I read an article somewhere about 40 years ago that explained that people who expected bad luck on Friday the 13th often found bad luck, while those who did not expect bad luck rarely find that Friday unlucky. I decided then and there the I would not expect bad luck on Friday the 13th. I took it one step further when I decided to dub Friday the 13th my own personal lucky day. Since then I have had many happy encounters on Friday the 13th, in fact my first child was conceived on Friday the 13th.
Around that same time I also read an article that explained that symmetry was one of the markers for beauty in human faces. The more symmetrical the face, the more attractive other humans find it. In fact currently Wikipedia says “Facial symmetry has been found to increase ratings of attractiveness in human faces. More symmetrical faces are perceived as more attractive in both males and females, but facial symmetry plays a larger role in judgments of attractiveness concerning female faces.”
I agreed with the concept when they trotted out photos of beautiful celebrities and started measuring and comparing the two sides of their face. Symmetry is wonderful indeed. Nature is symmetrical in many beautiful ways. Symmetrical lines of architecture always draw my camera’s lens.
When I woke with Bell’s Palsy, that long-ago article was the first thing that came to my mind. My next thought was, “I’m no longer beautiful,” because my face was completely asymmetrical.
My smile opened many doors to me in the first fifty years of my life. It was difficult to imagine my life could ever be the same or that people would ever see me the same magical, privileged way I had been seen when I had my symmetrical beauty.
I mistakenly believed that my value, my worth, was intrinsically tied to my physical beauty. Once I began working with my amazing energy coach, I began to see that my worth was intrinsic. My value had nothing to do with my smile. My beauty emanates from my core vibration, not my face. This shift in perspective improved my life in more ways than I can say.
It must be my lucky day! After all these years it finally occurred to me that if I can just decide that Friday the Thirteenth is lucky for me, then I can just decide that asymmetry is beautiful.
Grow on!
What thoughts/beliefs/perspectives are you currently holding onto that do not serve you? In what ways is that thought/belief/perspective limiting you?
Life throws us curve balls. It’s part of being human.
We have challenges in myriad forms, every one of us. Some challenges are self-chosen, like training for a marathon, changing careers, or getting a puppy. Others are gifted to us by Life University, like a broken bone, health and weight challenges, or caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s.
Oftentimes the challenges we choose can inspire us, grow us into new phases of our lives, or give us a sense of accomplishment. In other words, these challenges can energize us.
Challenges we do NOT choose can often burden us, feel like a crippling blow, or give us a sense of powerlessness. In other words, these challenges can deplete us.
So HOW do we keep Life’s challenges from sucking the life force right out of us? Facing challenges requires stamina, effort, and energy. If we feel victimized because circumstance was forced on us, our energy is stolen before we begin, and the challenge quickly drains us.
Choose the Challenge
One strategy that can preserve our precious life force (ENERGY) is to choose the challenge. Yes – the unwanted challenge that Life just threw in your lap. Choose that one. Why? Because it’s the one Life gave you, so it’s meant for you! Hating it, despising it, resisting it, and running away from it drains energy faster than anything.
Choosing to be with the challenge gives us power. Choosing to be present – with whatever life hands us – gives us energy. Wishing we didn’t have the challenge exhausts us. The simple act of choosing to be here, challenge and all, shifts the energy in our favor.
Many clients come to me with challenges they did not choose, do not want, and wish to be rid of quickly. Often they have the idea that this unchosen challenge must be overcome so their ‘real life’ can begin. But real life is here and now. If we wait for it to begin at some distant point in the future, we are missing life!
Life handed us a challenge. We can choose to cast ourself as the victim, resist the challenge, and try to survive till it’s over – at which time we will presumably step into our power and begin our real life. Right? Or we can choose to live our lives right through this challenge, rising to meet it at each step, and retaining as much energy as possible.
Let’s take a broken ankle for an example. How do we choose a challenge like this?
I seriously doubt that a broken ankle is asking us to get a walking cast and stomp right on as if nothing happened. How do I know this? Because ‘business as usual’ is what Life is trying to shake up! Life is asking us to grow in new directions.
Choosing this challenge might mean accepting help from others, letting go of commitments, or learning to care for self – it’s different for each of us. Rising up to meet this challenge might mean slowing down! If Life is asking us to slow down with a broken ankle and we do not slow down, Life will deliver another challenge and another and another – until we slow down.
Choosing the challenge means getting curious about what Life is asking us to learn, and doing our best to listen for the lesson. We are not being punished. The challenge is never a punishment.
