Who do you admire? Think about the people you know, mentors or teachers you have had in your life, spiritual gurus, political activists, saints, public figures, writers, whoever it is that you admire right now. Make a list of at least 5 people.
Make a list of the traits/characteristics you admire about them.
Some characteristics I admire in the people I listed: Confidence Connection Spiritual Strong Faith Walking her Talk Energetic Smart Helpful Teacher Intuitive Joyful Exuberant Supportive Independent Creative Frequently In Tune with Source Understanding Energy Uplifter Wayshower Lightbringer Growing Mentor Compassionate Self-compassionate Honest Professional Trustworthy Reliable
Guess what!
You cannot see anything in another person unless it also exists in you! Own it! Everything you wrote on the list of what you admire in these people, already exists within you!
And Guess what!
You know all those traits that BUG the crap outta you in other people? Yep. We have to own those too.
The world is a mirror. It reflects to us what we embody.
Grow on!
When you find yourself annoyed with someone’s behavior, ask yourself: When have I behaved that way? Is this a behavior/characteristic that I want to embody? Moving forward, how will I choose to respond in similar situations?
I highly encourage my clients to make that list of people they admire and the qualities they find admirable in them. Take the time to own those qualities! Make the list and keep it handy.
When you feel less than confident, or feel self-doubt creeping in, take it out and look in the mirror.
If you find that you “beat yourself up” for what you see in the mirror, you are not alone! This is something I help my clients with all the time. Sometimes it’s hard to own what we see in our reflection. If this sounds like you, and you’d like some help sorting it out, coaching might be right for you! Contact me at cyndicombs@gmail.com and we’ll schedule a phone chat to see if I can help.
I have known for a few days now that I need/want to further delay the opening of my massage practice, but I would not give myself permission to announce it as fact. Why?
I don’t want to disappoint my clients.
Last week I booked July 5 to 19 solid because the COVID numbers were moving in the right direction, and the state of California seemed to have a handle on the reopening process. Then we started seeing numbers come in from other states as they reopened, and it’s NOT looking promising anywhere that I can see.
NOTHING but health and safety need be considered when deliberating reopening my massage office, but MY tortured brain is still insisting that announcing my decision will “disappoint my clients.” WTF?
I was beating myself up for so many things in this scenario!
I shouldn’t have trusted the optimistic appraisal of California’s re-opening roadmap. I shouldn’t have scheduled my clients so soon (fucking optimism). I should have waited. Why didn’t I wait? And my personal favorite ~ I should have known better! Really? Even though this is NEW and NO ONE in the world knows what to expect, I was holding myself to the standard that I – Cyndi Combs – SHOULD have fucking known what the rest of the world did not!
I know my massage clients really well. Most of them have been seeing me for years, and not one of them is the kind of person to hold this against me. Every one of them wants me safe, and wants to stay healthy and protect the health of their family. But I got out my emotional baseball bat and turned it ruthlessly on myself.
Mostly I just couldn’t figure out why the decision was DRAINING me so much. Thinking about it left me deflated and unmotivated, and the self-flagellation was so FAR under my radar (read: practiced enough to be on auto-pilot) that I didn’t even SEE it. But I sure as hell FELT it in my bones.
Thank the Universe I have a coach! Thank God I have developed the habit of journaling when things feel “off” to try to make sense of them. Thank Goddess I took this realization of constant, systemic self-flagellation to both my coach and my journal!
YES! Even though my current income is less than half what it was just three months ago, I make room in my budget to pay a certified, professional coach, and she is worth every penny.
When I took a long, curious look at my behavior, the following observations occurred.
I understand now that my own harsh self-judgment is my biggest roadblock, and a constant drain on my energy. When I beat myself up, it is the anchor that keeps me from moving forward into my goals!
For example: if I eat off plan, and then beat myself up for eating off plan, I am far more likely to eat off plan AGAIN to soothe my hard feelings. But if I eat off plan and then get curious about why I didn’t stick to my healthy intentions, look at my thoughts and process my emotions, I am far less likely to fall off the plan again!
