Choose the Challenge

Life throws us curve balls.  It’s part of being human.  

We have challenges in myriad forms, every one of us.  Some challenges are self-chosen, like training for a marathon, changing careers, or getting a puppy.  Others are gifted to us by Life University, like a broken bone, health and weight challenges, or caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s.

Oftentimes the challenges we choose can inspire us, grow us into new phases of our lives, or give us a sense of accomplishment.  In other words, these challenges can energize us.

Challenges we do NOT choose can often burden us, feel like a crippling blow, or give us a sense of powerlessness.  In other words, these challenges can deplete us.  

So HOW do we keep Life’s challenges from sucking the life force right out of us?  Facing challenges requires stamina, effort, and energy.  If we feel victimized because circumstance was forced on us, our energy is stolen before we begin, and the challenge quickly drains us.

Choose the Challenge

One strategy that can preserve our precious life force (ENERGY) is to choose the challenge.  Yes – the unwanted challenge that Life just threw in your lap.  Choose that one.  Why?  Because it’s the one Life gave you, so it’s meant for you!  Hating it, despising it, resisting it, and running away from it drains energy faster than anything.

Choosing to be with the challenge gives us power.  Choosing to be present – with whatever life hands us – gives us energy.  Wishing we didn’t have the challenge exhausts us.  The simple act of choosing to be here, challenge and all, shifts the energy in our favor.  

Many clients come to me with challenges they did not choose, do not want, and wish to be rid of quickly.  Often they have the idea that this unchosen challenge must be overcome so their ‘real life’ can begin.  But real life is here and now.  If we wait for it to begin at some distant point in the future, we are missing life!  

Life handed us a challenge.  We can choose to cast ourself as the victim, resist the challenge, and try to survive till it’s over – at which time we will presumably step into our power and begin our real life.  Right?  Or we can choose to live our lives right through this challenge, rising to meet it at each step, and retaining as much energy as possible. 

Let’s take a broken ankle for an example.  How do we choose a challenge like this?  

I seriously doubt that a broken ankle is asking us to get a walking cast and stomp right on as if nothing happened.  How do I know this?  Because ‘business as usual’ is what Life is trying to shake up!  Life is asking us to grow in new directions.  

Choosing this challenge might mean accepting help from others, letting go of commitments, or learning to care for self – it’s different for each of us.  Rising up to meet this challenge might mean slowing down!  If Life is asking us to slow down with a broken ankle and we do not slow down, Life will deliver another challenge and another and another – until we slow down.

Choosing the challenge means getting curious about what Life is asking us to learn, and doing our best to listen for the lesson.  We are not being punished.  The challenge is never a punishment.

We are being asked to grow and mature into the competent, confident beings that we truly are! Life is trusting us with this lesson at this time because Life knows we’re ready. We can trust Life, relax into the challenge, and get curious.

When we choose the challenge, the challenge is still challenging, we just have more energy to meet it, learn from it, integrate its gifts, and grow.  In other words, we allow it to energize us instead of deplete us.

Grow on!

Does your current challenge feel energizing or depleting?
What is this challenge asking you to learn?
If this challenge has a message from the Divine, what is the message?
What insight have you gained from this challenge?
How is this challenge asking you to grow as a person, or grow in relationship with others?

Feel good NOW!

Most of us know that when we look good, we tend to feel good.
But are you aware that the opposite is also true?

When we feel good, we look good.

Think about a time when you felt really great about yourself.  How much more comfortable were you in your own skin?  How powerful and confident did you feel?  When we feel accomplished, triumphant, successful, truly loved, filled with purpose – of course we look better.  Our body chemistry is completely different than when we feel confused, failed, unloved, directionless, or under attack.

It is common in this world, I have noticed, for people who are reaching for a weight-loss goal to try to reach that goal by forcing, harassing, restricting, stressing, pushing, and hating themselves.  

It is also common to decide that the body is not right by societal standards, so it must not be liked, in fact it must be hated.  We feel we must hate the body into submission, hate our eating issues for making us fat, hate food for being so fattening and delicious at the same time, hate our appetite, flog ourselves at the gym until we finally reach a weight where we will feel better about ourselves, or just give up entirely and eat for solace because we are so damned imperfect.

If any of this resonates for you, you’re not alone! 

