Category: Mindset

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Overcome the Overwhelm

Feeling overwhelmed? You’re NOT alone!

Most humans (and I would venture to guess ALL parents) feel overwhelmed at least some of the time, and especially during the holidays.  But what is overwhelm?  The dictionary defines it as “bury or drown beneath a huge mass.”  When most of us talk about feeling overwhelmed, we are not literally being buried or drowned beneath a huge mass, but the thoughts we think about our to-do list make it feel like we are.  So it’s our thoughts that make us feel overwhelmed.

The cool thing is that once we realize how we think about and prioritize our never-ending to-do lists, we can release MOST, if not all, of what people define as overwhelm.

Infinity and Beyond

Remember – We are eternal beings, so we can never get it “done.” 
You can stop stressing that you never get to the end of your to-do list.  You never will.  No one does.  Don’t let them tell you they do.  

It helps to remember your WHY.

Analyze each item on your list and ask, “Why do I choose to do this?”

You are at choice and you CHOSE to put those things on your to-do list.  If an item feels like it’s being imposed on your list, ask yourself WHY you are allowing it to be imposed.  Maybe you love someone that needs you to do it, or maybe it just has to get done.  Why does it have to get done?  So the bills get paid.  So the kids get an education.  So the relationship feels secure.  There is a WHY for every item on the list.

If you can remember why you want to do it, it won’t drain your energy like it does when you think you have no choice.  No one wants to feel they’re being forced to do anything, and that feeling of powerlessness drains our energy.  Any time we feel we “have to” (should) do something, or “need to” do something, it drains our energy.

Change your thoughts.

If you resent or dread doing an item on your list, you have at least three choices.  You can decide it does not really need doing and just ditch it.  You can delegate it to someone else.  Or you can change the way you think about it so it won’t drain your energy.

For example, if an item on your list is to dust and vacuum the house.  Why are you doing that?  Do you feel like you “should” because you have guests coming to dinner?  Does it need doing because the house is dirty?  Does someone else want it done?  Do you choose to do it because having a tidy home lifts your energy?

When we feel we “should” do something it’s usually because we fear others will judge us if we don’t do it.  We could choose this if we wanted to, but we do it because we will feel shame (around what others think) if we do not do it.  THAT drains the energy right out of your toes! Doesn’t it?

Needing to do it is not as draining as having to do it, but it still drains us.  There is a reason for it to get done (the house is dirty) but I still feel at the effect of circumstances, instead of in control of my choices.

Does that resonate for you? 
Don’t take my word for it, check in with your gut.  

Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do because it needed to be done?  Of course!  We all have.  We all know someone that works a job they don’t love because they need the paycheck.  Talk about energy draining.  If we are doing anything because we feel we have to, or need to, just adding it to our list drains our energy before we ever take action.

Don’t you feel most inclined to do it cheerfully when you are choosing to do it?  It seems like a quick easy chore that lifts our energy for our effort!  I like a tidy environment.  I feel most clear, focused and creative in a tidy, organized space.  It takes 10-15 minutes to do the dusting and run the vacuum, and then I FEEL BETTER!  

Yes!  And I have energy to spare on whatever I love to do!

Speaking of what you love to do…

Most importantly, how many items on your list answer the “why” question with “for the fun of it” or “because I enjoy it”?

If the answer to that is zero, don’t feel bad!  You’re not alone on this point by any stretch of the imagination.  Most of us tend to let go of what we want to do in favor of the ‘have-to-do’ and ‘need-to-do’ items. 

Why? Because many of us were taught that doing what we WANT before what we SHOULD makes us selfish.  It does not make us selfish!  It makes us happy.  It makes us resilient.  It makes us creative and thoughtful, and it energizes our lives.

Add something to the to-do list right now simply for the pleasure it brings.  Do something you love daily and just WATCH the difference it makes in your energy level!  At least add something once a week that you do just for the joy of it.

It can be anything you love.  Read a book.  Soak in a long hot bath.  Go to the movies and book dinner at a fine restaurant.   Avoid movies and restaurants so you can afford to travel.  Pick up that yoga practice you put down.  Write that book you’ve always wanted to write.  Go dancing once a week.  Create a three-minute dance party in your living room every day.

Whatever it is that makes your heart sing, add it to your calendar now. Make time for it. Make time for you, and there will be more time and energy for the to-do list!

Grow on!