We are being asked to grow and mature into the competent, confident beings that we truly are! Life is trusting us with this lesson at this time because Life knows we’re ready. We can trust Life, relax into the challenge, and get curious.
When we choose the challenge, the challenge is still challenging, we just have more energy to meet it, learn from it, integrate its gifts, and grow. In other words, we allow it to energize us instead of deplete us.
Grow on!
Does your current challenge feel energizing or depleting? What is this challenge asking you to learn? If this challenge has a message from the Divine, what is the message? What insight have you gained from this challenge? How is this challenge asking you to grow as a person, or grow in relationship with others?
There is no one right answer that fits every body. There is no food plan that is perfect for every human, no exercise prescription that suits every life, no one plan that will create the a healthy body/life for every person. That’s why we can’t just read a book, follow all the guidelines, and create our body in whatever image we deem perfection. If there were one right way to transform our body, that “way” would have been discovered and marketed for zillions.
There are billions of dollars being made annually by diet systems, workout plans, and nutritional supplements, but have you noticed how different they all are? Some say eat large amounts of protein, some dictate no protein at all. Other diets are non-fat, while still others include healthy fats at every meal. Some are effective for some people. All of them claim to be the magic bean – the one system that works miracles.
While it’s true that many of these methods may be effective for some – at least short term – how do we know which one works for us?
If you feel confused or frustrated around this topic, it’s with good reason!
What should I eat? What exercise should I do?
These questions have been documented and debated to death for decades. It’s no wonder so many people are confused about what works and what is hype!
So how do we do what is best for our health and our body? If I have a goal to transform my body in some way, what is the best approach for me?
There is only one authority on your body and your health: YOUR Body.
If we ask the body what it needs and then listen, our body will clearly tell us what is beneficial and nourishing, and what is not.
This is a super simple technique, but it requires slowing down and being present. In our fast-paced society where time is in short supply, we rarely do that. But if you are telling me that some kind of transformation is your goal, slowing down and being present will allow you to find your way. YOUR way, the way that most benefits you.
The path to the healthy body you desire will not be found in books, but in slowing down and really listening to what your body says. This takes practice, and patience, and time.
Elimination Diet –
The elimination diet is one of the BEST ways to help people find out what is, or is not, working for their health and their body. An elimination diet is NOT a diet meant to sustain us for life. It is meant to be used over a few weeks to discover which foods we eat regularly are not serving our health.
The main thing I want to tell you is that NOTHING IS FOREVER. Many people won’t try the elimination diet because they fear they will find out they are allergic to a food they love, and will have to give it up forever.
Nothing is forever. This is just an experiment to see how different foods nourish or deplete the body. Even if you discover that you are allergic to something, you don’t have to give it up! That’s a choice you get to make. We make better choices when we are informed, so this is simply a way to gather information.
Think of the elimination diet as a playful experiment to uncover valuable treasure. In this case, the treasure is information that allows us to make choices to improve our health and transform our body. There are myriad reasons one may wish to undertake a playful experiment with the elimination diet. Many kinds of digestive complaints are eradicated with an elimination diet. Many people release all kinds of other issues including skin problems, headaches, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, sleep issues, low energy, brain fog, and more! Many people accept these issues as a normal part of life, when they may actually be caused by something we are eating regularly. If you suffer with any of these, wouldn’t it be AWESOME to be able to stop the suffering?
The elimination diet is a very simple basic experiment that anyone can try without paying a dime. Since it’s not profitable, we don’t hear about it. It doesn’t have an advertising budget. The elimination diet provides specific answers right for YOU. Then, armed with body wisdom, you get to choose.
I will briefly discuss each step below, but I attach a PDF HERE from the University of Wisconsin Integrative Medicine that explains the details fully.
Grow on!
Explore which foods enhance your life, and which foods are depleting your energy.
Step 1 – Planning • Decide which foods to avoid, which to include. Ask yourself a few key questions: – What foods do I eat most often? – What foods do I crave? – What foods do I eat to “feel better”? – What foods would I have trouble giving up? – What foods have I noticed symptoms of irritation when I eat them? (Runny nose, burning sinus, upset digestion, low energy, headache, etc.) • Make a list of the foods from your answers above, and any from the list below that your health care practitioner advises: Foods problematic for many people: Dairy Gluten Soy Corn Eggs Peanuts Tree nuts Citrus Shellfish
The list you just made is your list of foods to avoid for 2 weeks. • Now make a list of foods you CAN include!
Step 2 – Avoiding Enjoy eating from the “Eat this” list. Avoid foods on your “avoid this” list • For 2 weeks, avoid the foods that may be causing issues. Many people notice health symptoms improve in the first few days.