Somehow this crazy world has conditioned us (brainwashed us through media propaganda, and advertising campaigns designed to sell a magic fix for bodies that are not right by societal standards) to believe that we must hate ourselves until we reach their standards.  To which I feel compelled to reply:

Fuck. Their. Fucking. Standards.

I invite you to join me in saying, “Fuck their standards.” 

If they don’t like my body, FUCK them.  Because you know what I decided to do?  I decided to approve of my body right now.  I decided that their standards are fucking stupid, and they do not appeal to me, so they do not apply to me because I am the authority on what is fucking beautiful in my life.  

Why?  Cause it’s my life. 

Their judgements only count if I give them validity and I just revoked their right to decide anything for me.  I choose to decide for myself.  I invite each of you to step into your own power and decide for your self what is beautiful in your life, because who the fuck are THEY anyway?  Who are they to judge ME unworthy? 

I am a child of God, a conduit of Divine love and light, and I will not dim my light to allow them to feel comfortable in my presence!

They want me to feel diminished, unworthy, and powerless so that they can grow rich and feel better about themselves. Fuck that! And while we’re at it, fuck the collective ‘them’ who believes they are anyone’s authority on what is good and right and beautiful.

If we feel more beautiful when we are feeling truly loved, then what POWER we wield when we choose to truly love ourselves as we are, without waiting for the approval of others.

I choose to feel my true divinity flowing through me.  I choose to feel confident and powerful.  And every time I feel the Divine Truth of Who I am, I look fucking amazing.

photo by donnio, on a day when i felt GREAT and it shows.

Grow on!

  • What is stopping you from feeling good about you NOW? 
  • What baby steps can you take toward loving yourself more now?
  • What kind of example do you want to set for your children and grandchildren?
  • Each time you become aware that negative self-talk arises,
    what can you say to remind yourself to move gently back in the direction of self-love?

No one has ever been Motivated by Shame

I feel confident in saying that one of the larger underlying goals of most body transformation goals is to increase the amount that we like ourself, and be more happy.  

I might like myself better in that special occasion dress, or maybe I like myself better as a potential employee at an upcoming interview.  Maybe I believe that I will be more likable to possible romantic partners once I achieve my goal.  I will like my life journey more when I reach that goal!  I’ll like the way I look in my vacation photos more once I look a certain way.  Along our path we became conditioned to believe that we are “not enough” and that our body is not good enough.  “If my body’s not good enough by cultural standards, I can’t love my body.  If I can’t love my body, I have to hate it.”  But we know we’ll like ourselves much more once the body transformation goal is met.

Here’s the fucking problem ~

We try to hate ourselves to the goal!  We may restrict calories, skip meals, increase workouts that we hate, over commit to new changes, get on the scale every day, get discouraged by weight fluctuations, overeat to soothe our emotions, then beat the crap out of ourselves for not being perfect at body transformation in every way.  We compound our brutal physical treatment of ourselves by brutally beating ourselves mentally for what we see as our own failure.

If this sounds familiar to you, please know you are not alone.  This is pretty common human behavior.  It’s the way we’ve been trained to go after our body transformation goals, and we’re beginning to realize that it’s doomed to failure.  We simply cannot hate ourselves into liking ourselves more.  The path to love and friendship is not paved with hate and shame.

No one has ever been motivated by shame.

Shame and self-hate take us in the opposite direction of our goals.

Let’s shift for a minute from a body transformation goal to a reading transformation goal.

Imagine you have a child who is struggling in reading.  The teacher tells you they are behind the rest of their class.  Would we shame and belittle them into reading better?  Would we hate them until they catch up with the rest of the class?  Would we tell them that we can’t love them until they are a better reader?  Of course not!  This course of action would not only damage the psyche, it would cause the child to hate reading.

Will we create success by insisting they do exercises they hate or by finding fun ways to grow their love of reading?  Will they gain more confidence if we yell at them each time they are imperfect or if we are supportive and encouraging each time they perform well?

How can we shift this same loving approach to our weight and body challenges?

Rule #1 ~ Don’t beat yourself up.

Our healing journey is a roller coaster full of ups and downs.  We need to be easy with ourselves as we learn what works for us, and what does not work.  As I mentioned in a previous post, there are no magic fucking beans. There is no magic pill, nor is there one right way to do relationship to food and body, nor one right way to eat.

For these reasons, we are the scientist in our own body transformation journey. Through trial and error we will find what is best for us individually, though it might not be right for anyone else! What does not work is not “failure.” Rather it is valuable information to inform our future choices!

