Because we feel emotions, physically, in our bodies. Human beings experience emotions as a specific set of physical sensations. For example when I feel grief, my body feels deeply weighted and lethargic. When I feel joy, my heart feels light, as if filled with helium, and I have a humming vibration along my skin. Self-doubt feels like my body is contracting inward away from the world, and confidence feels expansive, light, and powerful.
Our emotions are simply vibrations that we feel in our body, and are part of our human experience. In and of themselves, these vibrations cannot harm us!
Emotions are vibrations that we experience as completely harmless physical sensations.
So if the vibrations can’t harm us, why do so many people go to such extraordinary lengths to avoid what we perceive as negative emotions?
That’s what’s happening if my lover leaves me and I eat a gallon of ice cream. I’m trying to avoid feeling the pain of my emotions. Same thing with drugs and alcohol. People are drawn to using these substances to numb our ‘hard’ emotions, the sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment, fear, or worry that crop up in our lives.
And who would blame us? There are situations and circumstances in this lifetime where every one of us can relate to why THAT emotion might hurt too much to feel, and why someone might choose to numb the pain. It’s sort of like if you break your leg, that HURTS. No one is going to bat an eye if you take some pain killers for that. So if someone is going through emotional pain, it’s understandable that we might want some pain killers for that, too.
The broken leg eventually heals, our pain subsides, and our use of pain killers ceases. Emotional pain eventually heals, too but not until we allow ourselves to transform the pain, and transforming the pain requires allowing ourselves to FEEL the emotion.
This is where it can get a bit tricky, because we feel the pain and want to numb it to avoid it, so we do (normal).
But if we do not stop numbing the emotional pain and allow ourselves to feel it, to move through it, we can get stuck in the cycle of continuously numbing that pain to not feel it, then feeling it and numbing it, feel the pain then numb the pain. Unlike the broken leg, it’s not going to heal until you allow yourself to feel your feelings. If we attempt to push our emotions away, they keep coming back. We cannot resist our emotions.
If we wish to get past our challenging emotions, we must allow the experience by being present with the emotion.
I remember the first time my coach suggested this to me I thought she was mad. I had been avoiding hard emotions for decades with booze and sugar, and she wanted me to sit with those feelings?!
The idea positively made my skin crawl!
Then she taught me the most amazing technique. I learned to objectively describe the emotion as the physical sensations I experienced in my body – without attaching my story to it, and without wallowing in the emotion.
When we experience the physical vibration of the emotion without attaching a story to it, we can simply observe the experience of emotion, rather than becoming the emotion.
“I am experiencing anger,” has a much different energy than, “I am angry.” Feel the difference?
Physical description: the anger feels physically like a kick in my gut. My face is hot and red and my heart is beating faster than normal. I can feel my pulse through my whole body.
Description with our story attached might look like this: I am so PISSED that person did XYZ to me! What is wrong with them? Were they raised by wolves? Who acts that way? This will never work! I won’t stand for it! I have every right to be furious about this!
Which description drains more energy?
When we attach a story to the emotion, we attach ourselves to it.
Our emotions do not define us. They are not who we are. They are simply indicators of where we are at any given moment.
Reach for a better feeling thought.
As a core energy coach, I help clients shift perspective to find a vibration that allows greater success in their lives. Sometimes people get the wrong idea and think that we are supposed to push away bad feeling emotions and strive to feel only positive ones, and that is NOT the case at all.
We absolutely want to trade up the emotional ladder, to feel better and better and better about ourselves and our lives, but we can’t do that by only experiencing our positive emotions and repressing those we don’t enjoy as much.
Abraham-Hicks emotional scale
If we take a few moments to actually be present with our hard emotions (describe them physically), then we are able to move through the emotion and beyond it to a better feeling vibration and not just pushing it away hoping it won’t pop up again.
The human experience is a kaleidoscope of emotions, each color adding depth and meaning to the overall picture. The more colors we integrate, the more rich and beautiful our lives become.
We gotta feel ALL our feels.
Grow on!
What physical sensations do you experience when you feel angry? Sad? Anxious? Shame? Guilt? Peace? Confidence? Hopeful? Inspired? Joyous?
Which emotions do you try not to feel? Which emotion is your least fave? Describe that emotion physically and allow yourself to observe it.
It has come to my attention that marketing professional coaching is much, MUCH harder than marketing amazing massage therapy.
If I ask you for referrals to my massage practice, you can probably think of at least a dozen people who want one or who can benefit from it. If I ask you for referrals to my coaching practice, you probably know at least a half dozen, but how would you KNOW they need a coach?
In thirteen years of practicing massage, I never had to pay for advertising and I certainly never had to educate people about what it is that I do. People know what a massage is and many of us (me FIRST!) are addicted to the stress release, pleasure, comfort, relaxation and overall feeling of well-being that comes with massage. Many people are realizing that massage is an essential part of their health care budget, and include it as a regular part of their self-care.
If you have an amazing massage therapist and you hear someone say that their back hurts, or that they started running and have tight hamstrings, or that they suffer from tension headaches, you know from personal experience that massage is helpful, and you feel confident saying so and recommending your therapist. Massage therapy is pretty mainstream, so if you find yourself in need of massage, you feel comfortable asking friends for recommendations. But, who the fuck needs a life coach?
Maybe a better question to start with is,
What the fuck does a life coach do?
When my therapist first suggested that I would make a great life coach, my response to her was, “Is that a thing?” So I am never surprised when people haven’t a clue about what I do or who needs/wants professional coaching.
Coaches are NOT therapists, psychologists or counselors. If you are clinically depressed, please seek help from one of these professions. Coaches do not give advice or delve into the roots of your issues.
Coaches help you clearly see where you are, then help you map a path to where you want to go.
