
Helpful  
Teacher  
Intuitive  
Joyful  
Exuberant 
Supportive  
Independent  
Creative  
Frequently In Tune with Source  
Understanding Energy  
Uplifter
Wayshower  
Lightbringer  
Growing  
Mentor    
Compassionate  
Self-compassionate  
Honest  
Professional  
Trustworthy 
Reliable  

Guess what!

You cannot see anything in another person unless it also exists in you!
Own it! Everything you wrote on the list of what you admire in these people, already exists within you!

And Guess what!

You know all those traits that BUG the crap outta you in other people? Yep. We have to own those too.

The world is a mirror. It reflects to us what we embody.

Grow on!

When you find yourself annoyed with someone’s behavior, ask yourself: When have I behaved that way?
Is this a behavior/characteristic that I want to embody?
Moving forward, how will I choose to respond in similar situations?

I highly encourage my clients to make that list of people they admire and the qualities they find admirable in them. Take the time to own those qualities! Make the list and keep it handy.

When you feel less than confident, or feel self-doubt creeping in, take it out and look in the mirror.

If you find that you “beat yourself up” for what you see in the mirror, you are not alone! This is something I help my clients with all the time. Sometimes it’s hard to own what we see in our reflection. If this sounds like you, and you’d like some help sorting it out, coaching might be right for you! Contact me at cyndicombs@gmail.com and we’ll schedule a phone chat to see if I can help.

A Crucial Key to Reaching our Goals

From Rachel Hollis in Girl, Wash Your Face: “When you boil it down, that’s the heart of the problem with my father. He couldn’t understand what to do with a small child, let alone a girl. Since he didn’t understand me, he often unintentionally muted the parts of me that made him uncomfortable.”

A million times I have revisited a moment from when I was 5 years old.  I had been dancing all day, exploring my new found love for music and movement.  I waited excitedly for my father to come home so I could show him how well I danced, because I knew without question that dancing was something I did really well!  I LOVED the way I felt when I moved my body, and I loved the way the music made me feel, and I was one with the Universe and all things when I danced!  I couldn’t wait to share that feeling with him.

My father’s reaction after my one-song recital was, “I guess that will be OK when you’re old enough.”

All I heard was, “You’re not enough.”  I might be enough one day in an OK sort of way, but NOW, in this present moment, I am not enough.

After reading Rachel Hollis, I realize that my dancing made my father uncomfortable.  At five years old, my radiant light shown brightly, and my father marginalized me and made me doubt, because he could – in NO way – relate to my exuberant joy.  

This was a man who angered easily when I didn’t meet the conditions he thought appropriate for a child.  But WHAT was “appropriate” wasn’t defined, and therefore I was always guessing how to behave, trying on new masks I hoped might please him enough to get him to love me, or show affection, or at least set down his beer.  The one mask I dared not wear was Authentic Cindy (I didn’t spell it Cyndi back then) because he had already shown me how displeased he was with, and how unloveable and unworthy of love was Authentic Cindy. 

I learned this because every time I was truly, authentically, exuberantly me, the message I received was vehemently “don’t be that.”  (*Please see side note below.)

The problem with suppressing the authentic self  is that once we realize we can only be truly happy living as our authentic self, it may be hard to recall our authentic self.  It is hidden, buried deep beneath a pile of discarded masks that didn’t fit and didn’t attract the unconditional love we were hoping for.

Unconditional love is what we all seek.  So we bend ourselves like pretzels to meet conditions that might make us lovable in the eyes of others.

The problem with suppressing the authentic self  is that once we realize we can only be truly happy living as our authentic self, it may be fucking SCARY as hell to step back into the authentic self – the role we were born to play.  Because so much energy has been spent trying NOT to be that.  So many thoughts have accumulated telling us that ‘who we truly are’ is unacceptable, unloveable or unworthy.  

Reframing these thoughts will take time, but there may not be anything more important we can do to reach our goals. 

Without the element of self-love, goals for self-care are fruitless. 
We give up making healthy improvements because we believe we’re unworthy or unimportant, or whatever other limiting belief we have learned and integrated.

