I’m a Fucking Navy Brat

I know.  That goes a long way toward explaining my potty mouth, right?

I am so fucking ANGRY, confused, and ashamed for my country right now!

I BELIEVED when I was taught that the United States was FIRST in the world, FIRST to defend honor & do the right thing, FIRST among all the countries in ALL things.  I was so proud growing up knowing I was part of the solution, the chosen.  I was so blessed to be born in the best nation on earth!

In my military family, on a military base surrounded by other military families, I was taught that our commander in chief was above dishonor, and beyond question.  He was our leader and he would NEVER let us down.  I BELIEVED.  Of course I believed.  I was born with immense faith, and my parents loved me and taught me right from wrong.  These ideas were incontrovertible.

But when I was old enough to dare thinking for myself, I could see the varnish wearing thin on the lies I had been spoon fed since birth.

I could see that not all of our peace keeping missions were peace filled.  I could see where we butted in without invitation.  I could see that NOT all Americans were treated equally, and not all American leaders gave a shit about defending honor or doing the right thing, so much as reaping financial profits for themselves and their wealthy friends.

I would no longer drink the Kool aid that said we were a proud defender of the huddled masses yearning to breathe free.  But I did continue to drink the Kool aid that I was powerless to change anything.  I could see that my country’s founding principles were being shit on, I just didn’t think I could do anything to protect those principles when the most powerful people in the world were the ones corrupting and undermining our national morals for power and financial gain.

On January 6, 2021, armed terrorists marched on the capitol of the United States.  I haven’t felt this shocked, appalled, and violated since 9-11.

But the terrorists were being stoked to a frenzy by the hate-filled tweets and social media rants of one Donald J Trump, the same guy who swore to protect and defend our constitution when he took the oath of the highest office in our land.  These were not the peaceful pussy-hat protests of January 2017.  These were NOT the hopeful Black Lives Matter protests of last August.

Unlike peaceful protestors, yesterday’s terrorists brought loaded weapons, threatened lives, destroyed property, and tried to destroy the results of our democratic elections.

I was horrified and sickened as I watched the rampage unfold without interference from the Capitol police who have taken an oath to support the Constitution of the United States, their state, and the laws of their jurisdiction.  

One hundred fifty nine MILLION of us voted last November.  A few thousand are trying to make it NOT COUNT literally.  And they are being encouraged and supported by the most powerful among us.  

They are encouraged and supported by:
• Capitol police who stood with arms down, and allowed trespass and more.
• 139 members of the House of Representatives (holding office to ‘represent’ the people) who tried to subvert our votes despite the fact that those same ballots put them in office.  
• Eight senators who voted to overturn the votes of millions of Americans.
• The person holding the office of the president of the United States, who rage tweets and spews hate-filled blatant lies meant to divide us and destroy our democracy.

This must not fucking stand.  

We must NOT drink the Kool aid that says “I am powerless and there is nothing I can do.” We are powerful beings and now is the time to choose what we believe. Choosing to believe we are powerless is what they want.  They win when we give them our power.

Do we choose to believe what others tell us to believe?
Election fraud is rampant!  There’s no proof because it’s a conspiracy!  The poor are stealing from you!  YOU need to work for health care, but we get it FREE.  Trump supporters spit vitriol & sedition for months, but then showed up and peacefully protested, while those Black Lives Matter people overran the capitol with guns and white leaders.

Do we choose to believe what we see with our own fucking eyes?
The emperor has gone fucking mad, and is strutting naked in the streets crying how FINE his new clothes are.

Understanding that we are powerful enough to make a difference is a radical act.  Believing we can make positive change is revolutionary.

What do you choose to believe?

What is one small action you can take to move the world in the direction you want it to grow?

Practice Flowing Abundance!

Abundance is the law of the universe.

When you go for a walk, try to count all the leaves on all the trees you see.  Count the blades of grass in a single lawn.  The drops of water in a lake, the ocean.  Identify each individual cell in your body.  Count the grains of sand on the beach, or the fish in the sea.

Abundance is EVERYWHERE.  Abundance is ever flowing
from Source energy.  Nature is abundant.  Energy is abundant.

Health is energy.  Money is energy.  

So health and money are also abundant and ever-flowing!