Humans sometimes struggle with getting to where we want to be. We might know what we want and just can’t quite figure out how to get there. Or maybe we KNOW the steps required to get us there, but we can’t quite motivate ourselves to take those steps. Sometimes we can’t even figure out WHAT the hell we want because we have so many thoughts cluttering our minds.
People may struggle with time scarcity and feel overwhelmed. We sometimes deal with financial scarcity that can create cycles of fear and worry. During transitions in our lives, we can sometimes feel unanchored, and unsure what course to chart next. If we have many paths before us, sometimes we can’t choose. And if we have any difficult emotions attached to the situations we are going through, that’s when things can get challenging.
It is immensely helpful in times like these to talk to someone who is not emotionally attached to your outcome, someone who can help clarify your thinking and help you find your way forward to where you want to be.
That’s what life coaches do. We help clients overcome obstacles to get from where they are to where they’d like to be.
How do we do that? By having conversations about values, goals, and habitual thoughts and behavior patterns. By looking at what influences their energy socially, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and environmentally. By discovering ways to increase energy in all those areas. By replacing fear with faith, which has a very different vibration and attracts very different energy into one’s life.
So, who the fuck needs a life coach?
People going through one of the struggles mentioned above. People who never have the energy to do what they love doing. People who want to reach their goals. People who want to manifest their dreams. People going through any kind of transition like changing careers or relationships, moving to a new city, or empty nesting. People struggling to reach their health goals. People who have lost their confidence or have low self-esteem. People who know they want MORE from their lives, but aren’t quite sure more of what.
Me. I need a life coach.
One of the BEST parts about my coaching school was that we constantly had peers coaching us for practice. I was practicing my coaching skills which was extremely valuable, but receiving coaching weekly had the added benefit of tremendous self-growth along with an increased understanding of what it feels like to receive the benefits of regular coaching. My mother looked at me like I was crazy when I told her I was still being coached regularly. “But you are a trained coach, why do you need one?”
GREAT question! There are a lot of ways in which I can and do coach myself all the time to change habitual thoughts from my past that do not serve my goals. But I also pay two professional coaches for regular sessions. I have an In the Flow coach who helps keep my energy and enthusiasm high, and I have a life coach to help me plan my goals, improve my relationships, and be the best version of me that I can be! I also follow a business coach on Facebook to pick up lots of hints and tips on how to grow my coaching practice.
So, who needs a life coach? Everyone NEEDS a life coach!
But, who can coaching help?
Coaching can ONLY help those who are willing to show up for themselves, and take the actions required to get out of their own way and get to where they want to go.
Here is the most important question:
Who the fuck is READY for a life coach?
If you know a truly amazing life coach, who do you refer to her for coaching?
Coaching is becoming more common, but when someone finds themselves needing a coach, they may not feel comfortable asking for recommendations. They may not think any of their friends know a life coach. It’s just not that main stream. I mean, really, is life coaching a thing?
PLEASE keep your ears open for key phrases like these:
I always feel so overwhelmed! I’m tired all the time. I have no energy. I want to change (something), but have no idea how! I have tried to change (something), but I always fail. My life doesn’t matter. I’ll never reach my goals. Is this all there is to life? I want more from my life, I just don’t know what. Why can’t I stick to my own healthy intentions? I have to do everything myself. I’m in a rut and I can’t get out. I want to complete (some large goal) but I have no idea where to start!
Anyone saying these things will benefit from coaching. If you regularly say these things, contact me for a chat!
When you hear phrases like these from friends, you will be helping us both by giving them my name and contact info.
I will be delighted to schedule a 30 minute session to see if coaching is a good fit for the challenges they’re facing. No obligation. No sales pitch. If it seems like coaching can help, I’ll tell them what I offer my clients. If I am not the right coach for them, I have an extensive network of other coaches with varying specialities that I am delighted to refer them to, and a LONG list of free resources that might be all they need to set them on the path to their dreams!
This is partially about building my practice, but it’s mostly about making sure people have the support they need to succeed in life!
That’s what I am passionate about! I want everyone to live the best possible version of themselves!
Grow on!
What will happen if you share this blog post? Who will you help? Who do you know who is currently facing life challenges? Who do you know who’s been struggling awhile to reach a goal? Who do you know who is in transition and could use some support? How many of the key phrases above have you used recently? What is your biggest goal? What steps are you currently taking to get there? What steps are you avoiding? Why? What’s holding you back?
Before electric lights and heaters, the long, cold dark of winter practically knit itself into endlessness at winter solstice. People had to face the dark with fear or with faith. Winter holy days began being celebrated to bolster our faith in the darkest part of the year, and celebrate the return of the light. This holiday season, celebrate the return of lightness to your heart!
Fear and faith cannot exist at the same moment because one supplants the other. So which one do you choose on the regular?
Whichever one you have practiced becomes the vibration that comes naturally. One reason people seek a life coach is because they have been living in a vibration of fear for the most part, and are ready to trade that vibration for one that feels better. Worry, doubt, judgement, overwhelm, anxiety, perfectionism, control issues, resentment. All of these stem from fear.
I am NOT saying that there is anything wrong with these feelings. All of them are completely normal for human beings. What I am saying is that when people experience more of these fear-based emotions than faith-based emotions, it feels pretty crummy. Some people decide they WANT to feel better than crummy. Some people get overwhelmed by the slew of negative emotions that keep attracting more fear-based thoughts that bring more icky-feeling emotions.
It is NOT my job (nor my desire) as a coach to tell people that they shouldn’t be having these emotions – quite the contrary! Emotions are our internal guidance system like our GPS and exist to give us a signal. All emotions are valid human experiences. No emotion is “bad.” It is simply a signal. Emotions signal to us how we are thinking. When we think thoughts that do not serve us, and drain our energy – we get a signal in the form of negative emotion. The signal simply says, “you are having thoughts that drain your energy.” What a person chooses to DO with that signal (emotion) is completely up to them.
