Failed Fucking Fairy Tales

Do you remember Aesop’s fables?  

Slow and steady wins the race.

The fable always ended with the turtle winning the race.  I knew the moral was to go slow and make steady progress.  Be a turtle.  But I did not want to be a turtle.  The rabbit was full of love for life!  He visited with friends, enjoyed a good meal, and took pleasure in napping! He didn’t win, but he certainly enjoyed himself along the way.  

Hard work makes us stingy.

All day, every day the ants work hard while the grasshopper plays music, relaxes, and enjoys life.  The ants grow mean because they take no pleasure from life, and leave the grasshopper to die.  You just know if that grasshopper had food he would share it with the ants, because he’s happy and enjoying his life!  I could not understand why the ants were so mad at him for being in his joy.

What about those fairy tales full of quick fix magic?  

Beans grow into a ladder that leads to wealth.  A kiss can reverse death, and transform love into it’s true form.  Spinning wheels turn barn straw into purest gold, and Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo solves all that is wrong in the world.

In my child’s mind – to make it in this world, I either needed to find my fairy godmother, or work my fingers to the bone.  Magic leads to happily ever after, and the path of hard work leaves one hardened, cruel, and unwilling to share.  

Is it any wonder people are always looking for a panacea?

panacea ~
noun - cure-all, universal remedy, elixir, wonder drug, magic bullet.

I can’t tell you how many times I wished for a pill that would magically let me eat anything I wanted, while becoming slender and fit, or how many times I started a diet hoping I would become model-thin as quickly as possible so I could get away from boring rabbit food and return to eating what I wanted to eat.  

Once it became clear that the required magic was missing, I returned to my favored foods until the next quick-fix diet came along, and I’d jump on that bandwagon hoping for the magic doorway to a perfect body (whatever I thought that meant at the time).

Magic is real.

Real magic is not in the beans, the wand, or the kiss.  Real magic exists in the slow, sustainable, baby steps.  The turtle had the magic all along!  Sure we recognized that his slow and steady progress won the day, but he made it look so dull!  Of course we want to keep moving toward our goal, but we need some fun while we move through our days.  Remember those stingy ants!

So we want to be both a turtle moving toward our goal in small sustainable steps, and a rabbit bouncing through life enjoying our journey.  I know that’s not what the fairy tales promised, but they fucking lied.  The magic is not outside us.

Real magic is inside each of us.  We are powerful beyond measure!

So why do we frequently NOT feel powerful?

We deplete our own power when we look outside ourselves for magic.  We literally hand our power over by denying that it is inside us! To wield our power, we must first own it.

Looking for the quick fix draws our attention away from our true Source of power.  If I believe that I am going to find a magic bean to fix my issues, why on earth would I ever try to do it on my own?  If we believe the answer is “out there,” we forget to look in here.  We forget that every goal is within reach if we just take one small step today, and another small step tomorrow, and one more the day after that.  We have the magic to manifest anything! 

Time is the missing ingredient. 

We own the power to create sustainable change one step at a time, but since we believe magic is supposed to happen overnight, we give up too soon before the magic has time to get a foothold.  We cry that we haven’t got what it takes, and that magic must not be real.  Real magic takes time.  We can create real change that lasts by believing we have the power, and mixing in the crucial ingredient: time.

When we choose fairy tale magic – we try, expect instant results, count it a fail, and give up.

When we choose real magic – we try, give it time, move toward the goal, give it time, adjust our efforts, move toward the goal, give it time, grow more confident, take bigger steps, paint broader strokes, and create the most beautiful, magical life we can imagine.  But we’ve got to believe in our own magic, and give it time to transform us.

Happily Ever After!

I hate to break it to you, but fairy tales fucked this up, too.  We will never reach a place where all is perfectly perfect, and no change, growth, or expansion is desired or required! Happiness is not a destination to reach someday, which is REALLY great news!  We can choose to be happy now instead of waiting to be happy at the end!

We can choose to be happy for no reason at all other than it feels GOOD to feel happy.

We can choose to be happy because we know we have magic.  We know that mixing our magic with time allows us to wield great power that transforms – our bodies, our lives, our careers, our relationships – whatever we wish, into whatever we want.  

Magic is a process.  Own your magic.  Give it time.  
There are no magic fucking beans.

Grow on! 

What is it you most want to transform? 
What is one small action you can take that moves you toward that transformation? 
Play with making a list of several actions that might lead toward that transformation, and play with the one that sounds most fun, or that you found effective in the past when you tried it. 
Play with that action for awhile and see how it fits. 
Try giving it time for the magic to grow. 
When you’re ready, choose another action and integrate that for awhile to see how it feels.  This is the process of creating magical transformation.


Studies show that coaching helps support your transformation magic by lending support, encouragement, and a solid belief that you do already have the magic.  We learn through repetition, so all transformation takes time.  If you are ready to create magic and would like some support, CLICK THIS LINK to schedule a free chat to see if I am the right coach for you!

Remembering Verla

My favorite aunt transitioned out of this life last month.  