"The more you beat yourself up for doing something you said you didn’t want to do, the more you will continue to return to the ‘scene of the crime’ and you will continue to do the very same thing that you said you didn’t want to do - NOT because there is something wrong with you - but because that is how body wisdom, and life wisdom teaches us.  We learn through repetition, so body wisdom, life wisdom will return us to the scene of the crime - life classroom - until we learn to integrate the lessons.  Until we learn to love ourselves, until we learn to stop beating ourselves up because we did something we said we didn’t want to do. Until we learn to forgive self."  
            ~ Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, and author of Nourishing Wisdom: A Mind-Body Approach to Nutrition and Well-Being

Body transformation starts with love, not hate.

If you’re feeling shame or hate about self or body, please remember you’re not alone.  You didn’t make this stuff up – it’s embedded in our culture. Shame and hate feel icky because they do not belong to our true vibration (our true vibration is unconditional love).  Since they don’t belong to us, we can choose to simply let them go! Check out two ways to do this below in the “Grow on!” section.

Letting go of body shame and self-hate is the ESSENTIAL, non-negotiable first step toward every body transformation goal. We can’t transform the body while simultaneously beating it up. Healing transformation can never happen in the presence of the toxic body chemistry created by shame and hate.

True body transformation is possible

Every body transformation is a unique journey, a process that requires time and love. Making the shift from hate to love is possible. If you’d like some help making that shift a reality, you can schedule a private chat with me at THIS LINK, or check out my Body Transformation group at THIS LINK.

Grow on!

Here are two techniques that are wonderfully useful in letting go of negative emotions like shame and hate that do not serve us.

Grounding it – When you become aware of feeling shame or self-hate, remind yourself that it is not yours and you don’t have to carry it.  Take a deep breath and as you exhale, simply drop it onto the ground.  Imagine it pouring out of your palms onto the ground until it is gone and you feel lighter.

Give it to the light – The vibration of shame and hate can feel BIG.  See it shrinking smaller and smaller until it fits in the palm of your hand, or on the tip of one finger.  Hold it up and offer it to the Light.  You feel lighter as the light easily removes the unwanted emotion.

Failed Fucking Fairy Tales

Do you remember Aesop’s fables?  

Slow and steady wins the race.

The fable always ended with the turtle winning the race.  I knew the moral was to go slow and make steady progress.  Be a turtle.  But I did not want to be a turtle.  The rabbit was full of love for life!  He visited with friends, enjoyed a good meal, and took pleasure in napping! He didn’t win, but he certainly enjoyed himself along the way.  

Hard work makes us stingy.

All day, every day the ants work hard while the grasshopper plays music, relaxes, and enjoys life.  The ants grow mean because they take no pleasure from life, and leave the grasshopper to die.  You just know if that grasshopper had food he would share it with the ants, because he’s happy and enjoying his life!  I could not understand why the ants were so mad at him for being in his joy.

What about those fairy tales full of quick fix magic?  

Beans grow into a ladder that leads to wealth.  A kiss can reverse death, and transform love into it’s true form.  Spinning wheels turn barn straw into purest gold, and Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo solves all that is wrong in the world.

In my child’s mind – to make it in this world, I either needed to find my fairy godmother, or work my fingers to the bone.  Magic leads to happily ever after, and the path of hard work leaves one hardened, cruel, and unwilling to share.  

Is it any wonder people are always looking for a panacea?

panacea ~
noun - cure-all, universal remedy, elixir, wonder drug, magic bullet.

I can’t tell you how many times I wished for a pill that would magically let me eat anything I wanted, while becoming slender and fit, or how many times I started a diet hoping I would become model-thin as quickly as possible so I could get away from boring rabbit food and return to eating what I wanted to eat.  

Once it became clear that the required magic was missing, I returned to my favored foods until the next quick-fix diet came along, and I’d jump on that bandwagon hoping for the magic doorway to a perfect body (whatever I thought that meant at the time).

Magic is real.

Real magic is not in the beans, the wand, or the kiss.  Real magic exists in the slow, sustainable, baby steps.  The turtle had the magic all along!  Sure we recognized that his slow and steady progress won the day, but he made it look so dull!  Of course we want to keep moving toward our goal, but we need some fun while we move through our days.  Remember those stingy ants!

