Breathing itself is a superpower, because that’s what inspires life. Literally. Without breathing, we cease to exist. Powerful!
Yet many people pay little or no attention to what’s happening with their breath. Our lungs function without any conscious attention or effort on our part, so most of us take our breathing for granted.
What if I told you that becoming aware of our current breath pattern, then consciously choosing to shift our breath allows us to harness that superpower?
Try it right now. Stop reading and take a long slow deep breath.
What shifted for you? Likely what shifted is that more of your energy is here, now, which means more of it is available to you. Focusing on the breath brings us into the present moment.
There is a Hindu belief that says the number of breaths allotted to us in a lifetime is predetermined, and that we can delay the time of death by regulated breathing. Read more on that here and learn some breathing techniques to lengthen your life!
Shifting breath is a helpful first step in processing our emotions.
It’s pretty well documented that we can change our breath pattern to disrupt negative emotions and change our mood. Deep, slow breathing into the belly is strong medicine for anxiety, fear and anger. Expectant mothers take classes in how to shift their breath so they are better prepared to face the pain and endurance required during childbirth. Athletes focus on breathing practices to help reduce fatigue and promote stamina. I used to suffer from severe travel anxiety and changing my breath was the best tool I found to curtail it in the moment.
I encourage clients to take a deep grounding breath as soon as they realize they are experiencing any emotion they do not wish to feel. It’s the pause that gives us just enough space to choose how we wish to process the emotion. Focusing on our breath can be a powerful first step in shifting old behavior patterns, or trying to break a habit.
This article in Psych Central talks about a study that indicates that emotions may be caused, at least in part, by the way we breathe!
A shift in breathing is a shift in energy, and often allows a calmer perspective when we find ourselves in chaos. We can use breathing to decrease stress, calm nerves, sharpen focus, minimize negative thoughts, and increase energy!
Like I said, Superpower!
How much attention do you pay to your breath?
What is your normal breathing like?
How do you feel when you slow and deepen your breath?
Try inhaling deeply, then exhaling forcefully when you are experiencing an emotion you do not enjoy. What shifts for you?
Explore different breathing techniques on YouTube. Which ones appeal to you?
I used to think it was NORMAL to put on 5-10 pounds during the holidays. I told myself it was no big deal, everyone does it, I’ll drop the weight later.
Sometimes I did. More often I gave up. I grew heavier as years passed.
Two years after I got sober I was using food like a drug and weighed over 220 pounds. I would eat like I could NEVER get full, even when I was full, then restrict my calories ridiculously, and try to lose the weight as fast as possible.
I beat myself up for the extra weight I was carrying, scolding myself, causing increased stress, which caused me to eat more and gain weight, for which I scolded myself. I felt ashamed for being so WEAK that I turned to food for comfort. That caused MORE stress and MORE eating to numb those feelings.
That was my pattern for over a decade.
My chiropractor told me that my debilitating pain was caused by inflammation in my lumbar spine, and that inflammation was caused by inflammatory foods. He did not say what foods were inflammatory, but I cleaned up my act and stopped eating so much sugar, at least for a little while. As soon as my back felt better, I went back to eating whatever I like. Then I woke up one morning with half my face paralyzed. The medical doctors had a name: Bell’s palsy, but no idea what caused it or what to do for it. They told me the symptoms could last for as little as three weeks, or be permanent. They had no way to know.
The palsy symptoms have slowly improved over time, but have never gone away completely. Several months after the onset, I read a book that suggested that palsy symptoms might be due to inflammation. That got me to thinking about inflammatory foods again.
I knew that some of the foods I was eating were damaging my health, and that the medical community was of no help. I decided to start looking for a naturopath hoping that she might be able to help me.
I searched for a naturopath for months before finding one completely by accident. In early October, I was driving home from the beach and pulled over to stretch my legs. When I got out and walked around the sidewalk there was her sign. I should have made an appointment right then, but I took a picture of her sign with her contact information and filed it away.
I really wanted to talk to someone about those lingering palsy symptoms, but I knew without a doubt from the center of my being that she was going to tell me to change the way that I was eating.
I made a conscious decision that I was not willing to give up sugar and treats until after the holidays, so that I could eat whatever I liked and enjoy myself without feeling restricted or left out.
I put it on my agenda to make an appointment with the naturopath early in the new year.
That holiday season I ate like a fiend. Everyone knows if you’ve got a diet coming up you double down on calories, right?
Between Halloween and Christmas that year, I gained 20 lb. When January came I was miserable. My energy was depressed. I wasn’t working out. I had night sweats that soaked my sheets. I was ashamed of the way I looked. I didn’t like the way I felt. I was nauseous most mornings. I was hungry all the time, and I was heavy with shame.
Of course I forgot about calling the naturopath right away, and in early February, I awoke one morning with pain in my intestines that I was certain would kill me. I was really sick. And I was scared. I had a panic attack, and my blood pressure rose off the charts.
I went to the hospital, and got no answers, and no warm fuzzy feeling the answers were coming. Then I remembered that I was going to call that naturopath. So I did.
At our first appointment she told me that she suspected food allergies. She did a blood test, and put me on an Elimination Diet that excluded all the foods known to be troublemakers for two weeks while we waited for the results. I had no problems whatsoever sticking to the eating plan because the pain was an all-too-real indication that there was something seriously wrong with me and I needed to make some changes. Digesting HURT, and I didn’t’t eat anything but produce for nearly two weeks.