(Fuck you COVID!)

Verla & Daniel

I began pondering life, death, and the overwhelming relief of ascension while she was sick and in the hospital, which is where last week’s blog post, Gravity vs. Lightness of Being came from.

I know she’s not gone.  I truly believe we are all eternal, and every time I am connecting to my highest vibration – unconditional Love – I have access to Verla right here and now.  These thoughts ease my heart, but does that mean I don’t feel sad?  

Fuck. No.

I miss Verla.  I am sad that one of the most positive influences of my life is physically absent.  One of my sources for unconditional love is less accessible to me.  I am still fully supported by the Universe, but for the moment I feel like someone stole one of the legs off the chair I am sitting in.  Balance takes effort, and I occasionally hit the floor.  

(And it is nobody’s business but mine, how long I lie on the floor eating Hershey bars before I get back up!)

Just because I am able to relax into uncertainty and embrace the eternalness of myself, and the eternalness of Verla, does not mean I am not angry at fucking covid, and hurting from loss – of course I am! 

I’m beautifully human that way, and feel the entire spectrum of emotions available  to me.

But my beliefs hold me up, so that my grief cannot drown me.  When I feel I’m going under, my beliefs rise like the life preserver they are to save my ass.  

In order to help transform my grief, I decided to share some stories of Verla here.  After all, our stories are what carry us after death.  

Cyndi, Patty, K Lynn, Jan, & Laura, with Verla front and center.

I met my aunt Verla when I was 6 months old.  She took me in her arms and called me Tuffy Duck.  I took to her like a second mother, and we were close my entire life despite how many miles lay between us.


When Grandma bought my sister and I our first bicycle, Verla drove the five of us to Des Moines – Verla, Grandma, Mom, Laura & me – five incredible women. 

We got the bike at Sears, and before we could push it to the front door, Laura and I started arguing – the way sisters will – about who would get to ride it first.  Mom and Grandma tried to stop the argument, but Verla mounted the bike, training wheels and all, and peddled right out the front door of Sears, assuring that she got to ride it first.  


In 1977, Mom took us to visit Verla in Baton Rouge, and we all went to the hottest movie released that summer, Star Wars: A New Hope.  None of us had ever seen anything like it.  Thus began my love affair with Han Solo (and – let’s just admit it – Harrison Ford), the Rebel Alliance, and the Evil Empire.  Three years later, Verla was in Iowa and took Laura and me to see The Empire Strikes Back.  I still love the Star Wars Universe, and remember fondly attending the first two movies with Verla, and calling her after viewing the third to revel in the triumph of the Endor Moon.


A couple of years ago, Verla broke her leg.  After more than a year of being mostly immobile and trying to save the leg, she chose to have it amputated above her knee.  I have never seen anyone as positive as Verla in the face of such a challenging recovery.  She called her leg stumpy, or sometimes Bob, and threatened to tattoo a smiley face on the end of it.  She joked with the techs who were making her prosthesis that she would like to have a pogo stick. 

She was a wonderful example of not sweating the small stuff, and apparently to Verla, losing a leg is small stuff, cause it sure didn’t dampen her spirit.  One of her church friends said Verla had fantastic sass, a lively spirit, a cutting wit, and a heart of gold.  I would have to agree on all counts.  


Mom, Verla & Uncle John

Verla was smart, funny, and full of life.  She was easy to talk to and put people at ease.  She loved Willie Nelson, and my uncle John.  She loved my mother in the way that only a fierce, protective sibling can – deeply and without condition – the same way she loved me and my sister, and her entire family.

She called me on her last day to tell me she was flying out.  I thanked her for all she had been to me, and all the love she had shared.  I assured her that I would continue to communicate with her, and follow her wisdom.  She assured me from her death bed that if I didn’t, she would kick my ass.  

I was her Tuffy duck, and she was mine.  I will think of her whenever I see a turtle, a monarch butterfly, a barking sea lion, or a royal red cardinal.  I will connect with her and listen for her wisdom every time I am plugged into Source energy, because if I don’t, I do not doubt that she will find a way to kick my ass.


My friend, Bekka May Curtis, gave me the most important reminder for which I thank her. “Verla will shine eternally in every universe and every sparkle of sun.” 

It’s true!  I feel it in my soul, and I see her in every sparkle of sun.

Amber with Verla

The intent of my blog is to empower the reader, so write on!

Optional Journal Prompts ~
How much do your beliefs buoy you up, or weigh you down?
What do you believe about the transition called death?
How well is that belief serving you?
What would you like to believe about death?
How do you want to be remembered?

Body Transformation Playground ~ FREE!

I am SO excited about my Mind Body Eating Coach certification training at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating!

I am studying Mind Body Nutrition, and Dynamic Eating Psychology.

Soon I will be a Certified Mind Body Eating Coach with several unique tools to help people with issues like emotional eating, stress eating, binge eating, yo-yo dieting, under-eating, food guilt, body shame, food and body judgment, intense appetite, digestive issues, and more.

I am discovering so much, and am eager to share with others!