Reframing these thoughts will take practice but it’s crucial.  I schedule time each day to think my new improved thoughts.  I spent YEARS practicing old thinking patterns, so changing those patterns now takes practice to form new neural pathways.

Reframing these thoughts may require therapy. I certainly needed one-on-one help to see that changing my thoughts about myself was essential to reclaiming the authentic me that I was born to be. A good therapist or counselor can be immensely helpful at restoring self-love and self-care to healthy levels.

I am wild and audacious and loud.  My authentic self is fearless and fails forward without regret.  She is filled with joy that spills out naturally and noisily.

I am done living small because it might make others uncomfortable.  I am done wearing masks to get the approval of others.  Because If I cannot live the full, expansive version of me that I came here to be, then that makes ME uncomfortable.  I will pursue my passions and I will shine my light, and I will help others remember the light inside themselves.

If we want unconditional love (and we do!) then we must love ourselves unconditionally in all our flawsomeness.  We must love the darkness and the light.  We must love our flaws, missteps, and failures and feel entirely worthy despite those perceptions!

Unconditional love starts on the inside.

If we change to gain the approval of others, we will never love ourselves unconditionally.  When we love ourselves every day in all conditions, we don’t need the fucking approval of others.  And when we truly feel love for ourselves no matter what, that is what the world reflects back to us!  

We can stick to our healthy intentions and reach our goals because we know our own value and deeply accept our self-worth.  More people see our authentic, confident selves, and are drawn to our energy and inspired to love themselves unconditionally!

And isn’t THAT what we want from life?  To live deeper self-love, greater confidence, and absolute worthiness while inspiring our fellows to deeper self-love, greater confidence, and absolute worthiness?

I believe it’s what we all want at our core.

Grow on!

What parts of yourself do you mute so that others are not uncomfortable?
What are you telling yourself about that muted part?
What will change for you when you live the life you were born to live?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much self love do you currently have?
(1 is low and 10 is LOTS)
What will it take to get that to a 10?

*side note – My father was not an bad person.  He was just doing the best he could with what he had to work with.  I hold no resentments for his behavior and understand that those experiences helped shaped me into the AWESOME human being I am today.

DITCH the New Year’s Resolutions!

I am not suggesting that we give up our goals.  Goals are crucial to creating the life we dream of living.  They give destination to the intentions that drive us, and the values that guide us.

Goal = destination.
Intention = driver.
Values = navigation.

All three are crucial when it comes to guiding our lives, so when I suggest that we ditch the new year’s resolutions, it’s not because goals aren’t important, it’s because BIG goals often feel overwhelming or unobtainable.

Daily intentions on the other hand are amazing tools, and weekly and monthly resolutions can also be super helpful because human beings have amazingly short attention spans.

Daily Intentions vs. New Year’s Resolutions

Let’s use one of the most popular new year’s resolutions as an example.  A very large number of people will resolve to lose weight in 2020.  I like to reframe that goal as health improvement through weight reduction, so let’s look at weight reduction as our goal.  

Example Woman wants to reduce her body weight by 40 pounds. 
If she simply uses “I am going to lose 40 pounds” as the New Year’s resolution, statistics suggest that she has an 8% chance of success.  Anyone who has tried to reduce their body weight knows how much effort it can take to drop just 5 pounds.  The full goal can be too big and too non-specific to provide the motivation required over the long term.  If losing 40 pounds is the goal, then seeing that first two or three pounds fall away seems insignificant, when really it’s a HUGE big deal that can be celebrated as the first milestone, and used as a foundation upon which the rest of the goal can be built!

If, on the other hand, Example Woman sets a goal to lose two pounds this week, and supports that goal with daily intentions that align to that goal, her chances of success grow exponentially.  For example, her daily intention might be to avoid desserts and move her body for 20 minutes every day.  Or maybe she chooses to focus her intention on walking 12,000 steps each day, and eating a healthy green salad with dinner instead of buttery potatoes or french fries.  Maybe she’ll choose to simply stop snacking after dinner for 6 nights this week and give up sugary drinks.  Each of these small goals aligns with the bigger, overall goal, and each of them is easier to focus on, and easier to achieve.