Worry slows the flow.  Anger and resentment slow the flow.  It’s like introducing resistors into your energy flow.  Remove the resistors – the anxiety or fear – and energy flows in abundance.  Health flows to us in abundance.  Money flows to us in abundance.

Abundance is the rule! Unless we slow or stop the flow of energy by introducing those resistors.

And the biggest block to abundance is focussing on ‘scarcity’ or ‘lack’ of abundance.  Thinking we do not have enough (time, money, health, love) whatever can slow the flow of abundance to a trickle, so that it actually appears as though there is scarcity or lack.

Holding on to what we have because we are afraid that’s all we will ever have stops the flow. Whereas generosity and sharing what we have allows the abundance to flow freely to us and through us.

To increase the flow of abundance again is simply a matter of looking at how MUCH is already around us, and appreciating that abundance everywhere we see it.

Nature is abundant.  You are abundant.  Let your abundance flow!

Grow on!

What shifts for you when you laser focus on abundance?  

Read the first paragraph again, and practice it for a week. 
Really LOOK around you and allow yourself to SEE how many berries in a thicket, how many ants in a mound, how many petals on a chrysanthemum, how many hairs on your cat.  

Own Your Awesome!

Human beings have a hard time owning our awesome.  We can see it, admire it, value it, but rarely do we ever want to attach it to ourselves.

I want you to own your awesome, so here’s a simple exercise I hope will help.

Make a list of your values.
Make a list of qualities you admire in others.

The lists will be different for each of us, but could look like this:
Nature
Connection
Vitality
Faith
Confidence
Joyful
Independent
Creative
Honest  
Professional  
Trustworthy 
Reliable  
Calm
Effective
Helpful

As I mentioned in my earlier post, Who Do You Admire Most?,
if you SEE these qualities, you ARE these qualities.

“I am” statements help us own qualities in a powerful way!

Often we use them against ourselves:
I am broke.
I am depressed.
I am so stupid.

You KNOW this song! Most of us sing it frequently.  Those kind of “I am” statements need to be released because “I am” attaches us and we don’t want to (or need to) own those qualities!

Look at that list of your values, and qualities you admire.  Which ones do you already embody?  “I am organized,” is one I can completely relate to.  Choose  the ones from your list that resonate most, and own them first.

I am honest.
I am professional.
I am trustworthy.

Then cull the list again for ones that you are growing toward, or desire to embody, and own them too!

I am confidence.
I am amazing.
I am joyful.
I am uplifting.

Own your awesome.  Affirm your awesome.  Practice the “I am” statements that feel GOOD to you!  

Practice. Practice. Practice.

Grow on!

What characteristics do you regularly affirm with “I am” statements?
Do you want to own them?
How willing are you to release those?
What qualities do you want to affirm as your own?
How often are you willing to practice owning them?

Who the Fuck are You?

As I lay sleeping one morning, I dreamed that someone wrote this comment on my blog:  Who the fuck are you?  You think you have all the answers?  (It went on, but as dreams will do, the edges went blurry.)

I woke with a start. Our subconscious mind speaks to us in dreams, and it was pretty clear that mine had questions.  I went to my journal and wrote, “who the fuck are you?”  After my morning coffee and meditations, I sat to consider the query, and answer my inner critic.

First of all, I don’t have all the answers!

I don’t have ANY fucking answers except for those that are right for me.  I don’t write my blog, or coach my clients because I know what anyone else should do, cause I don’t have a fucking clue what’s right for anyone else.  Answers are something each of us will find inside.  

What I do have is a growing list of options that help me, and countless others, find some of the answers we are seeking.  I say ‘we’ because I am walking this path with you, with my clients.  We are all in this together and the more one of us grows, the more we all grow! 

How do I know?  My clients inspire me daily!

I have as many questions as answers, because I am human.  Our common humanity means that what works for some of us might also work for you.  But that’s something you will need to explore and discover for yourself.

The things I share in my blog include topics that frequently come up while coaching my clients, challenges I am growing through myself, and some of the tools and resources available that have a track record of helping people uncover answers within themselves.