So we want to be both a turtle moving toward our goal in small sustainable steps, and a rabbit bouncing through life enjoying our journey.  I know that’s not what the fairy tales promised, but they fucking lied.  The magic is not outside us.

Real magic is inside each of us.  We are powerful beyond measure!

So why do we frequently NOT feel powerful?

We deplete our own power when we look outside ourselves for magic.  We literally hand our power over by denying that it is inside us! To wield our power, we must first own it.

Looking for the quick fix draws our attention away from our true Source of power.  If I believe that I am going to find a magic bean to fix my issues, why on earth would I ever try to do it on my own?  If we believe the answer is “out there,” we forget to look in here.  We forget that every goal is within reach if we just take one small step today, and another small step tomorrow, and one more the day after that.  We have the magic to manifest anything! 

Time is the missing ingredient. 

We own the power to create sustainable change one step at a time, but since we believe magic is supposed to happen overnight, we give up too soon before the magic has time to get a foothold.  We cry that we haven’t got what it takes, and that magic must not be real.  Real magic takes time.  We can create real change that lasts by believing we have the power, and mixing in the crucial ingredient: time.

When we choose fairy tale magic – we try, expect instant results, count it a fail, and give up.

When we choose real magic – we try, give it time, move toward the goal, give it time, adjust our efforts, move toward the goal, give it time, grow more confident, take bigger steps, paint broader strokes, and create the most beautiful, magical life we can imagine.  But we’ve got to believe in our own magic, and give it time to transform us.

Happily Ever After!

I hate to break it to you, but fairy tales fucked this up, too.  We will never reach a place where all is perfectly perfect, and no change, growth, or expansion is desired or required! Happiness is not a destination to reach someday, which is REALLY great news!  We can choose to be happy now instead of waiting to be happy at the end!

We can choose to be happy for no reason at all other than it feels GOOD to feel happy.

We can choose to be happy because we know we have magic.  We know that mixing our magic with time allows us to wield great power that transforms – our bodies, our lives, our careers, our relationships – whatever we wish, into whatever we want.  

Magic is a process.  Own your magic.  Give it time.  
There are no magic fucking beans.

Grow on! 

What is it you most want to transform? 
What is one small action you can take that moves you toward that transformation? 
Play with making a list of several actions that might lead toward that transformation, and play with the one that sounds most fun, or that you found effective in the past when you tried it. 
Play with that action for awhile and see how it fits. 
Try giving it time for the magic to grow. 
When you’re ready, choose another action and integrate that for awhile to see how it feels.  This is the process of creating magical transformation.


Studies show that coaching helps support your transformation magic by lending support, encouragement, and a solid belief that you do already have the magic.  We learn through repetition, so all transformation takes time.  If you are ready to create magic and would like some support, CLICK THIS LINK to schedule a free chat to see if I am the right coach for you!

The magical power of the almighty list!

Ah, yes, the humble list.  People tend to love the list or hate the list, but as tools go it’s pretty extraordinary for both action-taking individuals and procrastinators alike.  I love lists!  When I have a big project going, I make a list of the lists I need to make.  My mother is a list maker, so maybe it’s hereditary.  I refer to my lists frequently, and often recommend making a list as a helpful tool for my clients.  

Last week, one of my clients told me that when she makes a list, she invariably loses it.  I asked her how often she loses her phone.  When she admitted that she’s never without that vital instrument for communication, I asked her to play with the idea of keeping the list in her phone.  If you are at your computer screen frequently, you could try keeping your lists in a document on your desktop.  I keep a list of ideas in an email draft that I never plan to send to anyone.  I can access the draft on my phone or computer, and print it out if I need a hard copy.

I’ll never forget when a friend expressed her utter disdain for lists. 

“If I write it down and don’t get it done, that’s like failing.  Every time I make a list I end up feeling overwhelmed, or like I’ve failed.  It’s one or the other and I don’t like either, so I don’t make lists.”

No wonder she hates lists, it made perfect sense.  Every time she made a list, she was using it like a whip to drive herself forward, or punish herself for what she labeled as failure.  Used as a weapon against oneself, the list becomes hateful, instead of valuable.

The list is not a whip.  It’s a basket.

A basket is not punishing.  A basket is quiet.  It sits humbly and holds what we put into it until we are ready to retrieve what we put there.  

