Give it up!

I recently had a conversation with a client who was pondering the fact that death is the ultimate act of release. She wisely pointed out that some things are easier to release than others, and I am inspired by the way she is actively practicing letting go in different areas of life. 

All humans have attachments. That’s completely normal. However the more attached we are, the more we fight to hold on to the thing we are attached to.

When we become truly attached to something, we will fight to keep it even when it damages our wellbeing.  The thought of losing it creates distress and anxiety. For example, for the alcoholic, the thought of living without daily alcohol may cause panic, even if she is aware that the alcohol is damaging her health in many ways.

Some people remain in abusive relationships because they cannot imagine a life without the person who is abusing them. Some people choose to remain in extremely stressful jobs that cause health problems because they can’t imagine earning their big salary any other way. We can become attached to all kinds of beliefs that create fear and anxiety. (I’m not ‘whatever’ – smart, thin, rich, worthy, healthy, pretty, educated, experienced – enough.)

An infinite variety of manufactured foods deplete our energy and damage our health. These have been designed specifically to be addicting in order to drive up corporate profits. People often reach for these addictive foods to soothe themselves long after we realize the effect that food is having on our health. It’s hard to give up a food or an addiction that makes us feel better!

Habitual thoughts and behaviors can also limit our potential for optimum happiness and wellbeing. Judgement and self-criticism are two of the biggest limiting behaviors that humans develop by way of constant cultural conditioning.

Give it up!

I know it’s not easy to release something that is woven into the fabric of our lives! However, I invite you to begin playing with letting go of whatever it is that’s limiting you. If there is something you can’t imagine your life without, I encourage you to begin imagining your life without it.

Play with letting go of judgement and criticism and see how it feels. What happens to your energy? Your mood? Imagine doing the kind of job that leaves you happy and satisfied at the end of the day. What would that look like for you? I’m not asking you to figure out HOW to leave your crappy job and find a lucrative career you adore, I’m just inviting you to imagine that it is POSSIBLE.

Imagination is the first step of manifestation.

Practice letting go of anything that no longer serves you. If your food choices are not helping you manifest optimum health, practice letting go of some of those foods for awhile to see how you feel. You can always go back to those foods later if you want, but at least allow yourself to experience what it’s like to let them go for a few weeks. What’s the worst that could happen? You might feel better!

Do you HATE to work out, and prefer being sedentary? Imagine yourself deeply enjoying some FUN kind of movement that feels good to your body. I’m not asking you to go join a gym, I’m asking you to imagine yourself enjoying movement. I’m encouraging you to give up the idea that you hate moving your body. Play with some new ways to move that MIGHT feel good to you, and just IMAGINE doing them for awhile. Maybe you’ll get inspired to move. What’s the worst that could happen? You might really have fun!

When we play with letting go of anything that limits us, we can begin optimizing our health, wealth, and unlimited potential!

Grow on!

What’s holding you back?
What habitual patterns would you love to release? 
What does it feel like when you imagine releasing them?
What are you ready to release?
What are you ready to IMAGINE yourself releasing?
How will your life be different when you release that?

Need some help?
If you want help releasing what’s holding you back, schedule a chat with me to see if coaching can help you move from where you are to where you’d LOVE to be!

Give Thanks for Miracles!

Life is a series of millions of tiny miracles.

Don’t just notice them. Appreciate the fuck out of them!

Appreciation is the HIGHEST vibe available to humans. Love and appreciation are the same. We are here on this planet to allow love to flow through us and into our world!

I know that life on earth is a mixed bag. It’s super easy to focus on challenges and obstacles – they arise to shift our focus. But often we become SO focussed on the challenge, that we don’t even notice miracles, let alone appreciate them. 

I invite you to let the love flow, for no other reason than it feels fucking amazing! When you feel yourself contract in fear (worry, guilt, regret, resentment, etc…), take a deep grounding breath and allow yourself to expand into love.

How? 

Infuse appreciation into every miracle around.

Now, if we have been focused on fear for awhile, we may not even recognize the miracles. If this is where you find yourself, don’t panic. You are not alone in this by any score, and nothing has gone wrong! We are culturally conditioned to look for what is going wrong or might go wrong, threats to our lives, finances, and health, and circumstances outside of our control.

It is my honor, and great pleasure, to help people refocus on ALL we have to appreciate in our lives! Recognizing everyday miracles, and flowing love & appreciation to them serves our health, uplifts our mood, and connects us to infinite wisdom.

I present an incomplete list of miracles to which we can flow love and appreciation.