The thing holding me back more than anything else is my own judgment of my behavior. Beating myself up has been holding me back. Beating myself up keeps me from accomplishing my goals. Beating myself up comes REALLY easily to me. I’ve practiced it repeatedly for decades, so it’s as natural as breathing and occurs with the same regularity.
I’ve been beating myself up for being human. I’ve eviscerated myself for making mistakes, or not getting ideal results on my first attempt. I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things I thought I “should” do because other people expected me to do them. I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things as well as someone who’s been doing them for decades longer than I have. I have beat myself up for “disappointing” my clients because I was too sick or injured to work. I have beat myself up for having emotions that I judged to be negative. I beat myself up for judging myself. I beat myself up because I should have known better. I beat myself up because I should have been farther along by now. I beat myself up because I said or did something that I judged ‘stupid’ and felt embarrassed.
I beat myself up for not getting enough done in a day! I am the sole employee at THREE business that I run by myself. I am super-productive, highly efficient, and an organizationally GIFTED, super-human achiever by most standards, and I still would beat the crap out of myself for not getting ALL of it done.
Fuck! No wonder I’m exhausted.
All of these things are normal human experiences. But I have been using them against myself. I have been using them to drain my own energy. The biggest drain on my energy is the enemy within me. And I am done.
I am done beating myself up. From this moment forward, I beat myself up for NOTHING and no one. I will not judge myself harshly. I will allow myself human moments including the full range of this amazing Human Experience.
My self-judgement gremlin has been saying, “Cyndi, you can’t handle this.”
And for years now I have believed her, and beat myself up because I didn’t like the emotions I was feeling, or felt I couldn’t handle a situation because it didn’t turn out exactly as I wanted.
Moving Forward
In order to cultivate awareness of self judgement, I will ask:
What’s going on here? Why am I being harsh with me? How helpful is that? Where did that come from? Why am I telling myself this story?
I intend from this moment forward to be compassionate with myself and when I fall short of that intention, I can give myself some grace instead of picking up the emotional baseball bat and wielding it against myself!
You can’t kill gremlins.
‘Gremlins’ is a term used in coaching to describe the voices in your head that say things like, “You can’t handle this.” “You’re not good enough.” “You suck.” “Why bother?” “It’s too late.” “Everyone except YOU has their shit together.”
I’ve learned a few things working through my own gremlins, and guiding clients to work with their gremlins. Gremlins arise to protect us and they don’t like to be left behind. If they fear they will be left behind, they grow louder and cause a great deal of discomfort. The way to ease their fear is to assure them they are not being left behind, and that we will give them an important role to fill in our lives. I usually do this by writing them a letter, thanking them for protecting me, and offering them a key role in my psyche moving forward. Here’s what I wrote to this harsh, punishing voice in my head.
My Darling Self-Judgment Gremlin, I would be honored if you would accept the role of discernment decider! Discernment is crucial to human survival, because all of our choices are based on preferences. When I can discern what I do not want, then I can more clearly discern what I do want. Without you my darling discernment decider, I would feel confused and without direction. You get to help me decide where we steer our ship, which star we follow, and what flavor ice cream we eat on the way! Don’t forget your fucking cheerleading skirt!
Much love, Cyndi
Grow on!
What gremlin messages play on repeat in your head? How true is that? What is it trying to protect you from? How much pain is the message causing you? How helpful is that? Why does this story keep running on repeat? What is it costing to listen to constant negative messaging? How willing are you to let it go now?
If this resonates for you and you would like to create a roadmap from self-shaming to self-respect, I offer two FREE coaching sessions to help you shift directions. WHY free? Why not charge for the sessions since I have no massage income?
Because many people don’t understand the value of coaching. And if finances are currently adversely affected by the pandemic, most won’t be willing to invest in something if they can’t comprehend its value. Most people immediately see the value after two sessions, and then invest in my services, so the free sessions are a win-win. Even if the client does NOT invest in my services, it’s a win-win! I get to practice coaching about which I am passionate and inspired, and they gain insight into themselves and acquire tools that will serve them for as long as they choose to use them!
Does self-care seem indulgent or selfish right now?
Do you feel like you can’t take a break, ask yourself what you need, and then give that to yourself? Does thinking of your own needs NOW make you a bad person? No! No it does not.