Example Woman has three possible outcomes:
1) She reached her goal and has a foundation of success and confidence to motivate her forward. 
2) She achieved partial success and can make small adjustments to do more of what worked and resonated for her, while doing less of what she didn’t enjoy or didn’t seem as effective. 
3) She made no movement toward her goal in which case it is obvious that what she did this week didn’t create the results she wants, so she can adjust the plan to try something different next week.

This process allows more space to review what is being achieved, which pieces of the process are creating the results we crave, which pieces of the process we enjoy (and therefore will be more likely to continue), and which pieces we do not enjoy (and therefore may want to find a different perspective from which to view it, or a different way to approach it entirely.)

Every time we reach that small daily or weekly goal, we’re building confidence in ourselves and our ability to create what we want to create.  Every time we stick to our intentions, even when we don’t feel like it, we build confidence that we can depend on ourselves.  We create the evidence that we always follow through, that we will do something when we say we will.  Our self-esteem grows as we walk our talk and reach our goal.

You know that picture you have in your mind of you standing at whatever finish line you aspire to?  The picture you imagine of you living the results you want to live – whether it’s a novel you are writing and want to publish, or the optimally-functioning, healthy body you are creating & maintaining, or that new language in which you wish to be fluent. You CRUSHING it. You thriving and prospering and happy. Yes, THAT picture.  Take a minute and really SEE it in your mind.  Allow yourself to feel the emotions that will flood you in that moment of triumph. 

The difference between living that picture and having it remain an unfulfilled dream is in how we map our route to get there. For most of us, taking a million baby steps will get us to the BIG goal faster than trying to arrive in one or two giant leaps. 

When  Example Woman reaches her goal of eating a salad daily and increasing her activity level, she can count herself successful even if the number on the scale hasn’t changed yet!  There are myriad factors that contribute to health improvements and weight reduction and they are NOT the same for everyone, so if the goal is to change that number on the scale, and that’s the only marker being used, it can be REALLY frustrating for Example Woman “A” if Example Woman “B” is doing the same things but getting different results just because of her genetics, or the part of her cycle she’s in, or the amount of water she is drinking.

Let the weekly goals be specific and achievable.  We get bonus points if we can make them specific, achievable and FUN! Thinking that physical activity needs to be unenjoyable is a very limiting belief! Open your mind to the infinite possibilities available to us! Make a resolution to try one new activity this week that engages your body.

So ditch the year-long resolutions in favor of short-distance goals paired with daily intentions that support those. You’ve GOT this.  I believe in you.  If I can improve my life one step at a time, anyone can do it.  I believe in us!

Grow on!

What is ONE healthy new habit that you could start doing each day?
(twenty minute walk, more leafy greens, drink water every hour, floss twice, positive affirmations, meditation, the list is endless)
What will change for you when this new activity is a habit?   
What is one habit you could quit today that would have the biggest impact on your health and well-being?

(using tobacco, drinking soda, eating sugar, being sedentary, drinking alcohol, and nail biting are a few that yield quick benefits when released)
What will change for you without this habit?
How much money will you save?

Gremlins on Horseback

Let’s use “horse” as an analogy for whatever new behavior you are trying to integrate into your life.

Every time we try a new “horse” our gremlins get their knickers in a twist.  They HATE letting us outside our comfort zones.  So when we try something new and we fall off the horse, our gremlins grasp the opportunity to kick us while we’re down.  And sometime’s that’s just enough to keep us from climbing back on the horse.  So I am here to reassure you.

Get back on the damn horse! 

It builds confidence and it let’s the gremlins know you’re serious about eating healthy, or drinking less, or whatever your particular horse is right now.  It’s OK to fall off the horse!  If you’re a human being, then it’s positively NORMAL to fall off the horse this time of year.  Most of us revert to practiced behaviors over new ones in times of stress, and there seems to be plenty of perceived stress around the holidays.

It’s OK.  But don’t let one slip (or a series of them) keep you off the horse!  Our gremlins tell us that we failed because this path was not meant for us, or that we are doomed to fail no matter what, so “why bother?”  