  • sunshine
  • rain
  • clouds
  • oxygen
  • flowers
  • gardens
  • trees
  • birds
  • butterflies
  • rainbows
  • food (other stuff exists that provides nutrients we require to survive!)
  • dogs
  • cats
  • babies
  • running hot water
  • internet and the level of connectivity it provides
  • grocery delivery! (Imagine what pioneers on the prairie would MAKE of that!)
  • true friends
  • imagination!
  • challenges & obstacles – It is common to curse obstacles, and cast the self as victim when challenges arise. If we shift our point of view and ask what Love is teaching with this challenge, the way through becomes clear. The challenge is ALWAYS a gift, even when we cannot see the value.
  • legs that carry us through life
  • eyes to see the beauty in the world
  • arms to hold the ones we love
  • intestines that digest everything, even when we eat unconsciously.
  • an immune system that protects our lives from unseeable organisms
  • tastebuds!
  • lungs that inhale and exhale
  • blood that delivers oxygen and nutrients
  • organs that serve our survival without us even understanding what they do!
  • a heart that beats without us having to think about it, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every week of every year of our life!
  • eardrums!
  • our ability to smell pine, and cloves, and roses, and puppy breath
  • Self! – the sum total of billions of living cells that compose the flesh, and life that are you, is nothing short of a miracle!

There is NOTHING more important to which we flow our love and appreciation than self.  Self-love is the key to transforming anything we wish to change. And if there is nothing we wish to change, flowing love and appreciation to self will enhance the perfection we are enjoying!

If we see nothing to appreciate, it is only because we have not cultivated an appreciation of the miracles that surround us. We have been conditioned to take miracles for granted. 

We can absolutely condition ourselves to see them everywhere.
We invite MORE miracles by focusing on miracles!

Grow on!

I invite us to bask in the sunlight of our own miraculous being.
I invite us to look for miracles, NAME them, and infuse them with appreciation and love. Start with the ones I list above. More and more miracles will become obvious.
Practice looking at challenges as a miracle designed by our soul to provide an amazing gift, and deeper understanding of love.


Enjoy previous blog posts on appreciation and gratitude:
Count Your Fucking Blessings
Gratitude Infusion
Deep Gratitude for 2021

The Mean Voice is ALWAYS Wrong

The mean voice is always wrong. I don’t care what’s being said. If it is said with mean intent, or in a way meant to diminish us or hold us back, it is inaccurate. 

When others speak to me with a mean voice, it doesn’t matter what they are saying. It’s inaccurate because whatever they’re saying at me, is truly intended for them to hear. It has nothing to do with me and has only to do with how in alignment, or out of alignment, they are in that moment.

More importantly, when I speak to myself in a mean way, the message is always wrong. The mean girl voice in my head (aka gremlin voice, monster voice) is wrong every time she speaks.

How do I know she’s wrong?

That nasty feeling churning in my gut tells me she’s wrong. The crappy way it makes me feel every time she says something mean to me is a clear indication that she’s wrong. It’s a clear indication that I am thinking in a way that is as vibrationally far from my true vibration (Source) as I can get. That’s why it feels crappy.

When we hear something and it resonates within us, we feel the truth of that vibration and know it’s true by the way it feels in us – resonant.

When we hear something and it feels discordant within us, we feel the wrongness in that vibration and know it is wrong by the way it feels in us – harsh and jarring because it lacks harmony with our Source vibration.

Now, if you – like so many people – have a critical voice in your head constantly scolding that you are too this, then not enough that, and certainly should always be this way, and absolutely never ever be THAT way, or telling you that everything you do is wrong, and will never be enough, then PLEASE take a deep breath!

Not one of those messages is true, no matter how convinced you may be in the moment that the statement is valid or accurate. The message is coming from a mindset that is out of alignment with our Source energy, our True vibration. So take another deep breath and remind yourself of that Truth.

The mean girl voice is trying to protect us from something. At some point in our past something happened that we did not enjoy, and do NOT wish to repeat. Mean girl (or the Gremlin) arose to protect us from that happening again. The mean voice is a part of ourselves trying to protect us from reliving some past hurt.

Unfortunately the way that she often tries to protect us is by having us play small. If we stop living life and stop taking chances, or reaching for something we really want, there will be FAR fewer opportunities for us to get hurt. And while that may have been an excellent strategy for a seven-year-old avoiding parental disappointment or wrath, it is energy-draining and self-defeating as a strategy in the adult world.