When the food allergy test came back, it told me something I had long suspected. Dairy is not my friend. In fact, the food allergy test showed that I am allergic to dairy, sugar, and wheat.
I thought my life was over.
The idea of living without dairy and wheat seemed impossible, restrictive, and heinous. As far as I was concerned the perfect diet was bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, quesadillas for lunch and pizza for dinner. Everyone knows the perfect hiking food is a big hero sandwich loaded with cold cuts and cheese. This is the reason I hadn’t gone to see her in October!
But, I knew that my health was in serious trouble. My body was giving me very clear messages about that. It needed to make changes in what I was eating.
So I stopped eating dairy, wheat and sugar.
And guess what? Not only did I feel better right away, and start to see improvements in the symptoms I had been experiencing within a week, I started to see improvements in things I had not related to food. My skin cleared up. The Eczema on my ankles and elbows went away. The night sweats vanished. My energy level increased tremendously. I started sleeping better, and my libido returned.
By the time my birthday arrived in June, I had dropped 50 lb without doing a single workout. The only change I made was to lose the dairy, wheat, and sugar. It was like a miracle. I had been trying to drop excess weight my entire life.
Sugar In The Wound
Despite my triumph, when stress began to increase, or I was pressed for time, I headed back down that well worn path to the comfort of food, and the ease of wheat and dairy foods.
I mean salads, REALLY, who has time for all that chopping?! Am I right?
Just two weeks before my first vacation to Europe, I was SICK again. I put myself on the elimination diet and called my naturopath. This time I got a diagnosis of SIBO. Small intestinal bacterial overgrowth is no joke. I was sick at least part of nearly every day of my European vacation. I lost 10 pounds the first 5 days we were there. Horrible, miserable intestinal symptoms. We still had a fabulous time, we simply had a lot of challenges along with the fun.
It was after that trip that I realized that dairy and sugar had become my new booze. At the time, I actually had many thoughts about being powerless over sugar. I told myself things like: “I can’t pass up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I can’t resist free candy, Halloween is my favorite holiday, I can’t leave any cookies for later, If it’s in the house I have to eat it.” And I knew with every cell in my body I didn’t have the power to pass up cheese on a buffet table.
That kind of conviction will override healthy intentions every time! I had these mantras in my head that blocked my success despite my overwhelming desire to regain my health. I felt like I must be crazy!
Even though I lived through evidence in my own life that proved this eating pattern makes me sick, miserable, and unable to enjoy my life, I returned to it again and again when I was feeling stressed or lonely!
Even though I suspected long before my naturopath told me that I was allergic to cheese because of the way I craved it – just like alcohol – I returned to it whenever I was upset, AND whenever I felt like celebrating. It was truly a deadly double edged sword.
Even though I had experienced hangovers from overeating just like I did from over drinking, if I was stressed or upset when I walked into an event with free food, I was almost guaranteed to overeat even when I told myself I wasn’t going to do it.
But after Europe, I was finally ready to admit that I needed to make changes. I wanted to feel energized and healthy.
I knew I had to make changes, but in my experience, I could not eat a little or I would end up eating a lot. I had learned that with my addictive foods, it was ALL of it, or none of it, so I restricted myself completely. That year at Christmas, I ate ZERO goodies. I avoided parties and gatherings as much as possible so I wouldn’t screw up. I didn’t make my usual holiday candies or cheeseballs. The entire family complained. I didn’t buy candy to put into stockings. I shot resentful looks at people enjoying holiday goodies. I was miserable, resentful and I felt left out, but by golly, I had my food addiction under control.
How many of you think that lasted? By Halloween that year, I was sick again.
Turned out that being aware that I needed to change was a great start, but I still didn’t have the whole picture. I was trying to resist the food cravings with willpower alone, and my willpower eventually ran out.
I was so tired of the weight roller coaster, the night sweats, the inflammation, the achey joints, that powerless feeling I got around chocolate. I was sick of it all.
Worse than that, I was tired of letting myself down! I felt trapped in an vicious cycle of wanting healthy change, planning to make those changes, and then not following through. It left me full of self-doubt and lacking self-confidence!
I felt like I was spinning out of control, like I was powerless over food, like I would never figure it out. And right in the middle of my turmoil, my normally helpful and supportive partner brought home a couple of bricks of cheese from the grocery store.
Why would he do this? He knows I can’t eat dairy! He knows I am sick! He obviously knows I can’t resist it. He knows this will end up on my burger and he doesn’t care! I wanted to eat ALL of it because – who cares?
I clearly heard the voice in my head say, “I care.” Who cares what he brings home? He’s not forcing me to eat it.
And like a ton of bricks it hit me.
Esther Hicks and Abraham tell a wonderful story about getting tabasco in your pie. Just because the tabasco is in the kitchen does NOT mean it will get in your pie. The only way the tabasco gets in your pie is if YOU put it in your pie.
SAME with the cheese, Cyndi! The only way the cheese gets in your pie hole is if you put the cheese in your pie hole!
I had NOT been taking responsibility for what I was eating.