Some people beat themselves up for experiencing negative emotions because they have gotten the idea somehow that negative emotions are bad, and by extension, they are bad for having them. Nothing could be further from the truth.
You are not your emotions.
If you feel angry about something – NORMAL! If you feel sad about something – NORMAL! As a life coach, I never try to talk anyone out of experiencing an emotion. I’m not asking clients to act happy when they do not feel happy. Coaching is not about ignoring bad-feeling emotions or squashing them down, or sweeping them under the rug, or pretending you don’t have them. Own your emotions! If you feel sad, it’s totally fine (and healthy) to admit it. Say it out loud. “I feel sad.” “I feel angry.” If you are a human being, then it’s understandable that you WILL experience these emotions sometimes.
The emotions that come up for a person are the emotions that come up. We cannot control our emotions. But it is incredibly important to learn how to MANAGE our emotions if we want to exist with other human beings who also have emotions. Again, this does NOT mean denying the emotion or burying it so as not to ruffle someone’s feathers, because THEIR emotions are THEIR job to manage, and NOT your responsibility.
Managing our emotions means that we allow ourselves to feel the emotion, but we don’t allow our emotions to define us or to spill over onto others. For example: Experiencing sadness is completely normal & healthy for humans. Being sad, or becoming sadness, or letting sadness “be” who you are is not normal & healthy. If someone gets to a point where they feel sadness is a defining characteristic of their life, it will be very helpful to explore this with a therapist or counselor.
Letting the emotions spill over onto others is also a sign that the emotion is taking over, and not being managed. In other words feeling angry is a normal part of life. Yelling at others because you feel angry is not. It means the anger is controlling you, and not the other way round. Again, it will be very helpful to explore this with a therapist or counselor.
Now, some people are going to think that it’s OK to yell at someone if they “made me angry.” While it may appear that way on the surface, that’s not really what happened.
When someone says or does something, that something is NOT causing your anger. The “something” is neutral until you assign it meaning. And here’s the really cool thing – you can assign any meaning you want! The way that we assign meaning is by telling ourselves a story about the “something.”
For example: You spot a friend on a busy street and wave. You are sure she saw you but she did not wave back.
What does this mean? Nothing. But usually the mind will create a story to give it meaning. And the type of meaning assigned is going to be based on the kinds of thoughts you think on a regular basis.
If someone tends to have a lot of negative (fear-based) thoughts about others, or (fear-based) thoughts of inadequacy about themselves, the story the mind tells might be something like one of these: “Well she was rude! How dare she ignore me!” “I know she saw me, why didn’t she wave? Maybe she’s not really my friend or maybe she heard about what happened the other day!” “What if she doesn’t like me anymore?” “Well she’s obviously not my friend. I guess I can delete her number.”
If someone tends toward more positive (faith-based) thoughts, the story the mind tells might be something more like one of these: “Wow she must have been really distracted to not even see me here!” “We’ll have a good laugh next time we talk when I tell her I saw her but she didn’t see me!”
Nothing has meaning until the human brain attaches a story to it, so pick your stories wisely so instead of depleting your energy, and leaving you full of fear or worry, they add value to your life & build your faith!
Fear-based thoughts drain energy. Faith-based thoughts boost your energy, or at least don’t diminish your energy. And you get to choose! If you tend toward a habit of fear-based thinking, you may find your energy depleted a LOT.
It takes practice to retrain your brain, but reclaiming your energy is worth the try!
Grow on!
What fear-based thoughts are you entertaining? How do they affect your energy? What faith-based thoughts come easily? What affect do these have on your energy? What will change for you when you shift to more faith-based thinking?
Today I bring you a DIFFERENT type of post. The purpose of my blog is to energize lives and empower readers to seek their own answers, access their true dreams, and overcome anything that gets in the way of making those dreams a reality. Well, if part of your dream is a gorgeous smile through state of the art dental work, the high cost of that dental work might be what’s standing in your way.
Enter Los Algodones, Mexico.
I’ve known about medical tourism for years. The first time I heard about dental tourism was from my massage therapist who went to Los Algodones and had a GREAT experience while saving thousands of dollars last year. I asked him all kinds of questions and he had nothing but praise for his dentists and the entire experience. After several months research, and coordinating air travel, drive time, and arrangements for a CT scan and two separate consultations at different offices, my friend and I headed to Mexico on a simple fact finding mission to see if traveling to Los Algodones could save him some money too.
Our trip fell on November 13 & 14. Coincidentally, on the 14th, this article appeared in the Huffington Post about the Dental Mecca that America’s health care costs built. The subtitle reads, “A tiny border town is home to hundreds of dentists and is a major destination for Americans seeking big savings on dental care.”
I am impressed!
From Oakland we flew to San Diego and got a rental car. Los Algodones is a very easy 2.5 hour drive east on Interstate 8.
We parked in the giant parking lot and made our way through the unmanned turnstile that let us into Mexico. No passport stamp, no guards, no border wall to cross, just a turnstile letting hundreds and thousands of Americans escape the high cost of dental care.
Walking into Los Algodones is akin to walking into Disneyland, but instead of souvenir shops lining Main Street, it’s dentists, opticians and pharmacies. Oh my!
Los Algodones is brightly colored with purple, yellow and green buildings. Color makes me happy and I was enchanted the moment we entered.
If we didn’t have an appointment to make our way toward, it would have been easy to get lost in the sights of Los Algodones, or diverted by the incessant barkers luring pedestrians with promises of low prices and high skill to whichever dentist or pharmacy they were hawking. All of them promise the lowest prices. All of them are quite insistent, and most of them are very convincing as I expect they are paid only if they draw in clientele.
You can walk into Los Algodones without an appointment and get one quite easily, but I have NO idea how you would choose a dentist once you arrive and I was delighted those decisions didn’t need to be made on the spot. We found our first appointment easily and arrived slightly ahead of schedule despite the near impossibility of walking down the street.