So we can love that scared part of ourselves, and give her a big ole hug for everything she’s been doing to try to help us. Then in my mind, I like to lead her to a lounge chair at the beach, hand her a margarita, and tell her to relax and take some time off!

Every time she gets off her beach chair and slings criticism at me, I recognize it by the discordant feeling within. That’s my cue to take a deep cleansing breath, and remind her (and me) that’s old, outdated thinking, and we’re not thinking that way anymore!

Then I go one step further to help heal this negative messaging that has been programmed into me.

Whatever the criticism was, whatever the mean comment, I KNOW that it’s wrong, so I turn it around.

If she tells me I did something wrong, I look for what I did well.

If she says I am ugly or unworthy, I write myself a love letter and tell me all the ways I am beautiful and worthy.

If she tells me I’m fat, I remind her that body shaming is unacceptable. 

Fabulous, amazing, beautiful women come in every size and shape of body, and every one of those bodies is beautiful and worthy. Our culture has a broken vision of what beauty is, and critical views of what we “should” look like in order to be considered beautiful. Well fuck that. I will not allow the opinions of others to heap shame, or heavy negative judgement on myself or anyone else!

We have become so indoctrinated to this weight hate that women sometimes put off living our lives. We’re finally going to have it all figured out and live our dreams when we reach that magic number on a scale. (Scales are treacherous, lying machines that will give you completely different numbers at different times of day, or in different rooms of the house. If you have a scale lurking somewhere in your home, I highly recommend destroying it at once.)

As long as we are focused on what we weigh, we will never be focused on what is truly important. (Hint: NOT a number on a lying scale.) Maybe that’s the reason the patriarchy decided to brainwash us into focusing on what we weigh in the first place?  

Please remember when you hear the mean voice that she is wrong.

You can choose to start reprogramming your thoughts to ones that make you feel amazing, beautiful, happy, and fulfilled every day of your life!

Grow on!

What message is the critic in your head repeating?
How true is that?
What would you rather believe?
If you heard someone give that same criticism to a young person you love, what would you tell the young person? What would you say to the mean girl voice?

Stairway to Heaven on Earth

A shift in mindset can literally be the difference between experiencing a living hell, or living heaven on earth. 

Mindset is EVERYTHING. Mindset is the vibrational set point of our thinking. It is the accumulation of established thoughts and beliefs we hold to be true. 

Energy attracts like energy, so what we vibrate, we attract.

We can think of our vibrational set point (mindset) as our radio station. Our current mindset is the station to which we’re tuned. Therefore the ONLY thing we can currently experience is what’s being broadcast on our station. If we do not like our experience, we must change the station to get something different.

We cannot change the experience being broadcast. In order to experience a different broadcast, we must change our station, by changing how we perceive.

What we perceive is what we receive.

If we believe that we live in a godless universe, where others cannot be trusted, where we must do it all on our own, and struggle for what we have; we are having a very different experience broadcast to us than someone who believes that the Universe has her back, sends frequent angels to support her, and flows resources to her effortlessly. 

Changing our radio station (mindset) allows us to attract something different than we have been experiencing. If we are not currently enjoying our experience, it is vital to shift our mindset.  In order to shift our mindset to attract something different than we have been attracting, we must begin to shift the thoughts we are thinking, and be willing to let go of beliefs that do not serve us.

The question then is, how do we change what we believe?

Awareness is always the first step! We can only change something if we are AWARE that we want to change it. Once we have recognized that something we think or believe no longer serves us, we need a process to help us overwrite those beliefs with new ones that support and inspire us!

We need a process because if we truly believe something, we cannot simply stop believing that, and start believing something contrary. The human brain won’t leap like that. 

For example, we cannot go from thinking, “I hate my body because it’s fat,” to thinking, “I love my body unconditionally,” in the same breath. Our vibration will physically reject the opposing thought because it does not resonate with our current mindset/vibration.

Wheels & Ladders

Here are four processes wonderful for shifting mindset, or point of attraction.

Focus Wheel Process

Esther Hicks and Abraham offered us the Focus Wheel Process in the book Ask and it is Given

We place the thought we wish to believe in the center, then write thoughts around the outside which we already believe, thoughts that resonate with our current mindset, meaning – we already believe them. Practicing these believable thoughts moves us closer to the center thought we wish to believe.

Esther says to use the focus wheel process:

  • When you realize that your current Vibrational Point of Attraction is not where you want it to be.
  • When you are aware that you are feeling negative emotion about something that is important, and you want to find a way of feeling positive emotion instead.
  • When something has just happened that is not to your liking, and you want to think about it while it is on your mind and change your point of attraction so that it does not happen again.
  • When you are reaching for a feeling of relief.