Most of us are feeling rage, or fear, or sadness, or shock or all of the above about the events happening in our world. These emotions are catabolic and drain our energy. They increase our stress levels, release cortisol that depletes our adrenals, and exhaust our physical apparatus. How much good can we do if we show up to protest feeling hungry, tired, or overwhelmed?
Self-care is NOT indulgent. Self care is CRUCIAL if you expect to help, uplift, or protect anyone – especially yourself!
The world NEEDS all of it’s warrior spirits right now!
The time is here to stand up for what you believe in – which is altogether DIFFERENT than pushing against what you do not want – and you cannot stand for something if you are too exhausted to stand!
PLEASE do whatever you feel called to do, whatever you feel capable of doing to support our brothers and sisters of color, but please remember to take care of you first. You will be a far more effective ally if your energy is fully engaged.
You are as deserving of love and care as the people you want to support and uplift. And you will be a far more effective advocate for change if you feel positive and powerful instead of drug-out or depleted.
▪ Learn to say “no.” ▪ Develop a relaxing evening ritual. ▪ Allow yourself to feel and express all of your emotions ▪ Bring you into the present moment. ▪ Create art as a form of anxiety and/or stress release. ▪ Remind yourself of the good stuff in life by writing a gratitude list. ▪ Stop being your harshest critic. Allow yourself to make mistakes. ▪ Do some stretching exercises. ▪ Take a walk. ▪ Drink more water. ▪ Go out and spend 10 minutes under the sun. ▪ Go for a bike ride to nowhere in particular. ▪ Spend time in nature. ▪ Go to bed early. ▪ Avoid toxic people. ▪ Ask for help. Let people know you need some help. ▪ Call a trusted friend or family member and talk things out. ▪ Schedule a date night with yourself. ▪ Limit the time you spend on news/social media. ▪ Make time for meditation. ▪ Do a body scan, and check in with each part of your body. ▪ Do something nice for someone in secret. ▪ Donate money to a charity of your choosing. ▪ Spend time intentionally raising your vibration.
Pick ones that appeal to you. Support & strengthen yourself first. Then get out there and do whatever your spirit is being called to do!
I am offering two free coaching sessions to anyone wanting coaching right now! Coaching is what I am good at, and it’s what I can do to help after I recharge my own batteries! Please email me if you would like some help being at your best during challenging times!
Has shoulding yourself into action EVER been effective?
Honestly? Most people find that feeling we “should” do something drains our energy, so it’s demotivating rather than motivating. Should-dos and must-dos weigh heavily on the shoulders and mind.
Should is “could” with shame attached, and shame is the very lowest vibration. No wonder “should” is so heavy!
Could means we are at choice. We could do something if we chose to do it. It’s a choice, an option, completely voluntary. Should suggests that we are somehow less-than if we choose not to do whatever we are shoulding ourselves to do.
When we have choices, we feel more empowered!
Should means we don’t have a choice, and nothing makes us feel more powerless. Simply shifting our thought from, “I should wash the dishes,” to “I want to wash the dishes so the kitchen will be tidy,” can be immensely energizing.
I’m not talking rainbows and lollypops. I’m talking about creating new thought pathways that cause less stress in our lives. Less stress means less cortisol and less disease, so it’s worth the effort! And finding ways to reframe your thoughts can be fun, and creative.
Grow on!
Catching your ‘shoulds’ is the first step. Listen for them when you speak and think. When you catch yourself, stop and ask:
Why do I believe I should? What is the worst that will happen if I don’t? Can I live with that? How can I reframe it so that I am choosing to do this? What’s the most positive aspect about choosing to do this? How can I make this fun?
having trouble reframing a ‘should’ statement? drop it in the comments and I’ll help you brainstorm some ideas, so you can take back your power!
I have been receiving massage on a regular basis for the last decade and a half. Once a week I give my body a break from EVERYTHING. I put myself face down on some lucky therapist’s table and I just release every bit of tension I can release. It’s like a rebirth for my energy. Blood, oxygen, and chi all begin to flow where they may have been stuck.
I learned a long time ago that not only do I release the tension my muscles are holding during massage, but my muscles remember how to release, so they actually accumulate less stress between massages.