Here are some of the things I have discovered on my journey so far:
Human beings are energy systems. 
Energy attracts like energy. 
The energy we radiate is the energy the world reflects back to us. 
We are all seeking connection.   
We thrive when we are connected to Source and to each other. 
There are many practices that help connect us to Source. 
All experiences are opportunities for growth. 
Each person we meet is our teacher and our student. 
Words have power, so wield them with all the wisdom at your disposal. 
Everyone’s journey is as unique and as valuable as every other journey.  
Life offers neither problems nor challenges, only opportunities. 
Helping people discover Truth empowers them. 
Helping people remember their power empowers me. 
My purpose in life is to uplift the human spirit. 
Treat YOURSELF as you wish to be treated!
Radical self-acceptance is key! 
Powerful people empower others.

How much of this resonates for you?

These are not answers.  They are simply truths I have found helpful in guiding me to my own answers.  If you want to read more along these lines, you can subscribe to my blog here.

So, who the fuck am I?

Well, I’m a huge fan of Esther Hicks and her work with Abraham. I have spent a decade trying to figure out how to incorporate their teachings into my life.  I used to be terrified.  I thought life was happening to me, and desperately wanted to be the creator of my own experience, the way Esther-Abraham told me I could be.

I’ve survived alcoholism, and food addiction.  With the help of some really wonderful therapists, I lifted myself from depression.  I am addicted to joy, and seek pleasure everywhere.  I’m human and have made a LOT of poor choices, but I managed to learn from them, which means they were not mistakes but lessons.  I’ve grown.  I’ve hurt people.  I’ve acted against my own best interest sometimes.  I have absolutely argued for my own limitations.

I feel like I am happy and helpful most of the time.

I’m an entrepreneur, and the mother of two wonderful humans.  I’m an award-winning massage therapist.  I’m a landscape photographer.  I’m a poet, and a dancer, and a recovering perfectionist.  I’m an empowerment coach passionate about helping women remember who they are, and tap into their true power.

“Helping women remember who they are…”

At this point in my writing, I stopped cold and LAUGHED out loud.  That mouth-open, head-back kind of laugh that boils up from my belly and embarrasses my ex-husband.

My subconscious was simply asking me what I ask my clients ALL the time.  “Who ARE you?”

And I answered in much the same way that my clients always do. 
I began with a list of ‘how’ I am and ‘what’ I am. NONE of this is my ‘who.’ Underneath all of WHAT we each are, and HOW we each are, we are all the same Divine Who.

Truth Bomb

I am Source energy.  I am infinite intelligence embodied.  I am wisdom.  I am faith.  I am confidence.  I am vitality.  I am connection.  I am Nature.  I am Goddess/God made flesh.  I am Divine.  I am.

And so are You!

We are all One.  We are all Source.  All of us are One energy at our core.

What does this mean?

Well, for one thing it means that when we are carrying heavy, negative emotions, we can release those.  They don’t belong to our natural vibration.  That is not ‘who’ we are, so we do not have to hang onto those feelings.  Self-doubt, anxiety, worry and fear can be released.  The reason they feel heavy, is because they do NOT resonate (match) with our core energy – the energy of Source (God/Goddess).  The reason these heavy emotions exist is to be our rumble strip on the road of life.

When we own our truth we KNOW without doubt that we are Source, we are wisdom, we are love.  And we feel GOOD.  It resonates, it vibrates in harmony with the vibration at our core.  Heavy feeling emotions do not vibrate in harmony with our core energy.  They create discord within us.  When we feel that discord, it’s simply a gentle reminder that we are moving away from the direction we want to be moving – just like the rumble strip on the highway when we stray too far from the center line.

Humans want to feel GOOD.  We want to stick to the center line of love, light, infinite wisdom, and the TRUTH of Who we are.  When we focus on the truth of Who we are, the Universe brings us MORE into alignment with faith, confidence, vitality and all the other aspects of our true nature.

Who the fuck am I?  I am you.  You are me. 
We are God/Goddess energy here to expand our awareness and grow. 
We are Divine energy in human form.  

Positively Divine!  That’s who I am.  That’s who you are, too.

Grow on!

Who are you? 
How much of the Source energy at your core are you allowing to flow? 
How many heavy-feeling emotions are you experiencing frequently? 
What will it take for you to set them down?  
How much did this article resonate with you? 

I would love to hear your thoughts and feedback in the comments!

