I have been feeling a little stressed lately. Thinking about family worries, financial setbacks, and fading friendships has left me feeling a bit depleted. Unexpected and unwelcome changes to holiday plans left me feeling picked on because my expectations weren’t met. Why is it always ME that has to compromise?
Honestly I was feeling disappointed, and slightly victimized.
My friend and mentor, encouraged me to think about how I want to FEEL on a daily basis throughout the holidays, and suggested I choose a word or phrase to use as a guiding light through the coming weeks.
Thinking about that, I decided that I want to feel my power. I want to feel the way I feel when I am connected to Source energy, and letting the Light of undiluted Love flow through me! And I want that for everyone else, too. I want to see pure positive energy – the Light of unconditional Love – spread like wildfire across the globe.
I am the Light.
THAT is how I wish to feel throughout the holidays and into the New Years, and decades ahead! I am the Light.
When I am the Light, I cannot feel disappointment or fear. I simply shine from within. I shine with infinite Source energy. I am not bound by limiting expectations, because all I expect is illumination – no matter my direction of travel.
Jesus talks about not putting one’s light under a bushel but making it visible for all to see. Christianity says Christ is the light in all beings. Science talks of photons or light waves being present in every atom in the universe. Buddhism says Buddha is always shining, always emitting light. Buddha said, “Be you lamps unto yourselves.” – Daily Meditations
I am the Light.
This is my mantra for the holiday season, and coming year.
I am the Light.
When I feel powerless, I choose to step into my power – the Truth of Who I am. I am Goddess, Source Energy, the energy that creates worlds, and I am neither powerless, nor victim. Not fucking EVER.
I am the Light.
I CHOOSE to be the Light. I choose to SHINE. I choose to love – unconditionally. I choose Faith. I choose to TRUST that the Universe has my back. I choose to BELIEVE that everything turns out for the highest good, even when my human mind cannot see HOW it is good. I choose to believe that I am worthy, and so is everyone else, even when I feel crappy. I choose to spend time in nature because it feeds my soul. I follow the Light within. I am the Light I see in reflected in my world. I am the Light, and I choose to fucking SHINE!
I am the Light.
Please remember that YOU, too, are the Light.
Winter Solstice is the darkest time of year. Let’s give ourselves, and each other the gift of being the Light. I wish you a new year full of health, abundance, opportunities, and blessings.
When I was little, I used to lie on my grandma’s bed and listen to music on her clock radio. I was mesmerized watching the numbers flip over one minute, and hour at at a time. To a four-year-old, it seemed like magic.
In first grade they tried to teach me how to tell time using hands on a clock. I didn’t get it. Partially because I hadn’t yet been taught to multiply by five, and partially because it seemed redundant when you could just look at a magical flip clock and see the answer to what time it was if you cared to know.
My teacher sent home an angry note disparaging my analog time-telling talents. My father was furious that I was behind in this lesson. I cheerfully explained to him that it was ok, because I could get a flip-clock like grandma’s so I could always tell what time it was. He did not appreciate my optimism, and let his fury fly.
He sat me down at our dining table and slammed the worksheet down in front of me. I worked out the time on the clocks on the worksheet, and for every incorrect answer, I got smacked.
After my first wrong answer, a furious voice arose in my mind, “Do NOT get one more wrong! Do not answer until you KNOW you are correct!” I was very careful and found that when I applied myself, I could avoid the wrath. The protector in my mind helped me survive.
Over the years, the voice that arose to protect me from wrath was generally the first to hurl it. Any mistake I made was met with choruses of vehement anger. HOW could I be so stupid as to make one mistake? I am SUCH an idiot! Will I NEVER learn?
The protection from wrong answers transformed into criticism for everything that SEEMED like it MIGHT be in error. It was easy to be anxious and uncertain, and then not even try if I was the least bit unsure of myself.
I’m not telling this story to gain sympathy, I tell it to illustrate the fact that I have excellent fucking reasons for the critical voice in my head telling me NOT to fuck this up. And, I am willing to bet that if you hear constant nagging criticism in the back of your mind, you have excellent fucking reasons, too.
I also know that if you hear constant nagging criticism in the back of your mind, you’re dealing with one of the biggest stressors in life. It’s no fun, it wreaks havoc with our digestion, and it’s one of the biggest reasons that women overeat, or turn to sugary treats.
That’s right. You heard me.