For me, the key bit here is reaching for a feeling of relief. When we are thinking thoughts that make us feel icky, anxious, or worried, finding thoughts that RELIEVE the anxiety, worry, and shame is solid GOLD.

Abraham’s Focus Wheel Process is highly effective for many people.

Training Wheels

Another process we can use to shift our thoughts, our mindset, our vibrational point of attraction is Training Wheels. Training wheels help us soften the thought we desire to believe, and bring it closer to our current vibrational range. Training wheels are sentence fragments tacked onto the thought we wish to believe.

Examples of Training Wheels:
Why is it so easy to…
I am learning to…
I am ready to…
I feel empowered when…
Today I begin to…
I choose to…

Training wheels on our example: I love my body unconditionally.
Why is it so easy to love my body unconditionally?
I am learning to love my body unconditionally.
I am ready to love my body unconditionally.
I feel empowered when I love my body unconditionally.
Today I begin to love my body unconditionally.
I choose to love my body unconditionally.

If the training wheel thought is one we BELIEVE, we are on our way!  Shifting from a limiting belief to an inspiring belief takes PRACTICE, so we want to practice the training wheel thought frequently until we feel ready to take the training wheels off.

Training Wheels Process is a super effective way to begin shifting our beliefs!

Laddering Thoughts

I love Laddering Thoughts Process! Imagine the limiting belief on the bottom rung of the ladder. Now place the thought we WANT to think at the top of the ladder.

Now we climb the ladder one better-feeling thought at a time! Each thought is a rung on the ladder taking us closer to the empowering thought at the top. You can absolutely use Training Wheels to help you up the ladder if you find some that raise your vibration. 

You can also use neutral thoughts since neutral is always a higher vibe than negative. For example, instead of the negatively charged, “I hate my body” we can use the neutral statement, “I have a body” to climb one rung up on the ladder. That’s a true statement, so it can resonate with anyone. “My body has physically supported me since birth,” is also true. If it resonates, we can use it to climb one rung closer to the higher vibration we desire!

Try these thoughts, and if they resonate, we can climb the next rung:

Some people love their bodies unconditionally.
I would like to love my body unconditionally.
The more I love my body, the more it loves me back.
Occasionally, I love my body unconditionally.
It is possible to love my body unconditionally.

Remember: you need to practice the Laddering Thoughts that resonate for you every day, throughout the day. Once a thought feels more believable, move up the ladder! 

Stairway to Heaven

I adore the Laddering Thoughts Process, and I love to shift thoughts from bad feeling to good feeling, and from good feeling to better feeling.

So I shifted the idea of the thought ladder into the image of a fully supported staircase with double handrails. Now instead of my steps being shaky, or unstable, I feel steady and supported as I climb my Thought Stairway!

The handrail I offer is a choice of uplifting thoughts galore. Many years ago I began creating positive affirmation cards (daily mantra or empowerment cards) for a friend who was going through challenging times.

I take positive statements that feel good when I say them, and print them on my inspiring landscape photography. Currently I have created more than 500, and I invite you to freely download any that resonate for you, and use them to support you on your Stairway to Heaven on Earth!

My fabulous fucking Toy Box contains a treasure trove of guiding support from many wise hearts who are consistently lighting the way toward Heaven on Earth. I invite you to explore and play with these amazing resources, and incorporate whatever resonates for you. This is how we feel supported and guided as we shift our thoughts up the stairs.

We can use our Thought Stairway to climb from wherever we are on the vibrational scale to wherever we wish to be on the vibrational scale. Thought Stairway can lift us from the deepest depths of despair, unworthiness, and shame, right up to heaven on earth!

With PRACTICE.

These wonderful processes help us retrain our neural pathways, and that takes time and practice.

I encourage you not to give up! We reach a tipping point when we finally feel closer to the top of the staircase than the bottom, and that is when we keep practicing!

We play with shifting our thoughts upward. We keep joyfully rising toward that higher vibration, toward renewed mindset, and fresh perspectives.

This is our spiritual practice, to move ourselves closer and closer to the perspective/vibration of that which we call God, Source Energy, Infinite Wisdom. Because living fully in that energy here and now is what it means to live in Heaven on Earth.

Grow on!

What thoughts are you thinking that are limiting your growth?
How does that thought feel when you think it?
What emotion would you rather feel?
What thought can you think that creates that desired emotion within you?
Play with the above processes to climb from the limiting thought to the freeing one!