If this article resonated for you, please consider subscribing to my blog!  Subscription is FREE and includes hundreds of ideas to energize your life and step into thriving.

Blow Jobs & Touch Trees

Glennon Doyle’s Untamed is soul-opening. 

It is raw, powerful, inspirational Truth.  Glennon conceals nothing.  She strips her soul bare and lies it before her reader with great reverence and without apology.  Her prose is poetry.  Her strength incredible.  Her impact indelible.

Every morning I read something uplifting with my coffee before I begin my meditations.  Glennon has been my coffee companion for over a month now as I dole out the chapters like fine chocolates to be savored slowly and treasured, rather than gobbled all at once.  These are stories we all recognize of deeply human, vulnerable moments of family, love, addiction, triumph, bravery, fear of doing hard things and learning that we can do them anyway.

In a chapter titled blow jobs, Glennon reveals her truth to her therapist in the hopes of gaining support or insight.  The therapist tells her not to listen to her heart, to give up on her dream, to live a small, conventional life, and stay in a loveless marriage.  Every woman who has ever had her deep Knowing discounted by an authority figure knows how eviscerating that feels.  Many in that position have returned obediently to cages too small for our Knowing and our dreams, to lead ill-fitting lives based on the beliefs of others.

Thankfully for us, not only did Glennon listen to her Knowing, she lay her soul bare for the rest of us, and used it to build a road map of metaphor and love.  She exquisitely explains how to be our own touch tree, perpetually returning to our own Knowing to keep us from getting too far gone.  She reminds us to untame ourselves, despite the determination of our culture to tame us into neat little cages and tiny lives that please THEM. 

Cause fuck that!

Glennon knows she’s a goddamn cheetah. Untamed is her brilliant, beautiful memoir reminding the rest of us we’re goddamn cheetahs too.

Before I even finished the book,
I ordered a copy for my daughter. 
A few chapters later I ordered one
for my sister as well.  Now I have purchased the audiobook version
and I listen to Glennon read it to me on my morning walk.

This book feeds my soul. 
It opens me more to my own Knowing.  It reminds me how to reclaim my own power.  It shows me that reclaiming my power is possible, because we can do hard things.

Grow On!

Check out Untamed at your library, or purchase here on Amazon.

The Enemy Within

I have known for a few days now that I need/want to further delay the opening of my massage practice, but I would not give myself permission to announce it as fact.  Why?

I don’t want to disappoint my clients.

Last week I booked July 5 to 19 solid because the COVID numbers were moving in the right direction, and the state of California seemed to have a handle on the reopening process.  Then we started seeing numbers come in from other states as they reopened, and it’s NOT looking promising anywhere that I can see.

NOTHING but health and safety need be considered when deliberating reopening my massage office, but MY tortured brain is still insisting that announcing my decision will “disappoint my clients.”  WTF?

I was beating myself up for so many things in this scenario!  

I shouldn’t have trusted the optimistic appraisal of California’s
re-opening roadmap. I shouldn’t have scheduled my clients so soon (fucking optimism). I should have waited. Why didn’t I wait? And my personal favorite ~ I should have known better! Really? Even though this is NEW and NO ONE in the world knows what to expect, I was holding myself to the standard that I – Cyndi Combs – SHOULD have fucking known what the rest of the world did not!

I know my massage clients really well.  Most of them have been seeing me for years, and not one of them is the kind of person to hold this against me.  Every one of them wants me safe, and wants to stay healthy and protect the health of their family.  But I got out my emotional baseball bat and turned it ruthlessly on myself.

Mostly I just couldn’t figure out why the decision was DRAINING me so much. Thinking about it left me deflated and unmotivated, and the self-flagellation was so FAR under my radar (read: practiced enough to be on auto-pilot) that I didn’t even SEE it. But I sure as hell FELT it in my bones.

Thank the Universe I have a coach!  Thank God I have developed
the habit of journaling when things feel “off” to try to make sense of them.  Thank Goddess I took this realization of constant, systemic
self-flagellation to both my coach and my journal!

YES!  Even though my current income is less than half what it was just three months ago, I make room in my budget to pay a certified, professional coach, and she is worth every penny.

When I took a long, curious look at my behavior, the following observations occurred.

I understand now that my own harsh self-judgment is my biggest roadblock, and a constant drain on my energy. When I beat myself up, it is the anchor that keeps me from moving forward into my goals!