It was 87 degrees on the November day we visited Los Algodones, and to walk in the shade, you must pass through the territories of the souvenir traders who are fiercely competing for the attention of the passerby. I say territories because they are not indoor shops. They have racks for clothes right on the walkways in front of and between the medical offices, and hang tarps to minimize the sun. The makeshift shops are full of striking colors and the smell of leather and sweat. T-shirts, hats, belts, dresses, jackets, statuary, jewelry, blankets, pipes and purses all get loaded into a van at the end of the day and carted away. The streets of Molar City pretty much roll up at 5 pm when the dental offices close.
Cinthia greeted us at the reception desk of Reny Dental, and across the course of the next two hours I discovered that Cinthia is highly knowledgeable about dentistry, understands complex surgical practices, and converses flawlessly in her second language of English. The first thing she did was ask a lanky young man in the waiting room to “take us down,” referring to where we needed to go for my friend’s CT scan.
Frankie stood without looking at us, opened the door, and motioned us through without ever looking up from the screen in his palm. We followed lanky Frankie about a block and a half, and into Baja Medical Imaging where he spoke a few words of Spanish to the man at the desk. We sat for two minutes, they called my friend in. He returned two minutes later. Five minutes after that and about five more words of Spanish between the two men as the imaging guy handed Frankie a CT image on a CD, and we were back on the busy street following Frankie back to the dental office.
SIDE NOTE – In 2015 I had a CT scan at Kaiser. My portion with medical insurance cost $2,300. The one in Los Algodones cost $80.
Cinthia translated for the doctor and my friend. He had a very thorough exam and got a detailed plan for each tooth! They talked about options, explained how long the procedures would take and time needed for healing. They work with tourists all the time, so they were able to let us know how many days he would have to be in the area for each step of the process. They explained the types of materials he could choose, and called an oral surgeon to consult on the case.
My friend has been dealing with his dental issues for years now and was satisfied that the consult hit all of the markers he was looking for. There was zero charge for the time they spent with us. The office was clean. The staff was professional & friendly. The exam was thorough. The doctor did not speak English well, but communication was clear and concise. Cinthia is a consummate professional and a great asset to her office. We left with an estimate for his full mouth that was less than they want for his bottom teeth in California.
passport check at border crossing
Getting back into the U.S. took a little over 5 minutes, though the guy who checked my passport looked at me sideways when I reported I had purchased nothing. “What was the purpose of your visit?” he asked rather suspiciously. Dentistry. He handed back my passport and waved me through. We walked back to the parking lot and made the super easy 15 minute drive across the Arizona line into Yuma. I highly recommend La Fuente Inn & Suites if you plan to be in the Yuma area!
Day Two in Mexico – Second Dentist and some Shopping
In the morning we had a 9am appointment at a second dental office for consultation. It was fun and a little confusing to leave Yuma at 9:30 and arrive in Mexico before 9am, but since they are in neighboring time zones, that’s just what happened. As you cross the Arizona line into California, an orderly row of billboards springs up and marches off to the horizon alerting you to the fact that if you need dental, optical, or pharmacy, Los Algodones awaits!
Arriving at the Los Algodones border crossing at 9am is similar to arriving for BART during the morning rush, but the waves of people moving through the turnstile mostly have gray hair. Dental office workers in scrubs arrive alongside flocks of snowbirds and tourists coming in for dental appointments and affordable prescription drugs.
As impressed as my friend and I were with the first office, we were doubly impressed with with the Marquez brothers at Grace Dental Studio & Co. Dr. Diego Marquez is a restorative dentist with a meticulous approach to aesthetics. His brother Dr. Nestor is an oral surgeon and implant dentist.
We found Grace Dental every bit as clean, professional, thorough and friendly as the first one we visited. Dr. Diego spent nearly an hour with us examining my friend’s teeth and discussing his case history. Dr. Nestor wanted some extra time to examine the CT scan we brought with us, so they recommended a place to get some food and asked us to return in an hour.
The few blocks we walked to find Birrieria El Paisa – not to be confused with Mariscos el Paisa, of course – were plastered with colorful offerings, leather goods, dental signs, and loud merchants barking prices at pedestrians. It was somewhat like a carnival atmosphere and I was indeed entertained.
We are huge fans and expert judges in the all manner of street tacos, so after being told they were out of pork, we each ordered one chicken and one beef taco. They were quite tasty and kept hunger at bay until we had reached San Diego again. Service was quick, so we still had time to kill before heading back. My friend needed a new belt, so we decided to procure a few local goods to declare at the passport check that afternoon.
If you enjoy bargaining, you will love shopping in Mexico. I don’t necessarily enjoy bargaining, but I am good at it because I decide in my head how much I am willing to pay before I ask for their price. Then when they give me the first number (and don’t ever pay the first number, unless you are just feeling generous and want to give a little bit back to the people of Los Algodones, because they expect you to haggle over the price) I offer them less than I am willing to pay.
I’m also willing to walk away which almost instantly triggers a price drop as they fear losing the sale to the next seller with the same merchandise. I usually get a pretty good deal when I actually want to make the purchase. We enjoyed the noisy, colorful “shops” and our interactions with the friendly people. Even the dental barkers, once they determined that you were in fact looking for something other than dental services were happy to help translate or give directions.
Once back at Grace dental, Dr. Nestor spent over 30 minutes with us explaining everything he saw in the CT scan, his thoughts on treatment options, pros and cons of those options, best and worst case scenarios, and information about follow-up treatment required to guarantee their work. My friend was more impressed with this consult than the first. He was especially keen that the oral surgeon is on site and that he got to discuss the case with him personally. We did not get the estimate while we were there, but were told they would email it in a day or two. Even without seeing the numbers, my friend is leaning toward having his work done at Grace Dental Studio & Co.