Nope, nope, nope!

Millions of thoughts pop into our heads every day. Some of them are constructive, and some, not so much. Some of them feel wonderful, and some create fear. Some inspire confidence, others manifest self-doubt. 

The trick is to remember that if they pop in uninvited,
you only need to entertain the ones you enjoy!

I talk to my clients all the time about “milking the moment” when they have a thought that feels wonderful. We want to hang onto those as long as we can, and really milk them for every drop of pleasure that we can get. 

Why? Because energy attracts like energy.

The more we focus on what we enjoy, the more the Universe brings us to enjoy!

So what about those thoughts that pop in unannounced that are destructive, fear filled, and confidence crushing? My advice is to get rid of them the instant we become aware of them.

It’s perfectly understandable, when experiencing a financial or medical uncertainty, that scary thoughts and worst case scenarios might pop into out head. But these thoughts are here without invitation, so we don’t throw them a big party and invite them to stay!

As soon as I notice that my mind has wandered into a scary neighborhood, I quickly repeat “nope, nope, nope!” It’s like a little energy canceling mantra I use to retrieve my energy from unwanted territory. The quicker I can catch myself, and redirect with “nope, nope, nope” the better! 

Why? Because energy attracts like energy.

The more we focus on what is unwanted, the more the Universe brings us what is unwanted!

Of course we occasionally must focus on something we’d rather not, like preparing our taxes. But I’m talking about creating stories in our head of unreal events that may never happen. It’s a HUGE, and completely unnecessary, waste of our energy. The faster we vacate that territory, the calmer, happier, and more energized we will feel!

Nope, nope, nope!

Then we can intentionally shift attention onto something we DO want to attract. We can entertain best case scenarios and visualize those. Or if the energy is currently too charged around that topic, shift subjects entirely and focus on something that is sure to lift your energy and inspire you. Your grandkids, your pet, crafts or hobbies, podcasts meant to inspire. Whatever it is for you.

After the nope, nope, nope disrupts the negative energy, focus on anything that allows you to feel uplifted, happy, empowered, or inspired.

Grow on!

What thoughts are you currently entertaining that could use a good “Nope, nope, nope!”?

Create a list of as many people, places, and practices you can think of that never fail to comfort you, or make you feel amazing.

For an incomplete list of resources that inspire the crap outta me & my clients so we can energize our lives & thrive, check out my fabulous fucking toy box at THIS LINK!

The subtle art of not giving a FUCK what other people think

First and foremost, you are God. The energy animating our flesh is Divine Source energy, or what people like to call God.

Your core energy is Divine.
My core energy is Divine.
Their core energy is Divine.

Every one of us is an expression of the Divine Source energy that created everything in the Universe. We are absolutely perfect despite whatever flaws or shortcomings we think we perceive. When we begin with this understanding, it’s easy to see that no one is better than anyone. We are all equal, all One energy.

How other people think, and speak about me is NONE of my business because it has NOTHING to do with me.

What other people think of me, and how they treat me has NOTHING to do with me.

How other people think about me, what they say about me, and how they treat me has to do with only ONE thing, and it’s NOT me!

How other people think about me, what they say about me, and how they treat me has to do with only one thing: How in alignment, or out of alignment they are with their own core energy.

How in alignment, or out of alignment THEY are with THEIR own core energy. (Not my energy.) It has NOTHING to do with me.

Trying to figure out why they don’t like me, or why they treated me like that, or what I did “wrong” is a complete WASTE of energy! Trying to change their mind is also a huge waste of energy, and generally backfires because we feel defensive.

Does it feel good to be liked by others?

Absolutely!

Is it necessary for your wellbeing?

Not a chance.

If we live in such a way as to BE what someone else wants us to be, we are not our true authentic self. To BE the YOU that you came here to be, you must learn to listen to the guidance INSIDE of YOU. When we look outside for guidance, it’s complete chaos! 

Why?

Have you ever tried to get EVERYBODY, or even a large group of people to agree on ANYTHING? Everyone has their own idea about what’s right or wrong, or effective, based ONLY on their own experience and viewpoint. They do NOT have a guide book with hard and fast rules that work for every life.

Diet as an example.
How much do people agree on what the perfect weight loss plan is?
Do you see that working for EVERYONE?

WHY follow a path that someone ELSE is excited and passionate about when you can choose to follow a path that excites YOU, and that YOU are passionate about? If we follow a path made of other people’s opinions, the magnificent fullness of who you came here to BE cannot be realized, and you are cheating the world out of the unique perspective, the individual viewpoint that is YOU.