I had been refusing to take responsibility for what I was eating by pretending to be powerless over certain foods. I was giving away my power by clinging to the belief that if certain foods were available, I HAD to eat them. I was pretending that I could not control myself around sugar and dairy, when in fact, I am the ONLY one who can choose my actions. I was simply choosing to give in to temptation and pretend it wasn’t my fault, that it wasn’t my choice, that in fact – I was powerless to change the foods I was eating.
EVERYTHING changed for me with that simple realization.
I took the steps I needed to take to STOP overeating, and stop eating foods I am allergic to, foods that cause harm, inflammation, and all kinds of health problems.
I’ve learned to navigate the holidays without spiraling into stress and overeating, and I’ve developed a process to help clients do the same!
Is your body ready for some healthy changes?
Join me for my first masterclass to explore these key questions:
● Why do I overindulge even when I tell myself I won’t? ● What’s kept me from achieving my health goals in the past? ● Why do I backslide into old behaviors when I’m stressed? ● How can I reduce holiday stress that leads to stress eating? ● Is it possible for me to avoid weight gain during the holidays? ● How can I stay motivated during the holidays? ● BONUS – How can I indulge a little bit without overindulging?
Why do you want to do the things that you want to do? If you don’t know the answer to this question, chances are your motivation is pretty low.
Having a deep, powerful why is a monumental motivator!
Want to motivate others? Help them connect to their why! Want to motivate yourself? Ask yourself WHY you want to do this thing for which you seek motivation.
I hear some of
you say, “I don’t WANT to do it, I HAVE to do it.”
That’s why you have no motivation!
If we feel forced to do something we don’t want to do, of course we don’t feel inspired to jump right in and do our best! Have you ever noticed that getting out of bed to go to a job you’re not thrilled about can be a real challenge? Conversely, how challenging is it to get up on the first day of vacation? Easy, right?! When we want to do it, we’re inspired to action!
So what will it
take to shift “have to” into “want to”?
There are often things that feel like we “have to” (NEED to) do them – as if we have no choice. But we DO have a choice. Always. Sometimes we have a choice about what actions we can take, and sometimes our choice lies in how we perceive what we are doing. It’s the second set I want to discuss today.
Two Easily-Relatable Examples
Work Scenario –
I have to go to
work because I have debt and DREAMS! I
NEED money, so I am forced to spend my time in this way that I do not want!
Health Scenario –
I have to lose
weight. I don’t like how my body
looks. I’m unhealthy. My doctor says I have to give up foods that I
love and work my body harder, and I just don’t want to!
All of the thoughts in each scenario point in the direction of unwanted. They push against. These are energy draining thoughts, and most of us FEEL our energy drain just reading them. Who wants to LIVE them? If this is how our thoughts feel around any subject, we will NOT be motivated by them. We might find ways to buffer our feelings and just put up with the crappy job. We can certainly create plans with action steps that could lead us to our health goals. But if the whole thing feels like it’s being forced on us, then we are powerless to create sustainable change.
We want to be at choice.
us. How can we choose to reframe the
above thoughts so they are serving and motivating us instead of draining
us? There are as many possibilities as
there are people. It’s going to be
different for each of us, but here are some possibilities to consider:
Work Scenario –
I have a steady
source of income. I am moving toward my
goals. I’m paying off debt. I’m saving for my future, getting closer to
my dreams. This position is a blessing,
and a stepping stone on my path to the next position that suits me better and
checks off more of my boxes. I am
content that I have this place to stand where I can see my dreams moving toward
me, and I can choose to be delighted that I feel my dreams moving closer. I choose to spend some of my time earning
money, and make the MOST of the rest of my hours by finding things that lift my
vibration and allow me to enjoy each day of my life! This is not where I end up, this is the middle
of my story, and so much MORE is flowing to me now!
Health Scenario –
I want to feel
healthy & energized. I want to feel
confident in my skin. I want to trust
myself & the choices I make. I can
make small adjustments that bring steady improvement. I want steady improvements. I want to move in the direction my
goals. I want to learn what foods truly
serve my greater health. It’s not the
same for everyone, and I am curious what I will find to be true for me. Trying new foods is exciting. I wonder which activities feel good once I
give them a chance? What wonderful new
foods and activities will I discover that I love? I want to feel excited about healthy
choices. I am excited about growing
resonate for you? Which motivate you? What are some energy supporting thoughts
that came up for you as you read these?
thoughts takes practice, because the thoughts we’ve been practicing are already
in there and attracting more thoughts like the ones we’ve been practicing!
The first step to
changing our thoughts into ones that motivate us is awareness!
What came up for
you as you read the thought examples above?
What thoughts are
you currently thinking that already motivate you toward your goals?
are holding you back?
How can you reframe
those to support you in moving toward your goal?
I have known for a few days now that I need/want to further delay the opening of my massage practice, but I would not give myself permission to announce it as fact. Why?
I don’t want to disappoint my clients.
Last week I booked July 5 to 19 solid because the COVID numbers were moving in the right direction, and the state of California seemed to have a handle on the reopening process. Then we started seeing numbers come in from other states as they reopened, and it’s NOT looking promising anywhere that I can see.
NOTHING but health and safety need be considered when deliberating reopening my massage office, but MY tortured brain is still insisting that announcing my decision will “disappoint my clients.” WTF?
I was beating myself up for so many things in this scenario!