Look at your “to-do” list and ask yourself, “Why do I choose to do this?”
Which items on your list can be ditched?
Which items on your list can be delegated? 
Name one activity that you enjoy tremendously that you have not done in a long time?
What is one activity that LIFTS your energy every time you do it?
How can you fit those activities into your schedule?
Why is it important for you to choose something just for the joy it brings?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I hope this post helps you shift your thoughts enough to relieve some of that stress.  If not, consider hiring a coach to help you shift your energy from exhausted to energized!

I offer a FREE session to anyone considering hiring a coach, so we can discuss the ways that coaching can help, and see if partnering together would be of benefit for your situation.  If I am not the right fit for your coaching needs, I have a list of AMAZING certified coaches at this link.  

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Taming Your Gremlin

Awareness is a powerful weapon against the inner critic.  

I hope that since my previous post you have had an opportunity to observe the critic, to become aware of when it’s speaking to you and what sorts of situations trigger it.

Did you observe how gremlin thoughts start to lose power the minute you shine your awareness on them?  Awareness by itself is actually all you need to overcome some of the smallest gremlins.  They scatter like cockroaches when the light of awareness touches them.  However, for some gremlins that have been around a very long time with messages we have taken on as beliefs, we need awareness first along with some other tools to help free us from the stranglehold they place on our energy.

Get to know your personal gremlin.

Visualizing or creating a physical representation of the inner critic is a great tool to use to understand that the gremlin is separate from us, and that the messages of the gremlin are NOT our inner voice, but actually come from outside of ourselves. 

I first visualized my gremlins as cockroaches because I enjoy thinking about them scattering when I shine my light of awareness on them.  When I took a class aimed at overcoming the programming of the inner critic, we were assigned the task of creating a physical representation of the gremlin.  My first idea was to photoshop the face of a person yelling at me onto a cockroach. 

The idea made me smile, but I really wanted something I could punch if I wanted to, so I bought a puppet from Paisley’s Puppets in Oakland, and gave her a hat to wear.

This is my own personal gremlin, Kalista Kockroach Krabapple III.

I keep Kalista where I can see her daily to remind me that I am not the voices in my head. 

Create your own gremlin if the idea resonates for you!  I know for some clients, the idea of thinking about the inner critic as a “gremlin” does NOT resonate.  If that’s the case for you, that’s cool.  Try calling it inner critic or ego, or Ralph, or cluttered mind, or anything that helps you think of it as “not you” because those messages are NOT you, and we want to begin to set it apart from the self.

Physical Signals

Once I realized that these messages were not my own, it dawned on me that the reason I felt so shitty when thinking inner critic thoughts is because they are NOT true.  When things resonate, they feel good physically and lift our energy!  Truth resonates. 

Resonate means ‘to produce resonance.’  Resonance is defined as ‘the quality of being deep, full, and reverberating,’ or ‘the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions.’  Truth does this. Capital T.

A thought that is not true, on the other hand, does the opposite of resonate.  It makes us physically recoil.  That little knot in the pit of your gut, or under your solar plexus is your physical being recoiling from something that your core essence KNOWS is not true.  This physical recoil takes place for the same reason our hand would recoil from a flame: to avoid pain.  That physical signal is a communication from the Highest Self to avoid that thought that feels so icky.

Let that soak in.  The physical sensation you get when you think a thought that feels crappy is a signal to BACK THE FUCK AWAY from that thought.  “That thought will cause you pain.”  “Don’t go there.”  That’s your gut instinct screaming to get your attention.

How does this resonate for you?  Don’t take my word for this stuff, check in with your gut.  When you read the information above, did it resonate?  Make you recoil?

Tell your gremlin to fuck off!

Once I learned that the inner critic was NOT me, and I learned to identify that physical sensation that told me the gremlin was lying to me again, I wanted those cockroaches OUT of my head!  When I would hear the nasty little bastards starting in, I visualized myself flicking them away like the tiny vermin they are.

Once when I turned to a friend with an issue I thought was a struggle, she gave me some really solid advice.  Her email contained wisdom, reassurance, validation, and these beautiful seven words:

Flicking them away and telling them to fuck off allowed me to reclaim my own power.  For me, as well as many other people, this is a vitally important step.  When I was in coaching school, we talked a LOT about the inner critic because gremlin messages are one of the biggest issues people bring to coaching. 

That’s where I learned that telling the inner critic to fuck off is a great first step, but is not usually enough to exterminate the cockroaches.  For that, we need to understand the message and it’s original purpose, because their purpose was never to get us to live small and stay scared.  That was the outcome of their message once it outlived it’s usefulness.