I crave space to share the concepts and tools I am learning, and opportunities to answer questions that will arise in my coaching practice. I want to share with YOU if this is something that interests or excites you!

I envision creating a group coaching program where I help women and men – who have tried repeatedly to transform their issues with food and body – to finally achieve their goals. 

To align with this vision, I created Body Transformation Playground!

I am inviting you to play!

I know many people think of body transformation as hard work, and I want to reframe that by introducing some fun things we can do that lead to sustainable change. Of course if your goal is a super lean body and six-pack abs, then some kind of hard work and sweat will be involved, and most health and nutrition coaches have tools to help people map a path to this kind of goal.

I’m talking about helping those of us who have lifelong food issues we have repeatedly tried to “fix” with one kind of eating/exercise plan or another.

I sometimes engage in emotional eating.

Like so many people, I have used food to soothe stress for my entire life. Until I learned to address the emotional reasons I eat, no plan that my coach and I concocted could ever succeed, and no changes I made would stick. Weight loss and workout plans sometimes create results, but until we address the deeper issue of what to do about our stress, we can easily get derailed, or after progress we slip back into pre-programmed habits that land us back where we started.

If you are experiencing emotional eating, stress eating, binge eating, yo-yo dieting, under eating, unwanted weight, food guilt, body shame, judgment around food and body, intense appetite, or chronic digestive issues, you are NOT alone! PLEASE join me on the Body Transformation Playground for six months FREE!


You heard me right! The Body Transformation Playground is open to you for FREE for the next six months – if you choose to join – just because you’re on my mailing list, or because someone on my mailing list forwarded this to you!

If you want to explore real body transformation, I am here to play!
Let’s make it fun!

What’s Included?

Body Transformation Playground includes a twice-monthly email focused on the juiciest tidbits, toys, and tools for body transformation that I discover in my psychology of eating classes. The emails will include fun ways to transform our relationship with food, journal topics around food and body, motivational images, ongoing encouragement, and so much more!

Once a month on zoom (audio only), I will host Body Transformation Playground live, where I practice teaching the concepts I am learning, answer participant questions, and possibly even do a little live coaching when time permits!

I will share all I am learning about eating psychology and how to free ourselves from our eating issues, and in return all I ask is that you submit questions, and give feedback.

Submit questions. Tune in to hear answers. Give feedback. That’s it!

My coaching skills are solid, but my tech skills need polishing, so these first six months will be a learning space, play space, and experimenting space for all of us while I learn how best to create fun effective content, record videos, post replays, and handle Zoom meetings, all while playing with the toys and insights I am learning at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, and sharing them with you!

Beyond this six-month series, I will be offering the Body Transformation Playground as part of a package for paid clients, so jump in now!

Join me to play with the idea that body transformation can be more fun than we have been allowing! Join me to discover more ease and enjoyment on the path to sustainable transformations!

If you are interested, subscribe by emailing me at cyndicombs@gmail.com

Simply email with “SUBSCRIBE TO PLAYGROUND” in the subject, and I will manually add your address to the list.

Currently, I am committing to Zoom meetings (audio only) on the following dates, but I may add more dates!

Dates to add to your schedule if you are interested in Body Transformation Playground:

All times listed are Pacific Daylight Time

  • Sunday, April 24 @ 6pm
  • Friday, May 27 @ 6pm
  • Monday, June 20 @ 6pm
  • Saturday, July 23 @ 9am
  • Sunday, Aug 21 @ 6pm
  • Monday, Sep 26 @ 6pm OR Friday, Sep 30 @ 6pm

I chose different days of the week to accommodate many schedules, and I am willing to be flexible with these dates based on feedback!

If joining this series excites you but you cannot make these dates, please reply to this email to let me know what day/dates/times would work for you, and we will try to work something out and add at least a few dates that will work for all of us!

Thank you so much for being willing to play some new ideas!

My practice grows through referral!

As you can tell, I am SUPER excited about my expanding coaching practice!

PLEASE forward this email if you know anyone who struggles with weight issues, emotional eating, stress eating, binge eating, yo-yo dieting, under eating, food guilt, body shame, food and body judgement, intense appetite, or digestive issues!

THANK YOU. I appreciate you!

Gravity vs. Lightness of Being

Humans are Source energy made flesh. 

Source energy flows to us, and is meant to flow through us, and back into our world. If we resist the flow, the energy becomes stuck and gets heavy, weighing down our physical form.  Recently my journal wondered, “What if gravity is an accumulation of stagnant energy?  What if our resistance to ‘go with the flow’ is what weighs us down, and holds us back from fulfilling our purpose in life?”  

We all know older people who seem more affected by gravity than their younger counterparts.  They don’t lift their limbs as high, and they move more slowly, as if their body is heavier.  They even get shorter, drawn closer to the earth.  Then there are octogenarians who seem less affected by gravity, and are lively, vibrant, full of energy, and active until their last breath. In my observation the second set often have very positive, relaxed attitudes, and seem more accepting, and willing to go with the flow than the less flexible individuals in the first set.