I shouldn’t have trusted the optimistic appraisal of California’s re-opening roadmap. I shouldn’t have scheduled my clients so soon (fucking optimism). I should have waited. Why didn’t I wait? And my personal favorite ~ I should have known better! Really? Even though this is NEW and NO ONE in the world knows what to expect, I was holding myself to the standard that I – Cyndi Combs – SHOULD have fucking known what the rest of the world did not!
I know my massage clients really well. Most of them have been seeing me for years, and not one of them is the kind of person to hold this against me. Every one of them wants me safe, and wants to stay healthy and protect the health of their family. But I got out my emotional baseball bat and turned it ruthlessly on myself.
Mostly I just couldn’t figure out why the decision was DRAINING me so much. Thinking about it left me deflated and unmotivated, and the self-flagellation was so FAR under my radar (read: practiced enough to be on auto-pilot) that I didn’t even SEE it. But I sure as hell FELT it in my bones.
Thank the Universe I have a coach! Thank God I have developed the habit of journaling when things feel “off” to try to make sense of them. Thank Goddess I took this realization of constant, systemic self-flagellation to both my coach and my journal!
YES! Even though my current income is less than half what it was just three months ago, I make room in my budget to pay a certified, professional coach, and she is worth every penny.
When I took a long, curious look at my behavior, the following observations occurred.
I understand now that my own harsh self-judgment is my biggest roadblock, and a constant drain on my energy. When I beat myself up, it is the anchor that keeps me from moving forward into my goals!
For example: if I eat off plan, and then beat myself up for eating off plan, I am far more likely to eat off plan AGAIN to soothe my hard feelings. But if I eat off plan and then get curious about why I didn’t stick to my healthy intentions, look at my thoughts and process my emotions, I am far less likely to fall off the plan again!
The thing holding me back more than anything else is my own judgment of my behavior. Beating myself up has been holding me back. Beating myself up keeps me from accomplishing my goals. Beating myself up comes REALLY easily to me. I’ve practiced it repeatedly for decades, so it’s as natural as breathing and occurs with the same regularity.
I’ve been beating myself up for being human. I’ve eviscerated myself for making mistakes, or not getting ideal results on my first attempt. I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things I thought I “should” do because other people expected me to do them. I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things as well as someone who’s been doing them for decades longer than I have. I have beat myself up for “disappointing” my clients because I was too sick or injured to work. I have beat myself up for having emotions that I judged to be negative. I beat myself up for judging myself. I beat myself up because I should have known better. I beat myself up because I should have been farther along by now. I beat myself up because I said or did something that I judged ‘stupid’ and felt embarrassed.
I beat myself up for not getting enough done in a day! I am the sole employee at THREE business that I run by myself. I am super-productive, highly efficient, and an organizationally GIFTED, super-human achiever by most standards, and I still would beat the crap out of myself for not getting ALL of it done.
Fuck! No wonder I’m exhausted.
All of these things are normal human experiences. But I have been using them against myself. I have been using them to drain my own energy. The biggest drain on my energy is the enemy within me. And I am done.
I am done beating myself up. From this moment forward, I beat myself up for NOTHING and no one. I will not judge myself harshly. I will allow myself human moments including the full range of this amazing Human Experience.
My self-judgement gremlin has been saying, “Cyndi, you can’t handle this.”
And for years now I have believed her, and beat myself up because I didn’t like the emotions I was feeling, or felt I couldn’t handle a situation because it didn’t turn out exactly as I wanted.
In order to cultivate awareness of self judgement, I will ask:
What’s going on here? Why am I being harsh with me? How helpful is that? Where did that come from? Why am I telling myself this story?
I intend from this moment forward to be compassionate with myself and when I fall short of that intention, I can give myself some grace instead of picking up the emotional baseball bat and wielding it against myself!
You can’t kill gremlins.
‘Gremlins’ is a term used in coaching to describe the voices in your head that say things like, “You can’t handle this.” “You’re not good enough.” “You suck.” “Why bother?” “It’s too late.” “Everyone except YOU has their shit together.”
I’ve learned a few things working through my own gremlins, and guiding clients to work with their gremlins. Gremlins arise to protect us and they don’t like to be left behind. If they fear they will be left behind, they grow louder and cause a great deal of discomfort. The way to ease their fear is to assure them they are not being left behind, and that we will give them an important role to fill in our lives. I usually do this by writing them a letter, thanking them for protecting me, and offering them a key role in my psyche moving forward. Here’s what I wrote to this harsh, punishing voice in my head.
My Darling Self-Judgment Gremlin, I would be honored if you would accept the role of discernment decider! Discernment is crucial to human survival, because all of our choices are based on preferences. When I can discern what I do not want, then I can more clearly discern what I do want. Without you my darling discernment decider, I would feel confused and without direction. You get to help me decide where we steer our ship, which star we follow, and what flavor ice cream we eat on the way! Don’t forget your fucking cheerleading skirt!
Much love, Cyndi
What gremlin messages play on repeat in your head? How true is that? What is it trying to protect you from? How much pain is the message causing you? How helpful is that? Why does this story keep running on repeat? What is it costing to listen to constant negative messaging? How willing are you to let it go now?
If this resonates for you and you would like to create a roadmap from self-shaming to self-respect, I offer two FREE coaching sessions to help you shift directions. WHY free? Why not charge for the sessions since I have no massage income?