Understand it’s true purpose.

The true purpose of the cluttered thoughts, gremlin messages, inner critic voice is sometimes to protect us from perceived harm.  

For instance: If your father backhanded you so hard you flew across the room when you voiced an opinion that didn’t agree with his, you may have developed a message that said, “Never speak your truth – it causes pain,” or, “Never disagree with those in authority,” or, “Your ideas are NOT valid,” or, “No one wants to hear your thoughts,” or any number of other ideas that may have kept you safe in that particular situation, but are now standing in the way of you experiencing your life to the fullest.

Some messages are meant to control us.  For instance: Maybe an ex-spouse told you repeatedly that you are unloveable, and followed that up with actions that seemed to prove the point.  That message actually says far more about the ex than about you, but if self-esteem is low enough, or if you have been practicing thoughts about being unworthy, you may buy this message wholesale.  Then when the marriage ends, the gremlins tell us that no one will ever love us.  And it’s possible, that the gremlins are trying to protect us again!  They are trying to keep us out of situations that might hurt.

If any of this resonates for you, you are NOT alone!  

Are you getting a slight knot in your solar plexus, or a slight feeling of nausea?  Remember, that feeling of physical recoil means those thoughts are NOT true!

The important thing here is to understand that these messages came from outside of self.  They were intended to keep you safe, or were the agenda of outside forces.  WHERE they came from is NOT important!  You may immediately recognize where some of your inner critic messages come from, but please don’t waste time trying to figure out where or when or why your messages came to you.

Simply recognize that where you are now, those messages no longer serve a purpose, so it’s safe to start leaving them behind and embrace Truth of your awesomeness.  The faster you do, the better you feel!

Train the inner critic for a NEW job!

So, you have this really powerful voice inside your head that you’ve been listening to for a while now, and it seems like the voice is trying to help you on some level, even though it’s messages are constantly draining your energy.  How do we stop the ebb of energy into negative thought patterns and redirect it into building new, more positive thought pathways?

You’re probably getting good at being aware of your personal inner critic messages by now.  Maybe you’ve even visualized your gremlin and know it’s name.  So now it’s time to begin retraining the gremlin.  It wants to help, so let’s give it something helpful to do!

Retrain that inner critic to repeat messages that build your energy and give you motivation. 

When I first went to coaching school, my gremlin ROARED that everyone in class was more educated than me, better coaches than me, and that I had nothing to offer.  “Keep quiet so they won’t know how much you DON’T know!”

Like I said, we did a LOT of coaching on gremlins at iPEC, and I discovered that almost everyone in class had gremlins as loud and as mean as mine were!  All of us had some version of the same message: “You are not enough.”  It was a revelation to understand that I was not alone.  We are all exactly the same in our own unique ways!

So I began to picture Kalista in a little cheerleading uniform.  I mentally had her turn her dunce cap into a bull horn, and every time one of the old thoughts popped in to say, “you are not smart enough,” I pictured Kalista shouting it down with rallying cries of, “Cyndi is a ROCKSTAR coach and an awesome person with valuable insights to offer the other coaches in this class!”  Complete with pompoms.

Grow on!

How would you like to reimagine your inner critic? 
What messages would you enjoy hearing? 
What messages are inspiring for you ? 
What messages will motivate you to move closer to your goal? 
What will change in your life once you change the voices in your head? 
What inner critic message seems LOUDEST in your head? 
How would you like to re-write that one? 

What questions do you still have about taming that inner critic? 
Ask your questions in the comments below this post!

Read Rick Carson’s Book!

If you want to learn more about taming gremlins, follow this link to order Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. It’s the preeminent work on gremlin taming and a very useful book full of inspired illustrations.  He also has a Facebook page you can access here.

For over 400 positive affirmations and uplifting reminders on my landscape photography, follow this link.

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Drown Out the Inner Critic

In my last blog post, we discussed how to tell the difference between our Inner Voice and the inner critic. Today I want to discuss tools we have at our disposal when the inner critic shouts so loud we cannot hear our intuition, or doubt we can trust such a weak, distant voice.

The inner critic also goes by other names.  Personal demons can keep us from reaching our goals.  Gremlins undermine our best efforts at self improvement.  The cluttered mind keeps us overwhelmed and unmotivated. Ego is a tremendous force with decades of momentum behind it.  No wonder the inner critic is so vividly real and so pervasively persuasive!