Let it go!

Energy wants to flow.  When we flow energy we feel alive and vibrant.  When we resist the energy, it feels like gravity pulls harder against us.  Our energy becomes depressed and we may feel stuck.

Have you ever had a really BIG worry that became suddenly resolved?  Do you remember the feeling of lightness that came over you with that solution?  I know what a huge relief I feel when I am able to let go of thoughts that don’t feel good.  It’s as if we release the energy we have been resisting in the same way a damn suddenly releases water it has been resisting.  Imagine how much less stress the damn wall suddenly feels!  Or how about when we finally let ourselves break down and cry over something for which we have been holding back tears? 

We always feel lighter once we let go.  Imagine the buoyancy then –  the relief  that comes – when we set down all of the resistance we have accumulated over a lifetime! 

I’m talking about the transition we call death as being a buoyant experience.  The transition from our physical body back into non-physical, pure, positive energy must be the most buoyant feeling!  Buoyant like a beach ball rocketing to the surface when we finally release it from under water.  

That is what Death is – a releasing of all the weighted worry of this world, to instantly ascend into worthiness, joy, and unconditional love.  Our Ascension from physical form to non-physical formlessness is powerful and instant, like a cork exiting a champagne bottle.  

We let go, and we ascend.

There Is No Death. We are eternal beings. We are One energy. We are connected always to Source. 

When we feel as if we are separated from Source we feel pain, so our purpose becomes to find ways to release resistance, and ascend back toward our Source (unconditional Love).  We actually come here to practice that ascension, that return to Love. 

We LIKE the way it feels when we release, relax, and return to the flow of unconditional Love. Each time we release our resistance to something, we bounce back toward our Source. Life is a process of moving away from, and back toward Source energy, and our emotions are a gauge to show us where we are in relation to that energy of unconditional love.

We do not die. 

That simple thought releases a lot of resistance for a lot of people.  Life does not end, we simply ascend.  We ascend to pure positive energy, and then later we decide to come back into human form for one reason. We like the way it feels to ascend from a state of resisting the flow of life force energy, into a state of freely flowing life force energy.

So if you feel heavy, like something is weighing you down, play with letting that shit go! 

Play with letting go just to see what it feels like. How much do you feel yourself rise back toward the Love at our core? We are here to enjoy ascension, so play with it and have fun!

Grow on!

Are we practicing being light or heavy?
How much are we practicing going with the flow?
How much are we practicing ascension?
How much are we resisting life force?
How can we lean more toward unconditional Love?
What is it you are ready to release right now?
What is it you are ready to be ready to release?

Emotions ~ What the fuck are they, and why do they feel the way they feel?

Emotions are energy in motion. Human beings are energy flowers. 
In this context, flower means one who flows energy (flow-er), but I love the image of us as energy flowers!

Pascal Debrunner-unsplash

In simplest terms, emotions indicate which direction we are flowing our energy: toward Source, or away from Source.  The frequency of Source energy is unconditional love.  Source energy (unconditional love) is at the core of every human, emanating from us, and calling to us.

Our emotions tell us if we are moving toward, or away from, that unconditional love!  Pretty cool, right?

When we experience high-vibe emotions like joy, love, passion, or appreciation, we feel great!  These emotions resonate with our natural frequency, feel happy in our body, and may cause a lightness in our heart and mind.  We sometimes describe it as feeling like all is right in our world.

Unconditional love resonates with humans because that’s what we are!  Source is unconditional love, and we are made of Source energy, so of course high-vibe emotions feel right and familiar.

When we experience low-vibe emotions like insecurity, unworthiness, depression, powerlessness or toxic-shame, we kinda feel like shit, right?

The reason these emotions feel crappy in our body is because they do NOT resonate with the unconditional love at our core.  Low-vibe emotions feel discordant, jagged, heavy, and uncomfortable because they are a completely different frequency than the Source energy at our core.

When we find ourselves experiencing shitty feeling emotions, it only ever means one thing: we are thinking in a way that Source would NEVER think.  We are thinking unloving thoughts about ourselves or others.  Source energy does NOT see us (or anyone) as unworthy, unloveable, or powerless. Not ever. 

Source sees us in every moment as the lovable, worthy, all-powerful, joyful beings that we are!

So Source stands at our core KNOWING the truth of who we are, flowing through us and feeling amazing.  When we are loving ourselves, we feel great because we are in vibrational alignment with our soul.  When we are doubting ourselves, or thinking hateful thoughts, it feels OFF, because it is out of alignment with the truth of who we are.

Sometimes when we experience heavier vibrations, we get stuck.  When we think enough thoughts that feel unworthy, unlovable, and powerless, we can begin to believe that we are unworthy, unlovable, and powerless, instead of understanding that these are simply signposts showing us that we are thinking thoughts that are moving us away from our true vibration.

So when we feel crappy, NOTHING has gone wrong! It does NOT mean that we are crappy, or have failed in any way. It does not mean we are stuck here and will always feel crappy. It’s simply a sign that we are, in that moment, flowing energy away from the alignment that feels good.