Step 3 – Challenging • If your symptoms have not improved in two weeks, stop the diet and talk with your health care practitioner about whether or not to try it again with a different combination of foods.
• If your symptoms improve, start “challenging” your body with the eliminated foods, one food group at a time. As you do this, keep a written record of your symptoms.
To challenge your body, add a new food group every three days. It takes three days to be sure that your symptoms have time to come back if they are going to.
Step 4 – Choosing • Based on your results, choose which foods you want to continue eating, which foods to let go, and which foods you want to eat in smaller amounts.
If you would like further guidance in creating a sustainable way of eating, and a happy relationship with food and body, please, schedule a free 30-minute chat HERE to see if I’m the right Mind Body Eating Coach for you!
Remember last week’s blog post when I talked about stress, the effects of stress on our body, and the difference between life stress and self-chosen stress?
This week I want to talk about one self-chosen stressor in particular. It’s insidious in our culture, and most of us are not even aware that it is a stressor!
Are you a fast eater, a slow eater, or a moderately paced eater?
Ninety percent of people asked this question answered, “fast”. And guess what? Human biology interprets eating fast as being stressed.
Remember, we saw that constant low-level stress causes increased insulin, and increased cortisol which can lead to:
weight gain
inability to lose weight
inability to build muscle
decreased calorie burning
increased fat deposits at midsection
increased inflammation
gut microbiome die off
nutrient wasting
decreased energy
appetite deregulation
desensitivity to pleasure
decreased metabolism
decreased Thyroid function
decreased oxygen uptake
poor sleep
Imagine how this affects us if we have a weight challenge, or body transformation goal! Even if we are not pursuing a food and body goal, none of these optimizes our health. It makes complete sense that we want to reduce stress whenever possible.
If you answered that you are a “fast” or even “moderately paced” eater, then you have now identified a stressor that you can choose to get rid of! Reducing stress always has positive benefits, so why wouldn’t we put some effort into slowing down with our food?
The main reason is because eating fast is a habit.
Generally, until someone asks us this question, we never even consider our eating speed. In fact part of the problem is that many of us never even consider our food!
We may skip breakfast or grab a pastry at the coffee shop, then eat lunch at the desk or running between clients, then grab some take out on the way home for dinner. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, then you have a golden opportunity to release some of the stress that you carry!
(Slowing down with food is also a first step in releasing patterns of bingeing, after-dinner eating, and overeating.)
If you are interested in trying to break the habit of eating fast, you have much to gain! So what do you have to lose (besides stress)?
Here are some other symptoms caused or exacerbated by fast eating which can also diminish or go away completely:
Eating fast is a habit. Eating more slowly requires some effort because we are creating a new habit, and new habits take time. This is NOT about counting bites. This is about relaxing with food and increasing pleasure! This is about enjoying our mealtimes and boosting happiness. This is about being present, becoming aware & listening to our body.
Fast eating is a habit.
Slow eating is a habit worth cultivating.
Grow on!
If you want to release the stress of fast eating, start by coming to your meals in as relaxed a state as you can. Try to eat somewhere quiet when possible, or at the very least not in an environment that feels stressful. Don’t watch the news, and incorporate some music that relaxes you if that appeals to you.
Before you begin to eat, take two or three grounding breaths. Allow your heart rate to calm, then turn your attention to your meal. Be present with your food. Savor the flavor. Explore the textures on your tongue. Really enjoy the relaxed time with your food. Food is meant to be a satisfying pleasure.
If you are eating food you do not enjoy, ask yourself, “why?”. Food is meant to nourish body, mind and spirit, and we absorb far more nourishment from food we enjoy than from food we do not enjoy.
If you generally take 5 minutes for your meal, try to make it last 10 or 15 minutes. If you generally eat in 15 minutes, try to stretch that out to half an hour.
I hear you!
Life is busy. Sometimes, unfortunately, we might actually have only five minutes to eat. We can still approach our meal in a more relaxed and calm manner. If you truly only have a short time, make that time count. Breathe deeply and relax. Taste what you are eating. Be present to the flavor and texture.
Enjoy!
Find lots more information on the benefits of slowing down when we eat in this fabulous book by Marc David, the founder for the Institute for the Psychology of Eating.
The dictionary says stress is a state of mental or emotional tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.
The dictionary is wrong. How do I know? Because stress is a feeling – an emotion – and the only place our emotions come from is from the thoughts we think.