It’s important to understand that the “voice” or the “gremlin messages” are thoughts.  Your thoughts come from your mind, so it’s possible for you to change them! 

How cool is that?  

“Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead!”

~ Pink, Fuckin’ Perfect

The power to choose our own thoughts is the greatest power we have, but most of us have no idea how to wield that power. Our beliefs shape our thoughts, so if we want to change our thoughts, let’s take a look at our beliefs. 

Grow on!
Are your beliefs ones that you chose for yourself?
Were most of them chosen for you? 
Are they your culture’s beliefs, or your parents? 
How willing are you to let go of the ones that no longer serve you? 
What new belief(s) would you like to begin practicing today?

Beliefs are something I explore with my clients all the time. 

Around 90% of the clients I talk with eventually uncover an underlying belief that they are “not enough” in some way.  Once we uncover that, it’s easy to see how a belief like that would spawn inner critic thoughts like: “Why even try?” “I’ll never get a better job.” “I’ll never find anyone who loves/understands me.” “Don’t get your hopes up!” “Forget what you WANT, get a practical job!” “Don’t let people get to know you, they won’t like you.”  “I have no confidence.” “I don’t deserve this.”

With thoughts like these, who needs enemies, right?  And EVERYONE has them!  It’s important to know that if you are identifying with these thoughts, you are not alone.  Some people have learned how to deal with them so they don’t cause stress and suffering, but the self doubts are a very human condition.

Our limiting thoughts construct an invisible prison that limit the options available to us.

In order to increase the options and opportunities available to us, and live our best lives, we must make an effort to change the thoughts.  It’s not difficult, but it does take some effort and CONSTANT reminders.  Constant reminders.  Constantly constant reminders.  The enemy is a tremendous force with decades of momentum, so it will take time to slow that locomotive down before it can change directions.

CONSTANT reminders!

In the previous post, I talked about practicing affirmations as a way to strengthen the messages of the Inner Voice.  Since writing that post, I have discovered an AMAZING app called Think Up. App info here.

The free version of Think Up allows you to record three affirmations in your own voice, then it plays them back to you over soothing music!  I love it!  It lifts me every time I hear my own voice reminding me I am worthy and abundant!  It’s extremely powerful and uplifting.  The app allows you to set reminders to practice throughout the day.  This is a really cool reminder to realign your energy frequently.  Practicing is KEY to shifting your thoughts.

Read something daily meant only to uplift and inspire!

Some GREAT ways to stay inspired are to read inspiring books, listen to inspiring speakers, and talk with people who are inspired!  Subscribe to a podcast that is meant to uplift.  Turn OFF the news and listen to a TED talk.  We cannot immerse ourselves in  the general, chaotic vibration of the world, and not counter it with inspiration, and then expect to feel inspired!  How can we possibly feel inspired if we are digesting current events daily with no counterpoint?

Here is the link again to my post called Practice Happiness Daily.
It has a list of uplifting resources to play with!

Constant reminders are vital, but besides bolstering our Inner Voice, we want to begin quieting the screeching of any gremlin messages that are interfering with receiving intuitive messages from the Universe (inner voice).

How on earth do we slow the momentum of the inner critic?

When you become aware that your inner critic is active, just notice.  That is the first step.  Just let yourself be aware that the critic is vying for your attention.  Don’t try to shift gears.  Don’t get upset that “it’s happening” again.  Don’t run away from the voice or the feelings it brings.  Just shine awareness on it. Just be aware.  Simply watch the actions of the gremlin with curiosity and non-judgement.

Grow on!

What were you engaged in when the inner critic spoke up? 
– Keeping a list of your triggers can be helpful.
What is the inner critic trying to protect you from? 
If it’s an emotion that the critic is trying to avoid, sit with that emotion.  Allow yourself to experience it. 
What does it feel like to allow the emotion?

tamingyourgremlin

Awareness is a powerful weapon against the inner critic.  For now, let that be enough.  Practice getting good at recognizing the inner critic’s voice, and simply observing it.

In the next post, we explore ways to disarm our gremlins and begin redirecting the energy they drain from us into building new, more positive thought pathways!

Follow this link to order Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. It’s the preeminent work on gremlin taming and a very useful book.

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Inner Voice or Inner Critic?

Your inner voice will never steer you wrong.

That’s how you know if it’s Inner Voice or inner critic talking.  When your inner voice speaks, the message resonates and feels good.  When the inner critic speaks, we feel icky, doubtful or anxious.  Messages from the inner critic often manifest in the body as a knot in the solar plexus, or a twist in your tummy that can make you feel queasy or nauseous. 