If you, like millions of other women struggle with overeating or overuse of sugar, one of the biggest reasons may be the voice in your head telling you you’re a loser for reaching for the sugar again!
So, we have excellent fucking reasons for the critical voices in our heads, AND that may be one of the major causes underlying compulsive eating patterns that we deeply desire to release.
What can we do about this confusing challenge?
It’s pretty clear that we want to learn to stop being so critical of ourselves, but how do we begin to release a habit that has lasted a lifetime? It’s a process, and it takes practice!
It’s not going to happen overnight despite the critical voice telling us that our life depends on making changes NOW, or that we should have made changes yesterday. Often, just hearing the voice saying that something MUST be done is enough to induce our anxiety.
Take a deep breath, and exhale fully.
Changing the voice in our head is not only possible, it is essential, and it is life changing! Go ahead and take another deep breath, because just knowing that change is possible begins to relieve the tension – as does breathing deeply.
Somewhere to begin.
Here is a simple process I teach my clients to begin letting go of the inner critic, and ALL the stress she causes us to feel!
ABC Process
Awareness Practice becoming aware when it’s happening. For many people, it’s simply a sudden feeling of being judged or disapproved of. For others, it’s hearing full sentences of disapproval and harsh judgement. It can be different for each of us, so we need to pay attention to try and catch it in the moment we are doing it.
Once we are aware in the moment that it’s happening, we can take action. As soon as you are aware of the critic voice:
Breathe Take a nice deep grounding breath.
Choose Choose love. Choose a voice who speaks gently to you. Choose to treat yourself as you would treat someone you adore, someone you would never criticize.
Instead of criticizing yourself, choose to love yourself for being human.
It’s as simple as ABC, though it takes some practice to become aware and remember to do it in the moment. And if you don’t catch it in the moment, don’t beat yourself up.
When you do catch it with your improving Awareness – Breathe, and Choose love!
Somewhere to practice.
Letting go of the constant self-criticism takes time and practice. Three times a year, I run a two-month group for women who are ready to release self-criticism and get relief from stress, and the myriad symptoms that stress creates in our lives. We also release recreational sugar for three weeks in a fully supported, nonjudgmental way to see how much RELIEF we can create from any unwanted symptoms we are experiencing.
If this sounds like something you want to play with, you can sign up for the next Masterclass at THIS LINK, or read all the information about the upcoming Playgroup HERE.
Grow on!
Print the ABC process somewhere you will see it daily to help remind you to let go of self-criticism.
Check out full details of the next Relief through Release Playgroup at THIS LINK.
Remember that you are WORTH the investment of time and energy that it takes to be kinder to yourself!
Overeating is NOT a willpower problem. Overeating is NOT a personal failing! Overeating is rooted in science. If we are overeating, there are almost always biological reasons.
We are not weak willed. We are not broken. There is nothing wrong with us that needs fixing.
This means we can let go of the SHAME of overeating!
This means there is no need to beat up on ourselves as most humans tend to do. Overeating and shame are as intertwined as a blackberry bramble, and ten times as injurious.
Once we address the scientific reasons for the overeating and untangle the shame, the behavior diminishes greatly, and loses it’s power.
Overeating is rooted in…
The brain is biologically wired to scream HUNGRY when nutritional needs are not being met. We are biologically driven to answer that need, even if we just ate a full meal.
Let’s look at some common reasons the brain might decide our nutritional needs have not been met, and scream HUNGRY, triggering us to eat more.
STRESS
The human response to stress is fight or flight. Our stress response moves energy AWAY from digestion so that it can be used to fight or flee. This leads to nutrient wasting. Our brain is scanning for nutrients, but if the nutrients we’re eating are being excreted because we are chronically stressed out, we MUST eat more to satisfy nutritional needs.
FAST EATING
Eating fast means that our brain does not have the required time to register the meal and the nutrients we take in. The brain’s requirements are not met, and it tells us in no uncertain terms that we are HUNGRY and we MUST eat more.
LOW CALORIES/STRINGENT DIETING
Calorie requirements vary day to day depending on activity levels and more. Our brain is scanning for adequate energy, but if we are restricting calories, we naturally feel HUNGRY if we have not provided enough fuel.
When we are restricting calories to a point where we do not have enough fuel, doesn’t it make complete sense that the brain will scream HUNGRY?