But here in pandemic world, LOTS of perceived stress to go around and NO massages! So what can we do to release stress?
Give yourself a fucking break!
Often we are so busy that massage time is the ONLY time we allow ourselves to relax. Maybe you look forward to some down time during your regular pedicure. I remember being so busy when my kids were little, that I looked forward to doctors appointments because I usually got a solid 10 or 15 minutes in the wait room where I could just sit!
If you can’t schedule a massage, a pedi, or spend 15 minutes just waiting in a doctor’s office, when are you scheduling rest breaks? Most of us just aren’t!
It’s like we think we have to “do” something on order to relax. What if we just relaxed? What if when we’re tired, we just lay down and take a nap?
Does going with the flow seem too radical?
Write a rest break right into your schedule.
It’s as important if not MORE important than anything else on your schedule.
I KNOW! You’re working from home, learning new tech, teaching your kids, walking the dog, and trying not to lose your mind. But if we were NOT sheltering at home and socially distancing, you would schedule that massage or that pedi, or that yoga class, right?
Set that hour aside for rest!
Pencil it right in where the massage or the pedi would go. Let anyone you live with know that you have an appointment to keep and then use that time to be quiet. Close your eyes and just rest. In bed is fine, or on a yoga mat. Put a bolster or pillow under your knees, and a slightly rolled towel under head and neck to support your relaxation.
Savasana is the “corpse pose” done at the end of a yoga class.
Make yourself as comfy as possible and just let it all go! Let go of the “have too” and the “must-dos” and all the rest of it, and just relax for 30 minutes.
If it’s possible to fall asleep, and you need to be up and doing something in the next segment of your day, set an alarm on your phone. Choose one that’s gentle, like birds chirping so it doesn’t jar you from the resting place, but rather invites you to open your eyes.
Humans rarely allow themselves time to become fully rested and most of us are often deprived of the right amount of sleep. But rest is essential to body, mind and spirit!
If you are hearing stories in your head that tell you that you don’t have time to rest, or you don’t deserve adequate relaxation, or self-care, coaching might be able to help!
In the most basic of terms, what I do as an energy coach is help clients remember how to release worry, anxiety, self-doubt, low energy and overwhelm.
If you or anyone you know is interested in uncovering what’s holding you back, and moving beyond where you’ve been able to grow before, please contact me at cyndicombs@gmail.com to set up a free phone session to see if coaching is right for you.
Bear with me! I realize how askew that sounds, so let me be clear.
I believe whole heartedly that everything has a purpose. Not just the stuff I like. Not just the positive experiences. Everything.
Since this is True, even Trump has a purpose, but if anyone is thinking his purpose is to course-correct the country, I would have to challenge that assumption. The current resident of the White House has proven he has neither the capability, nor the interest in doing so.
In my opinion, his role is to shine awareness on how broken our systems are, and I have to hand it to him for doing a bang up job in that department! The political system, the education system, the health care system, the financial system are all collapsing under the weight of this pandemic. (So much winning.)
So who plays the role that fixes this fucking mess?
Anyone who genuinely cares. (See why it can’t be trump?)
It’s our role to accept what is, and use the assets available to us to overcome limitations and consciously choose a better path forward, together.
It’s up to you and me to do what we can, where we can to improve what we can and help each other through this crisis.
It’s up to us to create new systems that support well being and quality of life for everyone.
It’s up to us to dream up systems where those who wield power do so for the highest good of all involved.
It’s up to us to imagine ways to make the world a better place to live for our children than it has ever been before.
DON’T ask yourself to solve what seem like the most enormous issues (unless you are one of the researchers who already has momentum in that arena). If we ask “Why is this happening to us?” or “Who can we blame?” we get very different answers than if we ask, “What can we learn from this?” or “How can we use this knowledge to grow forward?”
If we ask questions like these we feel powerless: How long will this last? Where will the answer come from? Who will die? Why doesn’t EVERYONE take this seriously? Why didn’t they tell us sooner? Why weren’t we prepared?
Ask yourself questions you already have answers for!