Messages from your inner voice never feel bad, and often leave us feeling buoyant or hopeful, because your inner voice comes from Source energy, your source, the source of ALL things (some people like the name God).  Inner voice is connected to infinite wisdom and eternal Truth.  Inner voice knows the longing in your heart and is always guiding you toward it.  Inner voice is your authentic self, your true nature. Inner voice speaks in new ideas and intuitive insights.

By regularly practicing seeing things through the viewpoint of Source, we are better able to HEAR our authentic inner voice when the inner critic is trying to drown it out.

Inner voice says, “Take the risk! Get out there and live your dreams!” And inner critic is on the other shoulder saying, “Play it safe! Don’t get hurt! Remember that time we risked it all and how MUCH it hurt?”

Source knows you are capable and worthy in every situation. 

When we think thoughts that oppose this viewpoint, it splits our energy and drains us.

On the other hand, reminding yourself on a daily basis that you are capable and worthy in every situation helps you hear the inner voice more clearly. When we practice thinking like Source thinks, we draw our own power around us like a cloak of invincibility. Practicing the point of view of Source helps us more clearly know our own true desires. 

When chaos reigns around us, we will hear the messages that we have practiced most frequently.  If we have practiced thinking like inner critic, then chaos means things have gone wrong, or the situation is bad, and we are probably powerless to change anything or help anyone.

If we practice thinking like Source, then when chaos reigns we keep our balance.  We are not tossed about like a cork on a raging sea, because our inner voice reminds us that we are powerful beings who have weathered storms before, that we have resources at our disposal, and that we can find the answers even if we don’t have them right NOW.  We understand that every situation has a purpose, and is an opportunity for self-growth.

If THAT is the voice you want to access under stress, that is the voice you must practice listening to every day!

HOW do I practice the vibration of my inner voice?

One of the best ways I know to practice thinking like the inner voice that comes from Source is to find affirmations that RESONATE for me. Now you can’t just swap a practiced thought like “I NEVER have enough money,” into “I am rich beyond my wildest dreams!” and have it resonate because the vibrations don’t match.  Start where you are and build to where you want to be.  Because you really WANT “I am rich beyond my wildest dreams,” to resonate for you, right?  Of course!  We all do.  But start with small shifts, like this: I am open to receive floods of financial abundance with ease.

Or start simpler: The universe is abundant in nature.  Find one that resonates (or two or three at most) and practice it every day.  Allow that to become your vibrational set point.  Then find new affirmations that resonate and shift your vibration further upward.

Sometimes affirmations need training wheels while we practice new thoughts!

If for the last few years your mantra has been, “I hate to go to the gym,” then switching to “I love going to the gym,” is going to be too big a leap for your mind to buy into all at once.  In this case, apply some training wheels: Why is it so fun and easy to go to the gym?  See what we did there?  We didn’t say it was fun and easy, we asked, “why is it?”

The mind will accept the question, and if you practice that mantra – and you practice setting an intention to go work out and then follow through – eventually your vibration will shift and you will feel differently, and you can change the affirmation.  Using the same example, the next step might be something like, “I enjoy feeling stronger and lighter when I go to the gym.”

Life is a process.  So is changing your thought patterns. Shifting your vibration upwards is KEY to hearing your inner voice over your inner critic, because for MOST of us, the inner critic has had more practice! 

Grow on!

What does your inner critic say?  How does that make you feel?
What thought resonates that helps you begin to tell a better story?
What thoughts can you choose that allow you to feel better right now?

This type of thought work or vibrational shifting is vital for growing our awareness. In my next blog post, I talk about what to do when the inner critic drowns out the inner voice.

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What You REALLY Want

Human beings want all kinds of different stuff, and that’s cool!  Desire draws life-giving Source energy into our lives. The desires my clients most often name are healthier bodies, heftier paychecks, happier relationships, & more habitual travel. 

But why do we want any of these things?

Because of the way they make us feel. 

The only reason we ever want anything is because of the way we expect to feel when we have it. So, let’s focus on that.

Imagine yourself in your ideal life. Imagine all of your dreams have come true.  You have the soul-mate, the amazing career, the water-view home, whatever it is you desire most. Imagine you are living that now.  FEEL it.  Feel the emotions  – whatever emotions you imagine you will feel in the moment you attain your highest goal.