Once we recognize the signs – physical sensations we feel in our body – we can choose to pivot back toward unconditional love.  Then we can move toward alignment with our natural frequency again where we feel great.

Our emotions are signposts. They show us where we are going by feeling happy or crappy.  Then we get to choose to keep going, or course-correct. Doesn’t it sound FUN to practice better feeling, high-vibe emotions that align us with love, joy, abundance, health, and vibrant energy?!

Grow on!

What signs are your emotions giving you?
How do you feel about that?
How much do you like the emotional direction you are traveling?
How quickly are you able to pivot when you want to? This takes practice, so let’s be gentle with ourselves while learning this new skill!


If you want to learn more about identifying and following your own emotional signposts, or learn how to shift emotional direction, coaching can help.

To find out if I am the right coach for you, click HERE, then check “chat with Cyndi” and click “continue” to schedule a date/time that work for you. It’s free, and you’ll walk away with at least one action to move you in any direction you want to go!

Subscribe to my blog HERE to get weekly posts that uplift and inspire!

Practice the F Word

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when we hear the word faith?

I know that’s probably not the F word you were expecting from me, but I’m also willing to bet that the first thing that came to mind when I said “faith” was religion.  I know for most of my life that was true for me.  I thought faith was something reserved for the saints and martyrs, something that didn’t pertain to me in any way. Now I understand that faith has nothing to do with religion, that it’s available to every one of us, and essential to cultivate!

In my observation, far more people resonate with doubt than with faith.  Our culture conditions us to doubt.  We doubt our worthiness.  We doubt our capabilities, our decisions, our thought process.  We doubt our readiness, our level of education, our physical attractiveness.  We doubt our inner voice, and our own ability to change our lives.

Then fear moves in.  What if that little voice of doubt is right?  If the voice of doubt is right, I might never find my true love, or my purpose in life.  How can I possibly ever feel confident or successful?  It’s a downward spiral that becomes more powerful the more we feed it with doubt and fear.

Where do doubt and fear come from?

Doubt and fear are emotions.
Emotions only come from one place: our thoughts.

Some might argue that a circumstance or situation can also “cause” fear.  We know this can’t be true, because if a circumstance caused the emotion, it would cause the same emotion in everyone without fail.  But we can take any situation that most people might face with fear, and we will always find some who face that situation with faith.  So it’s not the situation, but the thoughts we choose to think about the situation that create fear or faith. So what’s the magic ingredient that allows someone to choose faith?

Practice.   

A practice breaks through default settings that were curated through our conditioning.

~ Amit West, Spiritual Sandbox

We are practicing fear or faith every day.  We are choosing to worry, or we are choosing to relax into the knowing that we have handled 100% of our challenges so far, and that we will likely handle 100% moving forward.  We can choose to worry, or we can choose to relax into knowing that we don’t need to have all the answers right now, and that when challenges arise, the way through that challenge will also arise.  We can choose to worry about money, or we can trust the Universe to always have our backs no matter what.

Most of our culture is thinking thoughts that are fear-based, so it’s super easy to keep a parade of fear-based thoughts moving through our mind. 

If currently the fear-based thoughts dominate your vibration, it is only because we have been conditioned to practice fear.  To shift from a steady diet of fear-based thoughts to a steady diet of faith-based thoughts simply requires practicing faith.

So how do we build faith through practice?  What do we even practice?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question.  It’s like asking what food plan is exactly right for every person on the planet.  There isn’t one!  We want to play with several elements to dial in the perfect plan to support each individual.

Cyndi’s Fabulous Fucking Toolbox

If you follow this link to my toolbox, you will find some fabulous fucking tools that have proven useful to many people for connecting to Spirit (Source energy/God).  It’s a running list of resources that inspire the crap outta me & my clients so we can build our faith muscle! 

It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen with practice.

We may have been practicing negative programming for decades or longer, so we can be gentle with ourselves as we begin to explore this new way of thinking and being.  When worry pops up, don’t beat yourself up for returning to familiar patterns, bless the Universe for this great opportunity to practice faith.  Then do some deep breathing and pull out the tool box.

Rediscover how fun it is to practice faith, rather than fear!

Grow on!

Click THIS LINK to my Fabulous Fucking Tool Box.

There are LOTS of options, so I invite you to identify the ones that inspire you.  As you’re reading the list, which ideas appeal most, or give you a feeling of lightness in your heart?  Click a few links and check them out.  Play with the tools that you love and leave the rest for someone else.  When you find ones that really resonate, use them frequently.  Post reminders throughout your home to practice until they become habit.

F is for Faith ~ a poem by Cyndi, inspired by Dr. Seuss

F is for Faith
And I don’t feel a smidgen
When I try to tie Faith 
To dogmatic religion.

Faith is not tied
To a God that’s outside me.
Faith is a feeling,
An emotion inside me.

And since I create feelings
With the thoughts that I choose,
Faith is simply a matter
Of curating my views.