Because many people don’t understand the value of coaching. And if finances are currently adversely affected by the pandemic, most won’t be willing to invest in something if they can’t comprehend its value. Most people immediately see the value after two sessions, and then invest in my services, so the free sessions are a win-win. Even if the client does NOT invest in my services, it’s a win-win! I get to practice coaching about which I am passionate and inspired, and they gain insight into themselves and acquire tools that will serve them for as long as they choose to use them!
I follow Tosha Silver, author & astrologer. Recently I heard her say that during this time of Pluto transit, we are being forced to look at what hasn’t been looked at. Individually and collectively we must burn away what needs to burn. We are each facing our shadow. This country is facing it’s shadow. What no longer works must collapse during a Pluto transit.
Given what is happening right now in our country and our world, even those least inclined to astrology would have to say that seems pretty spot on. We can feel the energy of it!
Our world is in the midst of change. The change is a microscope, bringing our world into sharper focus so we can see what truly serves us, and what we need to release to create improved versions of ourselves and our world.
Awareness is the first step.
If we are going to give birth to more beautiful versions of ourselves and our world, then we must LOOK at what we have not been willing to look at. Now is the time to look. Now is the time to listen. Because to create our most beautiful life, our next more beautiful world, we want to take an accounting of what will grow with us, and what we must now burn away. If we refuse to look at the darkness within our lives (self-loathing, shame, masked emotions) or within the structures of our society (systemic racism), it will destroy us from within like a cancer.
Allow what needs to go go. Allow space for what you want to receive..
So many of my clients and friends are going through this right now! We are clearing out closets, emptying attics, and organizing garages. We are taking classes, hiring coaches, and deepening practices. We are getting rid of what no longer serves us, and weighs us down.
Our country is also taking a deeper look at what must collapse, or be burned away. The systemic racism, and militarized police forces that have emerged from it do not protect, nor serve us. It must now be removed so that we can ALL grow into our full potential.
To refuse to look at what needs to be looked at, to deny what we see, or to choose to resist the changes that will heal us, is about as beneficial as resisting labor pains.
We cannot give birth to ourselves anew if we resist the pain of giving birth.
The astrology is demanding rebirth.
What needs to go? What shadow have you been unwilling to look at? How ready do you feel to root it out to make space for something you desire? Are you in a space of personal reflection and change? Are you in a space of societal reflection and change? What obstacles might arise on your path of growth? What strategies will you use to overcome those obstacles? If you’ve been trying to make a change for awhile now, what will you try differently?
Butterflies are my favorite symbol of transformation!
A butterfly’s transformation seems magical! They arrive in the world as a caterpillar, they gorge themselves, snuggle up in a warm blanket for a nap and – TA DA! – emerge as a lithe creature of grace and great beauty. Spectacular!
They make it look so easy. Many of us dream of transforming our lives so magically. If we could just go to sleep, then awake in the life we dream of living, spread our wings, and take flight without effort!
But how effortless is that transformation, really?
The chrysalis stage looks passive, as if the caterpillar falls asleep, then wakes up beautiful. But looks can be deceptive. The caterpillar doesn’t just grow wings and fly. The wing bits already exist inside the caterpillar’s body, and to reveal them, the caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissues.
For a time, inside the chrysalis, nothing exists except caterpillar soup, an untidy mess, mostly without organization or form. From this chaos, the Universe guides the cells to reorganize, until eventually the soft, wet butterfly is ready to awaken, and emerge into it’s new life.
The chrysalis does not simply pop open to let the butterfly take flight. The weak, fragile creature inside is not strong enough to survive, let alone take flight. So, after surviving the complete destruction of what it previously was, the new butterfly must now struggle to gain strength and confidence in order to give birth to it’s true potential and fly.
Let the Butterfly Struggle
At this stage, when the butterfly is struggling to leave the outdated chrysalis behind, observers might be tempted to help the creature, in their excitement to observe what they know will be a wondrous beauty. But we need to trust the process. The process can be painfully slow sometimes, but to release it before it’s ready is to weaken the muscles it needs to develop if it’s ever going to take flight. The butterfly must struggle to release itself from the chrysalis in order to strengthen it’s wings and fulfill it’s potential.
We are all butterflies!
In order to live our fullest potential, we must intentionally dissolve the parts of ourselves that are outdated, or no longer beneficial, while integrating the wisdom we gained from them, in order to give birth to a more beautiful version of ourselves. This process takes courage and it takes faith.
In darkness I must un-become everything that I am so I may become what I am meant to be.
Without struggles to strengthen our wings (faith) we never gain confidence to fly. Butterflies who cannot fly are not living their potential, and die without having fulfilled it.
Let your children be butterflies!
We must let our kids struggle. If we bend over backwards to make sure they don’t fail, we’re not setting them up to succeed. If we take away their chance to struggle, they have no way to grow confident, and can become worried, anxious and self-doubtful. They may even attempt to find their own path, but when they see us jump in at the first sign of struggle, they get the message that even their parents don’t trust them, that struggle is “bad” and something to be avoided always, rather than a normal part of human life from which we learn and grow.
They see us not trust them to try. They see us not trust them to overcome adversity. They begin to see themselves as incapable. Letting them struggle is not harsh or cruel, it shows faith in the process. It empowers them and strengthens their confidence.