MISSING MACRONUTRIENTS
Macronutrients are food types required in large amounts to survive. Carbohydrates – grains, potatoes, fruits & veggies, and refined sugars Proteins – meat, fish, eggs, nuts, beans, and seeds Healthy Fats = Essential Fatty Acids – fish, seeds, nuts, avocados, olives, coconut
have been linked to reduced rates of cancer and heart disease
are vital to reproductive function. Conception and viable pregnancy do not occur in the absence of Essential Fatty Acids.
There is a common misconception that eating fats makes us fat, but without essential fatty acids, we grow ill and die. If we are lacking in essential fatty acids, our brain screams HUNGRY and we MUST eat more.
Water is a macronutrient and makes up 60% of the human body. Our brain is scanning for nutrients. If macronutrients are found lacking – even water – the brain screams HUNGRY, and we will be BIOLOGICALLY DRIVEN to eat more even if we’re really thirsty.
LOW NUTRIENT FOODS
If we eat low quality food, or low-nutrient food, we may not be getting the nutrients required for health. Our brain is scanning for nutrients, but if we aren’t getting adequate amounts for health our brain screams HUNGRY and we naturally MUST eat more.
MEAL SKIPPING
Appetite is our friend. Without appetite, we stop eating and we die. Skipping meals leads to being truly hungry. Appetite is the correct biological response to hunger.
Eating when hungry = Life.
Ignoring hunger and skipping meals can lead directly to overeating at the very next meal simply because we are underfed, or overeating at the end of day because we didn’t allow ourselves the time to eat when our appetite cued us to eat.
If we haven’t eaten all day, or haven’t eaten much during the day, the correct biological response is hunger. Our brain will SCREAM that we are hungry, and we will be driven to eat more.
It makes complete sense to eat when hungry, and to eat MORE when ravenous!
Overeating is NOT a willpower problem, nor a personal failing!
There are many biological reasons for overeating. I only named a few.
The brain will always drive the body to eat more when it determines that we are in nutritional need.
The brain will always drive the body to eat more when it determines that we have a deficit in energy (calories).
The brain will always drive the body to eat more when it determines that food is in short supply.
Since overeating is rooted in science, we can release the SHAME attached to overeating! And often when we address the underlying biological reasons, the overeating vanishes!
The Kindness Key
Once we address the biological reasons, if we are still compulsively overeating, then KINDNESS, CURIOSITY, and AWARENESS are our best allies!
Kindness First! Remember that this is not a personal failing, nor does it have anything to do with willpower. Using food to soothe is a strategy as old as time.
We feel bad, we eat food,we feel better.
It’s a highly effective tactic that works every time, and you are not the only person who has figured this out. You are NOT the only human using food to soothe, I promise. The problems arise when we use food to soothe too frequently, AND… when we feel shame about the behavior.
When we use overeating frequently, it can cause a wide range of health challenges, and the shame we heap on ourselves for using this brilliant coping mechanism can do more damage than the overeating itself!
When we are IN alignment with the energy of love – the energy at our core – we feel AMAZING. We feel energized, fired up, and ready to meet any challenge.
When we are OUT of alignment with our core energy we feel exhausted, depressed, and unmotivated. When we are in shame – the polar opposite of unconditional love – we feel as exhausted, depressed, and unmotivated as is humanly possible.
Overeating and shame can feel like an unbreakable cycle.
We use food to soothe. We beat ourselves up for it. We feel like crap, and… we use food to soothe.
The key to break the cycle is to meet your behavior with KINDNESS instead of criticism.
I understand this may seem too simple. It seems like overeating is the issue and the bit we need to change, but we can’t change the behavior as long as we continue to beat ourselves up for the behavior (which causes hurt feelings that need soothing).
The key is kindness. We can be kind to ourselves instead of critical. We can take a deep breath and remind ourself that we are human, that we are using an effective human strategy, and that nothing has gone wrong. We can give ourself a big hug, like we might hug a friend who was dealing with challenging emotions. We can look for other ways to soothe ourself effectively.
This is how we break the cycle.
NOT by creating more emotions that need soothing, and NOT by judging ourself bad, wrong, or unworthy just because we are human. As we begin to accept the behavior of overeating as something we do – and not as something that defines who we are – we have room to use curiosity to increase our awareness.
Kindness unlocks Curiosity!
Once we are no longer draining energy in self-criticism, we have energy to get curious about what’s really going on for us!
We can ask questions like:
What triggered the overeating?