But if it’s something you want, and maybe have been wanting for awhile, then get back on the horse!  

Ask yourself why you fell.  What triggered you to fall off the horse?  What tools might help when that trigger arises in the future?  It’s going to come up again, so what can you choose to do differently next time?

And maybe we stay on the horse a while, and then we get thrown again.  What can we do then?

Get back on the damn horse.  

Research horseback riding.  Get a riding coach.  Read books about how others succeeded in riding this particular horse.  But don’t give up, and don’t listen to the gremlins when they tell you to stay down, never mind, and just forget about it.  Because you deserve to have it and you are capable of creating it!

Christmas visits with family, and holiday celebrations are going to kick a lot of peoples’ well-laid plans in the dirt.  It’s OK.  You’ve GOT this!

Just get back on the horse.  

Empowerment takes Practice

I am honored to work with amazing, powerful women.  My clients are shining examples every day that self doubt can be banished, confidence can be increased, dreams can be manifested.

It doesn’t happen overnight or at the wave of a magic wand.  It’s a process.  As we awaken to Universal Truth, we understand that we want to grow personally and spiritually.  We set goals and intentions for that growth, and we move in that general direction.

Sometimes we “forget our healthy intentions” and sort of fall back asleep, or lose consciousness again, and go back to habitual patterns without even recognizing what we’re doing.  Then something comes along and reminds us of Truth, and we begin moving in the general direction of our new goals once again.

So we awaken and grow toward the light, then fall asleep a bit and forget, then we awaken and grow, and the cycle repeats.

The important thing to remember is that this is a normal cycle.

If you get to the part where you awaken, and you realize that you have fallen asleep on your healthy intentions, accept that as a normal part of the process, and as quickly as you can, begin moving back toward your goals.

The piece that trips most of us up is that when we realize we fell asleep, we waste precious energy in one of two ways:

1) we beat ourselves up for being at this normal part of the cycle and judge ourselves ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for ‘forgetting’ our own healthy intentions.

2) we stop to wonder what went wrong, why we ALWAYS do this (old behavior) instead of sticking to the healthy intention, we feel confused by our own behavior and unsure how to move forward, since it’s “just going to happen again…”

KEY Ingredient: When we wake up, we can choose to SKIP both of those options and simply course correct our behavior back in line with our goals.

I had this conversation with two coaching clients and one massage client over the weekend, so if you recognize yourself in this scenario, you are not alone!  This was something that used to trip me up ALL the time!  I have always been on a path of self-improvement, and I am slowly but steadily making progress along my path.  But it was only after YEARS of beating myself up for being too something or not enough something else that I finally learned that if I SKIPPED that part, I felt more confident and light hearted as I refocus on the goal, which means I instantly have more energy than if I drain myself unnecessarily.

One of the reasons I became a coach was to empower women to release the toxic shame and guilt and ‘not-enoughness’ with which our culture wants us to identify.  There is no shame in being human.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this process.  Why?  Because You – eternal You – chose these lessons carefully before you came into this life.  To learn the lessons, we must awaken to Universal Truth.  And that is a process.  You are precisely where you meant to be.  Why are you meant to be here?  That is for you to awaken to discover.  Open your eyes and look around.  What gifts can you find in each moment?  What personal growth can you glean from each opportunity (challenge)?

You can expect to fall asleep again from time to time.

One of my clients asked me HOW to lengthen the space of time when we are awake and consciously choosing.  GREAT question! 

You focus on raising your vibration.  You engage in activities that excite and delight you (and your inner child!).  You listen to speakers who have a powerful grasp of confidence and connecting to your own inner power.  You hang out with friends that raise your vibe and your consciousness.  You read books that remind you of your true value, your inherent power, your innate GREATNESS, and your unlimited potential.

You begin to absorb those vibes like a sponge until you are saturated with worthiness!

Do something every day to stay connected to that vibe of energized thriving through consciously choosing well-being, and going with the flow of abundance!

Here are a list of just a few of my favorite authors/books to empower your life and inspire your vibration!