Knowing our parents will support us no matter what is comforting. Knowing we can succeed on our own and triumph over adversity is crucial. Wanting to protect our children from harm is normal! Choosing to protect them from struggle diminishes their chances of fulfilling their potential.
A parent’s job is not to prevent children from failing. A parent’s job is to be there for them when things don’t turn out as they had hoped, show them how to find the learning opportunity, and to use that wisdom to grow forward and inform future choices.
In Glennon Doyle’s new book, Untamed, she says, “I am here to keep becoming truer, more beautiful versions of myself again and again forever.”
This resonates so deeply for me!
In order to do this, we must trust the process of transformation. Everything we need to become our next more beautiful version is inside us now, like the caterpillar’s future wings.
Our job, like the caterpillar, is to dissolve the parts of ourselves, our community, our culture, that no longer serve us, reveal our individual and collective divine beauty, step into our full potential, and fucking fly.
What aspect of yourself have you been holding onto that no longer serves your wellbeing? How willing are you to allow that aspect to dissolve now? How will you transform that energy? What will you use that energy to manifest? What’s holding you back?
Does self-care seem indulgent or selfish right now?
Do you feel like you can’t take a break, ask yourself what you need, and then give that to yourself? Does thinking of your own needs NOW make you a bad person? No! No it does not.
Most of us are feeling rage, or fear, or sadness, or shock or all of the above about the events happening in our world. These emotions are catabolic and drain our energy. They increase our stress levels, release cortisol that depletes our adrenals, and exhaust our physical apparatus. How much good can we do if we show up to protest feeling hungry, tired, or overwhelmed?
Self-care is NOT indulgent. Self care is CRUCIAL if you expect to help, uplift, or protect anyone – especially yourself!
The world NEEDS all of it’s warrior spirits right now!
The time is here to stand up for what you believe in – which is altogether DIFFERENT than pushing against what you do not want – and you cannot stand for something if you are too exhausted to stand!
PLEASE do whatever you feel called to do, whatever you feel capable of doing to support our brothers and sisters of color, but please remember to take care of you first. You will be a far more effective ally if your energy is fully engaged.
You are as deserving of love and care as the people you want to support and uplift. And you will be a far more effective advocate for change if you feel positive and powerful instead of drug-out or depleted.
▪ Learn to say “no.” ▪ Develop a relaxing evening ritual. ▪ Allow yourself to feel and express all of your emotions ▪ Bring you into the present moment. ▪ Create art as a form of anxiety and/or stress release. ▪ Remind yourself of the good stuff in life by writing a gratitude list. ▪ Stop being your harshest critic. Allow yourself to make mistakes. ▪ Do some stretching exercises. ▪ Take a walk. ▪ Drink more water. ▪ Go out and spend 10 minutes under the sun. ▪ Go for a bike ride to nowhere in particular. ▪ Spend time in nature. ▪ Go to bed early. ▪ Avoid toxic people. ▪ Ask for help. Let people know you need some help. ▪ Call a trusted friend or family member and talk things out. ▪ Schedule a date night with yourself. ▪ Limit the time you spend on news/social media. ▪ Make time for meditation. ▪ Do a body scan, and check in with each part of your body. ▪ Do something nice for someone in secret. ▪ Donate money to a charity of your choosing. ▪ Spend time intentionally raising your vibration.
Pick ones that appeal to you. Support & strengthen yourself first. Then get out there and do whatever your spirit is being called to do!
I am offering two free coaching sessions to anyone wanting coaching right now! Coaching is what I am good at, and it’s what I can do to help after I recharge my own batteries! Please email me if you would like some help being at your best during challenging times!
Be present. We hear this term everywhere it seems, but what does it mean to “be present”? Why is it so important?
Being present seems like a simple concept. We are physically present wherever we stand. But we’re talking about being mentally and emotionally in the here and now. That’s a little trickier for most of us.
Humans spend a vast amount of our time reflecting on the past or wondering about the future. If we’re reveling in a wonderful memory, or excited about an upcoming occasion, then that tiny bit of time travel is beneficial, lifts our spirits, raises our vibration, and attracts MORE of the same kind of energy to us.
However, most of the time when we focus on the past, we focus on memories that bring guilt, regret, shame, or embarrassment. And often when we focus on our future, it’s the unknown we focus on which brings emotions like worry, anxiety, or doubt, which benefit no one. It drains our energy, lowers our vibration, and attracts MORE of the same kind of energy to us!
When we are focused fully in the present moment, we cannot simultaneously experience guilt, regret, shame, embarrassment, worry, anxiety, or doubt. Since all of these emotions are energy drains, it stands to reason that we have more energy when we are fully present. The gifts of being present are absence of negative emotions, and having more energy to spend on what’s important to you.
Now is powerful.
We cannot take action from the past, nor from the future. The only place we have to act is now. Clients often tell me they can’t seem to get anything done, but they come to realize that they are often not being present, and are therefore unavailable to take action. We lose a lot of time being in the past or future, instead of taking action in our powerful NOW.
So, how do we be here now?
Here’s a simple exercise that can easily guide you to the present moment when you find yourself wandering in time.
Take a deep cleansing breath. (Hell, take two or three, they’re FREE!) One at a time, take stock of your five basic senses. Sitting quietly, note just one or two things that you can sense with each.