For example: if I eat off plan, and then beat myself up for eating off plan, I am far more likely to eat off plan AGAIN to soothe my hard feelings. But if I eat off plan and then get curious about why I didn’t stick to my healthy intentions, look at my thoughts and  process my emotions, I am far less likely to fall off the plan again!

The thing holding me back more than anything else is my own judgment of my behavior.  Beating myself up has been holding me back. Beating myself up keeps me from accomplishing my goals.  Beating myself up comes REALLY easily to me.  I’ve practiced it repeatedly for decades, so it’s as natural as breathing and occurs with the same regularity.

I’ve been beating myself up for being human. I’ve eviscerated myself for making mistakes, or not getting ideal results on my first attempt.  I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things I thought I  “should” do because other people expected me to do them.  I’ve been beating myself up for not doing things as well as someone who’s been doing them for decades longer than I have. I have beat myself up for “disappointing” my clients because I was too sick or injured to work. 
I have beat myself up for having emotions that I judged to be negative.  I beat myself up for judging myself. I beat myself up because I should have known better. I beat myself up because I should have been farther along by now. I beat myself up because I said or did something that I judged ‘stupid’ and felt embarrassed.

I beat myself up for not getting enough done in a day!
I am the sole employee at THREE business that I run by myself. I am super-productive, highly efficient, and an organizationally GIFTED, super-human achiever by most standards, and I still would beat the crap out of myself for not getting ALL of it done. 

Fuck!  No wonder I’m exhausted.

All of these things are normal human experiences.  But I have been using them against myself. I have been using them to drain my own energy. The biggest drain on my energy is the enemy within me.
And I am done.  

I am done beating myself up.  From this moment forward, I beat myself up for NOTHING and no one. I will not judge myself harshly. I will allow myself human moments including the full range of this amazing Human Experience.

My self-judgement gremlin has been saying, “Cyndi, you can’t handle this.”

And for years now I have believed her, and beat myself up because I didn’t like the emotions I was feeling, or felt I couldn’t handle a situation because it didn’t turn out exactly as I wanted.

Moving Forward

In order to cultivate awareness of self judgement, I will ask:
What’s going on here? Why am I being harsh with me?   How helpful is that? Where did that come from? Why am I telling myself this story? 

I intend from this moment forward to be compassionate with myself and when I fall short of that intention, I can give myself some grace instead of picking up the emotional baseball bat and wielding it against myself!

You can’t kill gremlins.

‘Gremlins’ is a term used in coaching to describe the voices in your head that say things like, “You can’t handle this.”  “You’re not good enough.”  “You suck.”  “Why bother?”  “It’s too late.” “Everyone except YOU has their shit together.”

I’ve learned a few things working through my own gremlins, and guiding clients to work with their gremlins. Gremlins arise to protect us and they don’t like to be left behind. If they fear they will be left behind, they grow louder and cause a great deal of discomfort. The way to ease their fear is to assure them they are not being left behind, and that we will give them an important role to fill in our lives.  I usually do this by writing them a letter, thanking them for protecting me, and offering them a key role in my psyche moving forward.  Here’s what I wrote to this harsh, punishing voice in my head.

My Darling Self-Judgment Gremlin,  
I would be honored if you would accept the role of discernment decider!   Discernment is crucial to human survival, because all of our choices are based on preferences. When I can discern what I do not want, then I can more clearly discern what I do want.   Without you my darling discernment decider, I would feel confused and without direction. You get to help me decide where we steer our ship, which star we follow,  and what flavor ice cream we eat on the way!  Don’t forget your fucking cheerleading skirt!

Much love, Cyndi

Grow on!

What gremlin messages play on repeat in your head?  
How true is that?  
What is it trying to protect you from? 
How much pain is the message causing you? 
How helpful is that? 
Why does this story keep running on repeat?  
What is it costing to listen to constant negative messaging?  
How willing are you to let it go now?

If this resonates for you and you would like to create a roadmap from self-shaming  to self-respect, I offer two FREE coaching sessions to help you shift directions.  WHY free?  Why not charge for the sessions since I have no massage income?  