What thought was I thinking?
What emotion was I trying to soothe?
What was I really hungry for?
What would have been most nourishing for me?
How can I soothe myself other than with food?
Curiosity increases our Awareness!
We can become aware of when, where, what, and why we are overeating. We can cultivate awareness about what we’re thinking on a regular basis, and which thoughts seem to drive us toward overeating. Without the judgement and criticism occupying our energy and attention, we can see what’s really going on. Awareness is always the first step in creating change, so if we want to change a behavior, we want to get curious about it and grow our awareness.
Overeating is rooted in science, so we can use the key of kindness to release the shame, unlock our curiosity, and grow our awareness. With our awareness, the behavior loses it’s power, and we are free to choose change, if we wish to change.
Grow on!
If you are overeating, you are not alone.
Which biological causes of overeating can you play with to help release the behavior?
When you hear the inner critic, how possible is it to take a deep breath, and choose kindness?
What are triggers? Triggers are a golden fucking opportunities to expand our awareness, and grow through challenge. Triggers are gifts from the Universe, pointing to that which needs our attention.
Triggers are personal to each of us, and they generally piss us off, or generate some other strong, emotional response. They’re the things that get under our skin, which DEMAND a reaction from us. Often we can’t NOT react. And frequently, looking back, we wish we had acted in some other way instead of the way we reacted.
Generally triggers are accompanied by a feeling of stress. Whether we react, or hold back the reaction we feel, stress or anxiety are activated inside us. Sometimes we also beat ourselves up for having reacted. (Why did I let them get to me? I should be past this by now! What’s wrong with me? Or similar thoughts.) This can add shame to the toxic mixture of emotions already triggered within us, and increases our perceived stress.
Humans get triggered by all sorts of things. Think repeated behaviors that annoy, like a partner dropping dirty clothes on the floor, leaving dishes in the sink, or not calling when they will be late. These behaviors don’t trigger me – and maybe not you either – but they are triggers for many people. Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Coworkers, children, politicians, parents, or pets can all trigger us for different reasons.
Recently I was speaking with a client who has two new kittens that she adores. They are young, and energetic, and often misbehave and steal small, important objects and hide them out of reach. As we were talking, a new game popped into my head.
What if every time the misbehaved kittens trigger frustration, we create an opportunity for self-love instead?
Misbehaved Kittens Russian Roulette of Self-Care
I suggested she make a list of everything she considers self-care, write each item on a slip of paper, and place the slips of paper into a hat, a fishbowl, or a fancy box. Then every time the kittens misbehave, she reaches into the fishbowl and pulls out a self-care prize, instead of shooting herself in the foot with stress, reactivity, blame, and shame.
She loved the idea, and so do I! I encourage everyone to play.
The game allows us to be triggered into self care, and replace stress-building reactions with desirable actions that reduce stress and build healthy habits! Of course you don’t need misbehaved kittens to play. You could play Annoying Coworker Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or Inattentive Spouse Russian Roulette of Self-Care, or my current personal favorite, Puppy Poops on the Carpet Russian Roulette of Self-Care.
So how do you define self-care?
Anything qualifies that makes YOU feel cared for, held, and supported. The header contains lots of great possibilities for self-care, and below is a short list. I encourage you to personalize your list to include your favorites, and only use those that truly resonate for you. Some women love to get pedicures and look forward to them as a pampering treatment. Others find them tedious, and don’t enjoy having their feet touched. There is no right or wrong. It’s about whatever makes you feel calm, relaxed, cared for, and loved.
Self-Care possibilities:
Make a gratitude list. Dance for 5 to 10 minutes. Schedule a massage. Journal. Get a mani-pedi. Journal while you get a mani-pedi. Fix a cup of your favorite tea. Take a nap. Sing your favorite song, and really belt it out. Do some mirror work. Take 10 slow deep breaths. Take a 10 minute yoga break. Sit in the jacuzzi. Take a walk. Spend time in the sun. Write yourself a love note. Go to bed early. Call an uplifting friend. Look at beautiful photos of nature. Create art.
Grow on!
Make your own list of self-care. Write each item on a slip of paper. Place them in a container that pleases you. Now when you feel triggered, you can choose to react by reaching for self-care.
I am magic. I know I am magic, and no one can stop my magical ass!