Something that can cause me a great deal of stress is worrying that I might forget something important.  I run three businesses with a lot of moving parts, and I get a lot of ideas.  When I get a particularly good idea, my mind runs in circles with it’s arms clutched about the idea thinking, “I must not lose this gem!  MUST hold onto thought.”  That fear of losing something causes unnecessary anxiety – especially if my mind is trying to hold onto several good ideas at the same time.  Lists help me keep track of items without the constant mind juggling.  As soon as I add the idea to the appropriate list, I can let it go, knowing it will be here for me when I come back for it.  Anything that helps relieve stress is magical in my book.

Lists allow us to see everything at a glance.

When the time is right to take action on listed items, a quick glance reveals our options.  I often look at the list of what I’d like to accomplish and pick the one that sounds most fun in this moment.  Alternatively I can choose the item I least look forward to and do that first. Then anything else I mark off the list seems like a cake walk.

I have a basket full of spiritual practices that raise my vibration.  I don’t feel compelled to do all of them every day, but I don’t want to forget about the ones I like doing once in awhile which is easy to do if they are out of sight.  I can browse the list any time and magically pick the one that feels right in the moment.

Lists help us prioritize!

We can make the list in order of importance, or once the list is complete, we can go back and order it numerically, or just add stars to the most important items.

People who are helpers and caregivers can sometimes over-give.  If you are someone who tends to do more for others than for yourself, you are not alone!  When my clients fall into this category, they are often feeling resentful.  I ask them to make a list of the things they want to do for their own health and well-being, and things they want to accomplish. 

The list then becomes a magical tool that can help us stop over-giving.

When someone asks us to help them, we can use the list to discern whether we actually have time to help them, and if their “to-do” is a higher priority than the starred items on our own list.  We can even use one or more items on the list to postpone helping someone, or even say “no” to helping them once in a while.  How would it feel to say, “I am willing to help you with this after I complete (your priority task).”  Or, “I promised not to say yes to helping anyone until I finish writing my resume.”  You get the idea.

The list is an incredibly simple and free tool, yet powerful enough to relieve stress, remind us of our priorities, help us say no, and create what we want to create. 

I’m a fan!

Grow on!

How frequently are you using lists? 
Are you using them as a whip or a basket?
Where is the place you find most effective to keep your lists?
What list could you use right now to help you create what you wish? 
Try making a list of all the lists that might be helpful to you!  Remember these are just baskets to hold great ideas for later! 

You’re Fuckin’ Perfect

You’re so mean, 
When you talk 
About yourself, you were wrong.

Change the voices  
In your head 
Make them like you instead

P!nk ~ Fuckin’ Perfect

I truly appreciate these lyrics. If a rock goddess like P!nk can have mean voices in her head, it kinda normalizes it for the rest of us, doesn’t it?

Most people have voices in our heads saying not-so-nice things.  It’s crucial to change those voices because the Universe is our mirror.  What we believe about ourselves, is what the world will show us.
The voices in my head told me for years that I was ugly, fat, and stupid, and that nobody loved me.  Needless to say during those years, I didn’t feel a lot of love reflected back at me from the world.

Because the Universe is our mirror – reflecting to each of us that which we emanate – self love is key.  If we find it difficult to love ourselves, we won’t see a lot of love reflected to us in our world, and we tend to doubt those who express love and friendship to us.  If we cannot see ourselves as capable of achieving, or worthy of receiving close relationships, financial success, or desired body composition, then the Universe reflects that back to us.  It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.  We achieve what we believe we are capable of achieving.

The mean things we say often focus on our perceived imperfections. Common examples include but are in no way limited to:

  • My body is not perfect.
  • My relationship is not perfect.
  • My job is not perfect.
  • My education is not enough to change careers/get promoted.
  • I am not capable of earning more.
  • I am not worthy of being loved. 
  • Who could love me?

Release perfectionism by accepting that you’re already fucking perfect.

Crazy! Right?

But what if everything we identify as our own shortcoming or imperfection is actually PERFECT for us? 

What if each one is a gift, a golden opportunity to grow in some way that our soul wants us to grow?

What if every “imperfection” is an opportunity to learn that:

  • our true power doesn’t lie in creating a body we can love, but in loving and caring for the body we are in, despite what flaws we may perceive.
  • our true power doesn’t lie in attracting the right partner so we feel loved, but in loving ourselves so completely that every relationship allows us to feel loved and supported.
  • our true power doesn’t lie in earning enough money to be happy, but in being happy while earning money.

