Have you ever told your best friend that she looked fat in her outfit, or that she needs to drop a few pounds? Have you ever looked your best friend in the eye and told her she should be ashamed of her body or her weight? No?
Then why the fuck would you do it to You?
Have you ever looked at an infant with her chubby knees and thought, “I just can’t love someone with all that fat!” I seriously doubt it.
So why do we withhold love from ourselves, or shame ourselves for fat on our body? Why would we hold ourselves to a higher standard of perfection? How possible is it to love ourself the way we love our friends?
Hate does not help. Hate does not motivate. Hate does not inspire.
If we perceive that someone does not like us, we often feel wounded, or hurt. It is no less painful when the disapproval comes from self! Disapproval of self can damage the psyche, delay healing, and derail our goals.
We cannot hate ourselves into loving our body, and as a wise client recently reminded me, we cannot heal what we hate. If we live in a home we hate, how much effort will we put into repairing it? Same goes for our body! If we have a body transformation goal, how much effort are we willing to put in if we constantly tell ourselves the body is unlovable as it is, and needs to be fixed?
Next time you look at yourself appraisingly, give yourself as much love and support as you would give your best friend! Next time you get a little off track with your plan, or goals, try gently encouraging yourself back on track rather than belittling or berating yourself for a perfectly normal human moment.
Perfection is a damaging illusion, a standard to which we rarely hold others, yet frequently try to hold ourselves. Our body transformation goals cannot manifest when we are under attack.
What will it take to treat you like your own best friend?
Practice looking in the mirror and telling that beautiful human how MUCH you love them. This is challenging for many people, so don’t give up. Persist with the practice of telling you that you love you, more often than you tell yourself negative messages.
Next time you catch yourself saying something mean to self, pretend you caught yourself saying it to your friend, or your child. What would you do? I might hug them and apologize and promise to be more intentional as often as possible moving forward.
Make a list of everything that you appreciate about your body! Our body is a miracle that we often take for granted. We can be so grateful for our lungs that breathe without any effort, a heart that beats for our lifetime, and so much more! We cannot focus appreciation and disgust onto the same object at the same time, so keeping this list handy can help when we are feeling frustrated with our body in some way.