I have a T-shirt that announces this truth to the world, and yet sometimes I still forget. Why? Because I’m human. When humans come here from nonphysical, we agree to forget our magic so that we can have the expansive experience of finding our way back to our magic, back to our power – the power of All that Is.
We come here intending to find our way back to magic, and to remind our fellow travelers of the Truth that we are all made of magic, and that we are surrounded by miracles everywhere.
At our core – each of us is magic with the power that creates worlds at our disposal. And we are also magically human.
Being human comes with challenges. We can experience confusion and doubt about our own magic. Some of us have been taught by other humans that magic is not real, yet we may sense it’s presence occasionally and feel drawn toward it. Even those of us who strongly believe in magic are human with human challenges.
When those who are asleep to their own magic lash out in fear at the magic-believing human, it can feel like a punch in the gut. It can feel like being plunged into darkness where the light of our own magic does not shine.
This does not mean that anything has gone wrong!
If we do not experience darkness, how can we know that we prefer the light? The darkness is simply one experience. It is not permanent. Whatever emotion we experience – positive or negative – is temporary and will pass.
Acceptance of the unwanted emotion is key.
We can face it head on and say something like, “I would prefer to not feel this emotion, but it is the emotion I am feeling, so I will choose it. I will allow myself to feel it, and be with it until it begins to transform.”
We can dance with unwanted emotions, or hike with them to help move them more quickly through our experience. Any enjoyable physical activity helps move emotions. We can sit calmly with the unwanted emotion as if it were a visitor, and ask what message it has for us. Welcoming unwanted emotions and listening to them diminishes them, and empowers us.
Emotions are energy in motion. If we resist them, they stay with us longer, and can sometimes get stuck. If we choose to accept the experience of the unwanted emotion, the energy will stay in motion and transform more quickly.
Remembering our magic is key.
There is magic in reminding our fellow travelers of our magic. And while it is purpose-filled, and fulfilling to call others back to the light, we bear no responsibility for the ability of others to see their own light, or to connect with their magic.
Let go of people who tear you down and diminish your light, or make you doubt your own magic. Follow your inner light. Ascend into your own magic without feeling responsible for bringing everyone else along with you.
Find people who remind you that you ARE the light! Read books by authors that remind you that Source energy flows through you and everyone around you. Subscribe to blogs, tune in to podcasts, and watch YouTube videos that remind you of your magic and help reconnect you to the magical flow of life.
Grow on!
When you discover that someone or something in your life diminishes you, or depletes your energy repeatedly, have the courage to let it go.
Make a list of all the people, places, books, or blogs that remind you of your magic. Enjoy everything on your list frequently! Share those uplifting sources with everyone to remind them of their light too!
In my toy box, I keep a running list of resources that inspire the crap outta me and my clients. Share your favorites with us in the comments and I’ll add them to the list!
How often do you charge your cell phone? Put gas in your car?
WHY so freaking often?!
Because when we use something constantly, that’s how fast the energy gets consumed.
Now, how often do you use your body? And how frequently are you charging your batteries? Do you know how to refuel your own energy?
These are crucial questions to consider, and ones I ask my clients every week. One of the biggest reasons we can feel depleted is because we have no idea how to fuel up, fill our reserves, charge our batteries. The things that drain our energy are unending, and come at us all day every day. Just lying still breathing requires some energy! If we actually go out in the world to school, careers, social engagements, and all the rest, we are constantly spending our energy supply.
If we are not making space in our schedule to recharge, or have no idea where to go to plug in, is it any wonder we feel drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed?
We can optimize health and energy by defining what recharges us (energy gains), and releasing any energy drains that are optional.
Killing Time vs. Creating Fun
Just to be clear – relaxed scrolling, or watching TV is not the same as being plugged in. There is nothing wrong with those activities, but they can’t really be counted as recharging. It’s kind of like not charging the phone, but not using it either. We end up with no net loss or gain in energy. Our battery charger MUST be plugged in for a gain in energy to occur, so simple “down-time” activities like scrolling social media or watching entertainment are not inherently energy building and should not be included when listing energy gains.
Rather than helping us disengage (like watching or scrolling), energy gains are usually things that engage our energy and feel like fun. With this distinction in mind, we can begin to define a list of people, places, and practices in our lives that actually feed us energy and fuel us up, and which ones drain our energy and leave us feeling exhausted and empty inside.
The lists below are merely suggestions to get us thinking about what fills us with joy, and where we actually choose to spend our energy supply. They are not meant to be all inclusive.