I don’t want to think thoughts 
That make me feel crappy.
So I’m choosing thoughts 
That let me feel happy!

I won’t predict failure.
I won’t fret, or lament.
I will point to my success rate
Of one hundred percent!

I’ve come so far!
Of my triumphs take score!
I am worthy and capable
Of ten thousand times more!

And when doubt creeps in
From time to time,
I’ll relax and release,
And just let my light shine!

The Universe carries me
on the vibe I create,
So I’m turning from fear
to be carried in Faith.

Accepting Divine Guidance

My mother turned eighty this week.  I bought a ticket to fly to Iowa in the dead of winter to help her celebrate the big day, but I didn’t tell her.  I decided to surprise her since no one who knows me would ever suspect that I would fly to Iowa in February.  (I am allergic to snow.)

I have been planning the trip since October.  I bought a new coat since winter coats aren’t really needed here in California.  I bought some leg warmers.  I packed my suitcase about two weeks ago because organization is one of my superpowers.  I paid to check a bag because, winter layers.

Two days before I was to fly it became very clear that travel was not worth the risk of covid, as fully vaccinated and boosted people were being hospitalized with the newest variant.  I chose to cancel my plans.

Of course I was disappointed, but I accepted the situation as Divine Guidance.  This was simply not the right time for my trip.

As I unpacked woolen socks and warm winter wear, I realized I had the next ten days off with nothing scheduled. 

My logical mind rushed in with a plan to reach out and book as many massage clients as possible.  Instantly I felt my energy drop, as if just booking them would exhaust me. 

My intuition speaks to me in my gut.  I have learned that when something feels warm in my gut, I move toward it.  If something feels cold in my gut, I try to move away from it.  Rebooking my week felt cold, but I momentarily resisted my intuition because one of the voices in my head was whispering, “we need the income!”

Luckily for me, a recent episode of my favorite Podcast, the Spiritual Sandbox, was whispering in my other ear, “Give. Yourself. A. Fucking. Break!”  That felt warm.  Then a Karen Drucker song popped into my head to join the party singing, “Money is coming to me easily and effortlessly!”  I laughed with relief, knowing that I didn’t need to break my neck to rebuild the week’s paycheck.  

I finished unpacking and picked up a book I had been meaning to read.  I spent the rest of the day reading and playing a silly word game that I love.  The next day we drove to San Francisco, took a long walk and enjoyed a picnic by the water.  I went shopping for a new pair of walking shoes one day, and found a really great deal.  I slept late, wrote blog posts, and finished watching the Book of Boba Fett on Disney. I meditated each morning, and made time to journal, and connect with friends.

I let my mom in on the planned surprise and Divine redirect. She agreed with the wisdom of my choice. We chatted daily, and agreed to celebrate her birthday in May when Iowa weather won’t be so bitter. 

It was a really relaxing, energizing week.

My tax refund arrived yesterday and covered the week’s bills. I feel well-rested, rejuvenated and ready to rock a full week of coaching, and massage clients!  I needed time off more than I realized. The Universe knew that, and arranged it for me – when I was willing to follow my gut.

The Universe is always guiding us.

Grow on!

What is your gut telling you?
When you consider a decision, does it feel warm or cold?
What happens when you follow that guidance?

The magical power of the almighty list!

Ah, yes, the humble list.  People tend to love the list or hate the list, but as tools go it’s pretty extraordinary for both action-taking individuals and procrastinators alike.  I love lists!  When I have a big project going, I make a list of the lists I need to make.  My mother is a list maker, so maybe it’s hereditary.  I refer to my lists frequently, and often recommend making a list as a helpful tool for my clients.  

Last week, one of my clients told me that when she makes a list, she invariably loses it.  I asked her how often she loses her phone.  When she admitted that she’s never without that vital instrument for communication, I asked her to play with the idea of keeping the list in her phone.  If you are at your computer screen frequently, you could try keeping your lists in a document on your desktop.  I keep a list of ideas in an email draft that I never plan to send to anyone.  I can access the draft on my phone or computer, and print it out if I need a hard copy.

I’ll never forget when a friend expressed her utter disdain for lists. 

“If I write it down and don’t get it done, that’s like failing.  Every time I make a list I end up feeling overwhelmed, or like I’ve failed.  It’s one or the other and I don’t like either, so I don’t make lists.”

No wonder she hates lists, it made perfect sense.  Every time she made a list, she was using it like a whip to drive herself forward, or punish herself for what she labeled as failure.  Used as a weapon against oneself, the list becomes hateful, instead of valuable.

The list is not a whip.  It’s a basket.

A basket is not punishing.  A basket is quiet.  It sits humbly and holds what we put into it until we are ready to retrieve what we put there.  

Something that can cause me a great deal of stress is worrying that I might forget something important.  I run three businesses with a lot of moving parts, and I get a lot of ideas.  When I get a particularly good idea, my mind runs in circles with it’s arms clutched about the idea thinking, “I must not lose this gem!  MUST hold onto thought.”  That fear of losing something causes unnecessary anxiety – especially if my mind is trying to hold onto several good ideas at the same time.  Lists help me keep track of items without the constant mind juggling.  As soon as I add the idea to the appropriate list, I can let it go, knowing it will be here for me when I come back for it.  Anything that helps relieve stress is magical in my book.