Wow! Take a few minutes to marinate in those feelings.  Let them wash over you like an ocean wave crashing against the shore, and permeate every cell of your body! 

THAT is what we really want!  That feeling of contentment, joy, fulfillment, confidence, whatever emotion it is that you believe the peak experience you desire will allow you to feel.

QUICK!  Name those emotions and write them down.  

If you feel inspired, take a few minutes to journal about how you feel.

This is your true goal – not the house, or the job, or the lover, or the money. The way these things make you feel is what you are longing for.  And HERE’s the KICKER: the more time you spend steeped in the emotions you long for, the faster your dreams manifest!

This is also really helpful if you are feeling confused about a choice you are making. Ask yourself, “Will this choice allow me to feel…” whatever emotions you listed above. This is a quick way to gauge whether or not the choices you make are moving you toward your goals!

For me, it’s a sense of vitality, confidence, connection, and calm that I truly desire.

I was absolutely feeling relaxed, vital, connected and confident when my partner captured this image of me!

Moving forward in this blog, I will regularly add a self-exploration section aimed at growing your consciousness. Let me know how it inspires you, or which questions you find most helpful!

Grow on!

What is it you truly want?
What part of that answer surprises you?
What part resonates as truth?
What decisions does this information help you clarify?
How will you use this new information moving forward?

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Suffering is Optional

Suffering happens when we wish things were different than they are.  Period.

Pain happens in life.  Every person in the Universe faces challenges and difficult situations.  Every one of us.

We think we are suffering because the other person did something that hurt us, or because we don’t earn enough money to take the vacation we want, or we lost our job, or we weigh more than we want to weigh, or we’ve suffered an injury or accident, or because someone we love passed.

But the suffering – the continued worsening of the pain – is something we create by wishing things were different than they are. I’m not saying those things aren’t hard or painful. They are difficult and challenging and they will absolutely slow us down some.   However suffering is not caused by ‘what is.’  We cause suffering by RESISTING ‘what is.’ We’re human.  Pain is a normal part of existence.

But when we spend hours, days or weeks puzzling over why this has happened to us, or how we might have prevented it, or how we can still make things turn out ‘right’ or how we just wish so MUCH that things turned out differently – that is RESISTING what is. Resisting what is causes suffering.

Suffering is optional because we’re creating it ourselves!

What is it you’re resisting? 
What would happen if you simply allow it to be what it is? 
What would it mean to accept the situation as it is? 
What would change for you?

Personal Story

Once upon a time, I lived on a diet composed mostly of wheat and dairy.  I LOVE the stuff!  Give me a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a quesadilla for lunch, and pizza for dinner and I am delighted!  Then I found out that I am allergic to wheat and dairy after becoming extremely ill from eating too much of the stuff.

I was miserable thinking of all the cheese I would never eat again! 
I was mad at the world for the unfairness of my challenge, and disappointed in my body for not being able to handle my fave foods like a “normal” person.  I couldn’t picture a world where I could possibly ever hike again, because everyone knows the perfect fuel for hiking is bread and cheese!  Right?  Luckily for me, I couldn’t resist the changes because I was too sick, but I SUFFERED. Believe me, I made sure of that.

Now, it’s completely normal to feel disappointed in a situation like that.  But it’s not normal (or healthy) to resist what is.  My body cannot handle something I want it to do.  That’s the fact.  I can choose to resist it and resent it and be miserable about it, and no one would blame me! 

But what happens if I simply accept the fact? EVERYTHING shifts.

I’m no longer draining my energy.  I’m not feeling victimized.  Shifting my perspective is the key.  I accept the situation as it is, and then I am free to play with new options that make me feel powerful instead of deprived!

Click this link for my EASY and delicious replacement for dairy cream!

YES, I love cheese, but what I truly, deeply want is vibrant good health which is vitally more important than the temporary and fleeting pleasure of a bowl of ice cream! ESPECIALLY when it’s so much fun
to discover fuels my body LOVES like mangoes and blueberries!

Google image

As soon as we accept what is, we begin growing again.  Resistance stunts our growth and keeps us stuck in pain, inaction, or both. Before I accepted the situation, I kept coming up against the food allergies like an adversary that would pop up out of nowhere and knock me in the dirt.

Once I accepted the situation, I was able to build it into my life map. 

Then I was able to find fun creative ways to go with the flow.  Seeing the obstacle for what it is, allows me to move around it with ease.  I could then continue moving toward my dreams with a clearer picture of where I was standing and how to get where I want to be!