Because many people don’t understand the value of coaching.  And if finances are currently adversely affected by the pandemic, most won’t be willing to invest in something if they can’t comprehend its value.  Most people immediately see the value after two sessions, and then invest in my services, so the free sessions are a win-win.  Even if the client does NOT invest in my services, it’s a win-win!  I get to practice coaching about which I am passionate and inspired, and they gain insight into themselves and acquire tools that will serve them for as long as they choose to use them!

Let the Butterflies Struggle

Butterflies are my favorite symbol of transformation!

Cyndi @ the beach. Photoshop by donnio1.com

A butterfly’s transformation seems magical!  They arrive in the world as a caterpillar, they gorge themselves, snuggle up in a warm blanket for a nap and – TA DA! – emerge as a lithe creature of grace and great beauty.  Spectacular!

They make it look so easy.  Many of us dream of transforming our lives so magically.  If we could just go to sleep, then awake in the life we dream of living, spread our wings, and take flight without effort!

But how effortless is that transformation, really?

The chrysalis stage looks passive, as if the caterpillar falls asleep,
then wakes up beautiful.  But looks can be deceptive.  The caterpillar doesn’t just grow wings and fly.  The wing bits already exist inside
the caterpillar’s body, and to reveal them, the caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes to dissolve all of its tissues. 

For a time, inside the chrysalis, nothing exists except caterpillar soup, an untidy mess, mostly without organization or form. From this chaos, the Universe guides the cells to reorganize, until eventually the soft, wet butterfly is ready to awaken, and emerge into it’s new life. 

Credit: pixabay

The chrysalis does not simply pop open to let the butterfly take flight.  The weak, fragile creature inside is not strong enough to survive, let alone take flight.  So, after surviving the complete destruction of what it previously was, the new butterfly must now struggle to gain strength and confidence in order to give birth to it’s true potential and fly.

Let the Butterfly Struggle

At this stage, when the butterfly is struggling to leave the outdated chrysalis behind, observers might be tempted to help the creature, in their excitement to observe what they know will be a wondrous beauty.  But we need to trust the process.  The process can be painfully slow sometimes, but to release it before it’s ready is to weaken the muscles it needs to develop if it’s ever going to take flight.  The butterfly must struggle to release itself from the chrysalis in order to strengthen it’s wings and fulfill it’s potential.  

We are all butterflies!

In order to live our fullest potential, we must intentionally dissolve the parts of ourselves that are outdated, or no longer beneficial, while integrating the wisdom we gained from them, in order to give birth to a more beautiful version of ourselves.  This process takes courage and it takes faith.  

In darkness I must un-become everything that I am so I may become what I am meant to be.

Without struggles to strengthen our wings (faith) we never gain confidence to fly.  Butterflies who cannot fly are not living their potential, and die without having fulfilled it.

Let your children be butterflies!

We must let our kids struggle.  If we bend over backwards to make sure they don’t fail, we’re not setting them up to succeed.  If we take away their chance to struggle, they have no way to grow confident,
and can become worried, anxious and self-doubtful.  They may even attempt to find their own path, but when they see us jump in at the first sign of struggle, they get the message that even their parents don’t trust them, that struggle is “bad” and something to be avoided always, rather than a normal part of human life from which we learn and grow.

They see us not trust them to try.  They see us not trust them to overcome adversity.  They begin to see themselves as incapable.  Letting them struggle is not harsh or cruel, it shows faith in the process.  It empowers them and strengthens their confidence.

Knowing our parents will support us no matter what is comforting.  Knowing we can succeed on our own and triumph over adversity is crucial. Wanting to protect our children from harm is normal! Choosing to protect them from struggle diminishes their chances of fulfilling their potential.

A parent’s job is not to prevent children from failing.  A parent’s job is to be there for them when things don’t turn out as they had hoped, show them how to find the learning opportunity, and to use that wisdom to grow forward and inform future choices.

In Glennon Doyle’s new book, Untamed, she says, “I am here to keep becoming truer, more beautiful versions of myself again and again forever.”

This resonates so deeply for me!

In order to do this, we must trust the process of transformation.  Everything we need to become our next more beautiful version is inside us now, like the caterpillar’s future wings.

Our job, like the caterpillar, is to dissolve the parts of ourselves, our community, our culture, that no longer serve us, reveal our individual and collective divine beauty, step into our full potential, and fucking fly.