Lists allow us to see everything at a glance.

When the time is right to take action on listed items, a quick glance reveals our options.  I often look at the list of what I’d like to accomplish and pick the one that sounds most fun in this moment.  Alternatively I can choose the item I least look forward to and do that first. Then anything else I mark off the list seems like a cake walk.

I have a basket full of spiritual practices that raise my vibration.  I don’t feel compelled to do all of them every day, but I don’t want to forget about the ones I like doing once in awhile which is easy to do if they are out of sight.  I can browse the list any time and magically pick the one that feels right in the moment.

Lists help us prioritize!

We can make the list in order of importance, or once the list is complete, we can go back and order it numerically, or just add stars to the most important items.

People who are helpers and caregivers can sometimes over-give.  If you are someone who tends to do more for others than for yourself, you are not alone!  When my clients fall into this category, they are often feeling resentful.  I ask them to make a list of the things they want to do for their own health and well-being, and things they want to accomplish. 

The list then becomes a magical tool that can help us stop over-giving.

When someone asks us to help them, we can use the list to discern whether we actually have time to help them, and if their “to-do” is a higher priority than the starred items on our own list.  We can even use one or more items on the list to postpone helping someone, or even say “no” to helping them once in a while.  How would it feel to say, “I am willing to help you with this after I complete (your priority task).”  Or, “I promised not to say yes to helping anyone until I finish writing my resume.”  You get the idea.

The list is an incredibly simple and free tool, yet powerful enough to relieve stress, remind us of our priorities, help us say no, and create what we want to create. 

I’m a fan!

Grow on!

How frequently are you using lists? 
Are you using them as a whip or a basket?
Where is the place you find most effective to keep your lists?
What list could you use right now to help you create what you wish? 
Try making a list of all the lists that might be helpful to you!  Remember these are just baskets to hold great ideas for later! 

Be Your Own Best Valentine

Regardless of our relationship status, each of us deserves to feel loved unconditionally. 

Even when we have romance, it’s possible to feel less loved than we might like sometimes.  The other person in the relationship is human after all.  What if they forget Valentine’s Day, or your birthday?  It more likely means they were focused on something else, rather than they don’t love you, but it’s normal to feel less than completely loved in those situations.

It feels amazing and wonderful to experience love and validation from the world around us, of course it does. We’ll take all of that we can get! But it’s also crucial to cultivate unconditional self-love.

When we deprive ourselves of a deep self-love (which is frequently the case for humans) we actually block ourselves from fully receiving all the love that is flowing to us.  When we refuse to practice self-love, we unconsciously teach others that self-love is not worth practicing.  When we practice the opposite of self-love, beating ourselves up, telling ourselves we are not enough, feeling shame about our bodies, guilt about our food, or questioning our own worthiness, then we increase stress to both mind and body, decrease our energy, weaken our immune system, accelerate disease processes, and feel disconnected from Spirit.

Cultivating deep self-love allows others to love us more deeply, and unconsciously allows others to love themselves more deeply.  Cultivating deep self-love gives us more energy, allowing us to offer more energy to the people and projects we love.  Cultivating deep self-love provides a sense of balance and stability when the world around us is in chaos.  Cultivating deep self-love means our cup is always full to overflowing, so when we choose to serve others we do not deplete ourselves.  Cultivating deep self-love boosts our immunity, and is the healthiest thing we can do for body, mind, and spirit.

photo by Dani Navarro

So I invite each of you to become your own best Valentine!

NOT just on February 14, please. I invite you to be your own best Valentine every single day.  Make sure that connecting with You becomes a priority, until it becomes a habit.  Add time to your schedule each week to date yourself and use that time to connect with You, do something you enjoy, and charge your batteries.  Use the list below as inspiration to create your own ever-changing list of at least ten to twelve things you enjoy doing alone.  When the time you have selected arrives in your schedule, choose something off your list and enjoy!

Don’t put it off, or say you’ll do it later! How would you feel if your lover rescheduled a date?  It would likely make us feel undervalued, or taken for granted! I know that’s how I would feel.  Would we put off a date with someone we were truly in love with to do the laundry ,or scroll the internet, or work overtime?  Not unless it was a true emergency!  Right?

Don’t make yourself feel like an afterthought!  Make yourself number one!  Schedule a date to do something you love with You now, and show yourself how truly loved and appreciated you are!  The BEST way to feel loved and well-cared for is to immerse ourselves in unconditional love consistently, every single day.

Grow on!

These ideas are NOT just for single people!
Don’t forget to turn off your cell phone so you can be totally present with You.