Adverse or very demanding circumstances will absolutely cause some people to think thoughts that lead to feeling stressed. Those exact same adverse or very demanding circumstances will cause others to think thoughts that lead to feeling exhilarated.
Since this is absolutely true, we want to select our thoughts with great care and intention.
Self-chosen stress vs normal, natural stress.
What is a “normal” or natural life stress? These are stressors that we cannot control, like aging, health concerns, natural disasters, financial setbacks. Those kinds of stress show up in every life, and Google can offer myriad advice on how to handle them. I want to talk about optional stress – the stress we choose that is completely unnecessary – yet is often MORE damaging to our health and peace of mind than natural stress.
Self-chosen stressors include, but are not limited to:
negative self-talk
self body shaming & body hate
adopting weight loss strategies that are stringent & impossible to maintain
artificially controlling appetite
limiting a needed macronutrient such as protein, fat, or carbohydrates
believing we are unlovable, and will never be loved unless we lose weight or look different
trying to create an impossible-to-have body
unfavorably comparing oneself to others
believing we are alone in this world, or that the universe is against us
The list goes on, and is different for each of us. When we choose these stressors, we live under a constantly higher level of stress than is necessary.
Most of us have plenty of natural stress in life, so why would we choose this type of self-harming thinking? We have been conditioned over a lifetime to choose these stressors. We didn’t make this stuff up. We didn’t invent thinking negative thoughts about ourselves. The world we live in trained that behavior into us, some more than others.
Other than the fact that stress feels crappy, why do we want to begin learning how to let go of these self-chosen stressors? Constant stress causes increased insulin, and increased cortisol which can lead to:
weight gain
inability to lose weight
inability to build muscle
decreased calorie burning
increased fat deposits at midsection
increased inflammation
gut microbiome die off
nutrient wasting
decreased energy
appetite deregulation
desensitivity to pleasure
decreased metabolism
decreased Thyroid function
decreased oxygen uptake
poor sleep
So how do we begin to let go of these self-chosen stressors?
Awareness is always the first step. We cannot change it if we do not see it.
The Grow on! section below includes a way to begin cultivating more awareness around self-chosen stress.
Don’t beat yourself up for thinking stressful thoughts! It’s a conditioned human behavior. Give yourself some grace, practice letting go of self-chosen stressors, and see what happens for yourself!
Grow on!
How does stress show up in your body? Write a physical description of how it feels when you are STRESSED about something. For some people it will include sweaty palms, or a racing heart. For others it might feel like a twist in the solar plexus or a kick in the gut. Whatever it is for you, take a minute to describe the physical sensations that arise for you when you feel stressed out.
Practice awareness by noticing these physical symptoms each time they show up. As you become aware that you are feeling your symptoms of stress – ask yourself what thought you were thinking that caused the symptoms. Then ask yourself if it is a life stress, or a self-chosen stress.
If it is something you are choosing to think/believe, what will it take to give self permission to let it go?
Reframing thoughts is a superpower that grows with coaching!
If you are ready to let go of some of your self-chosen stress and need some help or guidance, I would love to chat with you! Click THIS LINK to schedule a free conversation to see if I am the right coach for you!
Have you ever told your best friend that she looked fat in her outfit, or that she needs to drop a few pounds? Have you ever looked your best friend in the eye and told her she should be ashamed of her body or her weight? No?
Then why the fuck would you do it to You?
Have you ever looked at an infant with her chubby knees and thought, “I just can’t love someone with all that fat!” I seriously doubt it.
So why do we withhold love from ourselves, or shame ourselves for fat on our body? Why would we hold ourselves to a higher standard of perfection? How possible is it to love ourself the way we love our friends?
Hate does not help. Hate does not motivate. Hate does not inspire.
If we perceive that someone does not like us, we often feel wounded, or hurt. It is no less painful when the disapproval comes from self! Disapproval of self can damage the psyche, delay healing, and derail our goals.
We cannot hate ourselves into loving our body, and as a wise client recently reminded me, we cannot heal what we hate. If we live in a home we hate, how much effort will we put into repairing it? Same goes for our body! If we have a body transformation goal, how much effort are we willing to put in if we constantly tell ourselves the body is unlovable as it is, and needs to be fixed?
Next time you look at yourself appraisingly, give yourself as much love and support as you would give your best friend! Next time you get a little off track with your plan, or goals, try gently encouraging yourself back on track rather than belittling or berating yourself for a perfectly normal human moment.
Perfection is a damaging illusion, a standard to which we rarely hold others, yet frequently try to hold ourselves. Our body transformation goals cannot manifest when we are under attack.
What will it take to treat you like your own best friend?