Getting back across the border took slightly longer the second day. As we approached the crossing, I saw a line of people waiting to get back into the U.S. We joined the queue and struck up a conversation with the nice people in front of us. They are from Yuma and come across to Los Algodones once a week to eat lunch.
The line of tourists was a rich target for the locals to hawk their wares one more time before we took our money back into the U.S. A man carrying a large brightly painted statue of a turtle walked the line trying to draw attention for a sale. There was a woman holding an arm of brightly colored carpet bags on her arm asking quietly for $20 each. Two small girls stood alongside with silk flowers, pushing them toward passerby, hoping to garner a sale to help their mother. I didn’t need any silk flowers. I didn’t need a carpet bag either, but there was one that caught my eye with it’s vivid colors and I could not resist one more purchase on my way out of Mexico!
When the passport agent asked me what I was bringing today, I delightedly reported two T-shirts, one dress, a jacket, one leather belt, and one carpet bag. The look on his face lead me to believe that he didn’t want quite that much detail. You just can’t please these guys.
Our return drive to San Diego was fast and easy. We got the best Mexican food of the trip at Oscar’s Mexican Seafood. We were lucky enough to arrive at happy hour and got some of the BEST fried fish tacos we have ever eaten for $1 each! This is an amazing restaurant about a block from Pacific Beach that even offers beach delivery!
We walked down to the water to enjoy an iconic San Diego sunset before gassing up the rental car at Costco, and catching our 90 minute flight back to the Oakland airport. BTW – the most difficult part of the entire travel process was winding our way back to the rental car return from Costco on the streets of San Diego.
So if you need dental work but have been putting it off due to the prohibitive cost, I highly recommend that you do some research on your own and consider the more affordable option on our southern doorstep, Los Algodones, Mexico – Molar City.
The reason I became a coach is to help people live the greatest version of themselves. To that end, I find it crucial to practice joy daily.
I also think it’s vital to keep a tool kit lying around that contains tools that lift my spirits. Whether I start with a low vibe or am already in high spirits, any of the items in my tool kit help to raise my vibe above wherever I started.
Create your own tool box full of quick pick-me-ups to lift your spirit and raise your energy quickly! Here are just a few suggestions from my own tool box that I love. Check them out!
If any of them raise your vibe, stick ’em in YOUR tool kit!
This is so beautiful… feel yourself merge with the beauty of the ocean. 'You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.' – Rumi, 12th Century
Be sure to click the icon in the lower right corner to turn ON the sound!
This is one of my favorite videos. It soothes my soul and I return to it over and over and over again! If you want to see the full screen version, follow this link to Facebook. It’s an amazing meditation, and it’s usually the first thing I reach for when I feel blue.
Of COURSE I feel blue sometimes – I am HUMAN! It’s important to understand that people who focus on positive, prosperous, good-feeling energy don’t walk around in a perpetual state of bliss or nirvana, never experiencing challenges. Humans have challenges because they are part of the growth process.
However, when challenges arise, those of us focussed on a positive mindset don’t feel like we’ve been kicked in the dirt and left without choice. We find our balance faster, and move quickly from focusing on the challenge to creating one or more solutions.
Feng Shui Your Mind Body Spiritis an online course with abundant content that uplifts my soul! I did this course last year, but I return to it over and over again to listen to the uplifting and inspiring recordings FULL of positive energy and fabulous tips to keep you balanced and growing toward your goals!
Jill Lebeau MS, LMFT is an AMAZING In-the-Flow Coach, spiritual psychotherapist, inspirational speaker, and author of the book Feng Shui Your Mind: Four Easy Steps to Rapidly Transform Your Life!
Her partner in the online course Feng Shui Your Mind Body Spirit is Michelle Dwyer MS, CNC, an AWESOME Health Coach & Nutrition Consultant with a Masters in Health and Nutrition.
Both practitioners bring vast wisdom to this course with an extremely approachable playbook full of fun, easy, practical ways to integrate the wisdom into your life! Together their energy blends into a kick-ass, high-vibe resource that I love having in my arsenal of joy!
Besides their beautiful course, I highly recommend working one on one with both of these extraordinary women.
Click their name above to follow the links for more info.
I adore Tosha Silver’s books!
I took this picture of her at the Book Passage when I heard her speak there last April when she released her newest book that I HIGHLY recommend to everyone, It’s Not Your Money.
It’s about releasing financial worry by surrendering finances to the Divine.
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It is my mission with this blog to help raise the consciousness of the planet one person at a time. I share stories from my own life, and answer questions I frequently get from my clients. I hope to help the reader realize they are not alone on this awesome journey. We are all on the same journey. We are all One.
From uncovering the life of your dreams by Bruce Schneider:
My purpose in life is not to teach, preach, or convince anyone of anything, but instead to empower others to seek their own answers, access their true dreams, and overcome anything that gets in the way of making those dreams a reality.
Awareness is a powerful weapon against the inner critic.
I hope that since my previous post you have had an opportunity to observe the critic, to become aware of when it’s speaking to you and what sorts of situations trigger it.
Did you observe how gremlin thoughts start to lose power the minute you shine your awareness on them? Awareness by itself is actually all you need to overcome some of the smallest gremlins. They scatter like cockroaches when the light of awareness touches them. However, for some gremlins that have been around a very long time with messages we have taken on as beliefs, we need awareness first along with some other tools to help free us from the stranglehold they place on our energy.
Get to know your personal gremlin.
Visualizing or creating a physical representation of the inner critic is a great tool to use to understand that the gremlin is separate from us, and that the messages of the gremlin are NOT our inner voice, but actually come from outside of ourselves.
I first visualized my gremlins as cockroaches because I enjoy thinking about them scattering when I shine my light of awareness on them. When I took a class aimed at overcoming the programming of the inner critic, we were assigned the task of creating a physical representation of the gremlin. My first idea was to photoshop the face of a person yelling at me onto a cockroach.