I am not “settling” for a life without wheat and dairy, I am THRIVING on a life path that has given me the blessings and challenges that have sculpted me into the awesome self I am today!

The biggest gift of this journey is the radical self-acceptance I now offer myself daily. I finally accept myself, just as I am, in all my
flaw-someness.

Suffering is optional.

What are you currently suffering?
How willing are you to accept it for what it is?
How much energy will that free up in your soul?
How will it change how you see yourself?
If you see it clearly in your life map, what fun, creative options does this open up for you?

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I Have No Self-Control

Have you ever said this?

If you have, you are NOT alone. Most of us have said this about one thing or another at some point in our lives. If you’ve ever had an addiction, you know this feeling well.

Let’s unpack that phrase.

“I have no control of myself.”
If not you, who? Or what? Sugar? Alcohol? Gambling? Sex?
It’s different for each of us.

Literally we are saying, “something outside myself is controlling my behavior.” Usually we mean something that we “cannot resist.” I’ll use sugar in my examples because it’s been my personal drug of choice for years and I know many MANY people can relate. If sugar is not the thing you “can’t resist,” substitute, your own drug of choice while reading.

What are we really saying? Sugar controls me, or sugar thinks for me.

How true is that?

Can sugar think thoughts inside your head?

No. So really it’s only your THOUGHTS that are telling you to succumb to temptation.

So when we say, “I Have No Self-Control,” we are really saying, “I cannot control my thoughts,” or “I cannot control my mind.” Again, you would not be alone. We are rarely, if ever, taught to choose which thoughts we think.

Advertisers and politicians like it when we have little control over our own thoughts, because that makes it EASY to put thoughts in our head. Our culture does not highly value independent thinking, so it’s completely normal to not be adept at guiding our thought energy.

Thoughts are energy.

Where do you spend yours? Doubting your ability to resist something? Or shifting your focus to choices that align with your own healthy intentions?

There is no right or wrong here.
I am simply bringing awareness to the process.

What’s really True?

Self-control comes from being aware. Become aware of what you are really thinking and then you get to CHOOSE.

Self-empowerment comes from choosing which thoughts to think. Once we are aware of what we are thinking, we get to decide if we want to keep thinking that thought, or change it to something that builds our energy instead of depletes it.

So, “I can’t resist sugar!” becomes something gentler like, “Oh how interesting. I am thinking about sugar again. That does NOT align with my healthy intentions or my goals, so I choose to shift my thinking.” And then we get to choose an infinite number of thoughts that align with our healthy intentions. Here are some possible substitutes:

I am powerfully aligned with my healthy intentions!
I choose to eat foods from my list of delicious nutritious choices!
I can change my focus to some form of creativity that I enjoy!
I can distract myself until the urge passes.
I choose my own thoughts and control my own behaviors.
I am a powerful being and I will not defeat myself thinking thoughts I do not wan to think!

PLEASE list more options in the comments! What thought do YOU choose to think instead of, “I can’t resist XYZ,” or “I Have No Self-Control!”

Dessert

The photo at top is SUGAR FREE Raspberry Ripple!!
Click this link for recipe from I Quit Sugar.

You didn’t think I’d be mean enough to show you a picture of something to tempt you into eating sugar, did you?

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Don’t Take it Personally

I find it incredibly helpful to remember that what another person says or does, or how another person reacts to what I do or say, has NOTHING to do with me.

Equally, how I receive what another person says or does, has NOTHING to do with them, and has only to do with what’s going on for me.

If I show up for work all shiny, doing my part 110%, happily going about my work, considering the feelings, needs and input of my employees and co-workers, and doing a bang-up job, then someone responds to my cheerful tone in a harsh way, I have 2 choices.

1- I take it personally: I feel bad that someone disapproves of me.
Or possibly disapproves of the way I am doing my job, or doesn’t like something I have done. Maybe they do not appreciate what I am about, or hear what I am trying to say. My feelings are hurt and I feel disrespected. My energy drains out of my soul, depleting me and taking with it any chance I have of staying motivated toward my own self care. I mean REALLY: why bother?

Or:

2- I don’t take it personally: I understand that whatever is going on for them has nothing to do with me, so my mood is my own, and not tossed about by the moods around me, or the mood of the world at large. I can remain cheerful and confident, and retain the full use of my energy, so it’s available to use for whatever I choose.

Each and every time, the choice is mine.