What emotions am I experiencing? What can I do today for my health? What helps me feel more connected while socially distancing myself? What can I do to boost my immune system today? What steps are within my control? What steps can I take to protect myself and my family? Name one time today that you felt ok. How can you do more of that? What brings you joy? What can you do to soothe yourself? What can you do to help your neighbors or family?
So, while the current resident in the White House has most likely played a role in increasing the death rate of this pandemic – a role in adding to the confusion & overwhelm, a role in the exponential spread of the virus despite his incapacity to understand the term “exponential growth,” a major role in making the problem way worse than it had to be – it is not going to be his role to fix the thing.
That’s going to fall to those of us who care.
If you need space to process your emotions and talk through what’s going on for you, contact me for a chat!
How are you coping with the choice to shelter at home to stop the spread of the virus?
Palace of Fine Arts ~ March 26, 2020
I’m letting my inner child play! I’ve gone outside every day to get some recess, and I’m taking afternoon naps. I’m creating new landscape photography while getting fresh air and physically distancing myself from others who are out playing in the sun, and I’ve enjoyed creating some new zentangle art.
One of the things that’s helping me most is devouring as much counterpoint to the general negative vibe of the planet as I possibly can. To that end, I want to share some fabulous fucking resources that are helping me to manage my thoughts and stay calm in the face of all the panic and fear swirling around the complicated challenges arising from the global pandemic.
Esther is my go-to positive vibe guru. She presents Law of Attraction workshops drawing hundreds, sometimes thousands of people together in up to 60 cities per year. I have been to half a dozen of her events and always leave feeling like my battery is charged high enough to power me all month! Obviously her events have been shut down for the foreseeable future, so she is offering something new and I want EVERYONE to experience this!
Esther is currently hosting Abraham NOW where Abraham answers write-in questions from viewers three times a week. Abraham NOW is online Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays! This is such a COOL way to hear what infinite intelligence has to say about the questions coming up right now about what the FUCK is going on in our world! You can get access to this fabulous fucking resource in two ways.
One way is to pay $300 and get unlimited access to the three live streams per week PLUS recordings of all the past live events since Esther began doing this on March 21.
The second way to get access is even better! Pay $225 for any live event currently scheduled and get access to the live streaming broadcasts for FREE! That’s like paying for one Abraham-Hicks event and getting a free Abraham event every week! I had planned to go see her in July when she’ll be back in San Francisco, so I purchased the ticket and now I get live streaming Abraham three times a week! I can’t think of a better way to tune my vibration to Source! Even if the July event gets postponed, my ticket is still good whenever they return to the Bay Area! This is a big WIN in my book.
Tosha Silver ~ Author & Spiritual Teacher
You may remember Tosha from a blog post I wrote last year. I highly recommend all of Tosha’s books as counterpoint to any negative energies you may be experiencing.
Well check this out! She is currently offering a FREE two week trial of her Living “Outrageous Openness” Forum. The jewel in this offer is the weekly 75-minute phone call led by Tosha! The call happens Tuesday mornings and consists of Tosha leading a grounding, doing some teaching and then answering questions that were written in, from forum members.
This week she talked a lot about how important it is to take care of our inner child right now, completely validating my own plans to spend my afternoon entangling some seashells!
Access Tosha’s free offer by clicking here. I am not sure how long the offer will be valid, so check it out SOON! Even if you miss the offer, Tosha’s books and her Living “Outrageous Openness” Forum are a fabulous fucking resource!
Ana runs the Freedom School ™ online where I am currently enrolled for the entire year and congratulating myself on making THAT decision back in December because Ana is a fabulous fucking resource for gaining confidence, managing my thoughts, and understanding how not to lose my shit in times like these!
Click the link for the recorded class for lots of solid wisdom that helps me to feel courageous, and not worry about the things I cannot control. She is amazing and so are all of her trainings. Here is the recording of another free class she offered recently called Mindset Reset. Ana’s trainings are solid gold!
When I grow up as a coach, I wanna be as fucking awesome as Ana!
Michelle Dwyer MS, CNC ~ Health Coach & Nutrition Consultant
Michelle is an amazing health coach and nutrition consultant with a high vibe, who helps her clients improve body, mind & spirit. Michelle is currently offering a special deal that is an amazing opportunity to get a personalized solution for your unique health and nutrition needs!