Maximize Energy Gains
Any self-care practices you already do, or want to begin doing.
Spend time in nature.
Look at beautiful nature photography.
Enjoy nature videos on YouTube.
Move your body in any way that’s FUN.
Read uplifting books and articles. – Find people who inspire you and LET THEM!
Listen to inspiring podcasts. – Find people who inspire you and LET THEM, but with your ears.
Talk to a coach or therapist. – This is an excellent way to personalize a shift in mindset.
Breathe deeply.
Relax often.
Slow down with meals to gain more pleasure from your food.
Offer yourself unconditional love. – This takes practice, and often requires support from others.
Frequently tell yourself and others what you appreciate in them.
Hug everyone.
Say what you think always, but say it with love. – Speaking our truth is essential for health, and so is not harming others with our words or emotions.
Schedule time to do the things that make you happy! – THIS is the key to increasing the energy available to us!
Dive into my toy box and find lots inspiring ideas!
Play with any or all of these as feels right in your experience!
Minimize Energy Drains
Negative self talk! – This is the most energy draining activity humans do.
Neglecting self-care.
Judging self and others. – Everyone is right where we need to be, and doing the best we can in each moment.
Negative emotions like anger, frustration, irritation, depression, fear, guilt, worry… – These are NORMAL human emotions to feel and then move through, and they drain our energy when we get stuck in them.
Doing things you do NOT want to do. – Don’t force yourself to say yes when you want to say no.
NOT doing things you want to do! – Not doing what charges our batteries drains our energy double time.
Limiting beliefs. – Any thought we keep thinking that keeps us from moving forward.
Taking things personally. – Their behavior is never about me and always about them.
Clutter, disorganization. – Visual clutter can drain our energy.
Overuse of caffeine, sugar, or alcohol. – There is nothing wrong with using some caffeine, sugar, or alcohol, and overuse of any of these powerful substances will deplete our energy.
Play with watching what shows up in your experience. Play with identifying where your energy is leaking. Play with letting go of these as you become willing to release them!
Once we create our own lists, we are able to make choices based on how much energy we have, and how we most want to spend it!
Grow on!
Try creating your own lists of what fills your fuel tank and what leaves you feeling empty! Then schedule some of the battery chargers in your calendar, and play with letting go of some of the behaviors that drain you.
Please reach out if I can help! Schedule a chat at THIS LINK so we ca connect!
I read an article somewhere about 40 years ago that explained that people who expected bad luck on Friday the 13th often found bad luck, while those who did not expect bad luck rarely find that Friday unlucky. I decided then and there the I would not expect bad luck on Friday the 13th. I took it one step further when I decided to dub Friday the 13th my own personal lucky day. Since then I have had many happy encounters on Friday the 13th, in fact my first child was conceived on Friday the 13th.
Around that same time I also read an article that explained that symmetry was one of the markers for beauty in human faces. The more symmetrical the face, the more attractive other humans find it. In fact currently Wikipedia says “Facial symmetry has been found to increase ratings of attractiveness in human faces. More symmetrical faces are perceived as more attractive in both males and females, but facial symmetry plays a larger role in judgments of attractiveness concerning female faces.”
I agreed with the concept when they trotted out photos of beautiful celebrities and started measuring and comparing the two sides of their face. Symmetry is wonderful indeed. Nature is symmetrical in many beautiful ways. Symmetrical lines of architecture always draw my camera’s lens.
When I woke with Bell’s Palsy, that long-ago article was the first thing that came to my mind. My next thought was, “I’m no longer beautiful,” because my face was completely asymmetrical.
My smile opened many doors to me in the first fifty years of my life. It was difficult to imagine my life could ever be the same or that people would ever see me the same magical, privileged way I had been seen when I had my symmetrical beauty.
I mistakenly believed that my value, my worth, was intrinsically tied to my physical beauty. Once I began working with my amazing energy coach, I began to see that my worth was intrinsic. My value had nothing to do with my smile. My beauty emanates from my core vibration, not my face. This shift in perspective improved my life in more ways than I can say.
It must be my lucky day! After all these years it finally occurred to me that if I can just decide that Friday the Thirteenth is lucky for me, then I can just decide that asymmetry is beautiful.
Grow on!
What thoughts/beliefs/perspectives are you currently holding onto that do not serve you? In what ways is that thought/belief/perspective limiting you?