Books:

Here is a link to an older blog post with MORE suggestions on raising your vibration.

Don’t limit yourself to my choices! Find voices that speak to your soul!

Leave links to your faves in the comments here so we can all get high vibes together!

Self-Acceptance is Key

Why the FUCK does our culture teach women to loathe themselves?

Pardon my sailor mouth, but shining the light on our own Divine worthiness is one of the main reasons I became a coach and I am quite passionate that every woman learn her own intrinsic value!

If we loathe ourselves, it’s easier for the patriarchy to control us. Who will stand up and say, “We deserve better treatment,” when we believe we deserve nothing? When we believe we are unworthy, or less worthy than those around us, we are easy to control, and push around.

When people realize their value, we are more likely to stand up for ourselves, demand equal pay, point out unfair treatment, and refuse to tolerate discrimination.

I wish I had a dime for every friend and client who chooses self-loathing over self-love, or caring for others over self-care!

Nine times out of ten the thing keeping my client from reaching their goals is a lack of self-acceptance and self-care. I see it every day and I strive, to help other women realize that they deserve as much love and care as they give to everyone else! Self-love is what saved me from depression and inaction. Self-acceptance came only after I offered myself the love I was giving everyone else, and remembered my own essential value.

Those we love are no more valuable or more worthy than self.

The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, is ONLY as deserving of love and abundance as you are.

The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, COULD BE YOU, if you allow it to be.

What in your world will shift when you shift your thinking around
self-worth?

What will you be capable of when you accept how capable you are?

How will others see you if you choose to see yourself as a valuable human who deserves love, praise, abundance, health, wealth, support, and acceptance from yourself and the world at large?

What part of you is talking when you think that you don’t deserve all that and more?

Why do you feel so disconnected when you label yourself unworthy or less worthy than others?

Normally as a coach, I don’t answer the questions I pose, but I will answer that last one.

The human spirit is literally a piece of Divine grace instilled into us on our very first breath; a piece of God, if you will. Through this grace, we are eternally connected to Source, or God energy. This connection is where our power comes from – Source energy (the very same energy that created the Universe and stars)!

When we think thoughts that Source knows are not true, we feel disconnected or separated from that power. (We are never truly disconnected but it feels like we’re being pulled apart.) Pulling ourselves away from the viewpoint, or vibration of Source is what feels so WRONG, depresses our energy, and decreases our power. In fact, consistently choosing thoughts that do not align with Source makes us feel powerless.

Aligning ourselves with the viewpoint of Source allows us to feel powerful, connected, tuned-in, tapped-in, turned-on, and unstoppable!

From the viewpoint of Source, you are God. You are an infinite being without limitations, worthy of all the abundant health, wealth and love that is available in the Universe! You are Divine, and perfect in your imperfection. You are not broken. you do not need fixing. There is nothing wrong with you or where you are!
— If you are thinking “of COURSE there is something wrong with me,” – How does that thought feel? Does it twist your tummy into a knot? That’s a sure sign that you are thinking thoughts that Source knows are NOT true, so the thought literally pulls your energy apart.

All we need to do to feel love and acceptance is love and accept ourselves!

photo by Dani Navarro

Give yourself some grace!

Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself!
Take a minute or ten every day to try on some self love!

Be gracious and allow yourself to believe that you are as worthy as your children, your partner, your boss, your mentor. Practice affirming out loud how worthy and deserving you are. If you are afraid others will judge you for loving yourself, practice out of their view, when you are home alone with your dog. (Dog loves as unconditionally as God!)

Do something special for yourself. Buy yourself a present you wish someone else would buy for you! Plan a mini vacation to recharge your own batteries. What is something you used to be passionate about but you no longer “have the time to do”? Do that! Schedule some time to do things you love to do! Create art. Take a music class, a cooking class, a nutrition class, or a dance class! Whatever inspires you or lifts your energy. Do THAT for no reason other than it inspires you and lifts your energy!

How does that feel?

It might feel uncomfortable at first as most new behaviors will, but under that, how do you feel? Valued? Honored? Accepted? Connected? Worthy?