Michelle is a fabulous fucking resource if you are currently struggling with any of these topics or any topic related to health and wellness.
Immune system support
Eating well while in staying in
Self-care practices including sleep, movement, stress-management, emotional/spiritual grounding
Strategic supplement suggestions based on your body’s needs (access to online e-store where everything is 25% off retail)
Strategies for mindful eating (and limiting emotional eating)
Creating healthy daily routines
Healthy weight maintenance during stressful times
Practical tips for grocery shopping, food storage, and meal planning
Jill is who I call when I need an instant magical manifestation of joy. She is my therapist and my energy coach. She maintains her own vibration in such a high frequency that just being in conversation with her soothes my soul and lifts my vibe! And THAT is the most fabulous fucking resource I can think of during this time of heightened fears and incredible uncertainty. My one-on-one sessions with Jill always leave me feeling incredibly free and invincible!
Jill teaches simple, powerful, fun ways to become an alchemist of love and master of your life, transforming lower vibrations like fear, resentment, stuckness, and depression into love, forgiveness, gratitude and inspiration. She helps clients remember the peace, love and joy of our True Nature from the very first session.
If you need a therapist, I recommend Jill with all my heart, and know that she can help you through whatever you may be struggling with! I also highly recommend Jill’s coaching skills if you have a desire to feel better than you currently do, or just want to live more fully in the magical flow!
How do I keep a positive mindset on a regular basis, stay healthy and balanced despite everything going on in the world?
I tap into these fabulous fucking resources with regular frequency. I use the tools they have provided me and I LIMIT the amount of news that I see.
Cyndi Combs CPC ~ Empowerment & Wellbeing Coach
Yes. I am a fabulous fucking resource, and I am just going to own that.
Fair warning though, if you are easily offended by F-bombs or other off-color language, I may not be the best coach for you.
If you are struggling right now due to all that’s going on in the world, or something going on in YOUR world, I would LOVE to offer you a free coaching session! You won’t get a sales pitch and there are no strings attached. I simply want to be of service at a time when so many people need the kind of help that coaching can offer!
In the most basic of terms, coaching decreases emotional suffering.
If you are suffering emotionally, please reach out for a free session. Maybe I can help with what you’re going through, or maybe I can refer you to someone else who can help! Call me at 707-515-8324.
You really do get to choose your perspective, so choose the one that serves you best.
You can choose to see the pandemic as a horrible, challenging, crisis-riddled, terrifying, chaos that is worsened by everything the government does, and continues to spiral out of control. That is certainly fucking true and if you want to look at that, and point to it, discuss it ad nauseum, and pour your energies into it, no one will blame you even a little!
Or we can accept that circumstances are challenging, and choose to look for opportunities to shine in the darkness.
We can choose to look for the kindness in people, the generous nature of our neighbors, the chance to help others. We can choose to look at the benefits to Mother Earth of her children slowing down, and the benefits to our health from cleaner air. We can appreciate a chance to consider what it is we truly value. We can choose to shift our focus from finances to wellbeing, because we have been meaning to focus on wellbeing for such a long time. We have more time to spend talking to those we love most. We have time to cherish this one precious life.
It is a time to take stock and clean house, to decide which pieces we want to keep and which we want to let go.
We can panic, and suffer with the heavy “unknown” weighing us down, or we can rise up with faith and know that everything has a purpose. Everything is happening for us, for our benefit, for the greatest good of all involved.
We each get to choose. And if right now you are choosing panic and fear, that does not make you wrong, it makes you human. Don’t beat yourself up even if you are the most uplifting person who always chooses the bright side. If your friends and family are choosing panic and fear, that’s normal. Don’t shame them for experiencing emotions!
Humans have emotions. All of them are normal. But just because emotions are normal, does not mean we must suffer them whenever they hit us smack out of the blue.
In the last two weeks, I have experienced a few panic attacks and some outright fear. These feelings are planet-wide at the moment creating a vibration that is palpable, especially if you are sensitive to energy the way humans are. When I feel the pull of the negative vibrations, it feels ICKY! I want to run and hide so I don’t have to fucking FEEL it!