Empowering myself means making the choice for myself. Letting others choose for me drains my energy and disempowers me.

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I’m Too Old!

Someone in her 50s recently told me she was too old to begin a fitness program. To which I replied:

Oh HELL no!

You are exactly the right age to accomplish any damn thing you put my mind and energy into!

Here is just a short list of people who prove that age is not a limiting factor, unless the mind chooses to be limited by the belief that age is a limiting factor.

100-Year-Old Woman Sets World Track Record

100-year-old and 102-year-old runners break world records

103-year-old Dancer Eileen Kramer cast as 17-year-old Princess

Success Can Come at Any Age.

96-Year-Old Athlete Smashes Sprinting Records

Superstar athletes over 60

If you don’t try, how will you know what you’re capable of?

Do anything you choose to do, and take it in small achievable steps, that result in sustainable changes.

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Celebrate!

One of the things I preach to my clients is to CELEBRATE every small step on the path toward their goal.  Those steps add up to a journey of transformation, and deserve to be thought about as the BIG deal they are!  

If you’re trying to reduce your weight, and managed to pass up the candy aisle that was your usual haunt at the grocery store?  GO you!  That is an incredible accomplishment!  Celebrate it!  

If you want to increase your physical activity, and you parked farther from the door than usual so you’d get more steps – That’s AWESOME!  Other people TALK about wanting to make changes, but there you are taking action to make it happen!  Celebrate moving in the direction of your goals!!  Woo hoo!!

Celebrations can be anything as big or small as you desire.  Whatever is fun for you that you do to intentionally celebrate moving forward and honor your amazing accomplishment.

Treat yourself to a soothing bath, a pedicure, or an extra 5 minutes in bed in the morning.  Take yourself out to the movies.  Go for a walk!  Whatever feels like a treat to you to honor the accomplishment is perfect.  One of my fave celebrations is to put on some music I love, turn it up loud, and dance wildly for 3-5 minutes!  It’s an exuberant,
joy-filled celebration that imprints into the cells of my body, and also honors my intentions to move more, and add more joy to my life.

actual photo of my exuberance captured by Jeremy

Why celebrate?

One reason it’s important to celebrate our successful steps, no matter how small, is because they are literally the foundation that supports the transformation we desire.  They are what we build on to create the health, wealth, relationships, or career we want.  Another reason is because when people do not make a habit of celebrating small successes, they might forget to celebrate the big ones.

The most important reason to celebrate your successes along the path to your goal is to say to the universal Law of Attraction, “Yes please!  Bring me more of this!”  Energy attracts like energy.  

All that having been said, I am taking my own advice.

I have some BIG news and I want to celebrate!

Today I received an email from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.  I am thrilled, overjoyed, and delighted to announce that I am now an iPEC Certified Professional Coach!

I have successfully completed 90 hours of classroom training,
over 50 hours of peer coaching, and more than 150 hours of required classes, seminars, assignments and electives.  I have earned my
ELI-MP certificate, and my CPC certificate from one of the top coaching schools in the world, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching.

I opened my coaching practice in November and got my first paying client in December.  Seven months later I have seven clients, every one of whom found enough value in their first round of coaching sessions to invest in more coaching sessions.  That validation is a celebration in and of itself!  My clients inspire me daily to do everything I can to continue growing as a coach, and as a human being.

Now I have completed my training and am fully certified! 

If I’m going to be honest here, part of me didn’t believe I could do it at first.  It seemed like SUCH a big goal.  But the most amazing journey unfolded when I simply focused on what I wanted, instead of what might hold me back.  The entire Universe stepped in to dance with me and open doors.

It is my passion, and my life’s purpose to help others discover the infinite possibilities within themselves, and to empower them to achieve whatever they desire.

Yes, there is more I want to accomplish, but I won’t focus on what’s next until I take the time to really savor this incredibly amazing achievement!  I went for it!  And I accomplished it despite my
self-doubts, and a pretty good dose of fear from those gremlin voices telling me that everyone in my coaching class was smarter and more capable than I was.

Now those voices work for ME, and tell me that I am a natural coach, doing a great job, and that my clients appreciate me, and value what I offer.

Go me.  Seriously.  I feel like a rockstar!

I feel amazing, successful, empowered, and unstoppable! That is the gift of coaching.

I plan to celebrate this major goal and life transformation in a really BIG way, by relaxing and enjoying eight FREE nights in Hawaii next month!  

Like seriously, GO me!  Woot!