Life throws us curve balls. It’s part of being human.
We have challenges in myriad forms, every one of us. Some challenges are self-chosen, like training for a marathon, changing careers, or getting a puppy. Others are gifted to us by Life University, like a broken bone, health and weight challenges, or caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s.
Oftentimes the challenges we choose can inspire us, grow us into new phases of our lives, or give us a sense of accomplishment. In other words, these challenges can energize us.
Challenges we do NOT choose can often burden us, feel like a crippling blow, or give us a sense of powerlessness. In other words, these challenges can deplete us.
So HOW do we keep Life’s challenges from sucking the life force right out of us? Facing challenges requires stamina, effort, and energy. If we feel victimized because circumstance was forced on us, our energy is stolen before we begin, and the challenge quickly drains us.
Choose the Challenge
One strategy that can preserve our precious life force (ENERGY) is to choose the challenge. Yes – the unwanted challenge that Life just threw in your lap. Choose that one. Why? Because it’s the one Life gave you, so it’s meant for you! Hating it, despising it, resisting it, and running away from it drains energy faster than anything.
Choosing to be with the challenge gives us power. Choosing to be present – with whatever life hands us – gives us energy. Wishing we didn’t have the challenge exhausts us. The simple act of choosing to be here, challenge and all, shifts the energy in our favor.
Many clients come to me with challenges they did not choose, do not want, and wish to be rid of quickly. Often they have the idea that this unchosen challenge must be overcome so their ‘real life’ can begin. But real life is here and now. If we wait for it to begin at some distant point in the future, we are missing life!
Life handed us a challenge. We can choose to cast ourself as the victim, resist the challenge, and try to survive till it’s over – at which time we will presumably step into our power and begin our real life. Right? Or we can choose to live our lives right through this challenge, rising to meet it at each step, and retaining as much energy as possible.
Let’s take a broken ankle for an example. How do we choose a challenge like this?
I seriously doubt that a broken ankle is asking us to get a walking cast and stomp right on as if nothing happened. How do I know this? Because ‘business as usual’ is what Life is trying to shake up! Life is asking us to grow in new directions.
Choosing this challenge might mean accepting help from others, letting go of commitments, or learning to care for self – it’s different for each of us. Rising up to meet this challenge might mean slowing down! If Life is asking us to slow down with a broken ankle and we do not slow down, Life will deliver another challenge and another and another – until we slow down.
Choosing the challenge means getting curious about what Life is asking us to learn, and doing our best to listen for the lesson. We are not being punished. The challenge is never a punishment.
We are being asked to grow and mature into the competent, confident beings that we truly are! Life is trusting us with this lesson at this time because Life knows we’re ready. We can trust Life, relax into the challenge, and get curious.
When we choose the challenge, the challenge is still challenging, we just have more energy to meet it, learn from it, integrate its gifts, and grow. In other words, we allow it to energize us instead of deplete us.
Grow on!
Does your current challenge feel energizing or depleting? What is this challenge asking you to learn? If this challenge has a message from the Divine, what is the message? What insight have you gained from this challenge? How is this challenge asking you to grow as a person, or grow in relationship with others?
Over my nearly 20 years as a massage therapist, I’ve seen hundreds of clients over nearly five thousand office hours. I’ve seen every shape and size of body, but the one thing I’ve seen that every single body has in common is that it is truly a miracle, without doubt. You may have forgotten that your body is a miracle, and if that’s true for you, you are in the majority, because most of us have.
We forget about breathing because we don’t have to think about it. Our miraculous lungs do that for us. We do not have to think about making our heart beat, so it’s easy to take it for granted and forget that our entire form is a miracle. When a baby is born – our children and grandchildren – we glimpse the miracle of human life, we may even remember that we are also miracles. But days, weeks, months, years later we simply don’t think about it because we don’t have to.
Our miracle bodies often take enormous abuse and neglect before breaking down. They support us 24/7 without ever stopping – even while we sleep – until they stop for good, then our Soul/Spirit/Energy moves on without the body. The true essence of Who We Are moves on, and leaves the body like an astronaut stepping out of her spacesuit.
Our spacesuit supports life, so it’s worth taking care! We care for all kinds of things; plants, kids, cars, pets. If you own a home, you take care of it. The body is no different! It is the home for the physical experience of your eternal being. Our body is supposed to be loved and nourished in return for all it gives us. Our physical body is meant to be enjoyed while we are in it, and it’s so much easier to enjoy when it’s feeling great.