What if the ultimate power in the universe is gifting us an opportunity to show ourselves love and kindness?

What will change if we see our “imperfections” as perfect opportunities here at Life University?  What will change when we accept that we are perfect, just as we are, fabulous flaws and all?

Grow on!

  • How possible is it to accept perceived flaws or imperfections as an invitation for soul growth?
  • What lesson is your soul asking you to learn?
  • What will the voices in YOUR head say when you make them like you instead? Consider making a list and keeping it close by!

Helping clients gently shift from mean thoughts toward healing/supportive thoughts is what I do!

If this sounds like something you’re interested in, schedule a little chat with me at THIS LINK to see if I’m the right coach for you! You’ll walk away with at least one action step to move you toward whatever goal is important to you!

Everything Happens for a Purpose

I believe this adamantly, but we do NOT always get to know that purpose. It’s an act of faith which I practice whenever humanly possible, so it’s really NICE to have that faith validated clearly. I have an excellent example from recent personal experience!

I’ve been challenged with some nasty diverticulitis symptoms for the entire month of August.  At times it was so bad I feared for my trip to  Croatia this month.  I cursed my weak gut.  I cursed the diverticulitis.
I did not have nice things to say about Kaiser.  I was not in a happy state.  The stories in my head tried to run away with me…

But I practice being in alignment often enough that I knew what to do to start feeling better. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” I began asking, “How is this happening for me?

I started bringing myself back into alignment with Source repetitively, over and over again joining with my Source, and doing my best to appreciate all that is happening FOR me.

I allowed myself to slow down and heal.  I canceled massage clients altogether, and took coaching clients via phone rather than face to face.  I hydrated, napped, and focussed on feeling better so I can enjoy that vacation I have been planning for more than a thousand days.

I started to appreciate the situation.

I started to feel appreciative of extra time to rest.  I appreciated having time to read a good book.  I appreciated my naturopath for guiding me in the healing process.  I appreciated the fact that it happened in August and NOT in September.  The wonderful timing meant I had time to heal before traveling!  How awesome is that?  I appreciated the fact that it gave me an opportunity to practice my alignment to Source.

Then I got even bigger evidence that this was happening for my highest good.

If I had been feeling well, I would have gone to see my favorite massage therapist.  I rescheduled hoping I would feel better, but she had to cancel the next appointment because she came down with COVID.  The appointment I canceled due to the diverticulitis would have exposed me to her before she knew she was contagious.

If I did not allow myself to rest and heal, I would have seen one of my coaching clients in person instead of shifting to a phone appointment.  The following week she texted to let me know that she had tested positive for COVID. Shifting to the phone appointment prevented me from being exposed to her before she knew she was contagious.

The Universe fucking adores me.

THANK YOU Universe for the gift of diverticulitis.
THANK YOU for giving me this chance to heal!
THANK YOU for preventing me from possibly getting COVID twice.
THANK YOU for the evidence once again that everything is always working out for me despite what my limited mind can see.

The worst is behind me and I am just feeling better and better from here on out!

I have a whole new appreciation for my gut, and the utmost intention of listening to her, and allowing her to guide me.

I have experiential evidence that PROVES the Universe adores me, and wants me to be fucking happy!

Grow on!

What challenge is happening for you right now?
How many ways can you find to appreciate some aspect of it?

Say “Good-Bye” to Worry

We cannot change anything until we are aware of it.  In my previous blog post, I talked about cultivating more awareness around what our emotions feel like in our bodies.

The reason we focused on that was so we could learn to become aware of our emotions.  At the magical moment we do become aware that we are experiencing an emotion – that is the place where our power of choice lies.  

As soon as you are aware that you are experiencing any emotion, ask yourself what thoughts you were thinking, because your thoughts are what cause your emotions.

The Process 

In the moment we become aware of feeling worried, we can identify the thoughts that cause our anxiety.  Once we accept that these thoughts are causing the anxiety, we have the power to choose different thoughts that make us feel differently.  We can continue choosing thoughts that cause us to worry – and who could blame us for choosing worry?  It’s certainly a valid option.  Worry is a familiar, well-worn pathway in our minds.  We’ve chosen the vibration of worry so frequently – in an auto-pilot like way – that some of us forget that we can choose another path.  