Practice your worth. Value yourself. Allow yourself to FEEL those feelings of love and worthiness. If it doesn’t feel natural, remind yourself that this is new, and will take some time to get used to.

Here are some more thoughts to move your vibration toward self-love, self-care, and radical self-acceptance.

Make your own sunshine!

Download the images with sayings that resonate and practice saying them aloud. Make them part of your vibration and part of the practice that brings you into alignment with the Universal Truth that you are valuable and worthy, simply by being.

You are fucking awesome!

Celebrate!

One of the things I preach to my clients is to CELEBRATE every small step on the path toward their goal.  Those steps add up to a journey of transformation, and deserve to be thought about as the BIG deal they are!  

If you’re trying to reduce your weight, and managed to pass up the candy aisle that was your usual haunt at the grocery store?  GO you!  That is an incredible accomplishment!  Celebrate it!  

If you want to increase your physical activity, and you parked farther from the door than usual so you’d get more steps – That’s AWESOME!  Other people TALK about wanting to make changes, but there you are taking action to make it happen!  Celebrate moving in the direction of your goals!!  Woo hoo!!

Celebrations can be anything as big or small as you desire.  Whatever is fun for you that you do to intentionally celebrate moving forward and honor your amazing accomplishment.

Treat yourself to a soothing bath, a pedicure, or an extra 5 minutes in bed in the morning.  Take yourself out to the movies.  Go for a walk!  Whatever feels like a treat to you to honor the accomplishment is perfect.  One of my fave celebrations is to put on some music I love, turn it up loud, and dance wildly for 3-5 minutes!  It’s an exuberant,
joy-filled celebration that imprints into the cells of my body, and also honors my intentions to move more, and add more joy to my life.

actual photo of my exuberance captured by Jeremy

Why celebrate?

One reason it’s important to celebrate our successful steps, no matter how small, is because they are literally the foundation that supports the transformation we desire.  They are what we build on to create the health, wealth, relationships, or career we want.  Another reason is because when people do not make a habit of celebrating small successes, they might forget to celebrate the big ones.

The most important reason to celebrate your successes along the path to your goal is to say to the universal Law of Attraction, “Yes please!  Bring me more of this!”  Energy attracts like energy.  

All that having been said, I am taking my own advice.

I have some BIG news and I want to celebrate!

Today I received an email from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.  I am thrilled, overjoyed, and delighted to announce that I am now an iPEC Certified Professional Coach!

I have successfully completed 90 hours of classroom training,
over 50 hours of peer coaching, and more than 150 hours of required classes, seminars, assignments and electives.  I have earned my
ELI-MP certificate, and my CPC certificate from one of the top coaching schools in the world, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.

I opened my coaching practice in November and got my first paying client in December.  Seven months later I have seven clients, every one of whom found enough value in their first round of coaching sessions to invest in more coaching sessions.  That validation is a celebration in and of itself!  My clients inspire me daily to do everything I can to continue growing as a coach, and as a human being.

Now I have completed my training and am fully certified! 

If I’m going to be honest here, part of me didn’t believe I could do it at first.  It seemed like SUCH a big goal.  But the most amazing journey unfolded when I simply focused on what I wanted, instead of what might hold me back.  The entire Universe stepped in to dance with me and open doors.

It is my passion, and my life’s purpose to help others discover the infinite possibilities within themselves, and to empower them to achieve whatever they desire.

Yes, there is more I want to accomplish, but I won’t focus on what’s next until I take the time to really savor this incredibly amazing achievement!  I went for it!  And I accomplished it despite my
self-doubts, and a pretty good dose of fear from those gremlin voices telling me that everyone in my coaching class was smarter and more capable than I was.

Now those voices work for ME, and tell me that I am a natural coach, doing a great job, and that my clients appreciate me, and value what I offer.

Go me.  Seriously.  I feel like a rockstar!

I feel amazing, successful, empowered, and unstoppable! That is the gift of coaching.

I plan to celebrate this major goal and life transformation in a really BIG way, by relaxing and enjoying eight FREE nights in Hawaii next month!  

Like seriously, GO me!  Woot!