The idea made me smile, but I really wanted something I could punch if I wanted to, so I bought a puppet from Paisley’s Puppets in Oakland, and gave her a hat to wear.
This is my own personal gremlin, Kalista Kockroach Krabapple III.
I keep Kalista where I can see her daily to remind me that I am not the voices in my head.
Create your own gremlin if the idea resonates for you! I know for some clients, the idea of thinking about the inner critic as a “gremlin” does NOT resonate. If that’s the case for you, that’s cool. Try calling it inner critic or ego, or Ralph, or cluttered mind, or anything that helps you think of it as “not you” because those messages are NOT you, and we want to begin to set it apart from the self.
Physical Signals
Once I realized that these messages were not my own, it dawned on me that the reason I felt so shitty when thinking inner critic thoughts is because they are NOT true. When things resonate, they feel good physically and lift our energy! Truth resonates.
Resonate means ‘to produce resonance.’ Resonance is defined as ‘the quality of being deep, full, and reverberating,’ or ‘the ability to evoke or suggest images, memories, and emotions.’ Truth does this. Capital T.
A thought that is not true, on the other hand, does the opposite of resonate. It makes us physically recoil. That little knot in the pit of your gut, or under your solar plexus is your physical being recoiling from something that your core essence KNOWS is not true. This physical recoil takes place for the same reason our hand would recoil from a flame: to avoid pain. That physical signal is a communication from the Highest Self to avoid that thought that feels so icky.
Let that soak in. The physical sensation you get when you think a thought that feels crappy is a signal to BACK THE FUCK AWAY from that thought. “That thought will cause you pain.” “Don’t go there.” That’s your gut instinct screaming to get your attention.
How does this resonate for you? Don’t take my word for this stuff, check in with your gut. When you read the information above, did it resonate? Make you recoil?
Tell your gremlin to fuck off!
Once I learned that the inner critic was NOT me, and I learned to identify that physical sensation that told me the gremlin was lying to me again, I wanted those cockroaches OUT of my head! When I would hear the nasty little bastards starting in, I visualized myself flicking them away like the tiny vermin they are.
Once when I turned to a friend with an issue I thought was a struggle, she gave me some really solid advice. Her email contained wisdom, reassurance, validation, and these beautiful seven words:
Flicking them away and telling them to fuck off allowed me to reclaim my own power. For me, as well as many other people, this is a vitally important step. When I was in coaching school, we talked a LOT about the inner critic because gremlin messages are one of the biggest issues people bring to coaching.
That’s where I learned that telling the inner critic to fuck off is a great first step, but is not usually enough to exterminate the cockroaches. For that, we need to understand the message and it’s original purpose, because their purpose was never to get us to live small and stay scared. That was the outcome of their message once it outlived it’s usefulness.
Understand it’s true purpose.
The true purpose of the cluttered thoughts, gremlin messages, inner critic voice is sometimes to protect us from perceived harm.
For instance: If your father backhanded you so hard you flew across the room when you voiced an opinion that didn’t agree with his, you may have developed a message that said, “Never speak your truth – it causes pain,” or, “Never disagree with those in authority,” or, “Your ideas are NOT valid,” or, “No one wants to hear your thoughts,” or any number of other ideas that may have kept you safe in that particular situation, but are now standing in the way of you experiencing your life to the fullest.
Some messages are meant to control us. For instance: Maybe an ex-spouse told you repeatedly that you are unloveable, and followed that up with actions that seemed to prove the point. That message actually says far more about the ex than about you, but if self-esteem is low enough, or if you have been practicing thoughts about being unworthy, you may buy this message wholesale. Then when the marriage ends, the gremlins tell us that no one will ever love us. And it’s possible, that the gremlins are trying to protect us again! They are trying to keep us out of situations that might hurt.
If any of this resonates for you, you are NOT alone!
Are you getting a slight knot in your solar plexus, or a slight feeling of nausea? Remember, that feeling of physical recoil means those thoughts are NOT true!
The important thing here is to understand that these messages came from outside of self. They were intended to keep you safe, or were the agenda of outside forces. WHERE they came from is NOT important! You may immediately recognize where some of your inner critic messages come from, but please don’t waste time trying to figure out where or when or why your messages came to you.
Simply recognize that where you are now, those messages no longer serve a purpose, so it’s safe to start leaving them behind and embrace Truth of your awesomeness. The faster you do, the better you feel!
Train the inner critic for a NEW job!
So, you have this really powerful voice inside your head that you’ve been listening to for a while now, and it seems like the voice is trying to help you on some level, even though it’s messages are constantly draining your energy. How do we stop the ebb of energy into negative thought patterns and redirect it into building new, more positive thought pathways?
You’re probably getting good at being aware of your personal inner critic messages by now. Maybe you’ve even visualized your gremlin and know it’s name. So now it’s time to begin retraining the gremlin. It wants to help, so let’s give it something helpful to do!
Retrain that inner critic to repeat messages that build your energy and give you motivation.
When I first went to coaching school, my gremlin ROARED that everyone in class was more educated than me, better coaches than me, and that I had nothing to offer. “Keep quiet so they won’t know how much you DON’T know!”
Like I said, we did a LOT of coaching on gremlins at iPEC, and I discovered that almost everyone in class had gremlins as loud and as mean as mine were! All of us had some version of the same message: “You are not enough.” It was a revelation to understand that I was not alone. We are all exactly the same in our own unique ways!
So I began to picture Kalista in a little cheerleading uniform. I mentally had her turn her dunce cap into a bull horn, and every time one of the old thoughts popped in to say, “you are not smart enough,” I pictured Kalista shouting it down with rallying cries of, “Cyndi is a ROCKSTAR coach and an awesome person with valuable insights to offer the other coaches in this class!” Complete with pompoms.
Grow on!