It’s super easy to fall out of the habit of self-care!
I’ve been fascinated for years by something I have observed as both a massage therapist and a life/health coach. I have observed that any time humans feel short on time or money, we let go of the things that serve us best to make space for the “have-tos” in life. We focus on finances and chase work hours at the expense of our health. We take care of parents or children, and let go of our own spiritual and physical needs. Most of us assume that at some point things will calm down and we’ll get back to the yoga class or the spiritual practice when we have more time.
I invite you to celebrate your spacesuit NOW! That miracle you’re wearing has been with you, supported you, given you life 24/7 since you arrived here. I invite you to celebrate that amazing feat, that miraculous performance, that steadfast support, in whatever way feels satisfying to you!
Honor the temple that houses your eternal spirit in ways that elevate your spirit!
The following is a short/incomplete list of little daily acts that honor/celebrate/nourish the body.
Brush & floss teeth. Wash hair. Moisturize skin. Eat slowly. Choose foods that nourish YOU (different for everyone.) Be present when you eat. Rest. (Two ten minute relaxation periods a day do wonders.) Hydrate. Soak in the tub. Move in ways that feel good. Make love. Focus on breathing. Get a massage/facial/mani-pedi. Walk barefoot in the grass or sand. Ask the body what it wants and LISTEN to what it’s saying. (MORE on this in my next post!)
Grow on!
Make a list of ways you are already celebrating your body. Congratulate yourself for all the things you already do. That’s awesome! Look at the list above and pick one or two that sound really great to you. Add them to your schedule and try them out.
Most of us know that when we look good, we tend to feel good. But are you aware that the opposite is also true?
When we feel good, we look good.
Think about a time when you felt really great about yourself. How much more comfortable were you in your own skin? How powerful and confident did you feel? When we feel accomplished, triumphant, successful, truly loved, filled with purpose – of course we look better. Our body chemistry is completely different than when we feel confused, failed, unloved, directionless, or under attack.
It is common in this world, I have noticed, for people who are reaching for a weight-loss goal to try to reach that goal by forcing, harassing, restricting, stressing, pushing, and hating themselves.
It is also common to decide that the body is not right by societal standards, so it must not be liked, in fact it must be hated. We feel we must hate the body into submission, hate our eating issues for making us fat, hate food for being so fattening and delicious at the same time, hate our appetite, flog ourselves at the gym until we finally reach a weight where we will feel better about ourselves, or just give up entirely and eat for solace because we are so damned imperfect.
If any of this resonates for you, you’re not alone!
Somehow this crazy world has conditioned us (brainwashed us through media propaganda, and advertising campaigns designed to sell a magic fix for bodies that are not right by societal standards) to believe that we must hate ourselves until we reach their standards. To which I feel compelled to reply:
Fuck. Their. Fucking. Standards.
I invite you to join me in saying, “Fuck their standards.”
If they don’t like my body, FUCK them. Because you know what I decided to do? I decided to approve of my body right now. I decided that their standards are fucking stupid, and they do not appeal to me, so they do not apply to me because I am the authority on what is fucking beautiful in my life.
Why? Cause it’s my life.
Their judgements only count if I give them validity and I just revoked their right to decide anything for me. I choose to decide for myself. I invite each of you to step into your own power and decide for your self what is beautiful in your life, because who the fuck are THEY anyway? Who are they to judge ME unworthy?
I am a child of God, a conduit of Divine love and light, and I will not dim my light to allow them to feel comfortable in my presence!
They want me to feel diminished, unworthy, and powerless so that they can grow rich and feel better about themselves. Fuck that! And while we’re at it, fuck the collective ‘them’ who believes they are anyone’s authority on what is good and right and beautiful.
If we feel more beautiful when we are feeling truly loved, then what POWER we wield when we choose to truly love ourselves as we are, without waiting for the approval of others.
I choose to feel my true divinity flowing through me. I choose to feel confident and powerful. And every time I feel the Divine Truth of Who I am, I look fucking amazing.
photo by donnio, on a day when i felt GREAT and it shows.
Grow on!
What is stopping you from feeling good about you NOW?
What baby steps can you take toward loving yourself more now?
What kind of example do you want to set for your children and grandchildren?
Each time you become aware that negative self-talk arises, what can you say to remind yourself to move gently back in the direction of self-love?