This is the definition of giving away your power.

This does not mean we can’t live a life that serves others, or in service to others – as long as we CHOOSE it for ourselves. If you are living a life of service because someone else wants you to, FUCK that!

And we don’t want to choose service to others ABOVE serving our own needs! You are not an afterthought! You are the central character in your own story.

I worry that others are judging me!

This thought is a mirror in two ways.

1- You judge yourself harshly, so you see them judging you.
2- You are judging them to be judgers in the process.

No one is ever judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. If they do, cut them out of your life, or minimize time spent with them, or set healthy boundaries by telling them to stop it.

The more you love yourself, the less harshly you criticize yourself, the easier it will be to see them as less critical, and less judgemental.

While you are not giving a fuck about what people think, I would also LOVE for you to not give a fuck what people do!

Other people are not the boss of you.
You are also not the boss of them!

They get to choose what they think is right and best for them. When we try to choose for them, our energy becomes entangled.

Energy entanglements DRAIN us!

Think how much energy it takes to make decisions for yourself and run your own life. Do you REALLY have the energy to also do that for everyone you love, and strangers too?

If so, WHERE on earth did you find that rule book titled This is the ONE right way for everyone! by R.O. Gant?

HUGE energy drain, and…

This is the definition of taking away their power, and we drain our own power when we try.

Short of situations where someone is harming you or others, take a deep breath and let that shit go!

Your Inner Critic Needs Love

Stop beating yourself up!

Stop beating yourself up for using food as a coping mechanism. Sometimes humans need to cope, and food has been proven repeatedly to be a brilliant coping mechanism. We feel bad, we eat food, we feel better. Every time. We are brilliant to have figured this out. Why berate yourself for doing what works?

If we find we are relying on food to cope too frequently, then it can be a problem in other ways, but still no need to be harsh with ourselves. It’s simply an opportunity to explore other ways of coping, or to release some of the stressors that make us feel as though we need to cope.

Stop beating yourself up for not eating a “perfect” diet. There is no one PERFECT diet, and anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. Finding what’s perfect for your health and your body takes experimentation. Let’s not trash ourselves for experimenting to see what works and what does not.

Stop beating yourself up for not having a media-approved “perfect” body. Who the fuck gave media the right to approve what is perfect and what is not? Beauty is subjective, and attraction is chemistry, often having nothing to do with our looks or our size!

Stopping negative self talk is a CHALLENGING shift because we’ve been beating ourselves up for so many perceived imperfections for so long!

Acceptance of where we are is the first step in transforming our relationship with food and body. We often choose to beat ourselves up because we are not already where we wish to be, but that’s so silly. We are learning. We are on a learning journey. We want to be kind and loving toward ourselves, just like we would be with a toddler as he’s learning to walk. As he’s finding balance, we would never scold him for stumbling, so why do we do it to ourselves?

Diet culture has taught us how NOT to eat, and how to suppress our hunger cues. It’s no wonder we get confused about what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat. We are learning how to be eaters. Constantly beating ourselves up for getting it wrong only delays the process, and slows our progress.

So how do we make that mindset shift from harsh inner critic, to loyal, loving, unwavering supporter?

It takes practice, and it takes time, and awareness is key.

We cannot change anything until we become aware of it, so the trick is to catch it when it’s happening. We need to become aware that we are being harsh, in the moment we are criticizing ourselves.

Sometimes the self-criticism is very subtle. It may be an old recording that plays so constantly in the background that it has become white noise, barely audible. But once we start looking for it, we do grow our awareness, and we begin to be aware in the moment. THAT is the magic moment when we can start to shift! 

ABC Process

Awareness
Practice becoming aware when it’s happening. For many people, it’s simply a sudden feeling of being judged or disapproved of. For others, it’s hearing full sentences of disapproval and harsh judgement. It can be different for each of us, so we need to pay attention to try and catch it in the moment we are doing it.

Once we are aware in the moment that it’s happening, we can take action.

As soon as you are aware of the critic voice:

Breathe
Take a nice deep grounding breath.

Choose 
Choose love.

Choose a voice who speaks gently to you. Choose a voice you might use with someone you love, and care about, and would never criticize. Instead of criticizing yourself, choose to love yourself for being human.

It’s as simple as ABC, though it takes some practice to become aware and remember to do it in the moment. And if you don’t catch it in the moment, don’t beat yourself up. 