How would you like to reimagine your inner critic? What messages would you enjoy hearing? What messages are inspiring for you ? What messages will motivate you to move closer to your goal? What will change in your life once you change the voices in your head? What inner critic message seems LOUDEST in your head? How would you like to re-write that one?
What questions do you still have about taming that inner critic? Ask your questions in the comments below this post!
Read Rick Carson’s Book!
If you want to learn more about taming gremlins, follow this link to order Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson. It’s the preeminent work on gremlin taming and a very useful book full of inspired illustrations. He also has a Facebook page you can access here.
For over 400 positive affirmations and uplifting reminders on my landscape photography, follow this link.
Before my short trip to Hawaii last month, I prepped TWO blog posts to post while I was away! All I needed to do was add a couple of photos of island fruits, and I was ALL set! Go me!! My intention was to keep the blog rolling smoothly without a pause while we were away and it worked GREAT!
Until we got home again and you guys haven’t heard a WORD from me since.
What happened?
While I was in Hawaii I realized I had lost my way.
My life was completely OUT of balance. I love all three of my careers and I pour my heart and soul into running my businesses. I was allowing ALL of my time to be absorbed into working with clients, building my businesses, coaching classes & certifications, advertising & marketing, scheduling, bookkeeping & other administrative tasks. My whole world was skewed toward career and my whole schedule skewed toward finances.
Considering how much passion I have for coaching and for massage therapy and for landscape photography, it’s no wonder that I allow it to consume me! I even enjoy marketing and writing advertising copy, so it’s easy to see why I would let it absorb all of my waking hours!
The intentions I set for Hawaii were to 1) stay hydrated, and 2) ZERO hours committed to business activities. ~I made a big exception for coaching calls, which I am THRILLED to add into my travel schedule BECAUSE building a coaching practice that allows me to travel while working is one of my BIG goals!
The amount of free time was almost overwhelming and gave me a deeply needed rest for my body, mind and spirit. It also gave me lots of time to reflect, and I realized how out of balance my life had become.
Yes, I love my work. I am good at it, and passionate about it, but woman cannot live on work alone! I was neglecting every other area of my life. My relationships, my spiritual connection, my self-care, and fun had somehow all been erased from my schedule in favor of serving my clients and my financial needs.
I had been so focussed on my clients’ health and well-being that I allowed myself to lose track of my own. The realization hit me like a freight train and stopped me in my tracks. How positively human of me!
Since we returned from Kona I have spent every spare minute carefully restructuring my schedule to prioritize things quite differently.
YES! I still want hours each week to focus on building my business, handling administrative tasks, and furthering my coaching education, and I need more hours to market my coaching practice – something I never needed with the massage practice. All of these things are vitally important, but so are self-care and fun. I tell my clients this every day, so I am taking my own advice.
My new schedule includes time every day – 7 days a week – for moving my body, connecting to Source energy, reading something that inspires me, and writing. These things are non-negotiable, like showing up for work.
After that, whatever I have listed in my schedule gets handled with more ease and joy!
What is it that you long to fit into your schedule? Why is it important to you? What would happen to your to-do list if you simply allowed it space? How will you feel while doing it? How will you integrate it? All at once? Little by little?
There are no right or wrong answers here. I’m just curious.
I am honored to work with amazing, powerful women. My clients are shining examples every day that self doubt can be banished, confidence can be increased, dreams can be manifested.
It doesn’t happen overnight or at the wave of a magic wand. It’s a process. As we awaken to Universal Truth, we understand that we want to grow personally and spiritually. We set goals and intentions for that growth, and we move in that general direction.
Sometimes we “forget our healthy intentions” and sort of fall back asleep, or lose consciousness again, and go back to habitual patterns without even recognizing what we’re doing. Then something comes along and reminds us of Truth, and we begin moving in the general direction of our new goals once again.
So we awaken and grow toward the light, then fall asleep a bit and forget, then we awaken and grow, and the cycle repeats.
The important thing to remember is that this is a normal cycle.
If you get to the part where you awaken, and you realize that you have fallen asleep on your healthy intentions, accept that as a normal part of the process, and as quickly as you can, begin moving back toward your goals.
The piece that trips most of us up is that when we realize we fell asleep, we waste precious energy in one of two ways:
1) we beat ourselves up for being at this normal part of the cycle and judge ourselves ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ for ‘forgetting’ our own healthy intentions.
2) we stop to wonder what went wrong, why we ALWAYS do this (old behavior) instead of sticking to the healthy intention, we feel confused by our own behavior and unsure how to move forward, since it’s “just going to happen again…”
KEY Ingredient: When we wake up, we can choose to SKIP both of those options and simply course correct our behavior back in line with our goals.
I had this conversation with two coaching clients and one massage client over the weekend, so if you recognize yourself in this scenario, you are not alone! This was something that used to trip me up ALL the time! I have always been on a path of self-improvement, and I am slowly but steadily making progress along my path. But it was only after YEARS of beating myself up for being too something or not enough something else that I finally learned that if I SKIPPED that part, I felt more confident and light hearted as I refocus on the goal, which means I instantly have more energy than if I drain myself unnecessarily.
One of the reasons I became a coach was to empower women to release the toxic shame and guilt and ‘not-enoughness’ with which our culture wants us to identify. There is no shame in being human. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in this process. Why? Because You – eternal You – chose these lessons carefully before you came into this life. To learn the lessons, we must awaken to Universal Truth. And that is a process. You are precisely where you meant to be. Why are you meant to be here? That is for you to awaken to discover. Open your eyes and look around. What gifts can you find in each moment? What personal growth can you glean from each opportunity (challenge)?
You can expect to fall asleep again from time to time.
One of my clients asked me HOW to lengthen the space of time when we are awake and consciously choosing. GREAT question!
You focus on raising your vibration. You engage in activities that excite and delight you (and your inner child!). You listen to speakers who have a powerful grasp of confidence and connecting to your own inner power. You hang out with friends that raise your vibe and your consciousness. You read books that remind you of your true value, your inherent power, your innate GREATNESS, and your unlimited potential.