Grow on!
Practice looking in the mirror and telling that beautiful human how MUCH you love them. This is challenging for many people, so don’t give up. Persist with the practice of telling you that you love you, more often than you tell yourself negative messages.
Next time you catch yourself saying something mean to self, pretend you caught yourself saying it to your friend, or your child. What would you do? I might hug them and apologize and promise to be more intentional as often as possible moving forward.
Make a list of everything that you appreciate about your body! Our body is a miracle that we often take for granted. We can be so grateful for our lungs that breathe without any effort, a heart that beats for our lifetime, and so much more! We cannot focus appreciation and disgust onto the same object at the same time, so keeping this list handy can help when we are feeling frustrated with our body in some way.
Disclaimer: I am not endorsing any cleanse for anyone. Should you choose to undertake a cleanse of any kind, I highly recommend that you speak with your naturopath or other trusted health-care provider to discuss what’s right for you.
I am preparing to do a cleanse.
To a lot of people this may sound frightening, uncomfortable, or possibly unfamiliar. What does it even mean to do a cleanse? There are myriad cleanses out there and I have tried a few. In the simplest terms, doing a cleanse just means eating clean, or cleaner than what is ‘normal’ for you, for a specific amount of time. For some people a cleanse might be eliminating one, or a few foods. Some cleanses are bottled and branded, and come with meal-replacement shakes and all kinds of supplements. The Elimination Diet is a fairly common cleanse that can be safely used over several weeks or months to identify problem foods specific to each person.
One of my personal favorites is the Liver Rescue Cleanse (LRC) from Anthony William. I’ve done it four times previously at various times of year and it always leaves me feeling lean and energized. Maybe my liver needs a little extra TLC because I drank like a sailor through my twenties and thirties. Or maybe my liver is sluggish from eating a lot of high fat foods. Whatever the reason, each time I do this cleanse, I walk away feeling fantastic. It works for my body.
Anthony wrote two full books on this cleanse, so I won’t try to explain it. I will say that over nine days I eat unlimited quantities of a very restricted variety of foods. Unlimited quantities. I eat as much as I want of what’s on the menu, but there’s not much on the menu – mostly produce, no starches or fats after the third day. Anthony has prescribed specific foods that are healing for the liver. The nine days allows the liver to release some of the toxins it’s been holding onto for awhile.
I have seen improvement in immunity and digestion, as well as cleared up rashes, eliminated night sweats, reduced inflammation and lost weight. But even after I describe all of these highly desirable affects, invariably someone will ask how I can put myself through this kind of deprivation.
That’s easy. I don’t see it as deprivation. Quite the opposite, it’s my liberation. I am liberated from making decisions about food for at least nine days. I am liberated from cravings for depleting foods. I am liberated from excess calories. I am liberated from the inflammation and extra weight. I feel powerful when I align myself with eating that is meant to optimize my health. And by the end of the cleanse I am reminded that I can thrive on far fewer calories than I normally feed myself. And I feel lean and powerful! What better incentive could I possibly have?
It’s like pushing the reset button on my appetite and taste buds!
Someone might go on to ask, “But isn’t it hard to eat such limited foods for nine days?” I like to see challenges as opportunities to rise to my full potential. I want to come through for me! I deserve a healthy, good-feeling body, and I want to feel leaner and healthier.
Google image
Nine days is really not that long! If there is a particular food that someone thinks would be unbearable to do without for 9 days, it’s highly likely that food needs to be looked at for sensitivities. Studies have shown that people often crave foods to which they are allergic.
I’m not trying to convince anyone to go on a cleanse. I’m just illustrating that we get to choose how we see EVERYTHING.
If you WANT the benefits of a cleanse, but have hesitated due to fear of deprivation, let me assure you that if you focus on feeling deprived, you will feel deprived! It’s easy to feel miserable if we obsess on what we’re missing. Or we can focus on the goal, one day at a time, and find liberation from our trepidation, and so much more.
Additional Resources
If you are interested in learning more about the Liver Rescue Cleanse, I encourage you to check out Anthony William’s website HERE. You can also find most of his six books at your local library or bookstore.
In 2019, I lead a support group for fifteen people as we undertook the LRC together. It was really fun to watch others find their balance moving through this path to liberation.
All of the grocery lists and support videos that I produced for my Liver Rescue Cleanse Support Group are available at THIS link.
Do not attempt to undertake this cleanse without thoroughly reading the entire Liver Rescue Cleanse book. Anthony’s book is full of information and support to inspire, soothe, and heal you throughout each phase of the cleanse.