Here are my examples for this moment in time:
Smell – I smell jasmine flowers and coffee. Taste – I taste toothpaste. Touch – I feel the chair beneath me, and the floor under my feet. Hearing – I hear a clock ticking. Sight – I see sunlight streaming in the window, and the dog lying in the sun.
Notice how the exercise immediately brings you into the now.
Whenever you catch yourself in your head living from the past or into the future in a way that is not beneficial, you can instantly improve how you feel by checking in with your five senses and being present in the moment.
How often are you in the present moment? What have you been missing while not being present? What will change for you when you are more present? What difference do you notice in your tension/stress levels before and after the above exercise?
Humans are energy. Our bodies are energy systems. We are literally made out of flowing energy! Often when I introduce this concept to clients, they ask questions like, “Well if I am made of energy, why am I so TIRED all the time?” That’s a GREAT question that really gets to the root of how I help my clients with energy coaching!
There are two types of energy available to us: Catabolic & Anabolic.
Catabolic Energy ~
Catabolic energy is destructive, draining, and stressful on our bodies, our emotions, and our mental capacity. Catabolic energy is crucial in life-threatening situations because it’s the energy that allows us to fight, flee, or freeze. Catabolic emotions include guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, worry, hostility, resentment, frustration, loathing, condemnation, blame, and judgment, to name a few. Catabolic emotions feel hard, and challenging. They create stress hormones that deplete us of energy, lower our immune system, and impede the optimal function of our mind and body.
Anabolic Energy ~
Anabolic energy is constructive, healing, fueling, and growth-oriented. Anabolic energy strengthens and energizes us with long-term use. Anabolic energy includes emotions such as love, forgiveness, compassion, peace, joy, passion, and so many more. Anabolic emotions feel good. They cause our brain to create feel-good hormones, and they naturally promote healing, and wellbeing.
We have Seven Levels of Energy Available
According to Bruce Schneider,* there are seven levels of energy presentation, each made up of varying degrees of catabolic and anabolic energies. In the chart below, we see that the highest levels of energy are anabolic and the lowest levels are catabolic.
So while every energy level has both advantages and disadvantages, it correlates that the more time we spend in those higher vibrations, the more energy we have.
Nobody is just one energy level all the time. We each have a unique energy profile made up of all seven levels with primary and secondary levels that we choose to use most of the time under typical circumstances. It should come as no surprise that our energy profile changes under stress.
Below is a brief look at the seven levels of energy, and possible thoughts that someone might be thinking about pandemic circumstances in each level. If you would like to learn more about these concepts, check out Bruce Schneider’s book, Energy Leadership, or contact an iPEC certified energy coach.
Energy Level 1 ~
This is the most catabolic energy level, so we end up with the least amount of energy left to “spend” on anything.
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – The economy will never recover! My finances are ruined! There is no way I can possibly come out better at the other end of this. I’m too old to start over again! How will I feed my family? What if I catch the virus?! What if someone I love dies? What if I do something wrong and someone I love dies because of me? What if they never find a cure? How will I possibly survive? My career is over. I’ve lost everything. Everything was going really well for me, and then the pandemic ruined everything I’ve worked for. Circumstances have crippled me. I’m trapped!
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I am very aware of all that could go wrong and I have to be on guard against it. Why isn’t the government doing more? Why did they wait so long to act? Why don’t people act right and follow orders? Why should I follow orders? They are NOT going to tell me what to do. Why is this so hard? How can I profit from this? What’s in this for me? I’m doing everything I am supposed to and I’ll probably get sick because someone else didn’t do what they were supposed to! This is the government’s fault. This is China’s fault. Whose fault is this? What a shitty period of history to live. Fuck coronavirus!
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I’m doing the best I can. I hope everyone will take care of themselves, I certainly am. I can find ways to get through this. I’m a survivor. I’ll be fine. Those in charge are doing the best they can. I can tolerate whatever is needed to get to the other side of this disaster. I’ll be fine. I’ll find a way to pull through. I can cope with anything.
Energy Level 4 ~
Core Emotions – compassion, caring, generosity, gratitude, love
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – What can I do to help? Who most needs my support? We must do everything we can to help people. We must work together to stop the virus. I must make people see how important this is! Why are they not taking every precaution? Why are they bucking the guidelines? I’m not bucking guidelines. We are all in this together! We can only get through this if we all do our part. Why isn’t the government doing more to support the most vulnerable? I can start a movement to help people! I feel so depleted.
Energy Level 5 ~
Core Emotions – peace, harmony, stability
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – What if the virus is here to help us? This is the perfect time to take some online classes and change careers. This is a great opportunity for each of us to examine where we are, and what we want to create next! How wonderful that we are finding innovative ways to work from home. This can lead to reduced traffic in the long run. It’s the perfect opportunity to identify weak spots in our systems, and create solutions to strengthen them. I can’t work where I was getting my income, so I am going to use my gifts to create other revenue streams. The pandemic slowed my momentum, so I will flow my momentum in a different direction. The overall impact of this will be abundantly beneficial for all of us.