Instead, I try to remember to allow the vibration some space inside me. I identify how the vibrations feel physically, and name the emotions that I am experiencing and NOT enjoying.
This allows me to process the emotion and release it more quickly.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the fear again, but it does mean that now I have built confidence. When the fear edges in again, I remember that it did NOT knock me off my feet last time, so I allow it some space inside me again, knowing that the emotion is uncomfortable, but not fatal. Each time I process a challenging emotion and transform that energy, I gain confidence and build my faith that I can handle this shit.
It’s a step by step process. It doesn’t mean I won’t experience hard emotions, it just means I have confidence that those challenging emotions can’t overrun my life.
Faith is like any other muscle. We must strengthen it daily if we want it to be strong when our lives depend on it.
And if all of this sounds like platitudes at the moment because the sky is falling, it’s OK.
The sky IS falling and you are allowed to be human and observe the obvious danger in the situation. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But it’s your choice. So don’t let them tell you you have to focus on fearful or selfish energies just because they exist!
We can also choose to focus on the beauty of our eternal soul, the opportunity to make someone smile, less traffic and cleaner air, the chance to try living differently.
I personally vacillate between seething anger that there are still non-essential businesses operating in California, and complete and utter calm because I know that everything is always working out for the highest good of everyone involved even when our current vantage point makes it seem like the ship is sinking and none of us will survive.
Here’s hoping you have more moments this week where you are able to choose calm over anger, love over disinterest, faith over fear.
Humans love delicious food to celebrate the good times, and we use food to soothe ourselves during challenging times.
Facebook meme – March 2020
Self-soothing with food is something to which most of us relate, though I’ve heard people say they don’t like the term ‘self-soothing’ or that self-soothing is for wussies. But if you are stress-eating, or using food to deal with anxiety, push away discomfort, or buffer uncomfortable emotions, you are self-soothing with food. What’s your favorite comfort food? Pizza? Mac & cheese? Chicken soup? Sugary sweets? Sometimes it doesn’t matter what the food is, it’s the act of eating that soothes us simply by causing a momentary distraction.
One drawback to using food to soothe is that it tends to result in overeating and excess weight. Comfort foods rarely include vegetables, and almost always include either high fat or processed sugar. While neither of those is detrimental in small doses, if we are overeating them on a regular basis, they can cause physical discomfort, increased health risks, chemical imbalances, confusion, emotional fluctuations, and spiritual stress (due to being out of alignment with personal wellbeing goals).
Used repeatedly as an anesthetic, soothing with food sets up the craving/reward cycle.
Cravings and Rewards
A bigger problem with using food to sooth discomfort is that we train ourselves into a cycle of craving and reward. When we experience an emotion that is uncomfortable, then reach for food to dull our discomfort, we are rewarded with a little hit of dopamine.
Dopamine is a chemical signal from our brain that we have done something that sustains life. Our body regularly produces dopamine when we are warm, when we eat, when we have sex – because these things are necessary for survival. The dopamine REWARDS us by making us feel good for a minute.
We experience discomfort. We soothe with food. We receive a chemical reward of dopamine. We experience discomfort, soothe with food, receive a reward. Experience discomfort, soothe, receive reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward. Discomfort, soothe, reward.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Our lizard brain now believes that the foods with which we soothe are necessary for survival. When you try NOT to soothe with food, your mind will try to convince you that you will DIE if you do not indulge.
Have you ever experienced a time when you felt you HAD to have something? Where you felt you couldn’t NOT eat (smoke, drink, do) something, like you will DIE if you don’t? That’s what that was about! Your lizard brain actually thinks it will die without that dopamine reward. Processed sugar produces a highly concentrated hit of dopamine, much higher than the amount we are normally rewarded for engaging in life-sustaining behaviors, so if you are self-soothing with sugary treats, the craving/reward cycle becomes much more powerful.
Despite what our lizard brain thinks, we will not DIE if we don’t get that sugary treat. Imagine a six-year old throwing a tantrum because you won’t give her a candy bar. She can scream and cry and throw the biggest fit full of snot and tears, but you know she’ll be fine. She won’t die because you don’t give her the candy, right?