If we make the decision to set aside worry whenever possible, to release the weighted burden of worrying thoughts, we can use that moment of awareness to accept responsibility for the thoughts that cause our emotions.  NOT accepting responsibility for our emotions keeps us at the mercy of those emotions, because if we are not responsible for them, we are victim to our emotions, and therefore powerless to transform them.  We feel powerless when we feel we have no choice.

The Magical Moment of Power

  • We become aware (in the moment) that we are experiencing worry.  
  • We accept that the thoughts we are thinking are causing that worry.  
  • THIS is the moment where we can wield the power of choice.

NOW is when we get to choose. We can continue thinking thoughts that worry, or we can decide that we want to create new pathways in our mind.  We deliberately choose thoughts that allow us to feel DIFFERENTLY than the thoughts that cause a vibration of worry!

Awareness leads us back to our power.  Acceptance is the key to wielding our power. Choice is where our power lies.  It’s a process, and it takes practice. 

The more we practice awareness and acceptance, the more we feel empowered to choose, and then we trust the process more, and begin to relax into faith. We begin to understand that we have the power to control our own energy.  We don’t have to take that emotional roller coaster ride which drains us.  Instead we can respond intentionally with all of our energy present.

When we choose our own emotions/energy, by being aware of our thoughts, we can’t help but feel more confident, powerful, and in control!  

Does that mean we’ll never worry again?  Of course not.  But when worry does pop up, we’ll know it’s a choice which we can let go, rather than a burden we must carry indefinitely.  

Grow on!

What are you currently telling yourself about a situation you find worrisome?
Take out a clean sheet of paper and write a new story about the situation that feels LESS worrisome, writing ONLY things that you truly believe. Read that story until your vibration shifts, and then re-write the story again so that it feels even BETTER when you tell it. Repeat as often as needed.

I help people cultivate more awareness every day.  If this is something you’d like help with, click here to schedule a chat and see if coaching is the next right step for you.

Worry is a Choice

Lisa Kaplin writes an amazing blog about leadership, happiness, parenting, relationships, and so much more.  I always learn something new, or see a new perspective.  If you haven’t read her blog before, I highly encourage you to follow this link and give her post, Worry isn’t Love a read.  Lisa’s posts are always brief & uplifting. I thought this passage was particularly brilliant:

“Love, at least to me, is unconditional listening, being fully present, and holding space for the other person. It’s focusing on them, not what I feel when I’m around them. Love is both giving and receiving of unconditional caring and space. None of that sounds like worry to me.”

So if worry does not show love, what does worry do?  What are we getting from worry?  

The voice of worry often arises when something unwanted happens.  We don’t want it to happen again, so a “watcher” arises inside us to watch for any evidence that danger may be approaching.  With our “watcher” on duty, we may feel more secure because we feel that we’ll see the danger coming and be able to avoid it.

Originally we were getting protection or security from the watcher, but now we’re just getting anxiety from constant worry. 

Our worry voice is not trying to make us crazy at 3am, it’s just trying to do it’s job of protecting us, albeit more aggressively than necessary.  All of this can be exhausting!

But what if I told you that worry is a choice?

I know.  Some of you just shut your computer off convinced I am crazy.  Some of you are laughing out loud.  But some of you are going, “Wait. What? I can choose NOT to worry?!”

If our “worry voice” arose to protect us, and made us feel more secure, it makes complete sense that we would choose worry again and again.  We found comfort there – a long time ago.  Now we just choose worry because it’s the familiar, well-worn path that our mind wanders without thinking about where we’re going.

Constant worry is heavy, so if we’d like to set it down in favor of lighter emotions, we need to catch ourselves in the act.  We need to cultivate AWARENESS.  We want to become aware of WHEN we have anxious thoughts, because that is the only moment we could choose something else.  The best way to be aware when worry has arisen, is to first become aware of how YOU feel physically when you have worrisome thoughts.

This can be different for each of us!  Just because anxiety feels like a twist in my solar plexus, doesn’t mean that you and your body experience it that way.  For this reason, I encourage my clients to write down how THEIR BODY feels when they are worried.

Examples might include a twist in the solar plexus, hot cheeks, shaking limbs, sweaty palms, a combination of any of these and others.  Whatever it is for you, catalog the physical vibrations when you “feel” worried.  