When you do catch it with your improving Awareness – Breathe, and Choose love.

Grow on!

Practice cultivating awareness of when the critic is speaking.
Then take a deep grounding breath, and choose love.
Every chance you get.

Need help letting go of that harsh inner critic?

I’m leading a 21 day support group where we learn to let go of beating ourselves up! Click HERE for full details!

Misbehaved Kittens Russian Roulette of Self-Care

YAY for triggers!

What are triggers? Triggers are a golden fucking opportunities to expand our awareness, and grow through challenge. Triggers are gifts from the Universe, pointing to that which needs our attention.

Triggers are personal to each of us, and they generally piss us off, or generate some other strong, emotional response. They’re the things that get under our skin, which DEMAND a reaction from us. Often we can’t NOT react. And frequently, looking back, we wish we had acted in some other way instead of the way we reacted.

Generally triggers are accompanied by a feeling of stress. Whether we react, or hold back the reaction we feel, stress or anxiety are activated inside us. Sometimes we also beat ourselves up for having reacted. (Why did I let them get to me? I should be past this by now! What’s wrong with me? Or similar thoughts.) This can add shame to the toxic mixture of emotions already triggered within us, and increases our perceived stress.

Humans get triggered by all sorts of things. Think repeated behaviors that annoy, like a partner dropping dirty clothes on the floor, leaving dishes in the sink, or not calling when they will be late. These behaviors don’t trigger me – and maybe not you either – but they are triggers for many people. Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Coworkers, children, politicians, parents, or pets can all trigger us for different reasons.

Recently I was speaking with a client who has two new kittens that she adores. They are young, and energetic, and often misbehave and steal small, important objects and hide them out of reach. As we were talking, a new game popped into my head. 

What if every time the misbehaved kittens trigger frustration, we create an opportunity for self-love instead?

Misbehaved Kittens Russian Roulette of Self-Care

I suggested she make a list of everything she considers self-care, write each item on a slip of paper, and place the slips of paper into a hat, a fishbowl, or a fancy box. Then every time the kittens misbehave, she reaches into the fishbowl and pulls out a self-care prize, instead of shooting herself in the foot with stress, reactivity, blame, and shame. 

She loved the idea, and so do I!
I encourage everyone to play.

The game allows us to be triggered into self care, and replace stress-building reactions with desirable actions that reduce stress and build healthy habits! Of course you don’t need misbehaved kittens to play. You could play Annoying Coworker Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or Inattentive Spouse Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or my current personal favorite, Puppy Poops on the Carpet Russian Roulette of Self-Care.

So how do you define self-care?

Anything qualifies that makes YOU feel cared for, held, and supported. The header contains lots of great possibilities for self-care, and below is a short list. I encourage you to personalize your list to include your favorites, and only use those that truly resonate for you. Some women love to get pedicures and look forward to them as a pampering treatment. Others find them tedious, and don’t enjoy having their feet touched. There is no right or wrong. It’s about whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, cared for, and loved. 

Self-Care possibilities:

Make a gratitude list.
Dance for 5 to 10 minutes.
Schedule a massage.
Journal.
Get a mani-pedi.
Journal while you get a mani-pedi.
Fix a cup of your favorite tea.
Take a nap.
Sing your favorite song, and really belt it out.
Do some mirror work.
Take 10 slow deep breaths.
Take a 10 minute yoga break.
Sit in the jacuzzi.
Take a walk.
Spend time in the sun.
Write yourself a love note.
Go to bed early.
Call an uplifting friend.
Look at beautiful photos of nature.
Create art.

Grow on!

Make your own list of self-care.
Write each item on a slip of paper.
Place them in a container that pleases you.
Now when you feel triggered, you can choose to react by reaching for self-care.

Header image photo credit – Thanks to Western Oregon University!

Even on Shitty Days

I don’t feel like writing a fucking blog post today. I don’t see any sunny side at the moment. I am not inspired, nor do I feel inspiring. My dog had surgery yesterday and kept me awake all night trying to get the cone off his head. I have a tension headache the size of Montana. My spine is out of alignment causing me to be off work, so my finances feel out of alignment. My perspective is out of alignment with my higher self, and my human is screaming WTF?! 

I don’t even want to listen to my favorite podcast to try and lift my vibe! What’s wrong with me?! WHY is everything going wrong? What did I DO to deserve this mess!?

Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuckitall!

I rest my head in my hands, rub my temples and take a deep breath. When I find I haven’t the energy to scream, I exhale with force through gritted teeth. 