Compromised Immune System
Another issue with using food as comfort is that it causes an overload of toxins that our body systems must deal with. While the body is focused on removing toxins from less-than-healthy food choices, it has less energy to keep the immune system strong to protect us from illness. And isn’t THAT what we’re all craving right now? Safety. Protection from harm. Food can’t give us that, but a strong immune system can. Protecting our immune system might be the number one reason at this time to avoid using food to soothe our challenging emotions.
Food is fuel. It’s meant to efficiently power our physical body. When we eat to soothe or comfort ourselves, we actually cause discomfort. We experience physical discomfort or mental/emotional discomfort, even spiritual discomfort from misuse and overuse of food.
Food is NOT a healthful coping mechanism.
Things are feeling really stressful for a LOT of people right now. No one will blame you if you overeat or if you eat foods you normally don’t eat, and you certainly won’t be the only one. But if you want to comfort yourself in a healthy way, or soothe any anxiety you may be feeling, there are many ways to do that without using food.
Some effective ways to soothe without food include:
Physically place your hand on your heart and pet it. This is an amazingly effective technique for comfort!
Wrap your arms across your chest and around your own shoulders and give your self a long hug.
Write yourself a letter and say every comforting thing you wish someone else were saying to you right now, or that you would say right now to a child whom you love with all your heart.
Get outdoors every day.
If you can’t get outdoors, google gorgeous landscape photography and imagine yourself in the photograph! Your imagination is a powerful tool.
Take a walk, even if it’s indoors.
Go for a run.
Put on your favorite song and dance around your living room.
Call a good friend for a long chat.
Journal about your emotions or about the circumstances you experience and what you are thinking about them.
Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend. Have a full conversation about how you understand how hard this is, that you’re sorry you’re going through this, and remind yourself that you will get through this, that everything will work out again, whatever you would tell a close friend in this circumstance, tell it to YOU out loud so you hear it in your own voice.
Please list your favorite HEALTHY ways to cope or soothe in the comments! I love hearing from my readers!
I am a fairly fearless person, and I have been feeling an undercurrent of fear in my community strong enough to pull me under – and I do NOT watch TV news shows. Feeling that fear is completely understandable, especially for those of us sensitive to energy. Over the last few days I have had several times where I simply felt like something is off.
Like a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
Yesterday I had a panic attack. The panic wasn’t my own, it was seeping in from the general atmosphere of fear surrounding the globe. It didn’t last long, but it sapped my energy JUST enough to make me wonder if I might be coming down with something. There are multitudes of people panicking right now, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
If we watch the whole thing unfold on news programs, more of us will die from stress than from virus!
It makes sense to keep informed from reliable sources of news, but if we are living on a steady diet of ‘what’s happening in the world’ without digesting some kind of counterpoint as well, it depletes not only our energy, but our immunity.
Don’t do that to yourself!
First of all, reduce your exposure to the news. Don’t let it saturate your waking hours with fear and anxiety!
Counterpoint can be anything that lifts your spirits.
Watch a feel-good movie or TV show. Get out in nature! Move your body. Try a new meditation app Research something that interests you. Have a long conversation on the phone with someone you love. Read uplifting books and blogs. Listen to something uplifting on YouTube. – One of my FAVORITES: Everything is Always Working Out for Me Here are links that frame the virus in a different perspective – What if the Virus is Medicine? From Heartward Sanctuary – What if… by Gurpreet Gill
Choose whatever counterpoint you like, as long as you LIKE it.
If we eat a steady diet of fear, we become fear filled. If we balance that with counterpoint, we can become whatever we choose to look at. We can be inspired. We can be informed. We can be calm, prepared, steady, helpful, uplifting, fulfilled, joyous.
The choice is ours.
Grow on!
Purification Meditation ~
This exercise will communicate to your energy system (body) that you are willing to align with vibrant health, and willing to release any resistance to wellbeing you may have been holding.
Visualize yourself in a stream of light. Let it pour through you as if you are translucent.
Allow the light to cleanse and rejuvenate every cell in your body as it pours through you, warms you, strengthens you, and purifies you physically.
Then reverse the stream and allow the light to emanate from within you. Imagine it purifying all your cells as it streams out from you.
Please feel free to share YOUR favorite counterpoint activities in the comments!