You begin to absorb those vibes like a sponge until you are saturated with worthiness!
Do something every day to stay connected to that vibe of energized thriving through consciously choosing well-being, and going with the flow of abundance!
Here are a list of just a few of my favorite authors/books to empower your life and inspire your vibration!
Why the FUCK does our culture teach women to loathe themselves?
Pardon my sailor mouth, but shining the light on our own Divine worthiness is one of the main reasons I became a coach and I am quite passionate that every woman learn her own intrinsic value!
If we loathe ourselves, it’s easier for the patriarchy to control us. Who will stand up and say, “We deserve better treatment,” when we believe we deserve nothing? When we believe we are unworthy, or less worthy than those around us, we are easy to control, and push around.
When people realize their value, we are more likely to stand up for ourselves, demand equal pay, point out unfair treatment, and refuse to tolerate discrimination.
I wish I had a dime for every friend and client who chooses self-loathing over self-love, or caring for others over self-care!
Nine times out of ten the thing keeping my client from reaching their goals is a lack of self-acceptance and self-care. I see it every day and I strive, to help other women realize that they deserve as much love and care as they give to everyone else! Self-love is what saved me from depression and inaction. Self-acceptance came only after I offered myself the love I was giving everyone else, and remembered my own essential value.
Those we love are no more valuable or more worthy than self.
The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, is ONLY as deserving of love and abundance as you are.
The person you adore and will do ANYTHING for, no matter what, COULD BE YOU, if you allow it to be.
What in your world will shift when you shift your thinking around self-worth?
What will you be capable of when you accept how capable you are?
How will others see you if you choose to see yourself as a valuable human who deserves love, praise, abundance, health, wealth, support, and acceptance from yourself and the world at large?
What part of you is talking when you think that you don’t deserve all that and more?
Why do you feel so disconnected when you label yourself unworthy or less worthy than others?
Normally as a coach, I don’t answer the questions I pose, but I will answer that last one.
The human spirit is literally a piece of Divine grace instilled into us on our very first breath; a piece of God, if you will. Through this grace, we are eternally connected to Source, or God energy. This connection is where our power comes from – Source energy (the very same energy that created the Universe and stars)!
When we think thoughts that Source knows are not true, we feel disconnected or separated from that power. (We are never truly disconnected but it feels like we’re being pulled apart.) Pulling ourselves away from the viewpoint, or vibration of Source is what feels so WRONG, depresses our energy, and decreases our power. In fact, consistently choosing thoughts that do not align with Source makes us feel powerless.
Aligning ourselves with the viewpoint of Source allows us to feel powerful, connected, tuned-in, tapped-in, turned-on, and unstoppable!
From the viewpoint of Source, you are God. You are an infinite being without limitations, worthy of all the abundant health, wealth and love that is available in the Universe! You are Divine, and perfect in your imperfection. You are not broken. you do not need fixing. There is nothing wrong with you or where you are! — If you are thinking “of COURSE there is something wrong with me,” – How does that thought feel? Does it twist your tummy into a knot? That’s a sure sign that you are thinking thoughts that Source knows are NOT true, so the thought literally pulls your energy apart.
All we need to do to feel love and acceptance is love and accept ourselves!
photo by Dani Navarro
Give yourself some grace!
Don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself! Take a minute or ten every day to try on some self love!
Be gracious and allow yourself to believe that you are as worthy as your children, your partner, your boss, your mentor. Practice affirming out loud how worthy and deserving you are. If you are afraid others will judge you for loving yourself, practice out of their view, when you are home alone with your dog. (Dog loves as unconditionally as God!)
Do something special for yourself. Buy yourself a present you wish someone else would buy for you! Plan a mini vacation to recharge your own batteries. What is something you used to be passionate about but you no longer “have the time to do”? Do that! Schedule some time to do things you love to do! Create art. Take a music class, a cooking class, a nutrition class, or a dance class! Whatever inspires you or lifts your energy. Do THAT for no reason other than it inspires you and lifts your energy!
How does that feel?
It might feel uncomfortable at first as most new behaviors will, but under that, how do you feel? Valued? Honored? Accepted? Connected? Worthy?
Practice your worth. Value yourself. Allow yourself to FEEL those feelings of love and worthiness. If it doesn’t feel natural, remind yourself that this is new, and will take some time to get used to.
Here are some more thoughts to move your vibration toward self-love, self-care, and radical self-acceptance.
Make your own sunshine!
Download the images with sayings that resonate and practice saying them aloud. Make them part of your vibration and part of the practice that brings you into alignment with the Universal Truth that you are valuable and worthy, simply by being.
I find it incredibly helpful to remember that what another person says or does, or how another person reacts to what I do or say, has NOTHING to do with me.
Equally, how I receive what another person says or does, has NOTHING to do with them, and has only to do with what’s going on for me.
If I show up for work all shiny, doing my part 110%, happily going about my work, considering the feelings, needs and input of my employees and co-workers, and doing a bang-up job, then someone responds to my cheerful tone in a harsh way, I have 2 choices.
1- I take it personally: I feel bad that someone disapproves of me. Or possibly disapproves of the way I am doing my job, or doesn’t like something I have done. Maybe they do not appreciate what I am about, or hear what I am trying to say. My feelings are hurt and I feel disrespected. My energy drains out of my soul, depleting me and taking with it any chance I have of staying motivated toward my own self care. I mean REALLY: why bother?
Or:
2- I don’t take it personally: I understand that whatever is going on for them has nothing to do with me, so my mood is my own, and not tossed about by the moods around me, or the mood of the world at large. I can remain cheerful and confident, and retain the full use of my energy, so it’s available to use for whatever I choose.
Each and every time, the choice is mine.
Empowering myself means making the choice for myself. Letting others choose for me drains my energy and disempowers me.