Energy Level 6 ~
Core Emotions – joy, hope, eagerness
Possible Thoughts about the pandemic – I have been feeling so happy. What an incredible time to be alive! Restaurants are thriving doing more business in take out than they ever did with seated guests. People are leaving notes of gratitude for essential workers. People have more time to spend with their families. We’re finding more balance between careers and personal fulfillment. There is a sense of joy and camaraderie as I move through my day. People are happy and helping each other. It feels as if social distancing has brought us vibrationally closer to Source and to each other. There is good news everywhere of people making full recoveries, of companies innovating supply chains, and creating new ways to connect and work from home, of our environment healing, of our air and water becoming clearer. Countries once at trade war are now collaborating to ensure the flow of medical supplies. Researchers across the world are working together to create vaccines. I know that something wonderful is happening. Everything is working out for our highest good.
Energy Level 7 ~
We dip into this level of energy during meditation, and spiritual connection. For most of us, it’s a level where we recharge our batteries, not a permanent place from which to live.
Possible Thoughts do NOT include the pandemic – I am. We are. Everyone is. All is well.
Try leaning into the thoughts for each energy level above. We can clearly feel the difference in vibration, the difference in emotion, the difference in energy that comes at each energy level. None of the levels is bad or good.Which one feels the way you want to feel?
Wondering how much of each level you currently embody?
The Energy Leadership Index (ELI) assessment is a tool that measures our unique energy profile. Through a series of 84 questions, the ELI reveals the percentage of each of the energy levels you experience under “normal” circumstances, and also how your energy shows up under stress. Your Average Resonating Level of Energy (A.R.L.) represents your average energy presentation, under normal circumstances and under stress.
You can master your own energy and transform your life.
With the awareness and insights gained through the ELI & the ELI explanation session that follows, clients discover opportunities to align energy with their own goals, boost creativity, elevate communications, and increase overall satisfaction in any aspect of their lives.
Once a person identifies their personal energy drains, they can choose to make adjustments that allow them to overcome their blocks, reclaim that energy, and focus it on what’s really important to them. A study by the International Coach Federation shows that clients who apply this knowledge with the help of a certified professional coach begin to see sustainable transformations in health & wellness, relationships, confidence, finances, and more.
Every change begins with awareness of what is. If you are interested in becoming aware of your current energy patterns, I would LOVE to chat with you! I can schedule your ELI assessment to get you started on your path toward a more energized life!
Higher levels of satisfaction await. Power, purpose, and passion await. More joy and fulfillment await. What are you waiting for?
What energy levels do you practice on a regular basis? What energy level feels best when you try it on? What will change for you when you master your energy? What changes will you create in your life when you master your energy?
*The Energy Leadership Index Assessment, seven levels of energy, and the Energetic Self Perception Chart were developed by Bruce Schneider, PHD. Bruce is the founder of the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching where I received my life-altering coach training.
I have been receiving massage on a regular basis for the last decade and a half. Once a week I give my body a break from EVERYTHING. I put myself face down on some lucky therapist’s table and I just release every bit of tension I can release. It’s like a rebirth for my energy. Blood, oxygen, and chi all begin to flow where they may have been stuck.
I learned a long time ago that not only do I release the tension my muscles are holding during massage, but my muscles remember how to release, so they actually accumulate less stress between massages.
But here in pandemic world, LOTS of perceived stress to go around and NO massages! So what can we do to release stress?
Give yourself a fucking break!
Often we are so busy that massage time is the ONLY time we allow ourselves to relax. Maybe you look forward to some down time during your regular pedicure. I remember being so busy when my kids were little, that I looked forward to doctors appointments because I usually got a solid 10 or 15 minutes in the wait room where I could just sit!
If you can’t schedule a massage, a pedi, or spend 15 minutes just waiting in a doctor’s office, when are you scheduling rest breaks? Most of us just aren’t!
It’s like we think we have to “do” something on order to relax. What if we just relaxed? What if when we’re tired, we just lay down and take a nap?
Does going with the flow seem too radical?
Write a rest break right into your schedule.
It’s as important if not MORE important than anything else on your schedule.
I KNOW! You’re working from home, learning new tech, teaching your kids, walking the dog, and trying not to lose your mind. But if we were NOT sheltering at home and socially distancing, you would schedule that massage or that pedi, or that yoga class, right?
Set that hour aside for rest!
Pencil it right in where the massage or the pedi would go. Let anyone you live with know that you have an appointment to keep and then use that time to be quiet. Close your eyes and just rest. In bed is fine, or on a yoga mat. Put a bolster or pillow under your knees, and a slightly rolled towel under head and neck to support your relaxation.
Savasana is the “corpse pose” done at the end of a yoga class.
Make yourself as comfy as possible and just let it all go! Let go of the “have too” and the “must-dos” and all the rest of it, and just relax for 30 minutes.
If it’s possible to fall asleep, and you need to be up and doing something in the next segment of your day, set an alarm on your phone. Choose one that’s gentle, like birds chirping so it doesn’t jar you from the resting place, but rather invites you to open your eyes.
Humans rarely allow themselves time to become fully rested and most of us are often deprived of the right amount of sleep. But rest is essential to body, mind and spirit!
If you are hearing stories in your head that tell you that you don’t have time to rest, or you don’t deserve adequate relaxation, or self-care, coaching might be able to help!
In the most basic of terms, what I do as an energy coach is help clients remember how to release worry, anxiety, self-doubt, low energy and overwhelm.
If you or anyone you know is interested in uncovering what’s holding you back, and moving beyond where you’ve been able to grow before, please contact me at email@example.com to set up a free phone session to see if coaching is right for you.