Once we define what ‘worried’ feels like to us as individuals, it becomes easy to recognize when those physical vibrations/symptoms begin.  That moment we recognize that physical symptoms of worry are present triggers our awareness that “THIS” is our moment to choose.

Once we are aware, we can choose.
We get to choose worry, or choose something new.

In next week’s blog post, we’ll talk about taking back our power to choose in that magical moment of awareness.

Grow on!

Name the emotion you feel. (Happy, sad, worried, anxious, excited, etc…)
Write down the vibrations you feel in your body when you experience the emotion.
If you can, write down the thought(s) you were thinking directly before you became aware of the vibrations of that emotion.

It’s totally fine to write down the physical vibrations you feel first, and then name the emotion. It’s easier that way for some people.

I’m a Fucking Navy Brat

I know.  That goes a long way toward explaining my potty mouth, right?

I am so fucking ANGRY, confused, and ashamed for my country right now!

I BELIEVED when I was taught that the United States was FIRST in the world, FIRST to defend honor & do the right thing, FIRST among all the countries in ALL things.  I was so proud growing up knowing I was part of the solution, the chosen.  I was so blessed to be born in the best nation on earth!

In my military family, on a military base surrounded by other military families, I was taught that our commander in chief was above dishonor, and beyond question.  He was our leader and he would NEVER let us down.  I BELIEVED.  Of course I believed.  I was born with immense faith, and my parents loved me and taught me right from wrong.  These ideas were incontrovertible.

But when I was old enough to dare thinking for myself, I could see the varnish wearing thin on the lies I had been spoon fed since birth.

I could see that not all of our peace keeping missions were peace filled.  I could see where we butted in without invitation.  I could see that NOT all Americans were treated equally, and not all American leaders gave a shit about defending honor or doing the right thing, so much as reaping financial profits for themselves and their wealthy friends.

I would no longer drink the Kool aid that said we were a proud defender of the huddled masses yearning to breathe free.  But I did continue to drink the Kool aid that I was powerless to change anything.  I could see that my country’s founding principles were being shit on, I just didn’t think I could do anything to protect those principles when the most powerful people in the world were the ones corrupting and undermining our national morals for power and financial gain.

On January 6, 2021, armed terrorists marched on the capitol of the United States.  I haven’t felt this shocked, appalled, and violated since 9-11.

But the terrorists were being stoked to a frenzy by the hate-filled tweets and social media rants of one Donald J Trump, the same guy who swore to protect and defend our constitution when he took the oath of the highest office in our land.  These were not the peaceful pussy-hat protests of January 2017.  These were NOT the hopeful Black Lives Matter protests of last August.

Unlike peaceful protestors, yesterday’s terrorists brought loaded weapons, threatened lives, destroyed property, and tried to destroy the results of our democratic elections.

I was horrified and sickened as I watched the rampage unfold without interference from the Capitol police who have taken an oath to support the Constitution of the United States, their state, and the laws of their jurisdiction.  

One hundred fifty nine MILLION of us voted last November.  A few thousand are trying to make it NOT COUNT literally.  And they are being encouraged and supported by the most powerful among us.  

They are encouraged and supported by:
• Capitol police who stood with arms down, and allowed trespass and more.
• 139 members of the House of Representatives (holding office to ‘represent’ the people) who tried to subvert our votes despite the fact that those same ballots put them in office.  
• Eight senators who voted to overturn the votes of millions of Americans.
• The person holding the office of the president of the United States, who rage tweets and spews hate-filled blatant lies meant to divide us and destroy our democracy.

This must not fucking stand.  

We must NOT drink the Kool aid that says “I am powerless and there is nothing I can do.” We are powerful beings and now is the time to choose what we believe. Choosing to believe we are powerless is what they want.  They win when we give them our power.

Do we choose to believe what others tell us to believe?
Election fraud is rampant!  There’s no proof because it’s a conspiracy!  The poor are stealing from you!  YOU need to work for health care, but we get it FREE.  Trump supporters spit vitriol & sedition for months, but then showed up and peacefully protested, while those Black Lives Matter people overran the capitol with guns and white leaders.

Do we choose to believe what we see with our own fucking eyes?
The emperor has gone fucking mad, and is strutting naked in the streets crying how FINE his new clothes are.

Understanding that we are powerful enough to make a difference is a radical act.  Believing we can make positive change is revolutionary.

What do you choose to believe?

What is one small action you can take to move the world in the direction you want it to grow?