Ideas for dating your beautiful self include, but are in no way limited to:

  • Watch sunrise/sunset at a local beach/park.
  • Lie on a beach, or in your backyard and feel the sun on your skin.
  • Take yourself to a feel-good movie.
  • Visit a museum.
  • Cook your favorite dish.  Put flowers and candles on the table.
  • Take a good book, your journal, or a favorite podcast to the park and spread a blanket in the grass.
  • Create a romantic atmosphere in the bathroom and enjoy a steaming bath with Epsom salts, coconut oil, and lavender.
  • Take yourself to a local cafe to be alone with your thoughts.  Bring your journal.
  • Get dressed up and take a dance class.
  • Write a love letter to yourself.
  • Take yourself to a fancy restaurant and read the love letter to yourself while you wait for your meal.
  • Take a long walk at sunrise or sunset.
  • In front of a mirror, look deeply into your own eyes, and make a list of everything you appreciate about yourself.
  • Take a picnic somewhere pretty and revel in your own company.
  • What’s your favorite thing to do?  Add it to the list!

Who are We?

How do you define yourself?  

Humans define ourselves in many ways.  We are daughters and sons.  We are siblings and parents. We are ‘our career’ (I am a nurse, teacher, ditch digger) or ‘how we spend our time’ (lazy, productive, creative).
We are caregivers and mentors.  We are exhausted or exuberant.
We define ourselves sometimes as sad, anxious, angry, happy, hopeful, content, or the entire rainbow that falls between shame and pure joy.

But this is not Who we are.  These words describe what we are, or how we are in the moment.  We cannot ‘be’ our emotion.  We experience our emotions, we do not ‘be’ them.

When we define ourselves by these descriptors, what happens when the descriptor no longer applies?  Often women have self-defined as “mother” for decades.  What happens when all the babies leave home?  If you have defined yourself by your career, what happens after retirement?  If you define yourself as wife and homemaker – adore that role, lean into it, and are passionate about it – what happens if the spouse wants a divorce, or departs this earthly plane?

If we feel defined by one of our roles, and that role shifts, does that change who we are?  Of course not!  So if we are not defined by our roles, or how we feel emotionally, then fundamentally speaking: Who are we?  Who are you?  

How do we answer that existential question, “Who am I?”

At our core, we are all One, Source energy, Spirit, God.

This is Truth.

When we remember this Truth we FEEL our connection, we are in the flow – literally flowing Source energy, Spirit, God.  We naturally feel confident, secure, passionate, and joyful.

When we become disconnected from this Truth, (or forget temporarily, which is the human way) our energy plummets because we are no longer flowing as much Source energy.  Our energy can become stagnant and depressed if we do not renew the connection.

If we do not believe – or have never been taught – that we are God/Source energy at our core, the disconnection we feel can leave us anxious, fearful, confused, insecure, and dependent on other people for a sense of validation.  If we depend on others to meet our needs, we can easily become resentful if they don’t fill that role because we haven’t learned to turn inward for love and guidance.

Love and guidance are always ours!

When we remember the Truth of who we are, we can learn to listen for, and trust our inner voice, the voice in our heart, the voice of God.  Tuning to our own inner wisdom clears up confusion.  When we try to follow the wisdom of others, confusion ensues because each of those others may have very different ideas about what is right for us.  And MANY of the people around us are disconnected from the Source at our core, which means their ideas of what is right or wrong can come from fear instead of unconditional love.

Lisa Miller PHD, Founder and Director of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Columbia University, and author of The Awakened Brain, does a brilliant job reminding us that we are loved, held, guided, and never alone.  She makes a strong case that spiritual disconnection is the biggest challenge facing our youth today, in this two-hour episode of the Rich Roll podcast. It’s long but well worth our time.

When others try to guide our lives, tell us what to do, or make our choices for us, they teach us that there will always be someone there to tell us what to do, someone wiser than us.  Of course we didn’t learn to turn inward for guidance!  Of course we feel adrift when left on our own! 

If we’ve always had someone else steering our course, how on earth do we decide where to go when they are no longer here to guide us, and no one told us we had infinite wisdom inside us?  How can we possibly trust ourselves to make decisions if we have never grown confidence in this skill?

Won’t it be a lovely gift to give our children (siblings, partners, employees) when we instill in them confidence in their own power?!  Let’s teach them they are connected to Source energy always!  Let’s remind ourselves and everyone that we are each loved, held, and guided always, and that to access infinite wisdom at our core, all we need do is turn inward, and listen!

Grow on!

How much does it resonate for you that you are Source energy having a human experience?  Try saying the following affirmations aloud and see how they feel when you say them:

I am pure spirit.
I am eternal light.
I am Source Energy.
I am God in human form.
I am Divine.
I have access to all I need to know, inside me.

If one or more of these resonate for you, play with saying them several times a day to see what it does for your energy!

If none of these resonate for you, ask yourself how often you feel joyful, resilient, and full of vibrant energy? 
What will change for you when you trust your inner voice? 
What’s it worth to feel confident, worthy, calm, trusting, and joyful?
What’s holding you back?
What will it take to get over that block?


Sometimes coaching can help us get passed that stuck energy. If you’d like to find out if I am the right coach to help you move forward, schedule a free chat at this link to find out!