Grow on!

What aspect of yourself have you been holding onto that no longer serves your wellbeing?
How willing are you to allow that aspect to dissolve now?
How will you transform that energy?
What will you use that energy to manifest?
What’s holding you back?

Stop Shoulding on Yourself!

Has shoulding yourself into action EVER been effective?

Honestly?  Most people find that feeling we “should” do something drains our energy, so it’s demotivating rather than motivating. 
Should-dos and must-dos weigh heavily on the shoulders and mind.

Should is “could” with shame attached, and shame is the very lowest vibration.  No wonder “should” is so heavy!

Could means we are at choice.  We could do something if we chose to do it.  It’s a choice, an option, completely voluntary.  Should suggests that we are somehow less-than if we choose not to do whatever we are shoulding ourselves to do.

When we have choices, we feel more empowered!

Should means we don’t have a choice, and nothing makes us feel more powerless. Simply shifting our thought from, “I should wash the dishes,” to “I want to wash the dishes so the kitchen will be tidy,” can be immensely energizing.

I’m not talking rainbows and lollypops.  I’m talking about creating new thought pathways that cause less stress in our lives.  Less stress means less cortisol and less disease, so it’s worth the effort!  And finding ways to reframe your thoughts can be fun, and creative.

Grow on!

Catching your ‘shoulds’ is the first step.  
Listen for them when you speak and think.
When you catch yourself, stop and ask:

Why do I believe I should?
What is the worst that will happen if I don’t? Can I live with that?
How can I reframe it so that I am choosing to do this?
What’s the most positive aspect about choosing to do this?
How can I make this fun?


having trouble reframing a ‘should’ statement?
drop it in the comments and I’ll help you brainstorm some ideas, so you can take back your power!

It’s not Trump’s role to fix this fucking mess.

Bear with me!  I realize how askew that sounds, so let me be clear.

I believe whole heartedly that everything has a purpose.  Not just the stuff I like.  Not just the positive experiences. Everything.

Since this is True, even Trump has a purpose, but if anyone is thinking his purpose is to course-correct the country, I would have to challenge that assumption.  The current resident of the White House has proven he has neither the capability, nor the interest in doing so.

In my opinion, his role is to shine awareness on how broken our systems are, and I have to hand it to him for doing a bang up job in that department! The political system, the education system, the health care system, the financial system are all collapsing under the weight of this pandemic. (So much winning.)

So who plays the role that fixes this fucking mess?  

Anyone who genuinely cares.  (See why it can’t be trump?)

It’s our role to accept what is, and use the assets available to us to overcome limitations and consciously choose a better path forward, together.

It’s up to you and me to do what we can, where we can to improve
what we can and help each other through this crisis. 

It’s up to us to create new systems that support well being and quality of life for everyone.

It’s up to us to dream up systems where those who wield power do so for the highest good of all involved.

It’s up to us to imagine ways to make the world a better place to live for our children than it has ever been before.

DON’T ask yourself to solve what seem like the most enormous issues (unless you are one of the researchers who already has momentum in that arena).  If we ask “Why is this happening to us?” or “Who can we blame?” we get very different answers than if we ask, “What can we learn from this?”  or “How can we use this knowledge to grow forward?”

If we ask questions like these we feel powerless: How long will this last? Where will the answer come from? Who will die? Why doesn’t EVERYONE take this seriously? Why didn’t they tell us sooner? Why weren’t we prepared?

Ask yourself questions you already have answers for!

What emotions am I experiencing? 
What can I do today for my health? 
What helps me feel more connected while socially distancing myself? 
What can I do to boost my immune system today? 
What steps are within my control?
What steps can I take to protect myself and my family? 
Name one time today that you felt ok.  How can you do more of that? 
What brings you joy? 
What can you do to soothe yourself? 
What can you do to help your neighbors or family?

So, while the current resident in the White House has most likely played a role in increasing the death rate of this pandemic – a role in adding to the confusion & overwhelm, a role in the exponential spread of the virus despite his incapacity to understand the term “exponential growth,” a major role in making the problem way worse than it had to be – it is not going to be his role to fix the thing.

That’s going to fall to those of us who care.

If you need space to process your emotions and talk through what’s going on for you, contact me for a chat!