In that small, quiet space following my exhale, I can hear my higher being for just a moment, just long enough to whisper my new mantra to me.

Nothing has gone wrong.
Everything is perfect.
All is well.

“Well it sure doesn’t FEEL as if all is fucking well,” I retort with just as much snark as I can muster. But I have softened. Just a bit, but enough. 

I know enough to know that even if I can’t see the gift (the lesson my soul is hungry to learn) in the moment, my new mantra is right. Nothing ever goes wrong. All goes according to Divine plan. I trust the Universe to have my back, which means I can relax, and right now relaxation is exactly what I need.

Nothing has gone wrong.

I am simply having a human experience – not good nor bad – just human. Sometimes we get out of alignment with our highest self, and that’s ok! That’s part of the plan, to get out of alignment and find our way back. And it’s fine if I don’t want to find my way back right this minute! We can always learn something from spending time in misalignment. Sometimes we learn it in the moment, and sometimes we learn in hindsight, but simply remembering that nothing has gone wrong, allows us to relax a bit, allows the resistance to soften.

I’m still exhausted from not sleeping, but I am no longer shoulding on myself. I don’t beat myself up for being out of alignment. I accept it as part of being human, part of my experience, and give myself a fucking break!

In fact, I do deserve a break. I think I’ll schedule a massage, and if any voices in my head try to tell me I don’t deserve it, they can fuck right the hell off.

Yeah. I’m feeling better!

Practice my new mantra for awhile if it feels good to you. 

Or find a mantra that reminds you of your power and practice that.
I find that it really helps. Especially on the shitty days. 

Just a magical fucking reminder…

I am magic. I know I am magic, and no one can stop my magical ass!

I have a T-shirt that announces this truth to the world, and yet sometimes I still forget. Why? Because I’m human. When humans come here from nonphysical, we agree to forget our magic so that we can have the expansive experience of finding our way back to our magic, back to our power – the power of All that Is.

We come here intending to find our way back to magic, and to remind our fellow travelers of the Truth that we are all made of magic, and that we are surrounded by miracles everywhere.

At our core – each of us is magic with the power that creates worlds at our disposal. And we are also magically human.

Being human comes with challenges. We can experience confusion and doubt about our own magic. Some of us have been taught by other humans that magic is not real, yet we may sense it’s presence occasionally and feel drawn toward it. Even those of us who strongly believe in magic are human with human challenges.

When those who are asleep to their own magic lash out in fear at the magic-believing human, it can feel like a punch in the gut. It can feel like being plunged into darkness where the light of our own magic does not shine.

This does not mean that anything has gone wrong!

If we do not experience darkness, how can we know that we prefer the light? The darkness is simply one experience. It is not permanent. Whatever emotion we experience – positive or negative – is temporary and will pass.  

Acceptance of the unwanted emotion is key. 

We can face it head on and say something like, “I would prefer to not feel this emotion, but it is the emotion I am feeling, so I will choose it. I will allow myself to feel it, and be with it until it begins to transform.” 

We can dance with unwanted emotions, or hike with them to help move them more quickly through our experience. Any enjoyable physical activity helps move emotions. We can sit calmly with the unwanted emotion as if it were a visitor, and ask what message it has for us. Welcoming unwanted emotions and listening to them diminishes them, and empowers us.

Emotions are energy in motion. If we resist them, they stay with us longer, and can sometimes get stuck. If we choose to accept the experience of the unwanted emotion, the energy will stay in motion and transform more quickly.

Remembering our magic is key.

There is magic in reminding our fellow travelers of our magic. And while it is purpose-filled, and fulfilling to call others back to the light, we bear no responsibility for the ability of others to see their own light, or to connect with their magic.

Let go of people who tear you down and diminish your light, or make you doubt your own magic. Follow your inner light. Ascend into your own magic without feeling responsible for bringing everyone else along with you.

Find people who remind you that you ARE the light! Read books by authors that remind you that Source energy flows through you and everyone around you. Subscribe to blogs, tune in to podcasts, and watch YouTube videos that remind you of your magic and help reconnect you to the magical flow of life.

Grow on!

When you discover that someone or something in your life diminishes you, or depletes your energy repeatedly, have the courage to let it go.

Make a list of all the people, places, books, or blogs that remind you of your magic. Enjoy everything on your list frequently! Share those uplifting sources with everyone to remind them of their light too! 

In my toy box, I keep a running list of resources that inspire the crap outta me and my clients. Share your favorites with us in the comments and I’ll add them to the list!